A/N: It gets very angsty and sad but just remember, I'm a sucker for happy endings. Enjoy
Reminders – Part Two
After looking around the lab for Sara, someone tells me they last saw her going into Grissom's office. I hear them talking and wait just outside. I can hear their conversation, but as the office door is open, I assume its nothing personal.
"You should be on paid leave."
What's he on about? The
explosion? She seems fine.
" I'm fine."
Told you.
"You
were fortunate. And I'm not talking about the explosion."
Oh.
"You, uh, you talked to Brass?"
"And Nick."
He sounds pissed. What the
hell has she done?
"We got the guy."
Something to do with her
case I guess. Silly Sara. Sometimes she just jumps straight in without
thinking.
"Is that all you have to say?"
Now he sounds even more
pissed off.
"Would you like to have dinner with me?"
What? I freeze. Did she just
say what I think she said? Maybe she just means it in a platonic sort of way.
They are friends after all.
"No."
Despite the fact he's just
turned her down, I don't feel very comforted.
"Why not? Let's ... let's have dinner. Let's see what
happens."
Any hope I had at all seeps
away after I hear her say this. She insisted she didn't have a thing for Gil
anymore, but clearly she still does. So that's what it was all about. She
didn't care whether I was still in love with her or not, she just wanted a
clear conscience for when she asked out Gil. I turn around to leave, feeling
completely numb. As I walk away, I
hear Gil speak again.
"Sara...I
don't know what to do about this."
It doesn't matter whether he's turned her down or not, because she wants him, not me. All this time, she's wanted him. I was just a distraction while she found the courage to ask him out. I leave the lab and walk out into the humid. It's started to rain since I was last outside. I'm glad. I lean against my car, and soon my face is soaked, not just with rain, but with tears. I cry harder when I see Sara walk out of the lab. She runs across the parking lot to her car I don't think she can see me as its dark and she isn't looking in my direction. I turn my face up towards the sky and cry harder. I really thought she loved me. The rain is freezing, and it numbs my skin. The numbness inside has gone now and been replaced by pain. Raindrops dash my face, but I stand there and let the tears fall. I'm shivering from the cold, but I can't really feel it.
"Catherine? Cath? Baby, what's wrong?"
Sara appears in front of me.
"Catherine? Where are your car keys?"
Wordlessly, I hand them to
her. She opens the car quickly, and pushes me into the passenger seat. I
continue to cry, burying my head in my arms.
Sara gets into the drivers
seat and switches the engine on. She turns the heating up, by now I'm soaking
wet and my teeth are chattering as I sob
She puts her hand on my
shoulder but I jerk away, my face still hidden
"Cath, what's going on, please tell me."
She's never seen me cry before. She's broken down in front of me and I'd always be there for her. I've always been the strong one out of the two of us. Up until now. And she's made me weak.
"Baby, talk to me. Is it about us?"
I raise my head and meet her eyes. There's concern in her eyes and I think I see love. Hold on, of course I don't see love, or if I do, it's not love for me. With this thought I look away and cry harder. Eventually I manage speak.
"I heard you talking to Gil."
She breathes in sharply.
"What did you hear?"
"Enough."
I'm no longer sobbing, but
tears are still dripping down my cheeks. The horrible thing is, I love her so
much, I can't even be angry with her.
She leans back.
"I can explain."
"You don't have to Sara. I just wish you'd admitted
you were still in love with him earlier on in our relationship so I could have ended it before I fell in love
with you."
She laughs mirthlessly.
"Oddly enough Catherine, the conversation I had with
him just now happened because I'm in love with you, not because I'm love with
Grissom."
I shake my head
disbelievingly. Why can't she just admit it?
"Cath."
She takes hold of my hand,
and I begin to sob again.
"Baby, please listen to me. Catherine..."
She sounds tearful now. I
look at her for a moment, then lift her hand and hold it against my chest, so
she can feel my heartbeat.
"You feel this? This beats for you, and only you. But
now, everything feels false. Greg told me the reason you wouldn't speak to me
is because you thought I didn't love you anymore. I came to find you and tell
you I do love you. That you're my everything. But that doesn't matter now does
it. Because you never loved me in the first place. You just kept me around to
pass the time."
I break off into sobs again, and now she's crying too. She puts one hand under my chin and raises it slightly so she can look into my eyes.
"Catherine, I don't love him. It was never about him. After you and I had that argument, I was convinced that that was it between us. Our relationship has been so trying over the past few weeks, I just assumed you didn't love me anymore so I started that argument because I couldn't bear to hear you tell me you weren't in love with me. But, since we had that argument, all I've been able to think about it you. I asked Gil out not because I want him, but because everywhere I looked, there were reminders of you. I wanted to forget you, even just for a night. But as soon as the words were out of my mouth, I regretted saying them. I felt like I was being unfaithful to you, even though I don't even know if I have a relationship with you anymore. I'm sorry Catherine, I should never have doubted that you love me. I understand if you don't believe me, and I'll leave you alone from now on. But don't ever doubt my love for you. Because I do love you and I always will."
She turns away from me and her shoulders shake as she sobs. Although I'm still hurting, I know she was being honest. Not just from her words, but from the look in her eyes. I reach out and tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear. Her hand is in mine and I tug it, trying to get her to look at me. Her eyes meet mine, and my hearts breaks all over again when I see the pain within them. I smile at her, then lean across and kiss her, putting all my emotion into it. She responds and I start to cry again, except this time it's out of joy. I love this women so much. Then she breaks the kiss and pulls me across until I'm sat on her lap in the drivers seat. She wraps her arms round me and we stay like this for ages, just holding each other.
Eventually I raise my head from her shoulder so I can kiss her again, and she smiles, her eyes lighting up. They're so expressive, so beautiful. And just another reminder of how much I love her.
The End
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