In the End
Chapter Twenty-Two
Disclaimer: "Everybody Hurts" belongs to R.E.M. I'm just borrowing it because everyone was hurting in this chapter, and then they weren't. Hence 'saved':p
Chapter Twenty-Two: Saved
Alex scanned the beach, using her eyes to block the sun. The once crowded and hectic camp now seemed to empty. Camps were left abandoned, clothes hung on clotheslines, and books were left marked. Items were left alone to the memory of their previous owner, as if one were afraid if they moved it they would be haunted by that person's spirit.
The once calm shore, empty shoreline that provided a reverie for whoever needed it was now more crowder than usual, serving as a silent shrink. No one talked to each other, not knowing what to say. People who never once spoke would sit together at night for the fear of being alone, but still no one spoke. Personally, at the moment Alex preferred the beach to the caves, simply for one reason: Jack was there. And when Jack was around, people seemed to loosen up a little. The caves were actually hectic, like midmorning office hours. At nights, though, she had begun to stay at the beach, despite the absence of Jack.
The jungle simply held too many memories for her. Presence of others always seemed to be around, though the only life seen for miles were trees. It was the same feeling she got every time she went through or drove by a cemetery, and Alex knew what this had to mean: her powers were coming back. And it scared her. For the past few days her mind had been free of visions, dreams, everything. While it worried her, it also relieved her. For those few days, the only person she had to worry about was herself.
A blonde woman walked passed her, hurried as if she wanted to get to where she was going without being spotted. It was normal behavior of the island residents, almost a goal: don't be stopped and you won't have to talk. It was like a secret catch phrase that had been passed around subconsciously from survivor to survivor. The woman was almost out of her path before Alex recognized her for who she was, the one who cried the most at the caves earlier, the one who collapsed into Jack's arms. Her reaction to the news had been so emotional and unexpected that it drew apart the crowd, who would've stood there staring at each other all day if they could've. Alex had seen her around the camp a few times, but only recently did she see her everyday, with Sawyer.
"Rebecca," Alex called after her, the name coming to mind automatically without having to think about it, just like when she first was experimenting with what she could do; if it was real. For awhile it was cool, but then it started to scare her.
Rebecca spun around at the sound of her name, and stared at Alex. Her cheeks were stained with tears like she applied teardrop foundation instead of light. The skin of her face was paler than normal, and she was shaking. Alex searched for words of comfort that she could say to her, anything, but the pressure got to her.
"It'll be okay," she blurted out, desperate.
Rebecca didn't respond, but she didn't object either. Not at first.
"You don't know that," Rebecca choked out, her voice trembling.
"It'll be okay," Alex said again, this time more confident.
Fake confidence was the only thing she had left. Suddenly she became more appreciative of Jack, who always had something to say to anyone, or Kate, who always had a smile to give. When they were together, it really worked beautifully. But it didn't work with Alex. Rebecca shook her head in disbelief. Before Alex could attempt to change her mind, Rebecca stormed off, heading towards her camp, and Alex knew what she had coming: nights of no sleep, nightmares of guilt, not being able to eat, barely being able to function. She hated just having to sit and watch it happened. Because she hardly saw her before she was with Sawyer, Alex assumed that Rebecca had been an outcast, and she would be again. Like with every other death, people would be too afraid to talk to her. And now even Alex, who was a pro when it came to dealing with deaths, had nothing to say. So like everyone else, she went back to what she was doing, and pretended like everything was okay.
The sight of her own empty camp caught Alex's eye, and she ran towards it. Suddenly feeling exhausted, she flopped down into the sand, and looked out to the sea in front of her. After riding over bridges and seeing the bodies of water in New York for the passed year, Alex still expected to see a ship, sailboat, or at least some kind of bird on the horizon, coming towards her. But now what used to be an everyday custom was a lost hope and a wall of reality.
Sighing, Alex tried to remember why she came here, momentarily forgetting. Maybe that was because the person she was looking for wasn't there. Like always. Over the passed few days, her mother seemed more like the teenager of the two, sneaking off, staying out late, being secretive. She was hardly able to get a 'Hello' or 'Goodnight' out of her. Alex wasn't all that surprised that her mother wasn't here, but that didn't stop her from feeling sorry for herself. And frustrated. And angry. Wasn't the mother supposed to be there when her daughter needed her? Blinking, Alex tried to stop herself from crying. It was ridiculous, she thought, fretting over this. But at the same time, she couldn't help to feel hurt. She knew it was Locke's fault, anyway. Danielle as obviously hanging around him, and Boone confirmed that theory. After all, people didn't just randomly meet and make out in jungles.
