Chapter XXIV
Twenty fourth session.
Kagome could her heels hitting the ground as she made her way towards the centre, and today, Thursday's session. She decided to come at the last minute, and ended up leaving Ayame alone at the cinema's door, only apologizing as an explanation. She had been evading InuYasha the whole week, albeit with less difficulty than she expected, if she had to be honest. That Sunday she woke up in his apartment, and from that moment she decided she needed to put some distance, for a few days at least, because she felt her control over her choices slipping, and more than anything, losing what she thought she knew about herself until now. To stay with him that night had been clearly a sort of abyss for her need of independence and order.
However, and despite it, she finally decided to attend today's session. When she agreed to meet with Ayame, her idea had been clearly to escape, and the girl, who always seemed eager to create a bond with her, was the perfect excuse. Yet, her anxiety and unspeakable desire to see InuYasha, which had grown hand in hand with the hours of the day, made her apologize to her coworker and give her a hurried excuse for leaving her alone. Right now, when there was less than a street separating her from the place, she slowed down her pace in hope of making her heartbeat mirror her actions, for it was galloping full of anxiety and unable to hide its yearning: InuYasha.
The last day she talked to him was Monday, and told him she was way too busy with work and that they wouldn't be able to meet during the week. She didn't answer the next two calls, nor the messages, and since then they hadn't exchanged a word. Kagome had found consolation in looking at the phone from time to time, to check he was online as a help to calm herself down, knowing he was there made her guess he was alright.
She stopped right at the start of the centre's street, took a deep breath, and tided up her skirt, hoping her appearance was optimal. She felt absurd, like a teenager who was about to see the guy she liked and that went to the school near hers. Anxiety compressed her stomach then, to the point of causing her pain. She took in a breath again, and let it out, wishing to calm that anxiety down a bit, then she took the next step, becoming aware she wouldn't achieve anything just standing there.
As she expected, InuYasha came too, and was now with his back resting against the wall of the opposite building, in front of the centre's door, looking at his phone. His hair laid down slightly forward, yet his locks remained curved over his shoulder, on the verge of falling but never doing so, and the light in front gave his silvery mane a warm tone which reminded her of the light of that last night she spent in his company. She wished, intimately, that her heels were subtle enough and so she could admire him a bit longer. Yet InuYasha heard her, looked at her, then returned his gaze to the phone and finished writing something before storing it and walking inside the building. She doubted to take the next step, as he was clearly ignoring her. Her heart was still pounding frenetic inside her chest, although she had the sensation that it missed one beat, and that had caused her pain.
Kagome became split between staying or returning directly to her apartment, yet the control of every situation should be hers and only hers; she couldn't yield her emotions to someone else.
She went inside the building, and found InuYasha as he stored his shoes on the shelve right beside the genkan. Once again, he remained silent, and didn't even spare a glance to her before heading inside through the corridor. She began to take her own shoes off, and became aware that InuYasha's attitude was but the mirror of the silence she herself had imposed on them; however, they didn't need to answer to each other. Her own mental assertion made her realize she had remained exclusive to him for weeks now. Maybe it was there where she needed to make a turn around, and search for a new casual partner and end with all that foolishness.
When trying to leave her shoes on the shelve, she found out there were no places left and everything was full. She shuffled the possibility of leaving her shoes beside InuYasha's, however that indomitable part of her said no, they weren't coming together, so she left them directly on the ground.
Once inside the room, she sat on her usual place and tried to focus on the therapy.
"As you all know, we've got only a few sessions left and I'd like for us to evaluate as a group what everyone has achieved until now." Kibou, the therapist, began to say.
Kagome was self-absorbed, with her notebook resting on her lap and with no intention of writing anything down. InuYasha had seated far from her, as they usually did in every session so that no one could link them together beyond the usual greeting and goodbye.
"Kagome, start please." Kibou mentioned her, and her mind went blank.
