Smack Down
Disclaimer: I do own Doctor Who! Be afraid, be very afraid! Okay okay I don't, but do you have to rub it in?
Author's Note: Before we begin, I will state that I like the Ninth Doctor, not the Tenth. This will not affect the results of this match, I just wanted to profess the truth.
Chapter 1 in which is developed the fact that Jack likes legs.
Okay, here we go……
Firstly, a few descriptive notes to let you get your bearings. Sweaty arena. Sweaty crowd. Among this particular crowd we have: some Cybermen, some Slitheen (how they got here I'll never know, since they are supposed to be either dead or eggified), a tearful Rose, a flirting Jack, some very pleased looking Daleks (who are also supposed to be dead, but who cares really), and many more, too numerous to mention.
A scared looking Tenth Doctor emerges.
DING! Round 1
Tenth Doctor: What! There's more than one round! Can't we get this over with?
The Ninth Doctor steps into the arena jauntily, with a grin on his face. Anybody who knows him can see that he is actually terrified.
Ninth Doctor: Hello everybody! Hello shivering little man over there!
Slitheen: Boooo!
Cybermen: Booooo!
Daleks: Exterminate!
Rose: Go Doctor Ten….erm…not that I'm showing favoritism by saying you're name first. Go to you too Doctor Nine! You can do it…um…both of you!
Jack: Shake it up, bruthas!
And the fight is on! Look at the two glare seethingly at each other!
Ninth Doctor: Man, you're grammar is bad!
That's beside the point! You're supposed to do as I command! Now glare seethingly at each other! Seethingly I say!
Ninth Doctor: Fine :glares seethingly:…..even if seethingly isn't a word.
Tenth Doctor: I really don't want to fight you. Can't we settle over a cup of tea? Otherwise, I'd have to kick your butt in front of everyone. You wouldn't want that….. really.
Ninth Doctor: Cummon nansy pansy! With wits like yours, you wouldn't be able to tell my butt from your own face!
Tenth Doctor: Ohh, now you've done it. I hoped it wouldn't have to come to this. Hiiiiiiiiiya! Whoooooaaah!
Tenth Doctor proceeds to go into karate mode! Look at him go! His hands are like lightning! His kicking legs a blur of alien fury! His….OW that's gotta hurt!
Tenth Doctor: Gaaaaah! I think I pulled my hamstring!
Now we know! Time Lords DO have hamstrings.
Ninth Doctor: If this is what it comes to when I get you mad, then I'll take note in insulting your buttface a lot more!
Rose::to the Tenth Doctor: Are you okay? Oh you are hurt! Wahaha!
Ninth Doctor::to Rose: I glare seethingly at you!
Get up number Ten. Take it like a man!
Tenth Doctor: I might just be able to do that….IF I WAS A MAN YOU IDIOT!
Are all Time Lords this moody?
Ninth Doctor: Nope, I don't know what happened to him.
Tenth Doctor: Alright that's it! You're goin' down, clown!
Ninth Doctor::Screams like a girl:
Crowd roars as both Doctors chase each other around the arena! Hmmm, it seems that #10's hamstring has miraculously healed itself!
….10 minutes pass….
…And they are still chasing each other. Can't you two do something a little more…violent?
Jack: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Tenth Doctor: I would….:gasp:…if…I could :gasp: catch him!
Ninth Doctor: Hmm, I knew my ridiculously long legs would come in handy.
Tenth Doctor: Besides looking like a jack rabbit?
Jack: Zzzzz…:snort:…nice legs.
Ninth Doctor: Better than looking like a drowned shrew! (He does, really)
Tenth Doctor: Oh yeah….um… well you've got a…a huge nose::grabs #9's nose and pulls:
Crowd: Gasp!
Ninth Doctor: How dare you! Cubbere you liddle…liddle…
Tenth Doctor: Big Ears, Big teeth! You're more like a jack rabbit than I thought! Look at that hooter! Haha…aaagh!
Ninth Doctor::puts away sonic screwdriver: Now you know what barbed wire feels like. Ha! And might I say your shoes are absolutely hideous!
Tenth Doctor::shrieks with rage: No one disses the Chuck Taylor shoes::rips a pocket off of #9's jacket:
Ninth Doctor: Alright, I was being patient with you before, but this does it. No more mister nice guy::puts #10 into a Full Nelson:
Tenth Doctor::Shriek of rage turns into shriek of agony: Lemme go! Aaaaaaaaaargh!