"That book was good," someone commented from behind her.
Alex jumped. So her mother was around. Looking beside her, Alex noticed a closed book sitting on a beach towel: Jurassic Par.
"Kind of makes you feel a little better about the whole stranded on an island thing, huh?" Alex snorted.
As if it was offended, the island gave a sudden jerk, occupied by a low rumble. Heads jerked towards the jungle, and sighs of relief could be heard throughout the camp when nothing else followed.
"Guess that was kind of like an aftershock," Danielle said from behind her.
There was a touch of sympathy in her voice as she sat down beside Alex, putting the book aside. The dinosaur on the cover stared up at her until the book was out of sight, like she needed a reminder of what was going on.
For a moment they just sat there, neither having anything to say, or whether, too much. Alex wanted to mention Locke, demand to know what was going on, but she didn't want to take the chance of losing the conversation.
"Sawyer's missing," Alex finally said, her voice just above a whisper.
She hated saying 'dead'. Jack said that there was still a chance, that they should still keep that hope. He didn't sound too sure of himself, but if Jack said they still had hope, they still had hope. Alex knew Jack didn't like that kind of pressure being put on him, but she couldn't help it. It seemed to make everyone else feel the least bit better, and she wanted that hope too. Because every time she said 'died', it made the situation that much more final.
"I know," Danielle replied.
There was no emotion in her voice. Of course there wouldn't be, she realized, Danielle didn't know Sawyer, or anything about him.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Alex looked up at her mother in surprise, the question caught her off guard. She tried to say something, but failed. It was weird. Now that she had a chance to say something, suddenly she didn't feel like doing so.
"I'm-"
Before she got to finish her lie, a cry broke apart the conversation.
"Hey, can someone help me over here?" Someone yelled from nearby. "I think she fainted!"
Alex jumped to her feet on instinct, and ran towards the scream, Danielle following right behind her. The man yelling for help was young, with a scar running across his neck.
"Thank God," he said hurriedly, putting a hand on Alex's shoulder. She shivered at the touch- she hated it when people she didn't know tried to touch or hug her. "I'm Derek, by the way, but really, I have no medical background, so..good luck."
He ran away before Alex could get a question out of him. Forget he just left an unconscious person at the hands of a sixteen year old girl. Fear engulfed her, and Alex swallowed. Danielle was already on the ground, checking the woman's pulse, asking for water, completely fearless. Alex watched her in admiration, while she stood their, frozen.
"We need to get her to Jack," Danielle said urgently, looking up briefly towards Alex.
"No," said Alex suddenly, snapping out of her daze.
Danielle stared at her. Alex blinked. She didn't even know why she just said that. It just came to her. No, he shouldn't be taken to Jack. Jack shouldn't be bothered why not.. She didn't know why, she just knew that it shouldn't happen.
"No?" Danielle repeated in disbelief. "You're not going to help her?"
Alex couldn't answer. Danielle stared at her coldly for a moment, and Alex knew that had they had privileges to take away, she'd be grounded in a flash.
"Move," Danielle demanded sternly, already picking up the woman with the help of another castaway who ran over.
Scurrying out of the way, Alex watch in a daze as they carried the woman off, and it wasn't until they were almost into the jungle that she realized who it was that fainted: Rebecca.
(space)
She moaned as she slowly came back to life, forcing her heavy eyelids open painfully. Before she got a blink out of them, they snapped close in exhaustion. With one more try Rebecca was finally able to confirm that she was alive. In a sluggish movement she glanced around the cave she was in, and spotted Jack by the wall. He looked exhausted, defeated somehow, as he stared down at the batch of medicine laid out before him. Letting out a sigh, Jack reached forward, and grabbed a bottle of Tylenol.
"Is that for me?" Rebecca asked hopefully, in a weak voice.
Jack's head snapped towards her, and a quick flash of disappointment crossed Jack's face. He obviously didn't mean for her to see that..the medicine was clearly for him.
"Uh.." Jack said, making his way towards her, "you feeling okay? You scared us."
"Fine," Rebecca replied miserably.
Turning her head, she stared up to the ceiling. She should've known this would happen. Once you step foot into a group, there was no going out. No matter how hard she tried to become an outcast again, she would always be drawn towards the dangers and excitement of the main crew: Jack, Kate, Locke, Boone, and at one time, Sawyer. She should've known this would happen, right from the very start.
"Here," Jack said, handing Rebecca a bottle of water, "drink that. I think you're just dehydrated."
