IZON SHŌ
Chapter XL
Recess
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Kagome
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This last apartment to which she moved to, was just a bit further from the university than her previous one, but the rent was more comfortable to her budget, and the space was more than enough for the few things she would bring with her. Since she began with her "pilgrimage", she had never felt the desire to offer any explanation for her behaviour; she would simply make a decision, then move to another place.
"The movie is ready." Sango mentioned, sitting on the futon Kagome had on the ground, and that acted as both, couch and bed.
She walked towards her with a bowl full of popcorn, previously prepared in the microwave, and two soda bottles, soon finding herself sitting by her friend's side, her laptop resting on the low table in front of them both. Aside from the kitchen that came with the apartment, the only furniture she kept inside were her futon, a cloth rack she used as a closet, and that low table. The lamp one would usually leave on a nightstand at the top of the bed, was on the ground, and her study books laid leaning against one wall.
"Are you going to buy some shelves, or a desk for your studies?" Her friend asked, who had delayed her visit to this new place by a couple of months. "You've been living in this place long enough to know what you need."
"Who says I need them?" She smiled at her. "Besides, you know I prefer to not own too many things."
"Of course I know. All of a sudden you became a nomad." Kagome managed to discern the mix of sarcasm, and worry, her friend's voice carried.
Yet all she did next, was to smile. Sango wouldn't understand, and in fact, she wouldn't because Kagome herself wasn't able to explain it. She needed the change, to move, to never put down her roots, for she would go through a strong anxiety if she were to ever begin to feel comfortable. She didn't want to take anything for granted, knowing that trusting too much wasn't a good thing.
She nudged her friend with a shoulder, attempting to change her worry-stricken face.
"How's Miroku?" She asked, aware of how to shift the conversation elsewhere when her friend was involved.
Sango's eyes went practically white.
"He is insufferable!" She shouted, her hands gesturing, adding dramatism. Then, she started laughing. "He asked me to marry him."
"What?!" Kagome couldn't but stare at her friend in shining disbelief.
You could see Sango's emotions with a glance.
"What did you say?" Kagome inquired. Her own life could be a mess in many forms, yet that didn't stop her from feeling happy for her friend.
"Nothing yet." She replied. "But I think I'm probably going to say yes."
Sango's voice, words and gaze were full of restlessness and the wish of something new, something better. Kagome thought then, that love must be able to awake many shades of emotions inside oneself.
"I'm so happy for you, Sango." She embraced her friend, showing support and care, and she hug her back, her laughs uneasy, caught between her many strong emotions, and her vision blurry by her sudden tears.
She hoped Sango would be happy. Miroku seemed like a good man, maybe a bit callow for her taste, yet he couldn't hide how much he adored her friend, which calmed her worries greatly.
They left each other's arms then, and Sango wiped her eyes with both hands.
"I look so dumb." She voiced.
"You don't. You are just happy, and that's good." She helped her dry her tears.
"What I am, is a party pooper. I'm ruining the movie." Now she laughed, but there was something different in it, another origin; her held back emotions had been freed. "Alright, press play, and in the meantime, you can tell me if you've met new boy at the university."
"The movie will be more entertaining." She tried to dodge the topic. It was too sensible, and it held too much meaning for her.
Kagome observed that her friend had time only to glance curiously at her before the movie started. It had been her turn to choose a movie last time, so what they were watching was Sango's choice.
Their hands soon went for the popcorn, and they began to laugh at the first scenes which were quite common during high school. Sango made a comment about how little were the girls wearing, and Kagome mentioned she liked the dynamic way they were introducing and representing the characters, giving everyone at least one personal and recognizable feature. At some point during the movie, came a scene where the protagonist arrived at the school at night, guided by a note supposedly written by the boy she liked, and hoping to meet him. Kagome could feel her back tensing before the sight of the buildings being swallowed by the darkness, until the only light illuminating the scene came from a street light, that was too far away as to allow someone to see something in the shadows. Sango jumped and released a cry when the girl in the movie was surprised by three students, who dragged her, despite her complaints, to one of the empty and dark rooms. It was the typical teenage drama where some feel the need of proving themselves more powerful than others. In this case, they did so on the body of the protagonist, while under the gaze of a female classmate.
