Coming to a Close
I wake up and see your sleeping form like any other day of my life. I know that your world is about to be rocked and tore upside down. The kind of earth-shattering pain that I always hoped you wouldn't feel. Or at least, not so soon.
Our anniversary is in a few short days. We'll have been married four years. Can you believe it? We made it four years despite our extremely rocky beginning. You like to tell people that I changed you; I am the reason you are the man you are today. But the truth is, you were the best thing that ever happened to me and you are the one who changed me and made my life better. My biggest regret is wasting so much time with you in the beginning and now here we are⦠on the verge of goodbye.
Twenty- nine years and this where my life comes to an end.
I thought I was prepared. I thought that when this day came I would be ready and I would have no regrets but sitting her watching you sleep peacefully, there are so many things that I want to say to you. I don't want my death to be hard on you. I know it won't be easy but I don't want you to pull away like your father. Our little girl is going to need you to be strong for her.
Our little Madison. She is still so young and doesn't understand what is happening. She misses mommy and is coming to daddy for answers that you, yourself don't want to come to terms with. I want to make this easier for the both of you. The two of you are my world and for three years I have been there to wipe away tears and kiss boo boos but I won't be around to take this hurt and this pain away. All of this will now fall on your shoulders. But I'm not worried. You will pull with flying colors.
I want to be there so desperately. I want to see Maddie grow into the woman that she is destined to be, but unfortunately I am needed elsewhere and I will miss the important events. But don't think that I won't be there watching out for her or for you. Like I said on our wedding day, "You're stuck with me."
Just remember that she is a girl who will one day become a woman. She, just like me, doesn't like when you leave the toilet seat up or when you leave your dirty clothes laying around the house. Remember when she is a teenager and testing her limits that she can't do anything worse than you did at her age. And when she goes on her first date, don't be too rough on the boy. Chances are he is thinking about what you were thinking about then but our daughter is a smart one and she has her mother's strong will.
Will you think about me on all of those important days and always remind her just how much she means to me and how much I love and adore her? And would it be too much for you to leave a few pictures of me sitting out? It might be easier for you to ignore the fact if you hide our memories away in a box somewhere but you know that nothing with me has been easy. And do me one last favor? Don't be afraid to fall in love again. I know it will be hard but please, be happy.
And know, I don't want to say goodbye. I'm not leaving you voluntarily. If I had a choice I would stick around to argue with you for the next sixty or seventy years. I would wait and let you go before me so you would never have to feel the pain that your father felt when he lost your mother. But just like you can't stop Maddie from growing up, I can't protect you from what we knew would come one day. It's just coming a little sooner than we would have liked.
Thank you.
Thank you for believing in me and sticking by me when I know I was hard to deal with. Thank you for loving me and giving me a beautiful little girl that I had the chance to love for three glorious years. Thank you for understanding my quirks and showing me what it was to give love, and life, another chance. I never thought that I would be so lucky to find unconditional love three times in my life and you showed me that I could and I deserved it. Know that I love you with all of my heart and it was an honor to be called your wife and the mother of your child.
I am taking my last few breaths and I smile as your eyes open and ours lock one last time. It's time to say goodbye. Our fingers interlock and I squeeze gently.
I slip away as your lips grace my forehead.