But when Jack turned around, a flash of sympathy came over Jack's face, along with a look of guilt in his eyes, and she knew he knew what was really wrong. It wasn't that she was dehydrated- that was just a simple, easy lie to cover up the real problem that neither of them wanted to confront.
"Guess you better start finding me a shrink, huh?" Rebecca said with dry amusement.
She sounded so much like Sawyer it scared the both of them. Rebecca shivered, she could've sworn the room just turned colder.
"I think that's for you to decide," Jack said, giving Rebecca a small smile. She tried to smile back, but felt miserably, and in her defeat, she turned away. "But Rebecca-" she looked up at him again, a her face worn and saddened, "you're not alone."
She turned back around, neither arguing nor accepting what Jack said. Rebecca knew Jack was watching her as she tried to drift into her own world, desperate for some kind of escape. Jack wanted to give her that peace, but at the same time, he didn't think she should be alone. Then again, he didn't know exactly how close Sawyer and Rebecca were.
"Can I go back to the beach now?"
Jack snapped back to the reality, slightly surprised at how childlike Rebecca sounded. He swallowed before answering.
"Do you feel up to it?" He asked, concerned.
"Yeah," Rebecca lied.
A constant pounding had developed within her skull, but she just wanted to get out of there. Jack gave her a doubtful look, but helped her up anyway. She looked down as he walked her out of the caves, putting an arm around her for balance. Eyes followed them out, and Rebecca could just hear the questions they had ready for her in her head, words of concern, and words of pity. She didn't want any of it.
The familiar sound of the crashing waves brought Rebecca's gaze back up, but when she looked around the camp, it all seemed so foreign. People were going about their everyday business, as if nothing had happened. It made Rebecca furious. Tempted not to lash out at the camp, Rebecca glanced towards Jack, and noticed he was staring at something. Raising an eyebrow, she followed his gaze to down by the shore, where he was watching someone, a group. That's when she noticed the crying- how could she not have heard it before now? Wailing filled the air, followed by nervous laughter. The crying finally seized just as people started to turn around. Now they were all watching. Claire and Charlie had returned, a baby in tow.
Locke was approaching the three now, smiling broadly. Boone was following him from nearby, but stopped at a distance, and watched along with the rest. Claire was beaming, and Charlie was smiling nervously. He looked happy, but it was clear that he hadn't expected to be in this position.
Rebecca looked up at Jack again, curious to see his reaction. It surprised her. He looked happy, content, but yet there was something else in his fixed expression that Rebecca couldn't place a finger on. Jealousy, maybe? Or maybe longing. She couldn't help but to wonder if Jack and Kate had maybe any plans for the future.
"Go ahead," Rebecca heard herself say.
She didn't want Jack to be put out of the action just because of her.
"What?" Jack asked, turning to her.
Rebecca gave him a forced smile.
"Do your doctor thing," she explained, "I'll be fine..I'm fine..I know you want to go see them."
Jack looked from Claire, Charlie, and the baby, to Rebecca, as if he were making a decision.
"Go ahead," Rebecca said again, and swallowed.
Though she was telling Jack to go, part of her wanted him to stay. She had a feeling that Jack wasn't the type of person to offer pity, or false sympathy. Laughing erupted near the shore. Locke was now holding the baby. Even from the distance the baby looked beautiful, big, but no more than a year old. Tiny curls of blonde hair were poking out of its soft scalp. He'd definitely looked like Claire, and judging from the fact that the father wasn't on the plane with the eight month pregnant mother, Rebecca assumed that was a good thing.
"Do you want to come with me?"
Rebecca's eyes snapped away from Claire and the baby, and back up to Jack.
"What?" She said, puzzled.
Jack smiled at her.
"To see the baby."
Blushing, Rebecca shook her head.
"I don't even know them," she said, "and I hate awkward moments."
"You sure?" Jack asked. She nodded. Jack placed a hand on her shoulder. "If you need anything, just ask. You're not alone."
Rebecca nodded, staring down at the sand beneath her feet. She felt like a kid who couldn't take care of herself. Jack gave her shoulder a squeeze, and then walked off, towards Claire and the baby. Watching him go, Rebecca found her herself jealous, fearing that she may never have that kind of happiness again.
(space)
As Jack walked away he felt guilty for leaving Rebecca, but at the same time he felt a selfish sense of relief. He was never good around people who had just lost someone. Death, though it was part of his profession, wasn't the easiest thing for him to deal with, and while around those who were surrounded by it, Jack always found that he really had nothing to say. Sometimes it was because he felt guilty, even if he had nothing to do with the cause of death, or sometimes it was because he was mad that another innocent soul was taken,just like that. What scared him most was how fast it could happen, like with Sawyer. He shook his head, determined not to think like that around the baby. The baby. Wow, that sounded so surreal.
