CHAPTER XII – THE EPILOGUE
Their whole ride was not too long, thankfully. Unlike the men of the Teutonic Order, the Polish light cavalrymen escorted all of the cats politely and with the right amount respect. Paweł even got his wounds treated and he shared his bottle of vodka with all of the cavalrymen which they drank heartily and happily. Through some part of the journey they were even signing jolly songs of victory over the German troops.
At one point, Kitty hugged Puss to herself and spoke only to him in the ambience of the songs:
„You know, Puss? Thank you brining me to such an adventure. San Ricardo is a great town for sure, but abroad, in totally different culture, we learnt a lot about others. And… I think we learnt about ourselves a lot too."
„Si, Kitty." Puss smiled and licked her ear affectionately. „You know… I've been thinking, maybe not everything the lords and authorities just tell us without giving us any proof might be true. We have now letters and messengers. Just imagine what could be, let's say, in like... 350 years when it will be over 2000 years Anno Domini!"
„Oh, please, Puss." Kitty shook her head.
„Really! What if you could send letters immediately and they would arrive at the same day or in just a matter of a few heartbeats? Or what if you could change people's minds to a greater level? I still can't believe we got so convinced by Senor Leopold von Spielwduper."
The journey lasted for a while until they finally arrived at Wilhelm's Tavern as the sun was slowly setting on the horizon. At the sight of the Polish light cavalrymen, Wilhelm himself went out of his tavern, with his giant gut causing him trouble to get out of the seemingly small door for him. He waved his greasy fingers at the newcomers and was surprised to see Paweł on horseback, along with the White Eagle.
„Wunderbar!" Wilhelm cheered and made way for the guests to come in through the door. „Hahahahah! Wunderbar! Kommen Sie schnell!"
They all dismounted their horses and Janusz, the leader of the retinue, ordered the youngest man to take their horses to the stables so they could be fed and watered. Once the horsemen made their way in, Paweł walked right behind them and nodded to Wilhelm, saying:
„We made it, Wilhelm. We made it. Thank you for your help."
„Well, I admire you for actually pulling it off." Wilhelm smiled and laughed again, just like such a fat innkeeper would.
They eventually all entered the tavern and some of the patrons turned their heads to see all the soldiers. Bożena kept close to Paweł while Kitty and Puss were looking around quite confused.
„Etwas zu trinken, Herr Paweł?" Wilhelm smiled under his moustache and pointed at a pint of beer.
„Ja. Vodka, bitte." Paweł responded and they all made their way to the tables.
All the four cats chose to sit down next to a round table, with all of them finally having a chance to relax and rest. A few minutes passed and Wilhelm made his way to their table, accidentally knocking off a few chairs with his enormous beer belly on his way. After setting a galloon of milk and a bottle of the finest vodka along with four glass shots, Wilhelm bowed down.
„Enjoy your drinks!" He enthusiastically smiled and went back to the counter.
The commotion went down quite a bit as Janusz with his horsemen took a table not too far from them. They now all poured their drinks and Puss lifted his milk up in the air. Then, the others followed.
„For the legendary White Eagle!" He cheered.
„For Anna." Paweł added a little quieter.
„FOR THE COMMONWEALTH!" Bożena yelled with huge enthusiasm.
„For being rich!" Kitty added.
The White Eagle screeched powerfully and so all the cats savored in their favorite drinks.
„Also, I am just curious..." Bożena asked. „Ojcze, how in the world did you want another drink? You've emptied half the bottle on the way here!" She laughed and pushed her father playfully.
But Paweł only smiled. „Looks like it wasn't enough for me. The better question would be – how are these two drinking milk casually?"
„Yeah!" Bożena pointed at both of them. „How do you this?! We instantly get ill from drinking this.."
„Maybe you, Polish, are both a little..." Puss tried to find the right word. „Too much of wildcats?" And he smiled when the rest either laughed or chuckled.
„I know, we were born on rural areas after all." Paweł explained. „We are not good housecats all all."
The door promptly and loudly opened by one of the cavalrymen from outside. It was the youngest member of the retinue who ran in immediately yelled:
„SIR!" After taking a breath and noticing that others just switched their gazed right to him, he said: „Miss Hundziakówna is hereby coming this way!"
