Disclaimer: If I owned anything, anything at all, do you think I would be working at a cafe right now? No, dear. Or maybe I would- all the cookies you can eat is a pretty sweet perk. And Sokka thinks so too.

AN: I'm loving the reaction I'm getting from you guys. And quite seriously, your reviews shape the story: Tsune's characterespecially is as subject to change as her appearance is- as is the plot of this story. Yes, amazingly enough, I have very little planned here, and I need your reviews to keep this going. So please, if you love the story (okay, so that's a bit optimistic- if you like the story) and want it to continued, send me ideas and reactions in your reviews! Speculate! Theorize! Make requests! The more specific you make your reviews, the easier it is for me to write. So write away, my dear friends.


V

The Water Tribe girl's face was set in an annoyed frown.

"No, no, no!" Tsune said irritably. "You do not call a woman a peasant to her face. You call her pretty, and then mull about how peasantly she is afterward." She rolled her shoulders and circled him again. "You want to attract this girl, not provoke her into killing you." In the past week, Tsune had taken on exclusively female forms, in hopes of improving Zuko's understanding of women. Yet, unfortunately for all of them, it seemed to be doing little good. Zuko was improving, though more through Iroh's coaching than the Spirit's. Otherwise, the only change was that both Zuko and Iroh now referred to Tsune as a 'she', rather than an 'it'.

But this only drove Zuko to consider taking a vow of celibacy.

He gritted his teeth- he'd been through this drill at least a dozen times already, and he was honestly sick of seeing women in general, and Kataraespecially.

"But if she attacks me, then I can kill her," he pointed out venomously. "And nobody can fault me for it." The Spirit glared at him through the Waterbender's ice blue eyes.

"That's right. Nobody, except for the Avatar, who will no doubt go berserk and smear your remains across the nearest cliff. Now do it again, and this time, do it right." Zuko growled incoherently, then turned his face into a rather threatening smile.

"Hello, pea-...I mean...it's a pleasure to meat you. May I escort you-"

Tsune rolled her eyes. "Spirits above...what have I done to deserve this?"

"What did I do wrong this time?" Zuko snapped angrily.

"Where to begin?" she asked dryly. "Never mind. Just keep going. Maybe if she dies laughing, we'll still get what we want without having the Avatar kill us both."

"I'm working on it!" the Exiled Prince growled.

"No, you're not," the Spirit said. "You're just going through whatever routine I give you. When you go up against this brat, your uncle won't be able to whisper in your ear every second. You have to understand what you're doing, and you have to be able to do it on your own. Now do it again."

"If you weren't a Spirit, I swear I'd..."

"It doesn't matter what I am, dear," Tsune said. "If you want to get this done, then you'd better do it right. And the faster you get it right, the less time we'll have to waste on this."

"Fine," Zuko growled.

"Then do it again. And if you're going to at least pretend to be sincere, try to look charming. My illusions can only do so much."

"Charming?" the Exiled Prince grated.

"You know, 'the way you act when you want a pretty girl to be attracted to-'" She shook her head. "Forget it. I swear, sometimes I think you're less human than I am. Take it away, Iroh," Tsune sighed, slumping against a wall. Iroh shot the Spirit a sidelong glance before stepping forward.

"When you capture the Avatar, Prince Zuko," he said. "When you bring him to your father. When you regain your throne and your honor- how will you greet your father then? How will you look at him when you return?"

For a moment, Zuko looked only thoughtful. Then, subtlety, his expression softened. His eyes became gentle, kind, forgiving. Hopeful.

"There it is..." Tsune said softly.

"That's supposed to be charming?" Zuko asked.

"Actually, the common term is 'sweet', but they're interchangeable among most girls. Just...keep that expression."

"All right," he said.

"Not quite...make your voice match your expression. Softer."

"Like this?" he asked. The Spirit smiled.

"Exactly. Now we're getting somewhere. And before we lose it...start talking."

"About what?"

"Her name. Ask her name," Iroh suggested.

Zuko shrugged, but made sure not to shift his expression too much. He already knew who the girl was, but he'd learned not to argue with the Spirit anymore.

"What's your name?" he asked.

"Do it again. The words have to match the tone. Soft. Gentle. Try again. A little more polite."

"Please...What is your name?"

"Again."

"Could you tell me your name?"

Tsune paused thoughtfully before she spoke. "I think... you're starting to get it," she said. "It's not good- not by any means. But it's not sickeningly horrible, either."

"Is that so?" Zuko asked mildly. This was the closest the Spirit had come to complimenting him in a long time.

"Yes," she said. "Which is exactly why we're not going to jinx it. Anyway, we've got another few problems to deal with."

"And what would those be?" Iroh asked.

"For one thing, Katara isn't the only one we're going to be dealing with."

"'We'?" Zuko echoed, a slight accusation in his tone. "I thought you said I would be doing this on my own."

