---wow... I haven't updated in a while.
sorry!
hope you like the new name and summary!
I was struggling to come up with new ideas for chapters I have one here but I have no idea how it'll carry on I have the ending planned but I had another idea so I may end up doing alternate endings.
they're quite funny but I don't know how many more chapters I want after that... I just don't feel that Hurley is crazy enough yet for him to do what he'd do at the end.
by the way, this whole "---" thing is just so it's clear when I'm talkin!
here you are... after weeks of planning...---

Hurley had fought off a peanut butter thief, a back talking snitch in the making, and a crazy magic man with the ability to "Locke" up his new found food and friends. and he'd also accidentally killed Dave, his unknown long lost slightly female brother. life was good. he was safe. (I have said "he was safe" so many times now!)

he was sat alone in the hatch with his friend, the apple!

(in advance: I hope u follow this OK)
"your right Mr. I should be candied, we should start an army... yeah... yeah I know! to help fight off the magic mans minions. yeah like Kate "I love two dead guys" whatever her surname is! and Locke the king o' keys! and Claire that lost all her weight in a day and came back with someone's baby! and those two foreigners that talk the "floobledooblekalalalaheyheyblaaaaaah!" language!... yeah... yeah I will go look for troops... hey!... SHADDAP! u should be somewhere in my intestines buddy! praise your leader! don't u dare try and tell him what to do!... look... I'm sorry man... I'll be back with an army..."

Hurley then stopped talking to the item of food and marched into the pantry. "TEN HUT!" he yelled, he paused and looked around at the food. he nodded to the food, "yeah, thanks! that's much better! keep it up!"

he began to picture the army. he felt they should be in uniform. peas? Nah too expected. they should have style. a certain flair. an edge. some unexpected form. he'd had an idea.

he opened up the freezer and shoved his head in to search for what he wanted.
he then found.
CURLY FRIES!

"hahah! hey! Mr. I should be candied, I got the troops man!" he called to the apple as he returned to the living room, "yeah... I get you... exactly! that's why I'm making you general! from now on u are general candied!... yeah I know! ain't I just so great! we'll coat you in candy tomorrow!"

Hurley then ran into the kitchen and left his new General fruity friend to think about it's sweet coating future. he opened up the oven and shoved the curled chips onto a tray. "your training will be over shortly men! before you know it you'll be tearing apart Locke's-- I MEAN! Locke the king o' keys extremely shiny, freakishly bald head!...uh... good-bye!" with that he slammed the oven door and had a moments silence as he looked over the cooking instructions on the bag. he then turned the oven on and returned to his armchair... or "throne " as he prefers to call it and waited the 20 minutes the plastic bag told him to.

after sitting in his throne counting the seconds all up to 1200 he jumped out of his chair screaming "TRAINING ... IS... OOOOVVVEEEEERRR!"

he ran to the oven and pulled out the tray with his bare hands and left it on the side to cool.
"if I wasn't the only sane one here, that would of hurt! but never mind!"

after watching the troops cool, he lined them up on a plate to see how they got on.
he went along the line examining each one but after a while paused on one.
"um... dude... your a girl... I'm sorry..." he picked up the curly fry and well... ate it... or her in this case.

his army was ready.
he was safe.

---did you like it?
the next chapter is planned and will be up shortly Aw.
don't look so sad!
AW JEEZ! BUT MY FINGERS HURT SO BAD!
OK... I'll carry on typing.
NOT.
never mind.
I'll be back soon---