A few seconds passed where all she could do was to stare at the man like one who looks at the biology teacher in the middle of a dissertation. A few eternal instants had to pass before she managed to order the man's words and form a meaningful sentence, telling her what he was asking.
What have you done this last weekend? Had been the question.
To sleep with InuYasha, was the answer that came to her mind, however she was able to order the data and take something less compromised to mention.
"I went out to run and fed the cat." She hoped it was enough.
"You have a cat?" The therapist highlighted what she thought would be a minor detail.
"Not exactly." She didn't want to explain herself further than that. Kagome glanced sideways at InuYasha who was paying attention to what Kibou was saying, yet not much to what she had just said.
"I see." Kibou smiled, then talked to the rest. "Sport is a good aid to treat anxiety, and the state of unbalance that causes addictions to arise."
After a while, in which many of the people attending told their ventures of the last weekend —from strolls through the coast, some show they binge watched, and a workaholic who had left half a Saturday free to meet with a friend, InuYasha's turn came.
"And you, InuYasha. What have you done this last weekend?" There it was, the question. Kagome couldn't prevent her stomach from turning before the wait for the answer he could give. She was almost sure he wouldn't mention her, yet that gave her mixed feelings, as she found herself wanting to be recognized.
"I went to work, and out to drink." He answered with ease of manner. Kagome had to force herself to look at the therapist and not at him.
To drink? With who? Why? For what? Her mind was invaded by questions and the answer came to her alone, in one idea: it had been that Saturday night in which he hadn't seen her nor called her.
Before ending the session, Kibou reminded them they had to answer again the questions he handed them during the first session, in order to make a self-evaluation of their improvement. Once he gave word that the reunion had ended, InuYasha stood up and began looking at his phone, slowing his pace down for a moment to read some message. Kagome took advantage of that instant to observe him, trying to discern his mood and act accordingly.
An instant later, InuYasha left the room, and then and only then, did she do the same. There, she found him still looking at the phone, as he put his shoes on with leisure. She slowed down her steps, and waited not really knowing why or for what. Next, she saw how he, who was giving her his back, put his phone away inside one of his jacket's pocket to tie his shoelaces and stand up. Kagome felt her chest shrinking when she realized InuYasha was about to leave without saying one word to her.
Aren't I your Thursday's girl? She asked herself. The idea fluttered around her mind, weakly and left alone, just like how she felt right now.
In the same moment the question emerged, he turned around and looked at her for two seconds, maybe three, and Kagome was conscious of the way in which the air in her lungs became trapped, and she only managed to free it once InuYasha left.
She began to put her shoes on with a deep feeling of defeat; maybe that day she had repeated in her in her mind have finally come: the last day. She was conscious of the way her emotions swirled inside her stomach, and from there ascended directly to her throat, tying themselves into a knot threatening to never let her talk again. One of the therapy's attendants, the girl that always greeted her, said goodbye with some kind words to which Kagome could only reply with a forced smile.
She stood up then, and before facing the street ahead she decided to fight that defeated feeling by taking control, if InuYasha could go out drinking somewhere, as he said, then so would she. In fact, she asked herself the reason why that sort of exclusivity began with him when they hadn't agreed to anything. When she found herself three meters away from the building and could check he wasn't anywhere, a strong, smoldering heat took hold of her stomach; if she had to describe the sensation, it was like a fire burning her, enraging her. She took the phone and began to walk, her steps firm, as she looked for Kōga's number, she would call him and agree on a place to drink something, then she'd let herself go by whatever were to happen then, she was tired of that feeling of not being able to find herself.
Except when he caresses me. She had a moment of strange lucidity, as the call rang. She felt InuYasha pushing himself inside her and her back trembled before the memory.
Yes? Kagome? Kōga's voice, answering the call right when she turned at the street's corner and found InuYasha standing by the wall.
"Who are you calling?" He still held his phone, so he knew the call wasn't for him. Kagome could still hear Kōga on the other side.
