Chapter IV

Fourth session.

"... We are born not to be perfect, but capable of perfection. In the middle of good and evil we constantly create ourselves at each passing moment."

Kagome left the book on the floor, right beside the lamp that until now had illuminated the room as she read. She stayed there, on the futon, laying on one side as she caressed the book's cover with her fingers, albeit the book itself had long lost her attention. Her gaze was fixed on a point on the wall of her little apartment, yet her mind strolled through the memory of her therapy partner's eyes, and their golden color. For a moment she remained there, submerged in the strange sensation that had stuck with her when he looked at her right before saying goodbye. Kagome was used to the glances of men, they were something she had suffered from a very young age, and she could easily recognize a gaze that hid desire, as well as one full of lust. The latter was the most common. InuYasha, however, had looked at her with a mix between curiosity and... hope?

She frowned before her own strange conclusion, and decided it was time to turn the lights off, tomorrow she had to arrive early at work. She turned over the futon and laid there, looking at a ray of light that slipped through the window and bumped into the folding screen she used as a curtain, as she had never bothered to get one. The line of light marked itself over the white of the ceiling, and Kagome thought about the white color of InuYasha's hair. She became surprised when she realized the familiarity with which that name wandered inside her mind.

It had only been one conversation, and at a distance.

Crap!

She closed her eyes, annoyed with herself and with the ease with which she accepted his kind smile, as she knew quite well kindness in men wasn't but another face to hide their real intentions behind.

She decided to start thinking about him like any other, leaving aside any emotional impressions he had made in her. She tried to remember the shape of his behind, and became even more annoyed with herself when she noticed she never looked at it directly even once. She began to imagine how it would be to take off the shirt under the jacket he wore, and her mind managed to show her the vision of a pair of nipples that were a shade darker than his skin. She pinched her own nipple, and sighed when her thoughts, finally, began to take her towards a field much less emotional and merely physical. One of her hands descended through her abdomen and belly, to stop at the start of her sex. She sighed when the first dose of pleasure reached her body. The best was to take everything to an impersonal plane.

That way, it was best.

The days went by much faster than Kagome expected. Work had kept her busy great part of the week, albeit that didn't stop her from meeting Kõga in his study a couple of afternoons, and to make an escapade to Kabukicho, with the clear intention of chancing on someone. Sadly, she became obsessed with finding a young man with certain features and none of them met her demands.

Finally, the day before she passed the time outside a clothing store and, as she had been thinking the last few days, she found herself looking for something to start the Autumn with. She had never been one to buy too many clothes, as she didn't like to accumulate anything, that way it was easier for her to change apartments when the place was starting to become excessively comfortable.

Today she tried for the first time her shopping from the day before, and spent at least ten minutes checking if her apparel looked well on her. The new season had begun and her dress had grey and darker squares, tied by an orange tone which was quite similar to the fallen leaves from maple trees. The buttons at the front made it look like a long shirt, however the way in which it extended from underneath her chest to the long of her thighs made it quite feminine. Kagome couldn't help feeling that light fear, which surged from the depths, that her vestments might incite the excessive attention of some unknown man, yet, in the same way she did every time that fear appeared, she buried it beneath layer after layer of reaffirmation and force of will.

"You are ready." She told herself, right before choosing to leave the apartment.

To InuYasha, the meeting from that afternoon felt eternal, the same way the meeting with his therapy group could feel eternal. He saw Kagome arrive when he had just found his place in the room and although, honestly, he tried to pay attention to Kibou as he talked about the main causes for an addiction of conduct, he couldn't stop thinking that she was sitting just a few meters away from him, and on how to start a conversation on their way out.

During the previous days to the fourth session, his mind had roamed between the smile Kagome had given him, and the desire to find out if she also smiled in the middle of pleasure. Likewise, he found himself recreating conversations with her over trivial things, like her ice-cream or her favorite place, or about the kind of movies she liked to watch. He felt silly the majority of the time his mind travelled through such illusory moments, more than anything because he was all about the heat, not the words.

