(Dr. Varava and Leena continue their phone call in Estonian)

I proceeded to unload onto Dr. Varava. I spent the next 15 – 20 minutes telling my story, uninterrupted by Dr. Varava. I was in a public space sure, but I wasn't at all concerned about people overhearing me. I spoke in my native language, and I figured the odds of someone that also spoke Estonian overhearing me are slim to none.

I started off telling him about how the orderlies at Saarne had raped and abused me numerous times. I couldn't take it anymore, and that was why I had ultimately decided to escape. I told him about Anna Troyev, how I had used her to escape, as well as how I justified killing her. I then proceeded to tell him about how I had escaped to America and my time here.

I went to detail about the Albrights, talking about Tricia, Gunnar, Allen, Detective Donnan, etc. I explained how I managed to forge documents and manipulate authorities to sever my ties with the Albrights. That was why, as far as the Sullivans and Coleman's knew, I was an orphan from Russia. I told Varava all about the Sullivan family and Coleman family. I had almost broken out into tears a few times while telling my story, but I'd managed to keep myself composed.

I finished telling my story, a long pause ensued.

"Wow Leena," Dr. Varava finally said, "I don't know where to begin."

"I am disgusted with myself. I took out innocent families. The Sullivans, the Colemans, the Leppiks, Allen Albright. Absolutely none of them deserved what I had done to them. Anna Troyev, she was a pure soul, and I killed her because she mistook me for a child. Detective Donnan, he was simply trying to find out what happened to Esther Albright, and I killed him because he knew I was an imposter. Honestly to speculate a bit, I believe he knew Gunnar and Tricia killed Esther but didn't have any concrete proof. He was a good person, and I killed him."

"Despite the abhorrent circumstances of our phone call, I must admit that I am happy that you did call me," Dr. Varava commented. "This is the longest conversation we've ever had with each other. I must ask, what sparked the change of heart?"

I sighed. "When Kate had kicked me in the face, and when I was sinking into the freezing lake, I thought I was done for. Before I realized she'd only dislocated my shoulder, I had reflected on my life. I remember feelings of guilt and sorrow, it's hard to describe. It was like something hit me all the sudden. After I had climbed out of that lake, I wanted to change. I just want to make things better. I just want to be better."

"That's amazing Leena. I will admit, when I heard about what you had just done to the Coleman family, I had thought you were a lost cause. No offence" Dr Varava replied.

"None taken," I responded.

"I will forward the information you've given me to the police Leena."

"Please do, I want them to find the original Esther. I want Donnan to be found. I also want the families I've ruined go be at peace."

"Do you feel guilty about what you've done to your father and girlfriend," Dr. Varava asked.

"No, I do not. There are parts of that story that nobody knows about, except for me. My father, as you know abused, raped, and molested me, however Sofia isn't a blameless victim. I don't think police ever found them, but if you go down into the cellar of my childhood house, you will find tapes hidden behind the wall."

"What's on these tapes Leena?" Dr. Varava asked.

"They were tapes documenting the 6 months prior to me killing them," I said really struggling to keep my composure. "I had thought my father loved me romantically, as you know, despite the beatings and abuse I'd receive from him. When he found out about my condition, I was 15, he became truly abusive towards me."

"I knew all of that," Dr. Varava interjected, "I know about how he told you that 'you weren't a real woman' and that nobody would love you. The police, I, and everyone else for that matter can connect the dots on that. What was on those tapes Leena?"

"Yeah Dr. Varava, I'll admit I was stalling," I said. At this point I was crying. "Well, being already messed up, I had wanted to win my father back. I put on a sexy dress, lit candles, the whole shebang. That was the night he brought Sofia home. To put it simply, my plan didn't work, he just beat me and berated me about how I wasn't a real woman. Then that sick fuck Sofia chimed in."

"What did Sofia do?" Varava asked.

"She stopped my father from beating me and told him 'I was so little' and that 'I was kind of cute'. She told my father that they could have some fun with this little whore. My father, being the sick sack of shit he is, agreed."

"Oh my god." Dr. Varava said in shock, "Leena …". Dr. Varava was at a loss for words.

I could barely see; my eyes and face were completely drenched in tears.

"For 6 solid months they held me captive. They tied me down, beat me, raped me, and tortured me. They had filmed it, that is what as on those tape. When a tape was full, my father would take it out of the camcorder, pop another one in, and tell Sofia to put it behind the wall in the cellar. I'll spare you some of the more gruesome details."

"How did you get free?" Dr. Varava asked.