Nearly all of the patrons gasped in surprise as they heard it. The peaceful atmosphere soon turned into a large commotion as to make the place a lot more organized. Wilhelm reached under his counter and immediately grabbed an enormously large white table cloth. Then, he snapped his fingers and Maryla rushed out of the bedroom behind the counter with her giant bonkhonagakoogers on her chest bouncing up and down as she ran. She, along with other patrons, connected a few tables to make a large rectangular one, and then Wilhelm put the white tablecloth on it and spread it evenly. All of the other patrons just put their chairs next to the giant table and after Wilhelm was done, he himself carried all of the chairs belonging to the cats' table and put them where they were supposed to be.
Just when they were done, four armed men came in. They had carbines on their back, sabres on their belts, and they wore white żupans covered with larger light blue delia coats. Their heads were covered with black fur hats. After all, they were no other men than hajduks – the reliable yet not so much utilized infantry of the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth.
This small group of hajduks grabed their long trumpets and played an arrival song with them. Right afterwards, the whole tavern was filled with loud and official doots which only silenced all the patrons inside as they carefully watched the door.
The entrance to the tavern opened once again and a couple of prettily-dressed servants came in, each of them holding the right tools for feasts. And then, a huge gut covered by a white stretched rich-looking dress blocked the door. With a few squeezes, pushes, and grunts, there was a ripping fart, and the gut's owner finally squeezed through and went into the tavern. Everybody went silent and bowed their heads down at this sight. Whoever was standing immediately knelt down. Even Paweł whispered to all his companions to do the same. After all, right in front of the door, there was standing nobody other than Miss Wiesława Hundziakówna instead.
It was a shame for every Pole not to know this person! She was so marvelous and she had such huge influences that even the ground was bending under her little legs covered with the richest yellow boots. Her giant posture could promptly give everybody flight or fight syndrome. But thankfully, her 600 pounds worth of her healthy body frame was safely dressed under her dress which probably costed an entire village or two to sew. Hundziakówna was so cared for that her serious fat rolls went over her red richly-sewn belt and you could barely see her thighs. The face of Miss Hundziakówna was also a sign of prosperity – she had not only two, but three chins at once! Her beautiful black hair was covered by a brown fur hat and her darker skin and a few moles on it even made her look like a powerful sultan. She also had magnificent large hanging cheeks, like bulldogs have, which only helped her in yelling at her servants and her enemies. These looks and her fortune were the leading causes of her highest respect among both commoners and szlachta of the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth. Her eyes, however, were the most dangeorus weapon. With one terrifying glare she could make a whole fortified camp of riflemen surrender and give in their weapons. In conclusion, Big Chungus and Hubba from Star Wars saga combined together were nothing when compared to her.
„I heard that you could have a great party here!" Hundziakówna announced with her booming voice which filled the whole inn. „I hope you are of it very sheer!"
Wilhelm pointed right at her place – it was on the front of the whole rectangular table and it looked more like an industrially reinforced throne rather than a chair. Miss Hundziakówna marched her way to the chair, leaning from side to side and her footsteps nearly causing separate earthquakes. But when she was done, she finally rested her planet-sized bottom right onto the chair, yet this time more carefully, as to not break it on the first attempt.
She raised her golden cup filled with diamonds and sapphires and officially spoke: „Servant Mateusz! My cup is not so full anymore! Fill it with wine, therefore!"
A skinny-looking servant in blue delia coat and with acne-ridden face walked up with a large jug of wine and carefully poured the wine into the cup. After it was full, she quickly raised it into the air and spoke:
„I want to thank the owner of this tavern for managing a party! Cheers! Cheers!"
And so everybody roared from cheering and she began drinking. She drank so heavily that the whole voivodeship could hear her slurps and slushes. After a few dozens of seconds, however, she slammed her cup on the table with her mighty fist and spoke:
„We will hereby stay here for a few days! I am booking a room!"
„An exclusive XXL room for such a lady, I suppose." Wilhelm said while genuinely smiling. „Also, Frau Hundziakówna! Herr Paweł Mieszkogradzki is here!"
Her powerful and strong eyes immediately stared like a laser at Paweł, as if a modern drone of our times acquires a target. Then, a smile formed on her magnificent face filled with fat rolls. She laughed just like a powerful chicken would cluck, announcing its presence to the world. Then, she slapped her healthy gut like a bongo drum a few times and spoke with her booming voice:
„Paweł was gone! And now he safely returned! Servant Mateusz, another cup of wine for Sir Paweł Mieszkogradzki!" When her boy filled her cup once more, she raised it in the air again.
„CHEERS!" The patrons yelled back and took another gulp of their drinks. Some of them now had their eyes on Paweł when the rest tried to enjoy their time and even crack jokes and tell interesting stories.