Jack put on a smile as he approached the group, and many smiles returned as Claire turned towards him, showing off her child.
"Come on Jack," Charlie said happily, "tell her you see it. That baby has my eyes!"
"Actually, I was thinking your ears," Jack laughed.
Charlie's face fell at the joke.
"Hey mate," Charlie said, trying to sound hurt, "no one asked for insults here."
Claire laughed, a little louder than usual.
"I think he has my eyes," Claire said thoughtfully, "mom would be proud."
A silence followed the comment, each of them knowing they were entering a touchy subject. Claire let out a nervous laugh.
"At least I won't have her here pestering me though," she said lightly, "she probably would've made me name the baby Margaret, or something like that."
Jack smiled, deciding to keep the fact that that was his mother's name to himself. He turned to Charlie.
"Can I talk to you?" Jack asked him.
Charlie saw that he was serious, and nodded, looking worried. Giving Claire and her baby final smiles, Jack led Charlie a few feet away.
"What's up?" Charlie asked right away. "And I was joking about the eye thing."
"I know," Jack assured him. He looked away, watching Claire and Locke talk. "Any trouble getting back?"
"Nah," Charlie replied, "oh yeah, we found Sawyer's bag. He left it up by the ship. Wonder why."
Jack's face grew dark, and he quickly looked towards the ocean.
"What?" Charlie asked him.
"Sawyer..he.." Jack stumbled over his words, still having a hard time wording it, though he had already announced what had happened more than a couple of times that morning, "we don't know if he made it."
And just like that, Charlie's smile faded.
"What do you mean you don't know?" Jack inquired.
Jack cleared his throat nervously.
"That..thing came back," Jack began, "that's why I went back into the ship when we couldn't find you. The rest of them ran- Kate, Sayid, Sawyer. Sayid said he and Sawyer got split up. We couldn't find him afterwards."
Charlie didn't respond. He only stared at him. Jack hated that stare. He had gotten in many times in his life, that stare of disbelief when one was told they lost someone.
"Sayid's out there," Jack said quickly, "looking for him."
"Good," Charlie nodded.
Jack cleared his throat again. It was a habit he developed unintentionally, giving himself something to do when he wasn't sure what to say.
"The baby looks good," Jack complimented, in attempt to break the damper on the once happy moment, "it's beautiful."
"He," Charlie corrected quickly with a smile, "and he is."
He noticed that Charlie was now watching the baby, grinning proudly.
"You know you have to be careful, right?" Jack said, concerned. Part of him worried that Charlie wouldn't take this seriously. "We don't know what they did to him, what they were planning on- Charlie!" Charlie's head jerked back towards Jack, hardly aware of what he was saying.
"I can handle this, all right?" Charlie said, indignant. "What do you know, anyway?"
Jack felt like someone had just thrust a stack of bricks into his chest. His face fell, then grew angry. He had to remind himself that Charlie didn't know about Cat, or anything from his past, for that matter, but he didn't like being judged. The statement was a personal blow as well, like someone was throwing his past back at him, scolding him for not trying harder to fix things with Sarah, for not trying to be apart of the baby's life. Now he'd never get the chance to.
"I just wanted you to know that-"
"You're here," Charlie finished for him bitterly, "yeah, I got it. But believe it or not, some of us can watch out for ourselves here, Jack."
Furious, Charlie stormed passed Jack, putting on a fake smile just as he reached Claire. Jack sighed, and figured it was time to leave.
(space)
"So they think I'm dead," Sawyer said, amused.
"If someone faints when they see you, don't take it personally," Sayid said in his usual emotionless tone.
After talking about the hatch, they walked on in silence. Sawyer knew Sayid was thinking about Shannon, just as he was thinking about Rebecca. Every now and then he'd bring up a conversation to try and keep his mind off of worrying about Rebecca. How was she doing? How did she react when she heard? Did she even care that she might've lost him? He searched for another topic to bring up, he didn't want to think about that.
"It must be hard, huh?" Sawyer said, smirking.
"What?"
Sayid sounded like he already knew a personal attack was coming.
"Having to share her with him," Sawyer replied briskly.
"I'm not sharing Shannon with anyone," Sayid declared confidently, "Boone knows where the line lays."
"Does he?" Sawyer said, just for spite.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Sayid demanded.
"Just because you come walking in on their lives don't mean anything," Sawyer began, "you've probably scared his ass off, right? You and Locke both." He snorted. "Poor kid never had a chance."