"Sofia after months, started get tired of me. I don't know if she felt bad or was just tired of having to feed me, I don't know, nor did I care. I had convinced her to let me go, and that my father wouldn't give a shit if I were gone. The moment I got free; I killed her. As for what happened after that, well, you know the rest."

"I am really sorry that happened to you Leena," Dr. Varava said clearly shaken. "But why didn't you go to the police. I mean with the tapes…"

"You saw what I had done to those bodies, in my mind, there was no way nobody would believe me. As for the subsequent murders during my time doing part-time sex work…"

"Leena, those men were pedophiles," Dr. Varava interrupted, "When you were at Saarne, of course I never told you this, but the authorities and myself never gave a shit about them. Nobody was holding that against you."

"That's a load off my mind," I said half chuckling. "Pretty much all my actions since then were out of pure survival instinct. I really was falling into the depths of insanity if I wasn't already there. I'm sure you can attest to that. Then there was the poor Leppik family. That was the point where I had gone from being the victim to the victimizer."

"That couldn't be more correct Leena, now you mentioned abuse at Saarne, can you please elaborate on that?" Dr. Varava asked. "You kind of glossed over that like it was nothing."

"You were the only person that was nice to me there," I replied. "I know it didn't seem like it by the way I had acted towards you, but I was grateful for you. I don't hold the straitjacket or the restraints against you, you were just doing your job, and based on what you personally witnessed, I needed to be restrained."

"There is a reason why you are bringing up the restraints in particular isn't there, something happened to you while you were restrained." Dr. Varava said in a concerned tone.

"Yes. The circumstances that lead to my first big freakout were consistent verbal abuse by the orderlies. Karl, Gustav, Rollo, Riks, Maksim, all were the perpetrators of this abuse. I couldn't take it anymore. That day I bit Gustav when he was escorting me to your office, he had asked me if 'I had killed my father because his dick didn't go far up my midget pussy'. Remember, my anger was built up at this point, and I had exploded. That night, him, Karl, Rollo, Riks, Maksim, all came to my cell and took turns raping me while I was in my straitjacket. It didn't stop here, it went on for months, sometimes they'd come as a group, individually, or in pairs. That's when I began struggling against my restraints, I didn't care that I was making myself bleed, I just wanted it to stop. I gave up resistance after a while, I was hoping it would stop if I could be seen as 'calm' enough to have my straitjacket removed. And of course, it was, and that's when I began plotting my escape."

"My god Leena," Dr. Varava said sounding completely distraught.

"Though the rapes have stopped when I was let out of my straitjacket, the verbal abuse still ensured. Karl and Rollo had quit; Gustav, Riks and Maksim were able to pick up their slack. I had managed to win over the affection of a new orderly, Dimitri. He was a pedophile, wanted me because of my short stature. Me and Dimitri started having sex with each other on a daily basis. Although I was not attracted to that pervert in anyway, the constant abuse had stopped. I don't know how he did it, maybe he had blackmail, I don't know, it just stopped. He would also buy me gifts and tasty food, simple comforts that made my day easier. As pathetic as it sounds, the gifts and end of the abuse were the only motivations I had needed to keep fucking Dimitri."

I paused for a second.

"My first escape attempt involved, Syrah Saar; the woman Anna Troyev would ultimately replace. This was a sloppy attempt, so sloppy I don't think you even realized it was an escape attempt" I said laughing. "The plan was to attack her, take her keys, get something I can use as a weapon, and run out. As you know I was placed right back in my straitjacket after this attempt for a little while. Thankfully I had Dimitri to protect me. As for what happened after that, well, you know."

"Leena, I don't know what to say. Other than on behalf of the Saarne Institute and myself, I am so sorry." Dr. Varava apologized. "While you were talking, I was looking back at the footage we have in the security archive, I am disgusted nobody here bothered to look over the footage, I see what had happened to you. Leena, understand that I wanted to help you, that is the supposed mission of this institution, and I had failed you. We had failed you. I am so sorry Leena." Dr. Varava was clearly holding back his tears.

"It's not your fault, you didn't know," I reassured, "and nobody would believe me if I had said anything. I mean who believes anything the disturbed violent mental patient said? I am not blaming you personally". Leena pauses, takes a breath, and continues, "Now I do want to make something clear; this is NOT at all a justification for the actions that I have taken."

"Say again?" Dr. Varava asked.

"I can sense you're emotional right now, I am too, hopefully you haven't heard me cry the whole time"

"I could Leena," Dr. Varava half humorously adds.

