Disclaimer: Standard disclaimers… no copyright infringement intended; just a tribute to an amazing show. Thanks to Kelli for beta reading and to everyone who had read or will read this.

Chapter 2

Dean heard the police officer come into the room and knew he and Sam went out to the hallway. He wished he could hear their conversation; he hoped Sam remembered the right things to say to keep the suspicion at a minimum.

He was worried about Sam, but knew his little brother – his brother – was a capable adult and didn't need his concern. Soon he would graduate from law school and, with his brains, he'd have his pick of any job. Dean saw him precious little now; he couldn't imagine what would happen when Sam didn't have long breaks from school or when he was in court for weeks and wouldn't even have time for a phone call.

Stop being so pathetic, Dean thought to himself. Didn't Sam drop everything to come here when he found out you needed him? But that's the problem, isn't it? I need him. Dean could see Mary again; she seemed to be a little closer this time.

OooOooOooO

Sam drove to the Desert Inn. He saw Dean's car as soon as he pulled into the parking lot and, after a quick search, he turned his attention to the motel room. There were a few clothes scattered about, but nothing indicated it was anything more than Dean's normal slobbish tendencies. There was also nothing to indicate what might have brought him to Arizona. The motel was close enough to the hospital, so he went to the office to put the room in his own name. He asked the desk clerk a few questions, but he hadn't been on duty when Dean checked in and, as far as he knew, there had been no problems while he stayed there.

After a more thorough search of the Impala, which revealed nothing, Sam went back to the room to shower. He considered calling his father; maybe John had an idea of what brought Dean here. He decided, though, that he didn't want to worry his father yet. After showering, Sam dumped the contents of the envelope he'd gotten from Elizabeth on one of the beds. Dean's cell phone was there, but the battery was dead. He found the charger and plugged it in, thinking maybe there were messages that might shed light on Dean's reason for being in town.

Sam was tired, but he didn't feel right being away from Dean. He grabbed a fast food hamburger on is way back to the hospital and managed to force half of it down before reaching the parking lot. The rest of it went into a nearby trashcan.

He walked out of the elevator and saw Dr. Reynolds leaving Dean's room. When he stopped at the nurses' station, Sam rushed toward him.

"Oh, Mr. Winchester." he started. "I'm glad you're here. There's been a change in your brother's condition."

Sam didn't think the doctor's tone sounded positive. "What's happened?"

The doctor finished making notes in Dean's chart, then turned his attention to Sam. "He's developed a fever. That means he has an infection of some type. I've ordered antibiotics and some blood work. It's probably nothing to worry about at this point. I'll check on him again later."

As Sam went to his brother's room, he decided he definitely didn't like this doctor's way of delivering bad news. He moved a chair back to Dean's bedside and, as he sat down, he glanced at the monitor. Dean's temperature was just over 101 degrees.

"This isn't good, Dean. You're supposed to wake up, not get worse." Sam said, putting his hand on Dean's arm. "I went to your motel; I'm staying in your room. Your car is okay. Damn, Dean, you haven't left me any clues to figure out why you're here. The cops think you were beaten up; maybe you were. Is there something I need to be hunting here, man?"

Sam watched Dean closely. He could feel the heat coming from his brother and desperately wished he knew what to do. On the one hand, he felt like he should be out there ripping Phoenix apart to figure out why Dean was here and to find whatever – or whoever – had done this to him. But even the little while he'd spent away from him earlier made him feel guilty.

A nurse walked into the room later to check on the patient and found Sam asleep next to his bed, his head on his brother's arm. As quietly as possible, she went about her business and left him sleeping.

Dean was glad that Sam was asleep. He wished he was asleep in a comfortable bed rather than a hard chair next to his bed. Dean knew he was getting worse; he could see Mary in the distance again.