"I'll call you later." She replied and cut the call. She was sure the man would be now quite intrigued. "Look at that, you talk to me again." She commented this time to InuYasha.
"Who are you calling?" He insisted, not wanting to let go of that idea.
"A friend." She chose honesty, without subtleties. "I want to go drinking."
Then, she had the desire of walking past him firmly, and to ignore him with the same haughtiness he had used the last hour. However, fate didn't agree with this plan, and, in that veiled way these things sometimes work, she lost her balance slightly on those heels she knew so well. She felt his hand grasping her arm to hold her, and couldn't help but wonder if the energy InuYasha was emanating had been so strong it managed to set her off-balance. She became aware of that yearning she felt, of him turning that grip into a caress to her waist, and from there, into a pull to get her close. Through the time that touch lasted, their gazed locked onto each other, yet their mouths remained in silence... until he finally decided to break it.
"I could go drinking with you, but maybe you prefer your friend as company." With that said, he let go of her, unhurried, knowing she had regained her balance.
Kagome wanted to answer that with some smart phrase charged with irony, however InuYasha had that ability of stealing her heart with his honesty.
"I could..." She hesitated. "Although I'd prefer if you told me who you went out to drink last weekend."
That was clearly not an innocent question, and it was charged with that strange sensation of insecurity that comes with nascent relationships. That's how InuYasha understood it, and insecurity being his Aquiles heel, he chose not to disclose everything.
"Curious?" He began to play with that card Kagome gave him.
"A bit." She felt a bit more comfortable then. When their dialogues disguised themselves as unimportant, everything seemed to flow with ease.
"Then, let's go drink something and I'll tell you about my weekend." InuYasha turned sideways, readying himself to start walking, and inviting her with a gesture.
The first steps were paced and silent. The street was still being used by many people, which helped make their advance feel less lonely. Kagome's phone began to ring then, inside her purse, and she didn't need to be a seer to know it was Kōga, given the way she had hung up on him. When looking at the screen, she confirmed it.
"Must be your friend." InuYasha mentioned, successfully hiding that annoying discomfort that had found nest in his stomach. He felt thankful to the fact he hadn't eaten anything in three hours, otherwise hiding that would have been much harder.
Kagome answered with a positive sound.
"Answer, and tell him you are with your Thursday's boy." He tried to joke about, and to seem casual.
Kagome smiled as she ended the call.
"I've still haven't told him he has been replaced." She thought about mentioning only the day, yet she opted for playing with the message she was sending InuYasha with those words instead.
She began to write a fast message about she being alright and that she'd call him later. All the while, InuYasha was trying to keep in line that huge sensation of possessiveness that was running through his veins, and took a deep breath and attempted to mask that need which he was beginning to feel about Kagome being exclusive to him.
"It's done." She returned the phone to her purse, and observed InuYasha who had stopped a step away from her, his gaze locked on her figure. In that moment she thought it was strange the way in which power changed hands between two persons who shared their emotions. Maybe these feelings needn't be great, but be just a few memories, to link them. "Something wrong?" She asked, feeling now the power was on her side.
InuYasha said no with a silent gesture, as he stuck his hands on his pockets and began walking again. That way, their pace became delicate like the connection which was now starting to form between them.
Kagome extended her hand, and had the impulse of taking InuYasha's arm; however, she stopped herself before touching him, and returned her hand to the purse's strap crossing her torso. An instant later he looked back at her, where she had remained to keep that initial distance InuYasha had put between them as a way of protection.
To be continued.
A/N
IZON, in its own way, has turned into a story I enjoy telling. It was a deep subtlety which is beneath vast layers of events.
Soon I'll start a new story I have in mind, and that I'll probably mix with future IZON chapter releases. In any case, I'll tell you ahead of time.
A kiss, and thanks for reading and keeping me company,
Anyara.
This text is possible thanks to the translation of: Dezart