"Right?" The question remained there, wandering around in his mind, and appeared every now and then, and even more during the last few days when he found himself inside someone who cried out of pleasure, under his care.

"... one of the main reasons for any kind of addiction lies in the lack of security on what's essential for our lives that is love, and more specifically, self-love. This kind of feeling helps us to find a place in our lives, to feel fortitude and believe in ourselves and our own abilities. If we lack self-love, it's then when our insecurities flare up, and from them, our search for sensations that provide us with a false security; in that crevice, addictions find nest."

InuYasha listened with partial attention. What the therapist was saying was a truth he already knew of, he had heard it in other words, and from different perspectives from the previous therapists, and even found it inside different books of self-help. However, beyond that, today that message seemed to be closer to him.

"It's habitual for the start of an addiction to be in a certain point in our lives that provoked a deep insecurity inside what the person perceives as the foundation of what they are and how they present themselves to others. When that event happens, we look for something to support ourselves, and it's in that search that some fall into an addiction."

"A certain point" InuYasha repeated inside his head. And as if trying to escape from the surfacing memory, his gaze ran towards Kagome, who remained seated and paid perfect attention to the therapist's words.

Could she be asking herself the same questions as him?

He caught the sight of how she took her pen close to her lips, and gently pat them with it, then repeated the movement after a brief pause. He parted his, and sought air, noticing how that simple gesture had stolen his attention for an instant.

"Having said this, I'd like for you to start asking yourselves in what points or aspects you find you have insecurities. This is not about searching for a cause for self-flagellation, on the contrary, I'm inviting you to an exercise of self-knowledge."

As said before, the meeting felt eternal to him.

When the therapy finished, Kagome did the same thing as always, which consisted in taking a moment to put her notes in order, and make sure everything found its place inside her purse. She then smiled at one of the women who assisted with the group and that from what she told them had an eating disorder. Right after, she would go out to the genkan to put her shoes on. Today she did everything while trying to keep the same pace she always had, yet she also felt the urge to hurry up in order to know if him, InuYasha, would be waiting for her like last time. She couldn't deny the light pounding of her chest when she thought about it, and the way her stomach compressed, albeit she would never acknowledge it before anyone.

She took the shoes she wore today, grey with a strap around the ankle which made her feel more confident, although today she didn't put them on her naked skin but over some half-transparent black tights. She put them on and crossed her purse-strap over her chest, making sure her hair remained free. She took a breath, filling herself of courage to go out.

When she took a step outside the building, she had to give herself an instant, as she wasn't able to lift her gaze immediately, maybe because of her fear of finding InuYasha right in front of her, or maybe because of her fear of him not being there. In the moment she realized his figure was nowhere to be seen in the place he had been the last time, she felt how the sensation inside her stomach shifted from anxiety to one of heaviness, as when something doesn't sit quite well with her.

"Kagome?" She heard from her right, and recognized that voice immediately.

She turned around, and her gaze met InuYasha with amazing ease.

"Do you like daifuru?" He asked, extending her a white paper bag containing various little colored orbs. She nodded.

"Thank you." She said, putting two fingers inside the bag, careful not to tear it. For some reason she felt that action was her first physical contact with him.

"I'm glad. I didn't know if you'd like them." He had felt it was a good idea, thinking about offering her some and maybe in that way have something close to a conversation.

Kagome put an entire orb in her mouth, and began to taste its texture as it undid itself with just the movements of her tongue. The dessert, composed of a mass of rice carefully elaborated, and filled with green tea cream and the traditional anko prepared with red beans, felt like the most delicious thing she had ever tasted, or maybe it was the accumulated hunger she had after skipping a meal.

"You like it?" The question had a certain, strange sense of anxiety. She nodded, incapable of using words. "I'm glad."

The serene smile InuYasha showed managed to relieve the exquisite texture of the dessert to second place in her attention. His gaze remained fixed on hers, then her mouth for a long time, so much Kagome felt forced to swallow the candy ahead of time. Immediately, she wet her lips inside her mouth with her tongue, without the latter ever showing outside, in a gesture she had learnt many years ago in order not to attract attention when she didn't specifically seek it.

