Hello and thanks for reading. I began this story in 2019 to give Kylo Ren his origin story and to create my own backstory to the sequel trilogy galactic politics. I put the story on hold with the release of TROS. Then, I picked the story back up off and on several times. In the end, I think The Searchers fits best as a prequel to Ghosts of the Past (and its sequel The Chosen One) mostly because it wanders far afield from actual sequel trilogy canon. Why bother even finishing it? Because I find Kylo Ren—in all his conflicted glory—to be so compelling. I want to know more about him-about who he was and how he became the character we know.
Knowing where a character comes from and who they once were is almost a trope in itself these days. I mean, who doesn't have a prequel? Every Marvel Avenger gets at least one origin story feature film and all sorts of entertainment franchises get prequels nowadays. It's fun to elaborate a backstory and to devolve conflicts and characters into who they once were (and sometimes still are). A multigenerational saga like SW is especially ripe for this sort of storytelling.
When I set about thinking of how to write Ben Solo on his journey to becoming Kylo Ren, I pondered how best to show it. I decided that I did not want a first-person narrative. Sure, Kylo's inner thoughts and attitudes would be fun to write. But we rarely see ourselves with objectivity and I worried that the story wouldn't be as rich if Kylo told the tale as opposed to an outsider. Nestor Flick, Kylo's best buddy OC in many of my tales, was the logical choice to be that outsider. It's a tried-and-true literary formula to showcase a golden boy tragic hero through the eyes of someone else—think of Nick Carraway's vantage point for Jay Gatsby in The Great Gatsby. That was my original idea—that you would see the drama and pathos of Kylo Ren filtered through the perspective of a regular guy observer who has little appreciation for the Force and no personal agenda for our hero to fulfill.
Nestor Flick is many things Kylo isn't—a middle class everyman, a person without the Force or any unusual skills, a First Order true believer, and a low key, moderate and generally accepting personality. He will never challenge Kylo within the official hierarchy (unlike Hux, who often tries in my stories) and he's content to be a team player. He's the affable balance to Kylo's brooding intensity and a moderate sounding board to counter his extreme impulses. Nestor is also far more mature than the younger Apprentice, who has considerably less real-world life experience. Nestor also has a more positive outlook on life generally, whereas Kylo has a lot of negativity.
I had so much fun writing the Knights bro culture interaction. Off hours, they're hanging out, partying, and attempting to impress girls. I love the idea of Kylo being intimidated by women. He's curious and terrified at the same time. He never gets very far with his attempts to meet girls. Some of that is Snoke's fault and some of that is Kylo's own awkwardness. Rey never makes an appearance in this tale. Our poor gal is starving and scavenging on Jakku still, waiting for her Dark prince to come. I like the idea that Snoke knows that there is a girl out there somewhere for Kylo and she is his destiny. That's why Snoke won't let his Apprentice get entangled with anyone else in the meantime. Snoke wants to safeguard the Skywalker bloodline (and he will become quite a Reylo shipper in Ghosts of the Past).
When it comes to girls, Kylo is reflexively aggressive if rebuffed. He does not take rejection well, thanks to his personal history. And that fits well with Kylo's character as he appears in Ghosts of the Past. In the small instances when that situation happens here in The Searchers, Nestor diffuses the tension. Nestor will be less successful by the time we get to the end of Ghosts of the Past . . .
This tale is a coming-of-age story that is basically one long character sketch. Kylo does a lot of things and yet he pretty much does nothing in this story. The plot isn't really the point of this fic. That's a change for me because I usually write a lot of plot heavy stuff. The only actual event I had in mind for this fic was the confrontation with Leia. Thanks to Carrie Fisher's untimely death, we never got a mother son scene in canon. It was the melodrama I was looking to write.
The Kylo—Leia confrontation has two parts. That's by design. Busy Leia Organa doesn't have a lot of time for her son—even now (or maybe especially now). She's got a speech to give, after all. But despite her harshness, she's not ready to give up on Kylo. And so, she comes back to reengage a second time. I think that's how Leia feels. We see it in TFA when she sends Han to make an overture to Ben. Because at that point, Leia knows she herself won't persuade their son, but maybe Han will. It has disastrous results when Kylo follows through on her promise in this fic to kill his father. Later in TLJ, we see Leia tell Luke's Force projection that her son is gone, ostensibly giving up on any hope at his redemption. But that's all words apparently because she's back at attempting to reach him through the Force in TROS. Now, I'm aware that Leia's role in TROS is largely a result of the actress's real-life death, but I'm trying to make sense of the canon. I think it's perfectly understandable that Leia's attitude towards her son drifts back and forth between love and hope and then loss and condemnation. That's very human.
Complicated relationships give rise to complicated and sometimes inconsistent emotions. Who hasn't pushed someone away who they really want to connect with but can't seem to find the right approach? People are full of nuance. You can be furious with someone you love and still love them. But 'hate the sin, not the sinner' is hard. Too often, it comes out as hating the sin and hating the sinner, even if that's not what's intended. Parenting is also hard. You are so invested in your kid that it can be difficult to analyze a situation objectively. Then emotions take over and things get ugly. But it wouldn't be a Blue Envelopes story without a Skywalker screaming match. You are all here for the drama, right?
Re: angry Kylo Ren. Too often, men get described as being less emotional than women. I think men are very emotional, but they express it differently. We women might scream and cry mainly. Now, men shout and cry too. But I think the default way men express emotion is through rage. Whether they're confused about something, anxious about something, sad about something, or just plain angry about something, it comes out as anger. That means getting to the root of a guy's anger is hard—especially if he's not much of a talker. Anger is threatening and sometimes violent—no one likes anger, right? But that's partly how society shuts down men's feelings—we tell them not to get angry when angry is often how they express themselves. So when the modern world punishes anger, it adds to the emotional stuntedness of many men. To be clear—I'm not excusing inappropriate, abusive, or criminal behavior by guys. I'm trying to understand it.
Killing his father . . . killing his uncle . . . those are big deeds for Kylo. Snoke knows this. Killing Skywalker becomes the Apprentice's official quest. Later, in Ghosts of the Past, it will bring the prize of Rey as well.
Nestor has some story here, as well. Readers of Ghosts of the Past and The Chosen One know how Nestor and Cesi end up. Ghosts has Nestor and Cesi married and raising kids but living apart during the war. Coruscant will indeed become a battle-site and the glittery world Cesi inhabits will disappear for a time. She'll become a war refugee and will take Rey into her household at one point. Nestor will eventually rule the galaxy as Emperor Ren's Chancellor with Cesi acting as the de facto First Lady. Cesi never really warms to Kylo, but she's savvy enough to avoid making that overt. Through the two additional stories, Nestor continues his role as sidekick and confidante to Kylo. The two form a lasting partnership that endures and the galaxy is better for it. Nestor's common sense and soft touch advice applies both to Kylo and Rey's relationship and to the galaxy as a whole. Nestor is pragmatic and principled, but he remains very much the good guy like he wants to be. He and Kylo are sort of the good cop/bad cop of the First Order. But for purposes of The Searchers, Nestor's still chasing his princess. I had this idea that while the rest of the galaxy is falling apart, Nestor and Cesi would come together.
I hope you enjoyed this tale. It was fun and easy to write, which is why I kept coming back to it.