OooOooOooO

Dean's fever had not dropped by the next morning, so he was put on a different medication. When the test results came back inconclusive, the doctor ordered more. Sam waited in the hospital cafeteria while his brother was being tended to. He drank coffee and tried to eat, but the food held little interest for him. He had been by his brother's side in a hospital more than once, but every time before he knew exactly what happened. This time, he didn't even know why his brother was in Phoenix, let alone what happened to him and that was making him crazy. He pulled his cell phone from his jacket pocket and dialed his father's number.

After a lot of physical therapy and hard work, John Winchester managed to get out of the wheelchair he'd been sentenced to after the car accident that almost killed him and his sons. He would probably always need the cane he now used, but that was acceptable, considering he wasn't expected to ever walk again. He was sometimes frustrated by this limit on his mobility, but it was something he was learning to live with.

He had just finished his daily exercising when the phone rang. He grabbed the receiver as he poured himself a glass of orange juice.

"Hello?"

"Dad? It's Sam."

John heard the worry in his younger son's voice. "What's wrong, Son?"

"It's Dean. Dad. He – he's in the hospital; he's in a coma and he's developed a fever."

"What? What happened?"

"I don't know. I got a call – God, was it only yesterday? I don't know. I'm with him in Phoenix."

"Phoenix? What's he doing in Phoenix?"

"I don't know that, either. Dad, I don't have any idea what's going on. I know I've seen Dean through a lot of injuries, but something about this time – I'm scared, Dad."

"It's okay, Sam." John said. "I'll get there as soon as I can. Keep me updated."

"I will, Dad."

"Sam –"

"I know, Dad. I'll see you soon."

Before leaving the motel, Sam checked Dean's cell phone. There were no messages and the call history shed no light on the mystery of why Dean was in Phoenix.

OooOooOooO

I mean, what are you gonna do when it's all over?

It's never gonna be over. There's gonna be others. There's always gonna be something to hunt.

But there's gotta be something that you want for yourself.

Something he wanted for himself. Dean never thought about what he might want for himself. When Sam was born, he wanted his little brother to be happy and he wanted to be the best big brother ever. After his mother died, he wanted his father not to be so sad all the time. As he learned to hunt, and found out about all the evil in the world, he wanted to help make everyone safe. But Dean never thought about what he might want for himself. All of those things were for him in a way.

Protecting Sam and watching him laugh made Dean happy. Eventually, when John wasn't quite so sad about Mary's death, Dean was happier too. He worked hard to be what John wanted him to be so his father would be less sad. There were innocent people all over the place that were harassed and tormented by spirits, demons and other creatures most people didn't believe were real. Every time he helped someone, Dean felt good and felt as if he were one step closer to the thing that killed his mother.

Now that they destroyed what killed Mary, he wondered what he should be doing. He thought he would want to keep hunting, but it wasn't as satisfying as it used to be. Recently, he realized, he only half-heartedly looked for new jobs and was even grateful that Sam's premonitions were seemingly taking a break.

He hadn't realized any of this before ending up in the hospital, but being in a coma gave a person a lot of time to think.

What was he if not a hunter? Sam knew all along he didn't want to do this forever.

I'm not gonna live this life forever. Dean, when this is all over, you're gonna have to let me go my own way.

Even his father seemed to have found a new life. But what about him? What was he supposed to do?

First thing, Dean told himself, is to stop being such a pussy. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and suck it up.

OooOooOooO

Sam didn't need the doctor to tell him that Dean's fever had gone up. He could read the monitor for himself, but still the words came as a blow. His brother had a blood infection and he wasn't responding to the first two antibiotics the doctor prescribed, so another one had been ordered.

John was on a plane headed for Phoenix and didn't know about this latest turn of events. Sam spent some time back at the motel researching; the same way he had when Dean suffered a heart attack following an electrocution during a hunt. The prognosis then was death, but that was not something Sam was willing to accept. Even the blunt Dr. Reynolds had not yet mentioned this, but Sam knew enough to know that an infection running rampant through the body of someone in a coma was not a positive thing.

