IZON SHŌ
Chapter XLVI
Forty sixth session
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The night was calm, with silence reigning in the house and conferring serenity to the dulled sound coming from the city outside. Once the elemental sensation of letting go, that sex have left them in, began to fade, uncertainty found place between them both.
The moment of passion they had shared had gotten out of hand, and now they found themselves staring at each other with something close to caution. Kagome noted her naked body like never before, together with the warmth emanating from InuYasha's body, so she pulled away and he came out of her. She believed to be able to feel the semen inside, and her mind became swarmed by the image of the spermatozoids running in a frenetic race towards her fertile ovum inside her womb.
"I'm sorry." She heard him say as he sat on the tatami, observing her as she sought, almost desperately, something to cover herself with.
"It's nothing, don't worry." As much as she looked to the clothes spread around them, she was unable to choose anything, overwhelmed by the need of being busy with something, as to not collapse from not knowing what to feel. "It's not like you did it on purpose, and it's not like I objected to it."
To InuYasha, such an explanation seemed to him as a way for her to connect with her most logical and apathic part of herself, as to be able to deal with the situation. It seemed almost impossible to him to had been so up to his head in hormones and pleasure just an instant ago, given how abruptly he was landing now, something akin to feeling a train running him over.
He took in some air, and decided to focus on the present, and so he stood up next, and took a shirt from his closet, unused and perfectly tidy, that he offered Kagome.
Her gaze went to his hand, catching a glimpse of his naked figure on the way, which made her sigh out of sync in a way she couldn't quite hide; despite the situation, her mind would still betray her and make her think he was gorgeous. She wanted to believe such appreciation was due to the emotive charge still lingering within her after a satisfying session of sex, yet an emotion, buried beneath layers and layers of superficiality, was telling her she was lying to herself, and that the lie wouldn't last much longer.
"Thanks." She received the shirt, and as she unfolded it, she tried to focus in that action alone.
InuYasha then began to search for his underwear among the pile of clothes on the floor, and to his mind came the idea of an emergency contraceptive. He knew of the pill, for he had educated himself just in case one day he were run into an issue with a condom; his relationships had always been casual, and rarely did he meet with the same person twice, yet he thought it important to have a basic knowledge about it. It was then when he realized his own thoughts were beginning to be strictly logical, and soon found himself hating the sensation of losing the warmth of the moment they had just shared.
"Tomorrow I'll go to some hospital." He heard Kagome comment before he had a chance to propose anything. He looked at her for an instant, still coming back from his own reveries.
"Of course, I'll go with you." He had to admit his plans were far from being a parent right now.
He began to put on his underwear, and he'd have to skip the shower if he wanted to preserve the silence in the house, he thought.
"No need, I can go by myself." Kagome tried to dissuade, as she put the red-shirt overhead before pulling her hair from inside.
InuYasha found himself marveling at how good red suited her, even more given how she filled the chest of the cloth.
"I know you can." He clarified, having no doubt Kagome could weather the vicissitudes of life by herself, yet he still wanted be there for her.
There wasn't much of a discussion about it after that, both of them submerged in a thick silence that seemed to want to proclaim something none of them felt like getting into, or maybe they just didn't know what or how.
A moment later, InuYasha talked about going down and sleeping on the futon that was left for him, in order not to have any issues with his mother, to which Kagome agreed and didn't add much else.
That apparent simplicity felt almost painful.
Once Kagome stood alone in her room, she laid on her bed and huffed at the white ceiling, which right now had an orange tint due to the light coming from the lamp at one side of the bed. She turned around and turned off the light; her mind didn't need it to start wandering about the many scenarios the situation could evolve into. A part of her knew the solution was rather simple: going to a doctor and request a receipt for an emergency birth-control, then pick up the pill and so get rid of the risk she may be under. However, next came other considerations. Right now, she couldn't remember the exact percentile of effectiveness the pill had, she seemed to be able to recall it was about a ninety percent. Then, came the period of time during which the pill could actually work, about which she read, it should be about seventy-two hours, although the effectiveness would decrease as time passed. Finally, there was the consideration she was having the most trouble with:
Could she had avoided this?