"Boone knows that Shannon and I are together," Sayid said, "and unlike some, he's respectful of that."
Sawyer raised an eyebrow. Sayid was one of the only ones who would ever answer to one of his comments, probably one of the only ones who could think of something slick enough to say; so Sawyer didn't take the comment personally. He did, though, know what he was referring to, and he didn't like it.
"Well personally, I wouldn't call Boone the most respectful person," Sawyer retorted, "he doesn't exactly have the best taste when it comes to the ladies."
"And what does that have to do with being respectful?" Sayid inquired.
"She's his stepsister."
Sayid didn't have anything to say back. Secretly, Sawyer thought Sayid agreed with him, but he'd never admit to that.
Looking up ahead, Sawyer noticed that they were nearing the caves, and his face grew dark. He stopped.
"What?" Sayid asked him.
"You really this is the best way to announce that I ain't layin' somewhere chewed up?" He said.
"Would you like to say some words first?" Sayid said sarcastically.
"Cute," Sawyer said dully.
Suddenly, going back didn't seem so great anymore. What if Rebecca was relieved he was gone? What if they all felt that way? Hell, they could all be throwing a party in there.
But when Sawyer stepped into the caves, he found that wasn't the case. They reached their destination before he even realized it, and he was just as surprised as the rest of them that he was back. Dozens of eyes stared back at him, in horror and disbelief. If it wasn't for the shock, Sawyer would've been insulted that they didn't seemed too relieved.
"Howdy," he greeted nervously.
Still, no one said anything. Sayid stepped out from behind him, and looked around at everyone. They all stared back. A thick tension was slowly building up in the room, only broken when someone finally stepped out of the crowds. Rebecca. So many emotions were swirling through him, Sawyer didn't know which way to react first. He wasn't used to being in this kind of situation.
Luckily, Rebecca covered for him. She ran towards them, like they were rehearsing an ending to a cheesy romance movie. He caught her as she jumped into his arms, so startled he stumbled back. Eventually he loosened up a little, letting Rebecca cry heavy sobs into his shoulder. So she did care about him, and Sawyer realized he felt relieved at this. The others began to slowly break apart, giving them some space. Sayid gave Rebecca a comforting pat on the shoulder. Sawyer heard him say something about going to look for Shannon, but he didn't say anything back. Closing his eyes, Sawyer held her tighter. At last they pulled apart, but Sawyer never let go of her arms.
"You're head," Rebecca said, trembling, reaching up with a shaky hand to brush her fingers across a cut on his forehead. The cut wasn't bad at all, but Rebecca still seemed concerned.
"It's fine," he told her, bringing her hand down with his, holding it tightly so it wouldn't shake.
"Maybe you should let Jack look at it," she said, stumbling over her words.
Sawyer let out a laugh, knowing she was only telling him this because she was nervous, and didn't know what else to say. He could already see what Jack's reaction to a tiny cut like that would be.
"They..they found your stuff," Rebecca said, shaking and shivering like she was cold, "it's..it's-" she was so torn up that she couldn't finish what she was saying, "God I missed you."
She fell back into his embrace.
"I missed you too," Sawyer mumbled, stroking Rebecca's hair soothingly.
Someone cleared their throat nearby, and the two quickly broke apart. It was Jack. He smiled at them.
"Sayid told me you were okay," Jack said, "I'm glad."
"Yeah," Sawyer said, "me too."
An awkward silence passed by. Rebecca was still holding onto Sawyer, and when he looked down, he noticed her fingernails were digging painfully into his skin. He put a hand over it. Jack saw Rebecca's anxious expression, and knowing the two should probably be together right now, he reached out with a hand. Sawyer shook it firmly.
"We'll talk later," Jack said.
Sawyer muttered in agreement, and watched as he left.
"You hungry?" Rebecca asked him. "Tired? You didn't break anything, did you?"
The wave of questions came in on breath; Rebecca didn't see any less calmer than she was a few minutes ago.
"I'm fine," he grunted, "do you still have my stuff?"
Rebecca looked puzzled before finally responding:
"Yeah."
"Then let's go," Sawyer said, getting the uncomfortable feeling of staying in one place for too long. He had always been a drifter, never living in one place for very long, and the habit remained, even on the island, though not as bad. Now, however, he knew people were watching him, which he didn't like.
Even though he had been in the jungle all day, the paths still seemed strange and unfamiliar. He felt like he hadn't taken them in forever- last night seemed like such a long time ago. For the passed few weeks, days and nights on the island lasted longer and longer, and each day felt like a month. Even Sawyer thought that they were going through too much; it was exhausting.