„Come to me, Paweł!" She officialy declared after a while. „Be that kind and dare to satisfy us with your mere presence!"
Paweł only smiled a bit, trying to hide the strong emotions which were now trying to burst his chest from inside. Indeed, he was dishonored for quite a while, but after all the struggles, he could finally sit next to Miss Hundziakówna not as her soldier, but as somebody more than that.
When Kitty and Puss were chatting with each other and his daughter was staying silent, he stepped up to her and sat down on a chair next to her, the White Eagle still resting on his right shoulder. Hundziakówna raised her eyebrows and asked:
„Is that… Is that really the White Eagle himself? Are not my eyes lying to me?"
„M'lady, this is the White Eagle from the secret temple of Mieszko the First. Most probably the reason of our existence as a nation, Ma'am."
Miss Hundziakówna nodded her head covered in peak-performance fat rolls as a form of graditute. Paweł continued:
„Yet it was not only my work. I had very good companions with unique skills and abilities put to advantage." He turned himself on the chair and tilted his head towards the Spanish pair.
Puss first hopped off of the chair and made his way to Paweł with Kitty following him in his steps right afterwards. Seeing the commotion, Bożena decided to join up too. Puss grabbed his cavalier hat and gently tipped it in front of the rich noble lady and Kitty only nodded – she did not have any hat at all. But Bożena just stood behind them as she was visibly uneasy about this whole gathering.
„Puss… in Boots!" Puss introduced himself charismatically and pointed right at his Corinthian boots. Soon after, the leader of the light cavalry retinue came in, bowed down politely and pulled out the Ring and the Crown from his sack.
„M'Lady, here are the artifacts they all collected from the temple too. We guarded them safely." And thus he put them on the table, bowed down again, and moved back to his place next to the table.
„Huh, that is indeed something." Miss Hundziakówna commented and snapped her fingers. Her skinny servant Mateusz immediately came and stood attention. „Bring two sacks of gold for these two cats."
„Tak, Pani!" He orderly answered and promptly went out of the tavern to fulfill her wish.
Puss and Kitty looked at each other in disbelief. The journey and the adventures seemed to really pay off. But Bożena was not content at all. She looked at those two as if she was just betrayed. After seeing this, Paweł mentioned:
„And I have evidence that my daughter Bożena proved herself to be a loyal soldier as she came straight from Mieszkograd to Zakopane with little help and led a Hussar charge onto Leopold von Spielwduper's forces."
„Leopold von Spielwduper himself took you captive? What was his fate, therefore?"
„He died by the Ring and Crown of Lech, M'Lady."
„He refused to pay the symbolic price..." Miss Hundziakówna counted. „He lives in luxury and dares to take what is indeed ours. Huh! That is the reason why The God Himself and The Virgin Mary are protecting us!" She concluded officially.
Just as she finished, Mateusz came in with two sacks full of golden coins. Both of the Spanish cats could not believe the generosity of the rich Polish noblewoman.
„Have it as a reward for the loyalty to the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth." Miss Hundziakówna explained. „I hereby take those artifacts to my palace along with the White Eagle which will live in luxuries and safety. We won't dare to pour its blood onto anything as it was proven to be far too dangerous. This way, the world can be safe and we will move further into the era of peace and prosperity."
Both Kitty and Puss now hugged their sacks of gold when Bożena clenched her paws. But right after that, Miss Hundziakówna called:
„Oh, and Bożena Mieszkogradzka! If what your father said is true, then feel free to employ yourself as a Polish Hussar in my private company! What would you say?"
Bożena's anger suddenly switched into inexplicable happiness. She jumped into the air while waving her paws in joy. „YAAAAAAY!" She cheered and right afterwards she rushed to Miss Hundziakówna's healthy gorgeous fat-rolled hand and kissed all of her rings filled with the rarest and richest diamonds.
„Thank you, thank you, Pani Hundziakówna!"
And at this response, Miss Hundziakówna again laughed in a way which a healthy hen would cluck.
„Therefore, glory to Paweł and Bożena, his daughter, for putting an end to the Teutonic Order's crisis!" She raised her cup in the air and bent over while slapping her enormous gut serving as an example of prosperity.
As she bent over on the reinforced chair, she soon lost her balance and began waving her powerful thick arms around.
„Oh, oh, oh, oi, oiii, ooooiiii!" She yelled as she was gradually losing more balance with her 600 pounds of good lady body frame helping the gravity. Once her center of healthy mass went past the point of no returned, she screamed „EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" in a low tone and she fell down on the floor. Yet it was not an ordinary fall. Once her great back met the floor, it CRACKED loudly upon the sudden impact of her big beautiful body and SMASHED all the planks on it. That way, she partially got stuck in the floor itself.
