Me in the previous chapter : I'm aiming to get at least one more chapter out before my sem break is over.
Also me : * Ends up being more than 2 weeks late to update*
I guess there's no easy way to say this , but I am so sorry about the lateness of this chapter. These past few weeks have been pretty hectic and busy for me , having to adjust and get suited with all my classes and what have you. Along with taking care of some familial stuff. So I was unfortunately unable to update this story during that time.
Add that to the fact that I encountered writer's block and had to ask Hammer for ideas... I hope this lateness of this chapter is forgivable.
But getting into the chapter itself , we are finally getting back to Kazumi and Azula. Focusing on the events after that night and I think you are all going to like what I have planned for them.
:)
Big thanks to HammerTide for beta reading this chapter !
With that said , let's get this chapter started !
Ever since she had been young , she had been regarded as a prodigy in many things. Be it academics , fighting ability or bending , she was considered the best at it from a young age. She had been groomed and trained by her father to be the perfect heir to the Throne.
She still vividly remembered that day when father said ' she was born lucky' ...quite frankly speaking , she took offense to that notion as she got older . As if her ability and skill were dictated by something as flimsy as luck and not because she worked herself to the bone to constantly be improving both her skills in firebending and knowledge. Though she herself wonders if he had only said that to spite Zuko at the time...
Getting back to the matter at hand , she was exceptional at a vast array of things...
" Focus the power Azula..." Kazumi said once again.
" I'm trying..." Azula grunted as she tried to channel the power , only to feel nothing " Ugh... still nothing..." Azula let out a sigh of frustration.
But learning how to use spirit powers was a whole new and different ballgame...one that she didn't even understand the rules of to begin with.
It had been a grand total of three days since Kazumi supposedly shared her powers with Azula ...and yet the Fire Princess had yet to even perform one of the powers Kazumi had mentioned. They had been training since that night and Azula was still struggling to 'manifest' the power of the spirit world into the mortal one and to bend it to her will.
" I feel like I'm never going to get this ..." Azula bemoaned as she looked up at the sunny sky.
Kazumi stood by with a patient smile " Don't despair Azula , learning how to manifest the power itself is the hard part but once you get that down , the rest becomes somewhat easier..."
" Somewhat ? "
" I didn't say wielding these powers would be easy..." Kazumi smirked " But in all seriousness , once you get enough practice in , wielding these powers should become as second nature as bending would be to you "
" I honestly thought this would be similar to bending in a way..." Azula realized now that couldn't be farther from the truth. Bending had forms and katas while whatever in Agni's name Kazumi is trying to have her do ...does not.
Kazumi actually chuckled a little at that " I actually thought the same thing once ...but don't worry I'm sure you'll get it eventually "
Azula didn't say anything at that as she looked at her hand. She still remembered feeling the power flow through her veins that night when Kazumi shared her powers with her ...but she still hasn't quite figured out to channel that feeling again.
" What kind of powers do I have anyway ? " Azula asked curiously.
" You should have the Blink power or transversals if you prefer " Kazumi explained " I've shown you before that it allows for teleportation within great ranges" Kazumi recalls back to the time she had shown said power to Azula and the former princess recalled as well.
" So ...I can teleport ?" Azula asked.
" Yes , but the more important part here is that you need to learn how to proper channel the energy into you before you can even use the power " Kazumi explained.
Oh so I can teleport...if only I could figure how to actually do it !
Azula thought in frustration at her lack of progress.
The older woman sensed this easily , she had been living with Azula long enough to know how she feels and she definitely feels frustrated at their lack of progress. Mother of Faces knows that she herself struggled to learn the mystical abilities of the spirit navigators back when she was an apprentice ...and she did recall one way she managed to get through it.
" Azula come sit with me..." Kazumi said as she sat down on the grass.
Azula hesitated for a moment before she sat down next to Kazumi.
" Sit on your knees and close your eyes ..." Kazumi said as she did so " I want you to try and meditate "
" Meditate ? Kazumi we both know how that went the last time around..." Azula firmly reminded her of the first and last time she tried meditating.
" Perhaps. But now that you've become touched with the power of the spirits...meditation can help become more connected " Kazumi said gently " Just try please ..."
Azula relented and did as instructed . It wasn't like she had anything to lose by doing this and it wasn't like she was making much progress anyhow.
She took a deep breath as she closed her eyes and tried to meditate.
" Try to steady your breathing , it helps when it comes to meditation " Kazumi advised.
Azula followed and did some of the breathing techniques that she had learned before.
" Now Azula ...I want you to focus on the world beyond this one and reach inside of yourself ..." Kazumi said in a low tone
Azula continued her breathing techniques as she focused on ... the world beyond.