InuYasha took half a step back when he found himself wishing to taste the dessert inside Kagome's mouth. The best would be to keep a certain distance. He wasn't sure why he was invaded suddenly by a subtle dose of shyness when near her. He wasn't comfortable feeling like this, as it made him recall another time in his life.

"Thank you very much for the daifuru" She felt strange being grateful to the same man she faced from complete impudence a week before, talking about the therapist she had fucked. She casted her gaze downwards, annoyed with herself. When she lifted it again, both of them talked at the same time.

"I'm sorry, you first." He suggested.

"It's nothing, only that I should be going." She wanted to get back the Kagome she had to be.

"Of course." InuYasha accepted, moving aside for her to pass. He had the idea of bringing those candies, almost impulsively, and now questioned his own motives. If what he wanted was to take her to bed, courting her like a teenager just wasn't necessary.

Kagome smiled at him before looking for the way out the street, trying to be polite without reaching kindness. She wasn't a good match for romantic relationships, and it had been a long time since she understood that.

InuYasha thought about giving it up, he didn't need to put so much effort into this woman as he knew it wouldn't cost him anything to find some other for the night, and could even resort to the app he had used a couple of times before. However, he saw her smile, and managed to catch a glimpse of something else beyond that expression, as it blurred before his eyes like a disguise, in the same manner his own would fall off at his apartment, preparing himself for another night in loneliness.

He watched her take a few steps away from him, carefully following the line of her silhouette swaying with those grey heels with a strap around the ankle, much like the ones he liked so much. He felt the need to try some more, he could leave it any time he wanted.

Wasn't that what an addict would say at some point?

"So, two internments and three therapists..." He mentioned once he caught up and began walking parallel to her. To talk about it, was a way to take back the conversation to a field they both felt strangely comfortable with.

Kagome looked at him and took a second to reason if it was beneficial to her to continue with that attempt at something. She was quite aware of how much she felt attracted to that man, even more when his shirt was tight enough for her to guess the form of his muscles, which made her recall her own fantasies with him.

"That's right." To her mind came the last remark she had thrown at him when the talked about it: and I fucked the last one. "How is that you didn't seek to add one of your therapist to your record?"

"Record?" He smiled, and Kagome felt happy and annoyed at the same time, at a loss to what emotion paid her attention to. She casted her gaze downwards, then darted between the lines on the sidewalk in order to not have to decide right now. "Let's say they weren't my type of type." She understood what he meant. "And you, Kagome, do you have a "record"?

His voice sounded so damn sensual despite the distance, that Kagome had to part her lips and take in a subtle breath. She liked that man; it was evident in all of her body and in how the palm of her hands tickled. Maybe, simply, she had to take him to bed and end the desire right there, once and for all. In more than one occasion it had been the best answer. However, if she were to attempt such a thing, she'd need to leave the therapy group, that's for sure.

"No, it's more like I'm the one to catch the bad guys." She began that game, with the need to take the wheel of whatever she was experimenting towards him.

"It's that so." InuYasha feigned surprise, yet what he felt was curiosity. The girl who had eaten a dessert an instant before, and who even seemed desirable while doing it, was mutating into a decisive woman who appeared to want to start the game. Well, he would play. "Cuffs?"

He left the question hanging in the air, waiting for it to be picked up like the white glove of challenge. She smiled.

"Sometimes. Also ropes and some other things." Kagome added.

By that moment InuYasha felt how his blood began to heat up his body and to gather around places which made his desire quite evident. He stopped and turned around, waiting for her to do the same. He talked again only when he caught Kagome's attention.

"I'm willing to be an evil villain."

She looked at his crotch, and knew he wasn't lying.

N/A

As I always tell you, the characters are their own captains. This chapter wasn't planned to end this way, but well, who am I to deny something to InuYasha and Kagome.

I hope you've liked the chapter and that you tell me.

Kisses

Anyara

This text is possible thanks to the translation of: Dezart