At this sight, all of the patrons dropped what they were doing and stared at her while being totally puzzled. A few women even passed out from seeing this event. But Miss Hundziakówna's servants and soldiers did not waste any time and made their way to help her. With all their strength and sheer will, they pulled and pushed her out of the hole in the floor. People cheered at the bravery of the soldiers, slamming their fist on the table and chanting: „DO! IT! JUST! DO! IT! MAKE! YOUR DREAMS! COME TRUE!". But just when Miss Hundziakówna was about to stand on her relatively small feet covered in the richest boots and the soldiers' strength was beginning to falter with their muscles feeling as if they were ripping themselves apart, she bent herself to the front and with all her might she farted loudly. This gave her a boost to finally let her be on her feet and let her soldiers rest, even though one of them lost consciousness from the power of her hefty fart and another one vomited on the floor. Without paying attention to her servants, she clapped her hunky belly a few times and announced:
„Let's continue the feast! What are we waiting for, people?"
And so the poor servant Mateusz fit the reinforced chair behind her and she sat down on it again before shifting her seating position a few times to make her large bum comfortable. The whole crowd eventually calmed down and continued enjoying the party.
Soon enough, the first course was served in the tavern by Wilhelm. A large chicken was presented in front of Miss Hundziakówna, whom now licked her lips from saliva escaping from her mouth. The poor chicken had no chances in a direct strike against her hand as strong as a Hussar horse's heart. In just two moves of her jaw, the chicken turned from a meaty and hearty meal into just a pile of bones. After the feast, Miss Hundziakówna clapped her giant belly once more and announced to Wilhelm: „My dear tavernkeeper, I am still hungry! That must be a jest!"
Puss and Kitty nearly wanted to laugh at Miss Hundziakówna's gluttony, but Paweł's serious glare and two decent sacks of golden coins quickly convinced them otherwise. Despite the richest szlachta's love to food and feasts, they also had the traditional Polish generosity and feeling of respect and justice. Bożena, however, was just facepalming and buried her face in her paws as she was nearly crying from laughter.
Just as the musicians came in and started playing songs on violin, some of the patrons clapped and began dancing very energetic dances next to the table. Their moves were much different than those ones encountered in Spain by Puss and Kitty – both men and women held each other by hooking their elbows together and kicking their legs left and right and forth and back exactly to the vigorous rhythm made by the violinists. Puss eventually turned to Bożena who was surprisingly as content as never.
„So… Senorita..." He addressed her politely. „How is your night doing now?"
„Right after I heard that I won't be staying in my father's villa anymore? Great!" She cheered and then actually hugged him.
Puss was deeply surprised by her sudden positive outburst, but decided to play cool and lightly returned the hug. He smiled very nervously to Kitty who was now looking dazzled at this whole situation. But thankfully, this hug did not last for long as Bożena just released him from her grip.
„Also, Panie Puss in Boots!" Bożena addressed him honorably. „I would wish to have a word with you. You are an amazing hero and this place is just too loud for my ears!"
Puss raised his eyebrows and smiled while dipping his hat. „Si… Senorita. Dame tu cosita. Ha!"
And so he snapped his fingers and made his way to an unoccupied bedroom. Bożena followed him confidently and as she closed the door, she felt a strange relief that she could no longer hear the commotion. When she was still carefully locking and checking the door, she began:
„So, Mr Puss in Boots, I just really find you an expert adventurer. Tell me, how did you manage to pull off the task with the Golden Goose? It produced literal golden eggs, right?… Right?"
And then she turned and her face went blank.
Puss was just lying on the bed with his pants, hat, and belt taken off. In his teeth there was a rose and he supported his head with his forearm while lying on the side.
„Let's end with the words and start with the actions."
Tears started to fill Bożena's eyes before she eventually screamed bloody murder and grabbed the nearest flower pot. Puss dropped the rose out of his mouth and raised his paws forwards.
„Senorita, please, don't do this, I didn't mean to-"
„YOU OBJECTIFY THE OPPOSITE GENDER, DON'T YOU?!" And she threw the flower pot right above Puss' head which then crashed with a loud SMASH. Puss now backed up a bit, seeing her rage when she picked another item to throw at him.