" Do not focus on anything else but that feeling ...I want you to grasp it and channel it within yourself..." Kazumi instructed.
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After about a minute , Azula did feel ...something , it was hard to describe but ...it felt like a flame within her ...only it was different from the flame that was her bending in a sense. Like it more pure and focused...
If she could only grasp it for a second she felt like she could-
" Ah ! " Azula gasped as she opened her eyes and looked to see a surprised Kazumi. She hadn't even noticed that she had begun sweating a little.
" Azula are you alright ? " Kazumi asked worriedly.
" I ...I felt something Kazumi ..." Azula spoke after taking a few breaths " It felt like my inner flame only ...different in a sense. More pure..."
" Yes , I've felt that same way as well ..." Kazumi said.
" But ...just when I was about to grasp it I..." Azula let out a sigh of tiredness " I couldn't do it "
Kazumi moved closer to Azula and patted her gently on the shoulder " Don't worry you'll get it eventually..."
" Yes but when will that be ? " Azula said tiredly " I didn't expect this to be so ...hard ..."
Was this how Zuko felt at times ? Constantly trying to catch up to her and become better but still failing ?
Azula almost found it a cruel irony that the same thing was now happening to her when it came to mastering her spirit powers.
" ...Its always hard at first ..."Kazumi said sympathetically " But the important part is to keep at it alright ? "
" ...Okay " Azula nodded.
" Good but I think that's enough for today though , let's go have some lunch " Kazumi said as she stood up.
Azula nodded and followed after her.
But she still couldn't hinder his feeling of inadequacy in her heart.
Azula found herself staring at the ceiling of her room in contemplation. It had been around 2 hours after dinner and she had already retired to her room.
And yet she found herself unable to sleep... feeling too frustrated at her lack of progress today.
Kazumi was being kind but ...was she really giving it her all ? She didn't know. This wasn't like bending where you could somewhat already see halfway what your progress was ...
This was completely new and unfamiliar territory for Azula ...and she was already falling behind.
She stood up from her bed and quietly opened the door that led out into the hallway. She moved as quietly as could until she reached the front door and exited the house. It wasn't like she was going to be getting any sleep either way.
The moon was out tonight so it wasn't especially dark and the lake was shimmering like it always was. Azula stopped a few feet away from it and sat down in the position Kazumi had instructed earlier.
Azula had to get this , she wouldn't be able to sleep if she couldn't.
She closed her eyes and tried to focus on that power again.
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" Aaaggghh ! Why is this so difficult for me ?! "
Azula shouted in frustration after ten straight minutes of meditating and trying to grasp that power again ...she couldn't feel it. She couldn't feel the power anymore.
She sat back on the grass , looking up at the moon as if it was her only witness to her failure.
Azula held up a hand and summoned a blue flame... she at least still had bending... if nothing else. It almost completed her.
Almost isn't good enough.
Her father's voice echoed in her head and she shut it out before it could start. Maybe it would be best to just head back to sleep , even though she knows she probably won't be able to sleep.
" I take it you couldn't sleep either ? "
Azula jumped a little at the voice that came from behind her and she turned around to see Kazumi standing there , looking at her with that usual calm and collected gaze.
" Yeah ...I just ...came out here to clear my head" Azula lied through her teeth as she hugged her knees.
" ...I saw you meditating just now you know " Kazumi admitted bluntly as she sat down next to Azula.
" Great. You got to bear witness to the absolute failure I am at channeling my new supposed spirit powers..." Azula said in self mockery.
Kazumi gave the girl a sympathetic look " Azula...I told you that this sorta thing takes time-"
" Yes but how long ? What if I never get it right ? What if I..." Azula stopped herself before she went on a rant.
The silence washed over them for a few moments before Kazumi broke it.
" Azula if I may ask...what is the real reason you're so hung up on this ? " Kazumi flat out asked.
Azula hugged her knees closer " Its just ... I don't know I can't help it ... I'm competitive ...and I'm constantly pushing myself to do better at everything...I told you before about my father ...and how he would always push me to excel at everything I took part in. Be it academics , fighting ability or bending...he wanted me to good in all of them...and in some ways I also did. I wanted to be the best at everything I did ..."
" ...For yourself or for your father's sake ?" Kazumi couldn't help but ask.
Azula let out a chuckle at that " I don't even know anymore ...though likely the latter. I didn't want to end up like my brother , my father made it very clear what happened to those who disappointed or disobeyed him... "
" And now with this whole spirit powers thing ...its a roadblock I haven't quite cracked yet and I'm just afraid that I may never get it ..." Azula admitted " I just ...hate feeling weak ..."
Kazumi thought hard about what to say , she contemplated whispering words of comfort to Azula...