"But... how can she just stay there, staring!" Sango shouted, offended by the classmate's attitude. "She should help her."
Kagome didn't utter her opinion. She didn't know at what point of the scene she had disconnected from her own emotions, and began to just stare at the screen as if, instead of watching how another person was being abused, they were showing how to bake a pie.
"I don't think I'm liking this movie." Her friend said, hugging one of the pillows that were on the futon.
Kagome remained silent, however, putting popcorn in her mouth almost with rhythm.
The scene came to an end then, with the protagonist crying on the floor, and the few clothes on her, a lingering mess.
"Poor girl." Sango voiced then, pity filling her tone.
"She is not a poor girl." Only in that moment did Kagome break the silence she had kept. "She should know an isolated place is dangerous. It happened to her because she wasn't careful enough."
The movie kept going, yet for Sango it stopped mattering altogether, her gaze now on her friend, trying to fit that opinion with the tender and kind person she knew she was.
"Nobody has the right to do that to her, even if she were to decide to live in an isolated place." Sango defended.
"In theory." Kagome just shrugged. "But we both know that in practice, that is not the case."
Sango fell silent, recalling the times when some stranger had touched her, while in the bus or in the train. To her mind came even some lecherous comment she had received from one of her classmates, and to which she answered with a kick on his lower leg, and a change of seats.
Kagome, in her own way, was right. Some things, in theory, weren't supposed to happen, yet they did.
"Even so, we can't normalize and just live with it." Sango insisted.
She didn't get an answer, or at least not a direct one. Kagome just stood up.
"More popcorn?" She asked, and before Sango could answer, she took the bowl and started towards the kitchen.
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InuYasha
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He woke up, and for a brief instant, he managed to feel good and breathe in peace. But it didn't last, and was replaced almost immediately with the betraying thought that reminded him of his broken heart. The pain became so intense then, he couldn't but curl up in defense. Sometimes, the pain was such, it would make him feel it physically, in his chest, making it hard to breathe.
He made an effort then, opening his eyes into slits, only to check that it was day already, despite the semi-darkness flooding his room. He closed his eyes again, maybe he could go back to sleep, and that way, dull the pain... but his mind was already working, and so it became impossible.
He thought about sighing, but even filling his lungs was exhausting.
The thin rays of daylight hit his figure as he stood up, and went to the closet, where he reached inside and soon found the bottle of sake he had taken from Myoga's shop. In the depths of his mind, he felt ashamed of that action, but given his seventeen years of age, he wasn't allowed to buy alcohol; so, in need of something to dull his senses, he opted for the only available method. Guilt was drowned on the first gulp of that transparent liquid. The second gulp was longer, taking advantage of the lingering burning from the first, and by the third, he was already sitting on the floor, by that same closet.
At some point, in between the third and the sixth or seventh gulp, he remembered his mother, and hid the bottle as to not cause her one more worry. He knew she had enough with the many days he'd been wallowing in his own misery.
.
"C'mon, boy. You need to get out and let the fresh air hit you." Myoga said, as he slid the curtains open, then pushed the window up to ventilate. "This place smells to football player's changing room."
At any other moment, he would have begun to laugh, yet now his body was all but drained of energy. He was deep down in the valley that Kikyo had thrown him in, days ago. A small light, some part of his thoughts, would tell him he needed to get out of that feeling, that the world didn't end with one break up, yet the pessimism would soon take the reins then, and paralyze him, not leaving him enough room to even understand what, of everything he had going on, was the thing affecting him the most.
"Boy, why don't you tell me what happened?" The old man neared his bed, seeking a gaze InuYasha wouldn't direct his way.
He shook his head, slowly, once, twice, and then laid on the bed again, giving his back to Myoga.
The man remained in the room a bit longer, almost hoping for him to react in some way, but InuYasha had barely enough energy to keep himself breathing, and maybe enough for a thought or two. He was tired, and in some way, he felt grateful for it. Being tired was better than being in pain.
.