"Oh," Rebecca said suddenly, "I was so torn up when they brought me your stuff that I gave all your clothes to Boone."
Sawyer looked at her in disbelief. She couldn't be serious. He had never wanted a shower more in his life, and there was no way he was staying in these clothes any longer than necessary. To his surprise, Rebecca laughed at his expression.
"Got 'cha," she said happily, smiling.
Instead of going off at her for fueling him, he put an arm around her, pulling her towards him roughly. She laughed, and squirmed out of his grip.
"Cute."
The joke wore off as they walked on, and Sawyer noticed that Rebecca's expressions and body language were changing rapidly. Suddenly she was moody again, crossing her arms and looking deep in though.
"Somethin' wrong, Sweetheart?" Sawyer shortly after realized how good it felt to be able to use her nickname again.
Rebecca shook her head, but a few paces later, she stuck a hand out to keep him from going any further. They were almost to the sand now.
"Can we stop?" She asked him.
"Somethin' on your mind?" He said.
He watched as Rebecca stared at the ground, contemplating where to start.
"When..you know..I thought you were gone, it gave me a chance to think about things," Rebecca began quietly, "things I'd never get to say, things I'd never get to ask."
"I have to say," Sawyer said with a simper, "you're doin' a fine job of getting to the point."
Rebecca smiled a little. While he was gone, she missed his witty humor, though at times she wanted to beat it with a stick.
"I was thinking over everything you've told me, about your parents, Mr. Sawyer," Sawyer's face fell as he realized what this was about, "and I just..I don't know..it scares me."
His face turned dark, and Rebecca looked away.
"You breakin' up with me, Sweetcheeks?" He inquired.
"And it scares me that you're still with me," Rebecca went on, despite his comments.
"What," Sawyer snorted, "you afraid I'm gonna steal your banana or something?"
She finally looked up, her eyes meeting him, face more serious than he could ever remember seeing it.
"Why did you run off last night?" She asked quietly. "Why..why is it so hard to talk to me?" Her eyes searched his for answers. "Does being with me scare you?"
"No," he lied.
Truthfully, the change Rebecca had made in him terrified him, and the fact that she cared about him so much was not only flattering, but was relieving.
"Then what is it, Sawyer?" Rebecca's voice grew louder as she spoke. "Why do you always run like that? Or lie? Or shut yourself out? Or do all the rest of the stuff you've probably been doing for ages, and leave me in the dark? Do I even matter to you?"
"Yeah, you matter," Sawyer said through gritted teeth.
He felt a little insulted. Sawyer told Rebecca more stuff willingly then he had ever told anyone. Except Kate, of course.
"Then what the hell's your problem, Sawyer?" Rebecca cried. "Are you even telling me the truth? Do you even care that I know or not? Why the hell did you run off last night?"
"Because I love you!"
Sawyer's mouth shut immediately when he realized what he said. Their eyes were fixed on each other's, and neither dared to look away. He wasn't sure where it came from, but he figured it had to come from somewhere because he just said it. Rebecca looked absolutely stunned, like the words had literally hit her. He remembered Jack asking him the night before if he loved Rebecca, and he replied he didn't know. What had happened between now and last night? Maybe distance really did bring people closer together.
"And I didn't want to hurt you," Sawyer finished, more calmly than before, "that's why I didn't tell you. And just so ya know, I usually ain't this generous. I gotta buddy back at home who had to dig up a file to know more about me."
Rebecca crossed her arms. She looked as if though she didn't know what to think, if she should believe him or not. Finally she stepped forward, now only inches away from him.
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
"Yeah."
She stared into his eyes, which mirrored the sadness on her face. Then suddenly, she leaned forward, surprising him with a kiss. He gratefully responded, deepening it. Slipping her arms around him, Rebecca pulled herself closer to him. She kissed him a second time, then a third, before breaking apart with a gasp for air.
"We can't," she said, shaking her head.
"Why not?" Said Sawyer, looking hurt.
Rebecca snorted.
"We're in the middle of the beach path!" Rebecca exclaimed. "Anyone could walk by.."
"Then we'll push them out of the way," Sawyer said, sounding confident in the plan.
Rebecca rolled her eyes.
"You should take care of that cut, anyway."
Sawyer scrawled, because he knew the cut wasn't bad without having to look at it. It was barely a scrape, he couldn't even remember how he got it. It was almost as though Rebecca was trying to get rid of him.
"Come on," she said, dropping her arms, "let's go home."