Passion had taken control of them, she was aware, in such an unbridled way she felt all of InuYasha, all her own emotivity, and was so overwhelmed it was akin to her chest being breached open from the inside, spilling all of her feelings without any kind of filter; all of that, because of her own carelessness. When she sat straddled on InuYasha and began to move, she knew there was a risk, for both of them were hugely excited. She recalled he had sat straight to embrace her, and how her mind surrendered to the sensations in a way unknown to her, and maybe her abundant worry was caused by that; in the moment InuYasha had warned her of his climax, a sliver of her mind declared, almost cried it didn't matter if he were to finish inside. That emotion had much to do with the feeling InuYasha managed to awake inside her, and that Kagome could not avoid anymore: She loved him.
Her insides were flooded by it. She let out a heavy breath as her eyes were abruptly covered by a layer of tears, and there, sideways on the bed, she curled in on herself and began to wonder. She knew how to handle desire, she knew how to handle the physical during sex; she learnt to as a way of survival, and to gain control over herself and the pain that could come from her over sensibility, that sometimes came over her. Right now, she stood in front of that which she didn't want to go through, the chaos born of a feeling that couldn't but settled there, right in the middle of her life. Love scared her, she couldn't control it, but only fear what it could do to her thoughts and the course of her days; in fact, it was doing it already, for she found herself wishing InuYasha was there by her side.
That thought, in consonance with the emotion, took her to look a step deeper into the darkness born from hiding what she didn't want to remember. For a moment, she allowed herself to watch that moment that defined so many of her decisions, and despite understanding fault didn't lay with her, her chest would hurt and her tears would fall, unceasing. She thought of going down stairs, and find shelter in InuYasha's embrace as she told the story of a stupid girl who was wandering alone through a barely illuminated alley. Even to think that girl was her, was hard, so deep had she buried the moment she could not recognize herself in it…
She turned on the bed, facing the ceiling once again. It was gray, now, thanks to the dim light coming through the window, and there, she began to laugh for no good reason, her eyes still blurred by tears. No, she didn't want InuYasha to know her miseries; these were hers, and hers alone.
She sat on the bed, and a moment later stood up to go to the bathroom. She would wash her face, get rid of the tears, together with her emotivity, and would once again feel confident inside the armor called "Kagome" she herself had build over the years.
Her steps took her there, preserving the silence around as much as possible, and once inside the small room with a toilet, a sink and a small shower, she looked herself in the mirror and her tears began to flow again. It wasn't that her image wasn't right, to the contrary, after the physical and emotional connection she had shared with InuYasha, she was shinning so brightly not even her tears could spoil that; not with her lips, swollen and of a vivacious rosy shade, the same as her cheeks, nor with her messy yet not entangled hair… it all was able to confer her a wild, untamed beauty. She sighed, then took a deep breath again in order to find her center, her calm, but then she realized her smell was a mix of hers and InuYasha's fluids, including the ones he left inside her for the first time.
The worse part, was that she found herself yearning for more.
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When InuYasha found himself alone in the main room, and on the futon that was to be his bed the next two nights, his heart finally began to slow down, allowing him to think with a bit more clarity. He couldn't remember a time when he had considered being a father, it wasn't something he had ever mused about, nor he knew of someone who could evoke such thoughts in him. What happened a few minutes ago had been the product of a thought-numbing passion, where the physical and emotional sensations took hold of everything else, left hold everything else… and his real surprise now was how easily it all had come to him, how easily he had just… let go.
He tried to calm his mind then, trying to go back to what was next. He believed the solution should be more or less simple; an emergency pill, then trust the statistics. What were the chances of them being inside that ten percent of failed cases?