On the afternoon of the ninth day of self-imprisonment, InuYasha went out of the house for a stroll. He was tired, and had spent many days without eating. His mother would often cook something, yet after going down he would taste but a couple of spoonfuls, for his stomach was unable to hold anything. He had the feeling his body was rebelling against reality, and that was the way it had to show it.
Once outside, the light hurt his eyes, despite being one of the last rays of the afternoon. He put on his school uniform, despite the fact that class had ended a few days ago. Soon it'd be his graduation ceremony, but InuYasha had no plans to assist. He couldn't. Not with Kikyo there.
.
"Are you ready?" He heard his mother's voice coming from down stairs.
"In a bit."
He answered while looking for one last time at the mirror. The bags under his eyes, the ones he'd been carrying with him the last few weeks, were almost completely gone, and in general, his appearance was alright. He'd go to his graduation with his mother, who despite the many dark days she watched him go through, had not asked any questions, respecting his solitude. Myoga, too, had been a good friend, and tried to cheer him up in his own way, without giving into his usual invasive behaviour. Both were going with him to the ceremony, and he hoped to be able to endure the moment without looking at Kikyo.
The way to the school was short, no more than fifteen minutes by foot from his house. It wasn't a route he would usually take however, for normally he'd go with friends, and during the past few months he had been going with her, taking a roundabout way to be in her company. She, the one who left him. He sighed for the umpteenth time, his mind recalling some moments, and some fragments of conversations, doing his best to avoid the intimate ones, urging his memory to bury them as soon as possible, yet they would remain, stubbornly, way too close to the surface.
"Just beneath the skin." Someone could say.
His stomach turned in on itself as he began to catch sight of other students on the street, and his breathing became heavier, and heavier, when the school's doors entered his view. He reassured himself that he could to this, his eyes darting to his mother for confidence. This day, she looked particularly well, her dark and grizzled hair falling straight behind her, while wearing a blue-sky dress with flower adornments at the edges of the skirt. He tried to focus on her, for she was, after all, the only reason he had come here.
The ceremony took a while to start, and his mother and Myoga stayed with him, after going through the main entrance, until he met with some of his classmates and then entered the place where the students would be in. In some way, he found refuge among the group and in the stories they were telling, but despite his constant attempts to keep his gaze low, his own anxiety and yearning would drive him to look for Kikyo amidst the students.
It wasn't until they had to find their seats that he caught her figure near the door. She was standing with a boy who was slightly older, and was wearing a traditional garment. He felt his stomach turn again, and his heart suddenly found it difficult to beat.
"Who is him?" He asked himself.
He didn't realize he had voiced the question out loud until his friend Jinenji answered him, "Who? The one with Tsuji?" InuYasha lifted his chin to look at him, for he was tall and sturdy, and had very expressive blue eyes.
"Yes."
Kikyo asked him, specifically, to not reveal their relationship to anyone. Jinenji was not an exception.
"I heard he is her boyfriend." InuYasha felt his body become tense. "On of the twins, Shoko, said his name is Suikotsu, and that he studies medicine in Tokyo. I think they've been in a relationship for over a year. Doctor Tsuji must be glad."
InuYasha kept his hands on his thighs, grabbing at the cloth tightly, wrinkling them and so finding a way to channel his feelings.
Jinenji kept talking, but none of his words reached him. Inside his mind, he began to recall every meeting, and little by little, the events began to fit together. Kikyo didn't want anyone to know they were seeing each other. Kikyo would ask him to meet with her in places where they wouldn't be seen by other students, and Kikyo didn't like him to escort her home, the only time when she knew they would be alone, and then...
Crap. He thought.
Suddenly, all the aspects of their relationship coalesced into one bigger comprehension that filled his thoughts and feelings: she had never been his.
Later, he knew the ceremony had happened. He received his high school degree from the school's director and his class tutor, and he even smiled when his mother hugged him, saying how proud she was of him. However, InuYasha was conscious of how, at every instant, a protective web began to be woven around his heart, as to not ever feel such rejection, such contempt, as the one he felt from Kikyo.
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To be continued.
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A/N
I don't like to give too many explanations as to "why" some characters behave like they do, so that each reader gets to experience the story in their own way.
I hope you are enjoying it.
A kiss,
Anyara.
This text is possible thanks to the translation of: Dezart