"A slight exaggeration," the Spirit shrugged. "Your uncle will be with you, of course," she shot the old man a sidelong glance, "because I doubt he'll want to be parted from you for too long, right?" She smiled sweetly. Iroh only gave a curt nod. He had more important things to think about than how many ways Tsune was mocking him. "And you're bound to mess up sooner or later, and I want to see as much of the show as I can before I have to clean up after you."

"How dare-" Zuko began.

"At least a half dozen personal encounters, and you haven't once actually succeeded. I know the Avatar is good, dear, but he's only a child. You can't honestly expect me to believe that you handled every situation perfectly."

"I had no control-"

"If you don't have control, then you arrange events to put all the strings in your hand. Then you can pull them as it pleases you."

"That's not even possible!"

"Just because you're impatient doesn't make what I do impossible, dear. Now back to what I was saying-" Zuko's eyes narrowed and he muttered threateningly under his breath, but the Spirit ignored him. "-You're going to have to learn how to deal with everyone- not just the girl. First of all- the Avatar himself. Don't threaten him. Don't try to capture him. Don't even speak to him excessively. Go through the basic greetings, but avoid deep conversation unless he first addresses you. But don't avoid him personally. If possible, try to turn any conversations with him to animals- he seems to enjoy that. Always has." Zuko was still scowling at this point, but the muttering had stopped- regardless of how infuriating Tsune was, any information and advice concerning the Avatar was important. "Second- and pay attention, dear,- the other boy's name is Sokka."

The lesson continued, for too long, in Zuko's opinion, but he didn't complain openly. At least he wasn't going over how to speak to women again- by now he could have repeated Tsune's instructions in his sleep, yet she never let him pause from the nerve grating drills.

Zuko rolled his shoulders, taking in the full effect of his Firebending drills. He had never before thought of his old exercises as particularly great, but two weeks of Tsune's training had left him starved for something tangible.

"Widen your stance, Prince Zuko," Iroh advised. Zuko nodded and quickly corrected his movements. This was good. This was the way it was supposed to be. This is the way it used to be...

Except for the minor fact that his Firebending exercises used to be practiced on a boat, and not on a grassy hill in the middle of nowhere.

After a week and a half of forcing her lessons on Zuko, she had finally been satisfied and taken them from the inn, though she had insisted on buying them more clothes and a ridiculous amount of supplies. Zuko often asked where Tsune had found so much money- she only grinned at him: "You don't want to know, dear," she would say. Zuko's imagination did the rest. Somehow, he believed that it stealing was too honorable for the Spirit.

He threw a few more punches, sending bursts of flame into the open air, trying to cleanse his mind of all aggravation.

"Are you about finished, dear?" Tsune yawned from somewhere behind him. He grimaced- he'd been so close to forgetting she was there! The Spirit had actually been silent for the past few hours, napping while he trained in something worthwhile. But now she was awake once more, and all hope of peace seemed to flee at the sound of her voice- still female, he noted.

"Are we going to the Avatar now?" he grunted over his shoulder. The Spirit stretched and yawned again.

"Not yet," she said.

"Why not?" he demanded, feeling somewhat futile- that had been the question for weeks already, and Tsune always seemed to be coming up with more reasons to delay their plan.

"I'll tell you later," she cooed, slinking up behind him. He shot her a glare, though it went ignored. "But first..." She jumped around Zuko until they were facing each other, then poked his forehead. "First, we'll have to work on that a little bit."

"Work on what?" he growled. Tsune grinned.

"Your disguise, dear," she said, drawing her finger down his face until it rested on his nose.

"Is this necessary?" he grated.

"Katara isn't going to be too eager about falling for her sworn enemy," she hummed, poking him absently in the cheek. "You need a disguise. I already told you that part. Other than that...no. I just like watching you squirm."

"Does it have to take so long?" he pressed- his voice shifted with every syllable.

"You have to be perfect, dear. I've seduced enough women to know what they like to see...hm..." she paused, studying him carefully for a second, before she continued. "You are going to be my masterpiece, dear. Irresistible to female eyes...but not so much that she becomes suspicious. Perfection nestled in the ordinary...Say something, dear, I have to work on your voice some more."

"I don't like hearing you talk," Zuko muttered, letting the Spirit toy with the sounds that left his mouth. "You are annoying, you are a headache, but that doesn't matter. Because you're going to help me get the Avatar."

"That's the plan, dear," Tsune said absently, still adjusting the sounds.

"I'll even kiss that blasted peasant if I have to," Zuko continued. The last few syllables were uttered with the same voice.

"Perfect!" the Spirit muttered cheerfully. "You'll have women swooning over you left and right."

"Are you finished, then?" Zuko asked quietly, his altered voice resonating in his throat. Tsune grinned at him.

"Yes, dear. We're done. Now we can go find your Avatar."