As they walked away, the area started becoming a little more familiar. Out of habit, Sawyer reached back in his back pocket, feeling around for his letter. Then he remembered: they threw it out. Holding back a curse, Sawyer tried not to get upset. After all, it was only a letter. But when he looked down to the ground, to the side of him, Sawyer was sure he wasn't remembering things correctly. There on the ground was the letter, uncreased and clean. He let Rebecca walk on as he bent down to pick it up, but when his hand touched the ground, the letter disappeared.
(space)
Jack finally found Alex sitting on the side of a cliff, staring out at the view it provided. Someone told her she went off this way, but she didn't tell anyone where she was going.
"Hey," he greeted.
She didn't respond. He sat down next to her, and she didn't protest. Alex didn't even acknowledge his presence. Jack watched her, and noticed she seemed off in her own world, but her stare was much darker than Kate's ever was when she drifted off.
"Sawyer's back," Jack told her, "he's okay."
"I know," Alex whispered hoarsely.
She sounded like she had been crying for awhile. Now that Jack thought about it, her eyes looked red too.
"Are you okay?" He asked, even though he knew she wouldn't tell him.
He just hoped she wasn't thinking what he thought she was thinking.
"Don't do this to yourself, Alex," he said, concerned, "you can't blame yourself..for anything."
God, Jack thought, she's only sixteen. Why did all this have to happen to her? If there was any hope of rescue for any of them, Alex would be traumatized for life. Of anything, she'd probably never trust any man she didn't know. She'd never grow up and become happily married, she'd probably never even go back into her music career. She'd just wither away until she finally die out. It was like someone had taken away her soul, never even giving her a chance. She didn't deserve that. No one did.
"After my wife left me I was in real bad shape," Jack began. He found it was easier to get through to people through his own stories. Sometimes it worked, others it didn't. He just prayed this would be one of the few times it did. "I was feeling sorry for myself, I was mad at the world. I wouldn't let anyone in. I started building this wall around me, and soon I was in over my head. So one night, I got in my car, and I just drove. I didn't stop until I reached this bridge. Then I got out, and walked over to the edge."
She didn't comment, but Jack somehow knew that Alex was listening.
"I stood there for hours, just staring. Contemplating. And then I realized that I wasn't ready to give in. People were out there, and they were worried about me. And part of me liked that. I don't really know what it was, but something just told me that it wasn't my time. So I stepped off, and enjoyed the ledge for what it was meant for: the view-" Jack studied Alex, trying to analyze her reaction, which was now none, "this isn't your ledge."
He held out a hand to her, praying she would take it. Alex looked down at it, staring at it for the longest time. At last her hand grasp his, and together they stood up. Alex stared down at the ground. Jack knew from experience she was frightened at what she almost did, and a little embarrassed too. It frightened him too, he didn't want to think about what might've happened had he not found her.
"Thank you," Alex whispered.
Jack shook his head.
"You don't have to thank me."
When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
He didn't realize until now that they were still holding hands, and as if she were reading his mind, Alex let go, cheeks reddening a little. They stood there for a few moments, neither saying anything.
"I think that my mom and Locke are becoming..more than just friends."
Jack looked up in surprised. Personally, he hadn't noticed that the two were together, but then again, they were both never around.
When you're sure you've had enough of this life,
"And how do you feel about that?" Jack asked, feeling entitled to help.
"I dunno," Alex shrugged, "I think I'm a little..jealous."
Jack couldn't help but to smile. It was the very last thing Jack thought they'd be talking about, being jealous of Locke.
"What if she becomes closer to him than she is with me?" Alex said, beginning to talk faster. "Not in a romantic way, of course, but..you know.."
well hang on
He had the feeling that he did know, and he felt sorry for Alex. Jack knew how much having her mother around meant to Alex, and how much she wanted to get closer to her. He realized that he wanted the same thing for her, because he never had that kind of relationship with his parents.
"Have you talked to her about it?" Jack asked her.
Alex shrugged again.
"Think about it," Jack suggested.
Out of habit, he looked down at his wrist to check the time. Of course there was no watch there.
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes
"We should get back," said.
Alex didn't respond. Instead, she looked back over the edge of the cliff, wrapping her arms around herself. At last she nodded, but never looked away from the edge. Placing a hand on her shoulder, Jack turned her away from it, offering to lead her down the path. After that, she never looked back.
Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along
Claire was now showing off her baby in the caves, letting Hurley hold it. He brought the child to his shoulder, and everyone laughed when it spit up. Letting his laughter die out, Charlie looked around, and gave Claire a quick goodbye when he saw Sayid entering the caves.