Such a question brought another notion, however, to his mind; he had come to assume with complete naturality that they were a we, a plural, Kagome and he. To comprehend it, filled him with emotion, from joy to terror in a matter of seconds, and so he understood such was the way uncertainty was born. A part of him was seeking a logical solution given the kind of relationships he'd had until now, yet the other was overjoyed with the possibility of them becoming something more.
Before being able to ponder about such a feeling any further, he heard a door opening upstairs, and judging by the sound, he surmised it was from his room. His senses sharp and waiting, he laid in the same position he had gone to bed in, with both arms behind his head, and so was able to hear next how the door to the bathroom was opened, then closed, his mind quickly guessing Kagome had to be inside in that moment. He allowed the silence to wash over him then, slowing down his mind to a halt, Kagome's presence on the second floor and the barest of sounds being the sole focus of his attention.
Water was running; he could guess what Kagome was doing: cleaning herself, hence she was getting rid of whatever was left of what had happened. Such a conclusion made him feel an unfruitful hollow in his chest. Clearly, that night emotion wasn't hand in hand with logic.
An instant later, the sound of water ceased, replaced by the house's so familiar silence. He wondered if his mother would really not notice any of the movements of what they had been doing, once early morning arrived.
Suddenly, the silence was interrupted by steps InuYasha expected were being taken towards his room, however what he heard were the stairs to his right. He took a deep breath and waited, for it could his mother who woke up and he had just missed the sound of her door, or maybe it could Kagome.
His gaze, however, became focused on the stairs. The dim light of a lamp his mother would usually keep on, lighting the corridor that gave to the entrance of the house, helped with his watch as he noticed how his heartbeat suddenly spiked, despite laying on the futon without moving a muscle.
The steps decended, as stealthy as they could, and InuYasha noted his breathing had shortened at some point, something that changed only when he caught sight of one of Kagome's legs, then the other, just a short distance from the floor. He didn't say anything, just waited; maybe she was coming for something in the kitchen, or maybe the bathroom upstairs wasn't comfortable enough, or…
"InuYasha?" He heard her whispering.
He moistened his lips, dry as they became during his watch, and produced a speculative sound as an answer. However, Kagome remained silent after that, right at the end of the stairs.
"Something wrong?" He yielded before his anxiety, too strong to keep the question to himself.
InuYasha turned sideways on the futon, and observed her, her figure still covered by the red shirt he had lent her.
"Nothing." She denied without conviction. "Just a dumb thing. See you tomorrow." She turned around to go upstairs again.
"Wait." He asked, with more energy of what he pretended due to standing up, as quickly as he did, making his voice shatter the silence of the night.
He saw her stopping, and in her gaze he caught something close to shyness. For a moment, he regretted having acted in such a decisive way about what happened, for maybe Kagome had taken it as him tracing a line between them he didn't seek. He reached out to touch her, guided by pure care, yet in that moment the fragility in her gaze was replaced by the woman he had met months ago; strong, independent and decisive. He didn't feel able to invade the space she had suddenly drawn around her.
"Rest." His back tensed before the condescendence in her voice. "Tomorrow we are going to visit your father, just like we planned."
He didn't feel comforted by her words, on the contrary, in them he found a dose of demur and animosity, and so was painfully conscious of how a wall he had taken a long time to cross, was suddenly risen again, leaving him out.
"Kagome." He grabbed her arm, desperate and without thinking. He didn't want her to run away from him, he wanted to tell her she didn't need to, not from him.
She looked at him, and smiled lightly.
"Don't worry, it's nothing." She mentioned, and from that first step of the stairs, she leaned and placed a kiss on his lips.
InuYasha received it with his eyes wide open. They felt close, perfectly, the warmth and the touch of her lips were as well, yet the gesture… it just didn't warm his soul.
"Good night." She said.
He looked at her, unceasingly.
"Good night." He replied.
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To be continued.
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A/N
A chapter I needed for the last stretch that's left.
Thank you for reading, and leaving a comment.
Anyara
This text is possible thanks to the translation of: Dezart