Leena Chuckles, "just know that I am not seeking to use my trauma, and my past of horrific abuse, to justify the horrific actions I have taken. What I had done to the Leppiks, the Sullivans, the Colemans, Allen Albright, Detective Donnan, Anna Troyev, Syrah Saar, and all of the other innocent people I have hurt, are on me."

"You've really had a breakthrough Leena, you're admitting that your actions were your own fault and nobody else's," Dr. Varava expressed. "Most people in a similar predicament to yours, might know what they did was wrong, but may use their past to justify it. You've admitted to your actions and have accepted responsibility for those action. You seem to be recovering on your own."

"I wouldn't say I have accepted responsibility; I still have yet to make amends," Leena pointed out.

"It's a misunderstood phrase, you've accepted the fact that you were responsible for your own actions, which is great," Dr. Varava reassured. "As far as amends go," Dr. Varava continued, "I will pass on your story to the police, the truth regarding the Albrights and Sullivans will come to light. Those families will have their peace, at least in knowing the truth."

"Can you pass on a message to all my victims?" Leena asked.

"Yes, I can Leena"

"Is it possible for you to record it? I need for them to hear it."

"I've been recording this call the whole time," Dr. Varava confessed, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you …"

"No that's fine," Leena asserted, "I'm glad you did that actually. Let me know when I can go."

"Go ahead Leena."

"My name is Leena Klammer. Some of you know me as Leena, some of you knew me as Saskia, some of you knew me as Polina, some of you knew me as Esther. I know I will never be able to right the wrong that I have done. I know that I have destroyed many lives. I have no excuse for all of the horrific things that I have done. I am so sorry. I'm sorry for the lives that I have ended. I'm sorry for all the lives that I have destroyed. I promise to spend the rest of my life attempting to make things right."

I paused for a few seconds.

"There you have it Dr. Varava."

"I will make sure this recording goes out Leena," Dr. Varava reassures.

"Can you leave a message to Kate, I'm sorry to keep asking you for favors,"

"Sure, what is it?" Dr. Varava asks.

"Please tell her that she doesn't have to be afraid me. She's probably worried I may come back to get her, and I don't want her to live with that kind of fear. I've already hurt her so much, she doesn't deserve to live in fear," I told Dr. Varava.

"I will do that for you Leena" Dr. Varava responded

*Click

"I cut the recording, what are you planning on doing now?"

"I'm disappearing, I want to make things better. And I you can't really make things right for yourself or anyone else when you're behind bars."

"Can I ask you something Leena?"

"Yeah," I reply.

"Are your intentions to start a new life for yourself?"

"Yes, they are," I admitted. "I know that sounds selfish. I really do want to make amends for my actions. I don't know exactly what I'm going to do to right my wrongs, at this point I'm on the run, what can I do? It seems that starting over, getting a job, building a life is the best starting point."

"I do understand Leena," Dr. Varava responded to my shock. "I understand where you are coming from completely, and while officially I should be telling you to turn yourself in, I 'unofficially' support you. Just do not slip up Leena. Also, can I tell you something, this may sound harsh buts it's not."

"Sure"

"It is selfish Leena," Dr. Varava admits. "You want to run off and give YOURSELF a fresh start. But we are all selfish Leena, to an extent, don't feel bad about it. I understand why you want one, you've never really been 'free' in the first place, you've never had a chance. The reason I am telling you this is because I feel like you're worried I might think everything you told me was a lie, and that you don't regret your own actions. But I don't. I believe you will make amends once you have the ability or the means of doing so."

I am in shock; I did not expect him to say any of that.

"Well Leena, we've been on the phone for an hour now, I am sure the phone bill on your payphone is racking up. I'll let you go here."

"Thank you so much Dr. Varava" I say with sincerity.

"Good luck to you Leena. I hope you continue on your path to recovery. I hope you will find happiness and peace with yourself."

"Goodbye Dr. Varava".

"Goodbye Leena".

(Leena and Dr. Varava both hang up the phone)

The total phone bill ended up being $35. I remember losing patience with the phone saying, 'insert more money', so I put two $20 bills inside. Now I have $10 in quarters, which was going to be annoying. I didn't think the call would go for as long as it did, I wasn't expecting for Dr. Varava to listen to me; I was overjoyed for that. The only downside, and this is trivial, is that I didn't go to the bathroom beforehand. I haven't gone since the motel, and I was about to literally shit and piss myself.

I ran to the CVS's restrooms. They were single use restrooms, and I was relieved that nobody was inside!