First he studied the medical implications, then he moved onto the potential supernatural solutions. He had fallen asleep at the computer, but woke up when his cell phone began to ring.

"Hello?"

"Sam, it's your father. I'm at the airport, about ready to get a cab. What's going on?"

"Dad." Sam ran his fingers through is hair and checked the time. He'd been away from the hospital longer than he expected. "I've been at the motel for a while, but – Dean's fever went up. The doctor is saying he has a blood infection and he put him on a different antibiotic. This is the third one."

He heard John sigh. "Have you gotten any rest, Sam? Maybe you should stay at the motel for a while and –"

"Maybe later. I'm fine. I'll see you at the hospital."

OooOooOooO

John wasn't sure which son he was more worried about; the one in the hospital bed or the one who looked like he needed to be in one. Sam was sitting next to Dean's bed when John arrived; he looked more exhausted than John had ever seen him.

"Hey, Dad." Sam stood up and hugged his father.

"How are you holding up?" John asked, keeping an arm around his shoulders.

Sam shrugged. "Okay, I guess."

"You look like crap."

Sam smiled. "You sound like Dean."

John returned the smile before turning his attention to his older son. He remained close to Sam, but put a hand on Dean's forehead. He frowned at the heat emanating from him and glanced at the monitor. Dean's temperature was close to 103 degrees.

"Dean." John said gently, lowering himself into the chair Sam had vacated. "You need to start getting better, Son."

Sam stood behind his father and watched as the older man talked to Dean and lovingly touched his arm. He'd longed for this kind of closeness with John growing up, but instead, John had been distant. Sam never doubted John's love for him and Dean, but it was easy to lose sight of it and whereas Dean struggled for John's approval and affection by trying to be the perfect son, Sam rebelled.

Still worried about his brother, but feeling more relaxed with John there, Sam sat down in the reclining chair Elizabeth had brought in earlier and was soon asleep.

OooOooOooO

John sat by Dean's bedside for hours while Sam slept nearby. He was surprised at how long Sam had been able to sleep, but knew he'd had a hard few days and didn't begrudge him the rest he obviously needed.

He glanced at Sam when the sound of his breathing changed and noticed he was restless in the recliner. His furrowed brow told John he was having a dream, but before he could get to him, Sam was awake.

"Sam?" John put a hand on his shoulder. "You okay?"

Sam looked around, confused for a moment, then straightened and nodded.

"How's Dean?"

"The same."

Sam leaned forward, covering his face with his hands.

"What is it?" John asked, worried.

Sam shook his head, his hands still over his face.

John knelt down in front of him. "Sammy, come on. Tell me."

Sam looked at him with tears in his eyes. "I've had the same dream twice now."

"Your dreams don't always come true." John said gently, a hand on Sam's knee.

"I know, but that doesn't make watching him die any easier."

As if on cue, Dean began to moan and one of the monitors attached to him sounded an alarm. Before John or Sam could move, a nurse rushed into the room. Moments later, another nurse asked them to wait outside while a team of medical staff descended on the room.

OooOooOooO

He was still alone in the semi-darkness that surrounded him, but gradually he realized he was sitting on the floor of his childhood bedroom, his hand on a toy dump truck. It didn't surprise him when Mary joined him on the floor.

"Dean." she smiled.

"Hi, Mom."

"I remember that truck. You got it for Christmas –"

"Our last Christmas together." Dean said sadly.

"I'm sorry." Mary said, matching his tone.

Dean looked at her, tears in his eyes. "It's not your fault. That demon – you know we got it, don't you?"

Mary nodded. "I know."

Dean nodded and turned his attention back to the truck. "I don't know what happened to this. Got burned up in the fire, I guess."

"You can't stay here." Mary said after a moment.

"Why not? I like it here. I was happy here."

"Sweetheart, here doesn't exist anymore. You're grown up and other people live in the house. You have to go back to your life."

Dean snorted. "My life. My life? I don't have a life, Mom."

