The Third and Final Round of SMACK DOWN!

Author's Note: All I can say is….go number 9! Go number 9! I still don't know what is going on….

Chapter 3 in which Mickey gets the mickey.

Okay people, let's cut two the chase. This is the last round, which means that you have to be excited about it. Doctor #9 lost in round one due to his infatuation with a certain yellow fruit. But, so it happens, he got his revenge by threatening #10's hair. I don't know about you, but this has thus far proved to be the weirdest and most unorthodox fight (if we can call it that), in many a moon.

Tenth Doctor: I'm sleepy. Wanna go home.

I'm not even going to try and convince you that these two are remotely cunning in any way.

Ninth Doctor: You call this cutting to the chase?

Any who, before we begin, let me turn your attention first to both Rose and Jack, who have returned to witness this final round.

Rose: Whoopedy freakin' doodah…

Jack: I'm throwing the congrats party! Won't that be fun!

And joining us shortly will be a very special guest:wink wink:

Jack: Santa Clause, oh boy!

DING! Round 3! Dun dun dun!

The two doctors enter the arena, #9 sneering unpleasantly and the other…..erm….wearing a hairnet?

Tenth Doctor: I can't let him get his monkey fingers on my hair again!

The roaring crowd is punctuated by crows of amusement.

Jack: Why is my old lunch lady standing up there?

Rose: Must…not…laugh. Must…be…supportive!

Ninth Doctor: No matter, you're going to wish I HAD gotten your hairnet when I'm finished with you :leaps at #10:

Tenth Doctor::casually sprays #9 with mace:

Crowd: Oooooooooh!

Ninth Doctor: AAAARGH! I'm blind!

Tenth Doctor::pats hair net: It's my lucky one, you know.

Rose: Oh dear, oh me, oh my, let me get some eye drops::rummages through bag: Lip gloss, no. Mirror, no. Rubber duck, no. Beanie baby, no. Bread knife, no.….

Jack: Excuse me, I will take that :snatches back Beanie baby: MY Teddy Cranberry, so there!

Ninth Doctor: Hello, writhing in pain here! Waiting for an eye drop!

Rose: Sorry, I don't have any.

After fifteen minutes of careful consultation, it is assumed that no one in the entire building carries eye drops at this moment.

Dalek in Crowd: What do you expect?

Ninth Doctor: In those fifteen minutes, I have successfully rubbed my eyes in an oozy pulp, and can no longer feel any pain. Thanks anyway though.

Tenth Doctor: Then I can start chasing you?

Ninth Doctor: Yes.

And so, another chase begins, and although he is completely blind and is continuously bouncing off of things, #9 still manages to elude #10.

Rose: Run Doctors, run!

Jack: I run, I run so far away!

#10 dashes in to intercept the sightless doctor, but it seems #9's frenzied prancing does more than look utterly ridiculous.

Ninth Doctor:stops: I am NOT prancing!

Jack: Prancer? Where's Prancer? Santa is coming! Yay!

Cavorting, flouncing, frolicking, whatever!

Ninth Doctor: Cavorting is okay, but never prancing!

Shall I go through the trouble of explaining to him that they are practically the same thing? I even have proof. I looked in my synonym dictionary. No? I didn't think so. His head is about as hard as a banana is squishy.

Tenth Doctor: You know, without all your interruptions, we could be done a lot faster.

Sorry, but without me, no one would get what was happening. I'm one of those essential entities, or something. It said so in the contract.

Ninth Doctor: And you know, if you didn't stop to tell her that her useless chattering was a waste of time, we would be done even faster!

Jack: These long sentences are making my brain hurt.

Tenth Doctor: I'm cutting to the chase now :scratches #9's face:

Ninth Doctor: Wait a tick, is that blood?

Oh my giddy aunt, that's the first drop of blood I've seen so far. This really is pathetic.

Tenth Doctor: Not even when my teeth got knocked out? Wow, that's strange.

Rose: Can't stand it! Poor Doctor blood escaping everywhere. :sneakily reaches into purse and withdraws a bottle of….something:

Ninth Doctor: Ha, I take revenge by zapping you with my sonic screwdriver!

Jack: Why a screwdriver? Why not a…sonic chainsaw, or how about a…sonic power drill?

Ninth Doctor: Hey, where's your screech of pain eh?

Tenth Doctor::looks down at scorch mark: Oh, right. AAAARGH!

Rose: This isn't booze :cough cough: this is…eye drops!