Ninth Doctor: Say "I'm a prat, I suck frogspawn"! Say it!
Tenth Doctor: No way! I'm not a prat and frogspawn is disgusting!
Ninth Doctor: Well then stay like this::wrenches on #10's arms, causing a few bones to crack audibly:
#10's Bones: Gaaaah, help us! POP POP!
Crowd: SAY IT! SAY IT! SAY IT!
Rose: Please say it Doctor, you're hurting yourself! Oh and…er…good job…other Doctor. Ahaha….
…..15 minutes pass….
Ninth Doctor: I think I'm getting a cramp….
Tenth Doctor: You could just let me go; my arms have probably ceased their proper functions anyway. Then maybe we can work out our differences peacefully.
Ninth Doctor: You really are a prat.
Tenth Doctor: No I'm serious, let's be friends.
Ninth Doctor: Never, not after you stole my Rose! She was my companion! Mine, you hear!
Crowd: Oooooooooh!
Jack: What he's really trying to say is that without Rose, he would never have met such an excellent guy as myself.
And thus begins a climactic stand off in which both Doctors are frozen in an attitude of malice and pain. The suspense is killing me!
Tenth Doctor: Yeah, I wish….
Well excuse me, I have been waiting patiently for you guys to actually…well….do something.
Tenth Doctor: Like I'm gonna do what you like! If it weren't for you I could be finishing up those booties for K9.
Crowd: Awwwww!
Jack: I thought those were for me. looks hurt
Ninth Doctor: And if it weren't for you I'd…….wait a minute, I'd still be dead!
I guess I'm not all bad eh?
Ninth Doctor: Oh no no no, that's not gonna get me to like you. I'm only alive so I can be in this stupid match. Don't you understand the concept of Rest In Peace? Just put a sock in it before I sick Jack on you!
Jack::Winks coyly: My pleasure. Roowr!
Okay ew, can we just get on with the match?
Tenth Doctor::Raises eyebrows:
Oh all right! I promise to shut up. Just don't let him near me.
And the fight continues….
Tenth Doctor: So….I'm still stuck like this….
Ninth Doctor: Yup.
Tenth Doctor: No chance of you letting go and us being friends?
Ninth Doctor: Nope…….prat.
Tenth Doctor: How bout for a banana?
Ninth Doctor: Got lotsa bananas.
Tenth Doctor: Not even a big, yellow, foot-long, squishy, scrumptious banana?
Ninth Doctor::Fights the temptation:….no….
Tenth Doctor: Cummon, you know you want one. Right here. Right now. A perfectly smooth banana, mostly yellow but a little green, so it's still firm, not too ripe. The peel just slides right down and inside is a not-too-hard-not-too-soft pale yellow banana. No brown spots. You take a bite and it just pops into your mouth….
Ninth Doctor: Mmmmmm…..
:Whispering: Ahem, it seems #9 has fallen into a sort of daze. He's drooling; mumbling something about a pie….with bananas if I'm not mistaken. OWCH! THAT HAS GOT TO HURT!
Tenth Doctor: You may have wrecked my arms but my feet work just fine. Say hello to Chuck Taylor shoes! Ha!
Ninth Doctor: Gaaaaah::Writhes in agony on the ground:
Foul play, I say. No one deserves being kicked there!
Ninth Doctor::whimper: Shut up…..you!
Tenth Doctor: Muahahahaha…
Rose: Oh dear oh my oh golly gosh gee whiz holy smokes! Are you alright Doctor? Good going Doctor::faints:
Jack: Tut tut, that is a shame…
Ninth Doctor: And you two….shut up….too…gaaah!
Jack: Watcha gonna do? Groan me to death? Or perhaps sick me on myself…..hey I like that idea…..rowr!
Erm….o-kee….Anywho, it seems as if the Ninth Doctor won't be recovering to finish the match. Which means that #10 has ultimately won!
Crowd: WOOT WOOT!
Tenth Doctor: Whoopedy Doodle!
Rose::gets up: I'm okay, really! Who won?
Jack: I am both happy and sad.
The end of round one! Stick around for round two my friends!
Jack: Drinks anyone?
Rose: Good try Doctor Nine! Not that I'm showing favoritism to you. Good job number Ten! Not that I had any hope of you winning…or loosing either. :sigh:
To all a good night folks!
Ninth Doctor: Good night my ass! Shove it or I'll…agh! I glare seethingly at you!