"Why not?"

He looked at her, confused. "What?"

"You've hunted the demon; you've killed it. What do you want to do now?"

Dean looked down. "I don't know. I've always been John's son, Sam's big brother. I never got to be Dean and I don't know how to do it."

"What are you hiding from?"

He didn't respond.

"Dean?"

"I'm not hiding." he said, barely above a whisper.

She reached out to touch his face. "Dean."

He looked at her with tears in his eyes. "I just hurt, Mom, and I don't know what to do." his voice caught and before he knew it, he was crying and being cradled in his mother's arms

"What are you afraid of, Sweetheart?" she asked, rocking him back and forth.

He held onto her tightly. Mary sat with him, holding him and trying to soothe him. Finally, he was spent. The crying stopped and his breathing calmed. Mary still held him lovingly.

"Dean?" she kissed the top of his head. "What are you afraid of?"

"That they don't need me. That's why I don't stay with them; that's why I move around."

"Your dad and brother? Why wouldn't they need you?"

"Sam's in school, Dad's living in Oregon. He doesn't hunt anymore, but he researches and trains."

"Why wouldn't they need you?" Mary asked again.

It took Dean a long time to respond. "All I know how to do is hunt."

"That isn't true, Dean. You're smart and you're young. You could do anything you want." she caressed his hair. "What about last year, when Sam was having trouble readjusting to school? You went to live with him for a while and you tended bar. You liked that, didn't you?"

"Tending bar? I guess."

"What about working on cars? You like that and you're good at it. Or electronics? And there's nothing that says you can't go to school."

Dean laughed. "Me? School? Right."

"Why not?"

"School's not my thing."

"Do you want to keep hunting?"

"I don't know. I don't think so." he looked at her. "Mom, Is that wrong?"

"Of course it isn't wrong. You've spent your life helping other people. Maybe you need to spend some time helping yourself. Or find another way to help them. Sweetie, it's okay to want a home, some roots." she soothed. "And what you said about your family not needing you? Nothing could be further from the truth, Dean."

She could tell Dean didn't believe her.

"Who does Sam call when he's had a bad day? Who does he call when something good has happened? He calls you, Dean. He wants to share these things with his best friend. And your dad? You're his son; his firstborn. He needs and loves you just for that, but he's so proud of the man you've become." she kissed him. "Your dad and your brother will always love you. They will always need you. They're your family."

"I don't want to go back, Mom. Can't I say here? With you?"

OooOooOooO

John watched as Sam anxiously paced in the waiting room down the hall from Dean's room. He didn't know what to say or do to calm him, so he didn't try. This certainly wasn't the first time they had to sit by and wait for a medical treatment to start working, but some things did not get easier with practice.

"Sam." John finally said.

"I feel like I should be out there finding out what happened to him." Sam said, turning toward his father. "Maybe I should be hunting something; finding –"

John put a hand on Sam's arm. "Don't do this to yourself. You've looked everywhere and there's no clue to what your brother was doing here. He may not have even been on a job."

"Then why was he here? Who beat him up?"

"I don't know, Sam. But I think right now it's more important to be here with your brother than out there trying to find who put him here."

Sam pulled away from his father and rubbed his face before he walked out of the waiting room to watch the activity near Dean's room. He leaned against a wall, arms crossed over his chest, chewing on his thumb.

"Sam?" Elizabeth seemed to come from nowhere. "They'll let you back in soon and Dean will be resting comfortably. But you're going to have to talk to him, Sam. You're going to have to convince him to come back to you."

He looked at her. "What do you mean? How could you possibly –"

"You're just going to have to trust me, Sam."

He watched as she walked away, but his attention turned when he heard Dean's room door open. He glanced back toward Elizabeth, but the hallway was empty.

"Mr. Winchester," the doctor began as he approached Sam.

"How is my brother?" he asked as John joined them in the hallway. Sam made quick introductions.