„You think that since I am a woman, I am here to please you, ain't I?!" She grabbed an ashtray and threw it against Puss, this time once more missing by a few inches. Puss turned his head at the sound the smashing ashtray made and said while smirking:
„Yeah, you missed." But when he turned his head back to Bożena and got hit straight in the nose with a glass bottle. He fell down from the bed due to impact and held his face in total pain.
Bożena still panted a little yet at least she stopped her attack when she saw that Puss was not a threat to her anymore. After calming down her breath, she continued:
„I trusted you. And you failed. You always just want your pleasure. That's what all tomcats ever think of. You don't think that it would hurt me greatly, you don't think about it at all! I JUST WANTED TO TALK ABOUT ADVENTURES!" She burst down crying and while weeping like a widow she quickly unlocked the door and rushed out of the bedroom.
Bożena ran for her father and finally found him having a chat with Miss Hundziakówna and being drunk by possibly a tenth shot of tasty vodka. Without any warning, she shook his shoulder violently and ordered:
„Ojcze! Puss turned out to be another creepo! Please, PLEASE! He and her fiance need to leave!"
Kitty calmly approached her and tilted her head. „Sorry, has anything happened?" She asked Bożena with care.
Surprisingly, this time Bożena did not want to be hostile to her and that is why she wiped her tears with her paw and responded:
„Y-Yes, he wanted to have some intimate time with me when I just wished him to describe me the adventure with the Golden Goose. Ojcze… I just want everybody to go home..."
„You are right." Kitty smiled and clapped her shoulder. „Here, girl. You must be strong. Don't let anybody see you being weak, okay? I swear I will talk to Puss. And I do realize that maybe it's too much emotions for just a few nights in which this adventure took place."
Suddenly, Miss Hundziakówna snapped her fingers two times and after a while, servant Mateusz came in with a black candle and flint with steel in a silver-trimmed wooden case. The identical one which Paweł had at the beginning of the voyage, back in San Ricardo.
An Anjbenjgistan Candle.
After a few seconds, Puss came in to join the gathering with an apolegetic look on his face. Kitty gave him an angry glare at which Puss responded with a shocking stare. To avoid further confrontation, Paweł cleared his throat and let Miss Hundziakówna speak:
„This is a Candle from Anjbenjgistan – one rural traditional country back in Far East. They are made in a secret monastery somewhere. But when you light it up and say the name of the location you wanna find yourself in, you will be there in a blink of an eye. Remember, though, it has only one use. And do not warp here, it just makes too much noise and flash. Good luck, go to your home and enjoy your lives. You have my thanks for the help."
Puss and Kitty smiled together and so Kitty grabbed the candle and Puss picked up the flint and steel. For the last time, they bowed down in front of Miss Hundziakówna, begged their leave, picked up their sacks of gold, and finally left the tavern through the main door. After going at a safe distance in the cool night filled with ambient owl sounds, Puss lit the candle up and held it firmly.
„San Ricardo in Spain!" They both shouted and with a loud cannon bang and a bright flash they showed up back on the streets of San Ricardo.
Even though everything seemed to go normal now, the real reward for them weren't the gold acquired from Miss Hundziakówna. Not at all. The real reward in fact was the graditute and their feeling of saving a nation from its collapse. Of finding a purpose of a nation's existence. And most importantly – to learn that the Polish can be hella awesome if the circumstances are right and that the authorities might bend the reality and facts for their own benefits.
Paweł and Bożena at this time sighed deeply as they saw their companions move out of the tavern. After hearing a faint bang outside, they knew that this Spanish pair was now safe and sound in their hometown.
„What now, ojcze?" Bożena asked frankly.
And Paweł grabbed a bottle of vodka, poured it into two glass shots and passed one to his daughter. After lifting his one shot of vodka up, he spoke in his native language:
„Trzeba opić wszystkie troski,
by następny dzień był boski!"
As to White Eagle and its artifacts, they were held safely in Miss Hundziakówna's palace for decades. But after her tragic death, her wealth was distributed and since many people of these times were not aware of the existence of the White Eagle and the Crown and Ring of Lech, they were sent to the King of the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth. Later on, the Ring and the Crown were lost in a card game and later sold far to the East where their fate is left unknown. The White Eagle, however, was released in the wild where it could taste freedom happily and quite safely, given its immortality. Who knows, maybe if you go to the Polish forests today, you might hear it screech proudly and mightly, proving that while anime is temporary, Halo is infinite, and Doom is eternal – Poland is way better than those, since Poland is... not yet lost.
Thank you for reading this fanfiction. Please do stay safe and leave your thoughts in the comment section.
