Deliverance
'Hey, he looks kinda like Jeff!' Jordan laughs and points at a character who has just appeared in the movie. He elbows Byron in the side. 'Doesn't he?'
Byron's sitting on the couch in his living room with Jordan, Adam, Nicky and Margo. He looks at the character that Jordan's pointed out and he thinks that he really doesn't look like Jeff, because Jeff's hair is a lighter blonde than that, and his nose is straighter and Jeff doesn't have such obvious cheekbones, but he doesn't say that, because that would be weird. He settles for nodding absently.
They're watching some comedy about a guy and a girl and Byron doesn't know what else. He's been staring at the screen, but not taking the movie in at all. Jordan's observation just makes it harder to pretend he's concentrating on the movie.
It's been a couple of weeks since the thing with The Letter, and Byron hasn't seen Jeff since then. Well, not outside of school, anyway. He knew this would happen. He knew Jeff would freak out about it. Probably the end of their friendship.
Byron sighs and shakes his head slightly, shifting in his seat. The silence from Jeff is really getting to him. They talked a few times on the phone for the first couple of days after the Letter talk, but it was weird, and Jeff stopped calling, so Byron didn't call him either.
He's been spending a lot of time with his brothers, trying to fit in and do the whole straight-teenager act. He's played more soccer in the past week than he has in over a month, he's hung out with more dumb jocks than he thought he'd ever want to and he's done more with a girl than he ever thought he would, all for the sake of fitting in.
But he still doesn't fit in, because all the time he was playing soccer, he wished he was watching a movie with Jeff and all the time he was hanging out with the dumb jocks, he wished he was mock-arguing with Jeff about his health food, and all the time he was making out with that girl… All the time he was making out with that girl…
Byron can hardly bring himself to think it, he's just way too embarrassed about The Letter. He's pretty damn curious as to how it got to Jeff too, but he's not going to ask him, or anyone else, about it, in case they could see the 'I'minlovewithmybestfriendandheknows' look on his face.
The Jeff-character's face appears on the screen in close up, and Byron decides he can't take it anymore. He gets up from the couch and heads out of the room, ignoring Nicky's question of where he was going.
He wanders outside to where his mom is sitting reading in the garden.
'Hey, uh, mom? Can I take your car for a drive?' He isn't sure she'll let him, but he can't really see any reason she wouldn't, so he figured it's worth a try.
'Hmm?' She looks up slowly from her book. 'What?'
'The car, mom, can I borrow it?' He asks again, smiling at her.
'What for?' Byron doesn't really know what he wants to do.
'I just want to take a drive. Maybe I'll go down to the lake or something.' He shrugs.
'Oh. Well okay, but be careful.' Byron rolls his eyes and nods. 'And don't be too long, okay darling?'
'Okay, mom.' Byron grins and kisses her cheek. 'Thankyou!'
She pulls the car keys from her pocket and hands them to Byron. 'Take care, Byron.'
He nods and thanks her again. He goes quickly to the garage and takes the car out. He doesn't want Nicky or Adam or Jordan to come out and try to come with him. He knows they would. He leaves as quickly as possible.
Byron drives slowly, being careful. He drives past the school and grimaces as he remembers how he's been acting these past two weeks. No wonder Jeff hasn't wanted to talk to him. He's been acting like a jerk. Jeff probably doesn't even…
'Jeff?' Byron's thought is pulled up short as he sees Jeff walking by the side of the road and he can hardly believe his good luck. Now they can sort this fucking mess out.
Byron rolls down the window and yells again. 'Jeff!'
Jeff turns to look at him, sees who it is and keeps walking. Byron thinks that maybe this won't be as easy as he'd though. Jeff keeps walking.
'Jeff! C'mon, please!' Byron drives alongside Jeff and calls out to him every now and again.
After about ten minutes, Byron loses his temper. 'Jeff, for God's sake, get in the car!' Jeff finally stops, and turns to look right at Byron.
'Go away.' And Jeff keeps walking.
Byron shivers. That was possibly the coldest voice Jeff has ever used on him.
'Jeff, we need to talk.' Byron's voice is full of desperation now. 'Jeff, please!'
'No!' Byron recoils and stops the car as Jeff turns sharply to glare at him. 'I don't want to fucking talk, Byron. I don't want to hear whatever fucking bullshit excuse you're going to give me.'
Byron gets out of the car and walks slowly to stand in front of Jeff.
'I'm sorry.' Byron's voice is small and he can't look at Jeff. 'I can't help liking y-'
'You still think this is about that?' Jeff's voice is so full of disbelief that it makes Byron flinch.
'It… isn't?' Byron looks at Jeff with shock. He's slightly stunned.
'No, it fucking isn't! You've been a fucking asshole since this thing began!' Byron knew it. 'And last week- Last week- You're fucking jerking me around and you pretend you don't have a fucking clue what I'm talking about.' Jeff's breathing hard and Byron thinks he sees tears in Jeff's eyes.
'Jeff, I don't…' Byron tries to say something, anything, but he can't pulls his thoughts together and Jeff continues.
'And I think you sent that fucking letter to me so you could mess with my emoti-' Jeff takes a deep breath. 'So you could mess with my head for some sick little reason of your own!'
Jeff's eyes are wide and Byron can definitely see tears now. 'And I do not want any fucking part of this! Just fuck off, Byron. Leave me alone!'
'Jeff, please, I didn't- Jeff!' Byron calls out desperately as Jeff stats to walk away. 'Just let me explain!'
'Explain what? Are you going to be honest with me, By?' His tone is mocking and makes Byron flinch back. 'Are you going to explain why you sent me a letter about being in love with me and then ignore me for the next week? Are you going to explain why you didn't call me, if you're so desperate to talk to me about it? Are you going to explain why after you tell me you're gay and you like me, I come over to your house to talk to you and find you making out with some girl?'
'…what?' Byron stares at Jeff and opens his mouth to say something more, but by the time he's even figured out a vague basis of what he wants to say, Jeff is gone.
Byron walks slowly back to his car and drives numbly home. He just knows he's fucked it up for good.
to be continued