"Dean's blood pressure spiked. It was probably due to the stress of his other injuries and the infection. I have to tell you, I'm very concerned about him. None of the treatments we've tried so far has been successful. He's a very sick young man."

Neither Winchester liked hearing that.

"He's stable again, resting comfortably. You can go back in to sit with him."

"Dad," Sam began once the doctor was gone. "Do you mind if I have a few minutes alone with him?"

John was curious, but he only nodded. "Go ahead."

Sam walked into his brother's room. He glanced at the monitors, unhappy to see his temperature still close to one hundred three degrees.

"Dean." Sam's voice cracked and struggled to control his emotions. He leaned closer to Dean's ear and laid a hand on his brother's arm. "Dean, you have to fight this. You have to get better. Look, man, I know you've been going through something. I don't know what it is, but I've heard it in your voice. I wish you'd just talk to me; let me help."

OooOooOooO

"You hear him, don't you?" Mary asked.

Dean nodded. He was leaning against the small bed he slept in as a child. "I've always taken care of him. I've always put his needs first."

"You're the best big brother ever; just like you said you'd be." she smiled.

Dean looked at her, tears in his eyes. "I don't think I can do it this time. I don't think I can give Sam what he wants."

"Dean –"

"I've given Sammy all I have to give, Mom. And I'm tired."

Mary pulled him toward her. "Then let Sammy give to you. You're not finished living, Dean. I can feel it in you. I don't want to see you give up just because you're afraid to go on."

She felt him stiffen. "I don't know what to do."

"You don't have to figure that out right away. You're going to need time to recuperate from the injuries." Mary said, gently caressing his arm as she held him. "Stay with your dad, or with your brother, and heal. Heal your body and, this time, heal your heart."

Dean sat up. "I love you, Mom. I wish –"

She touched his cheek. "I love you, too. And remember, I'm always with you."

Dean watched as Mary stood up and walked toward the door. She paused and turned to face him. "I'm so proud of you, Dean. I know you can do this."

OooOooOooO

John was on one side of Dean's bed, Sam on the other, and each had a hand on him. His fever had gone up again and even the blunt Dr. Reynolds had taken to sympathetic looks when he came back to check on his patient.

Sam didn't know how much time passed while he and his father sat silently with Dean. He was afraid his brother had already given up; that he'd given up long before he even received the injuries and he didn't know how he could ever live with that.

Even during their separation, Dean hadn't left Sam alone. He knew that if he ever needed Dean, his brother would be there. Later, he learned that John and Dean made frequent trips to Stanford to make sure he was all right and maybe he should have been angry that they made these secret visits and never tried to talk to him, but instead, he felt loved.

Right now, he felt that he'd failed Dean.

God, can you imagine if we actually found that damn thing? That demon?

Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

I know, I'm just saying what if we did? What if this whole thing was over tonight? Man, I'd sleep for a month. Go back to school. Be a person again.

You'd go back to school?

Yeah, once we're done hunting the thing.

Huh.

Why? Is there something wrong with that?

No. No, it's great. Good for you.

I mean, what are you gonna do when it's all over?

It's never gonna be over. There's gonna be others. There's always gonna be something to hunt.

But there's gotta be something; that you want for yourself.

Dean never wanted anything more than for his family to be together again. He finally came to understand that even if they weren't physically together, they were still a family. But when Sam went back to school and started living the life he'd wanted to live for so long, and even their father settled into something close to a conventional life, Dean was left out. Neither John nor Sam intended for that to happen, but all Dean ever learned how to do was please his father and protect his brother, and all he thought he was good for was hunting. Sam knew his brother lost his passion for hunting after they killed the demon they'd chased for so long, but yet that's still what Dean did. Sam felt he let his brother down because he didn't try harder to get Dean to stay with him and do something other than hunt.

"Dad?" Sam said quietly. John looked at him. "We're going to lose him."

"Sam –"

"He's not fighting to come back. He doesn't think he has anything to come back to."