But she came up with a much better idea instead.
" Azula ...what would you say to a little friendly spar ? " Kazumi suggested.
" We don't have our swords " Azula pointed out.
" I didn't say with swords , I mean with firebending spar " Kazumi corrected with a smile.
Azula's interest was piqued when she turned to Kazumi with an interested look " ...Go on "
It has been a while since she had practiced her firebending , much less spar with someone else...and she may want to see Kazumi's bending skill.
" Nothing too big or dangerous , just a short friendly spar between us " Kazumi clarified . Firebending spars were definitely much harder to avoid getting hurt than with swords , one wrong move and you could end up burning your opponent when you didn't mean to. And Kazumi definitely did not want to burn Azula.
" ...Alright , but how do we decide who wins ? " Azula said as she got up.
" How about ...first to touch the other on the nose wins ?"
" Alright " Azula agreed to the terms as they got into position. The two standing a few feet away from each other.
Azula took a deep breath and so did Kazumi...
The two stood there staring at each other for what felt like hours but was probably only a minute or two ...before one of them made the first move.
Kazumi was the one to make the first move , launching a small ball of white fire that was so easy to dodge , Azula would have thought that Kazumi was going easy on her. She probably was , but she knew that was because neither of them were fighting to the death.
Azula launched herself through delivering a series of quick short blasts of fire that were meant to distract than attack. Loathe as she is to admit it ...Kazumi was definitely the more experienced warrior here. In both bending and swordsmanship. But at least Azula was in her own element right now , so they could fight on somewhat even ground.
Even though she could still tell she was going easy on her.
Kazumi was quick to counter all of Azula's blasts with balls of fire of her own , pure white and blue clashing together , making for pretty embers as they dissipated into nothing.
Azula could sense that this was going nowhere and she was bound to slip sooner or later with how quick Kazumi was countering her attacks. She needs to hit hard and fast if she wants to touch that nose...
Is something she never thought she would think in the middle of spar but still...
Azula launched a feint fireball to purposefully make Kazumi dodge , before kicking a blast of fire at Kazumi . Azula didn't waste time before running up after it as a cover for her movements .
As expected Kazumi countered the fireball... but she didn't expect Azula's follow up.
Azula reached out to her...
Right before Kazumi simply sidestepped her ...and moved in.
And Azula knew she was already done for.
She felt a single finger touch her nose...and the spar was over.
Kazumi let out a breath " Good skill and creativity on your part Azula...very impressive..."
" Not impressive enough for you to take the fight seriously..." Azula couldn't help but say.
" ...Azula , you know that was just meant to be a friendly spar and not a fight to the death right ? " Kazumi reminded "Why do you feel the need undermine yourself all the time ?
Azula looked down at the grass " I told you before ...I'm competitive ...and I'm constantly competing against myself to do better and..." Azula turned her gaze " I just hate feeling inadequate. Like I'm not reaching my full potential and ... and ... being perfect I guess ..."
Azula couldn't continue she just felt so tired at everything.
She hadn't even noticed when Kazumi suddenly wrapped her arms around her.
" Azula listen to me ..." Kazumi whispered " You don't have to constantly be 'perfect' or anything like that. You're fine just the way you are ...and believe it or not , its the flaws that help make something beautiful "
Azula gasped a little at that ... she doesn't have to be perfect anymore.
That's right ...she somehow keeps forgetting that she's not under her father anymore...she's with Kazumi.
And Kazumi accepted the way she was.
" Thank you Kazumi ..." Azula whispered back as she returned the hug.
The two remained like that for a few moments , before Kazumi pulled away.
" Do you feel better now ? "
" Yeah ...I think so ..." Azula nodded " Let's head back inside "
Kazumi smiled as she followed Azula back into the house.
She feels like she can sleep tonight.
Okay just to address the elephant in the room here , I cannot promise frequent or even occasional updates on this story going forward in the future right now . I'm already having trouble juggling updating this story and my Rotsh one I've got going on.
But I will try to update as soon as I can , so please bear with me.
Now getting into the chapter , I really wanted to show Azula struggling to actually learn something and show her low self esteem/feelings of inadequacy brought on from being trained and raised by Ozai. While she has grown and healed exponentially these past dozen chapters , she's not suddenly going to become a spirit power sword wielding badass in the span of a few weeks.
Though I will apologize for the slow pace of this story , but that's mostly due to me only wanting to write short/manageable chapters for this fic in comparison to my Rotsh one.
And just to address Lord 770 review , thank you so much ! I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far. Azula definitely now has a new purpose in life and a teacher to guide her , but she will still have her own trials and tribulations to overcome.
With that said , I'll see you all in the next one.
Angel Out.