Tenth Doctor::whips out a towel and lashes a Rat's Tail over #9's behind:

Ninth Doctor::girly squeal here:

DING!

Tenth Doctor: What was that?

That's the bell, announcing intermission time. (See, where would you be without me.)

Ninth Doctor: We have intermission now::rubs backside:

Well, something really outrageous is about to happen so we have to build up your excitement. Oh and also we need at least one commercial break to sponsor this crap show.

Jack: Starring me!

:Commercial comes on:

Jack is standing behind a counter, holding up a bottle of some body cream or spray.

Jack: Did you know that over 70 percent of the inhabitants of this universe suffer from balding? Well that is because that is not true. Actually, over 80 percent suffer from balding, whether it be at the crown of their head, or between their fungus-ridden toes.

:Pictures of a Slitheen and a patchy yeti slide across the screen:

Jack: If you are like one of these people, then we just may have the answer for you! With our Hair Revival product, you will receive satisfying results in little under fourteen years.

:Pictures of a carrot-top Slitheen, and a big brown bush that can only be assumed, is a yeti, slide across the screen:

Jack: So, do you have hair trouble? Are tufts of hair falling out within short intervals? Are you finding your hair in places it ought not to be? Hair decay? Hair resentment? Hair rebellion? Hair mutation? If you are suffering from any of these hair problems, then call this toll free number now. 1-800-FEET. Again, call this number: 1-800-FEET.

:End of commercial:

THAT'S our sponsor?

Jack: I was on TV!

Tenth Doctor: Luckily, I don't need any of that!

Anyway, I hope that commercial has set your pulses goin' because it is now time to introduce our special guest!

Jack: Santa Clause! Santa Clause!

Before this event began, a raffle was held, and who ever had their name drawn would enter the ring to be mercilessly tortured by the two Doctors!

Rose: This is not going anywhere nice, is it?

Over a million contestants applied, but coincidentally, and with a bit of forgery, only one would be the winner. And he is…..Mickey Whathisface!

Mickey::appears in center of arena: Hey where am I? They told me I'd won a life time supply of corn dogs!

Rose: Aaaagh! Mickey!

Jack: That is NOT Santa Claus! Where's the cherry nose and the white beard?

Ninth Doctor: So…Rickey…another contestant vying for….whatever it is we're supposed to be winning here?

Mickey: It's Mickey, and actually, all I wanted was corn dogs….

Tenth Doctor: Isn't that what we all want? But do we get them? No!

Ninth Doctor: You've probably been lounging in your Lazy Boy, slobbering at our torture? But no longer, my friend!

Mickey: Actually, I was looking after a family of abandoned…

Ninth Doctor:….getting fat off your toffees and French fries!

Tenth Doctor:….crocheting whenever you want!

Jack: ….with a hot babe in your lap!

Tenth Doctor: Well, not that. I think it would be quite impossible to crochet and get a lap dance at the same time.

Jack: I would find a way, so there!

Mickey: You've got this all wrong, both of you! I don't even know what's going on, and I don't croch….

Ninth Doctor: Diiiiie!

Tenth Doctor: No, he's mine!

Yowch! Both Doctors have grabbed one of Mickey's arms and have fashioned themselves a sick game of tug-o-war!

Mickey: Aaargh!

Ninth Doctor: Let me have him! I shall be his killer, not you!

Tenth Doctor: No way, glory hog!

Mickey: I'm gonna rip!

Rose: I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

Both Doctors stop pulling!

Crowd::bated breath:

Rose: I know what side I'm on now, busters. :climbs into arena and belts the two doctors over the head with her bag:

Ninth Doctor::before falling senseless: Owch, that lip gloss smarts…

Tenth Doctor::before falling senseless: My hairnet's mussed up……

Mickey: Phew, I was about to become Stretch Armstrong there. Thanks Rose.

Rose: I choose you Mickey! Those two were idiots!

Wow, this was unexpected! And I do believe that this names Rose the ultimate winner, having clocked both Timelords out by herself!

Crowd::outrageous cheers:

This is absolutely astounding. It will go down in history!

Mickey: Do I get my corn dogs now?

Rose: Yes, let's eat!

The stands slowly empty as everyone departs filled with satisfaction. Behind them are left the bodies of the two senseless Timelords, who shall, hereafter, be ridiculed as shameful dorks!

Jack: Lap dances at my place!

Santa: Me first!

End Note: I thank you all for being so supportive. Feel free to review as you desire. This is my first ever fic and I always have room for improvement. Peace out.