"What are you talking about?"

"He feels left out, Dad. He's lost and he doesn't want to come back to that feeling."

"How do you know that?" John whispered.

"I just do." his eyes filled with tears.

John left Dean's side and moved to his younger son. With one hand around Sam's shoulders and the other resting on Dean's arm, John quietly tried to offer comfort and strength to both of his boys.

"Dean," Sam leaned forward. "You have to listen to me. Look, man, I'm not going to ask you to come back for me, or even for Dad. We both need you and we're not ready to let you go yet, but you have to want to come back for yourself. I know it's hard. It's hard for me, too. But you have so much to offer. Even when you're being a huge pain in the ass."

John smiled and squeezed Sam's shoulder.

Dean was surrounded by darkness again. His mother was gone and he couldn't feel his old bedroom around him anymore. Off in the distance he could see his brother and his father; the two people that meant more to him than anyone else on the planet. He suddenly felt an overwhelming need to be with them.

OooOooOooO

"Hey, man." Sam smiled when he walked into Dean's room two mornings later. "How're you feeling?"

"Hey." Dean was sitting in the recliner. "The doctor said I could get out of here this afternoon. Fever has been completely gone for over 12 hours."

"That's great."

"You get school straightened out?"

"Yeah" Sam sat on the foot of the bed across from his brother. "I called my professors and told them my dumbass big brother got himself hurt and they all gave me extensions on my assignments."

"Dumbass big brother, huh?"

Sam smiled momentarily. "You gonna tell me what happened?"

Dean looked away, but he heard his mother's voice telling him to talk to his brother.

"What were you doing in Phoenix, man?"

"I was on my way to Bisbee. I heard about some strange lights, a lot of disappearances. I thought it might be our – my – kind of gig. I needed some cash, thought a night out would be fun. I guess I hustled the wrong crowd."

Sam looked at him. "Did you hustle the wrong crowd on purpose?"

Dean briefly closed his eyes.

"Why, Dean?"

"Look, it was a mistake. I thought it was a good idea at the time –"

"Why, Dean?" Sam asked again.

Dean looked at him, then looked away. He cleared his throat. "I – uh – I was feeling sorry for myself, I guess. Maybe a little left out and smothered at the same time. I don't want to hunt any more, Sammy. At least not for a while. But I don't know what else to do."

Sam was about to respond, but Dean continued. "So I think I'm going to stay at Dad's for a while and try to figure it out."

"With Dad?" Sam was a little disappointed, but he tried to hide it. "That's good."

After a moment, Sam leaned forward. "Look. Dean, if you ever feel like – just – I'm here for you, okay?"

"I know you are, Sammy." Dean said quietly, holding out his hand.

Sam shook it then gently pulled his brother into an embrace. A moment later, Dean pulled away.

"No sarcastic comment?" Sam asked.

Dean shrugged. "Not this time."

OooOooOooO

Sam watched the next morning as his father and brother headed off in the Impala. He knew he had to get back to school and get the car back to the friend he borrowed it from, but he felt a pang of regret that he wasn't with his family. He knew there would be phone calls, and he was already planning to visit over the break from school that was coming up.

He glanced to the passenger seat as he started the car and wasn't surprised to see his mother sitting there. She seemed to show up often since they'd killed the demon.

"Did you send him back?" he asked.

"No, but I might have pushed him in the right direction."

"What about Elizabeth? I asked around because I wanted to thank her, but no one knew who she was."

"I thought you might need a little push yourself."

"Thank you."

Mary smiled. "Dean needs to be with John for now, but he's going to need you, too. He has a long way to go."

Sam looked out of the windshield. "Yeah, I know."

"You'd better get on the road, Sam. You have a long drive ahead of you and a lot of work to get caught up on. Drive safely, Sweetheart. I love you."

He looked back at the passenger seat, but it was empty. "I love you, too." He started the engine and headed back toward California.