"Thought you might want these," Charlie said, pulling the stolen maps out of his backpack.
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
Sayid's eyes narrowed, but he didn't say anything as he took the maps, and stuffed them carefully into his own bag. He expected Charlie to go back to Claire and the baby, but instead he just stood there, rolling nervously back and forth on the balls of his shoes.
"So Claire has a baby," Charlie blurted out.
"Congratulations," Sayid replied sarcastically.
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
Charlie glanced behind him, to where Claire was trying to help Hurley clean up his shirt.
"So I guess I'm going to be like..his father now," Charlie said.
"I'm sure you'll do fine," Sayid voice wasn't very reassuring, but then again, Charlie figured he didn't believe what he was saying. No one thought that Charlie Pace, the former drug addict of the island, could ever take care of a baby. Everyone including him.
"Yeah, well.." Charlie looked behind him again, and saw that Claire was looking at him worriedly, "thanks mate."
When you think you've had too much of this life,
Sayid raised an eyebrow as Charlie hurried back over to Claire and the baby, and then shook his head.
Well hang on
"So I'm guessing you're not a baby person," an amused voice said behind him.
Turning, he smiled when he saw it was Shannon.
"They have this smell.." Sayid said, "and they're quite loud."
Shannon laughed.
"Then thank God we're staying at the beach," she said.
Sayid laughed, very thankful for that. He grabbed his bag from the ground, and he and Shannon walked out of the caves, more quicker than normal.
'Cause everybody hurts
Locke and Danielle were walking through the jungle, alone, away from everyone else. The night was breezy, and his arm was around her shoulders. She was freezing, but still she didn't want to go back to the beach just yet, even though she knew plenty of fires would be burning there.
Take comfort in your friends
Danielle liked having someone else to talk to, and even though she mostly rambled on about problems with Alex, Locke still listened.
"Are you two still fighting?" He asked her.
"I don't know," Danielle admitted truthfully, "it's hard to tell."
"She's a teenager," Locke laughed, "you'll never be able to tell."
"You seem sure of yourself," Danielle commented.
"I had a family once," Locke confessed. Danielle looked up at him. Locke hardly ever talked about his personal life, he usually left that up to her. He smiled. "But let's save that for another time."
Everybody hurts
Danielle watched her feet as they walked on in silence, neither saying anything until sand began to appear underneath them instead of the forest floor.
"Look up," Locke said, out of nowhere.
Danielle did look up, puzzled. They were at a side of the beach she'd never been to. She didn't keep track of where they were going after they left camp, but Danielle knew they were a good distance away. No one came out here.
"I thought you might want a place to think."
Locke smiled at her.
She didn't know what to say. It wasn't much, but it had been a long time since someone did something for her.
"Thank you," she finally said.
"You're welcome," Locke replied, and looked back up to the ocean.
Don't throw your hand
After coming back to camp, Sawyer and Rebecca stayed there. He was beginning to think that the jungle had a grudge against him. They mostly talked, but both made an effort to ignore the words 'I love you', or the fact that they were brought up earlier. It worried him, that she didn't say it back, but he tried to forget that. He was just happy to be back.
Everybody hurts
He looked around for some water, and saw that his bottle was sitting near Rebecca. She spotted him looking at it, and picked it up, throwing at him. Some sand accidentally was slung with it. Sawyer cursed as it flew into his face, stinging his eyes, and reached down, throwing some back at her. Rebecca squealed as the sand flew into her hair, and for awhile, it was like they were kids in a cafeteria, putting on a food fight.
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone
Sawyer finally gave him, letting her win. She laughed in defeat, but Sawyer had other plans. Grinning, he lunged forward, catching her in a kiss, covering her head before it hit the ground. She bit his lip in surprise, but he ignored it as she recovered, kissing him back.
(space)
Jack sighed in relief when he found Kate sitting in their caves. She still looked shook up, sitting on the side of a cot with her hands dug deep into the material.
"Hey," he greeted softly.
She didn't reply. Jack frowned, and set down next to her.
"Sawyer's okay," he assured her, studying her mournful expression.
"I know," Kate whispered.
Her eyes, like Alex's, were still swollen from tears, and her cheeks were streaked where they had dried, dripping into the deep wound that still remained from the kidnapping. He reached up carefully, placing his hand next to it. It still looked bad.
If you're on your own in this life
"Mind if I check this out?" He asked, already moving towards his medical supplies.
Kate shook her head, and was silent as he cleaned the cut.
"You're in luck," he said with a smile when he was done, "no stitches today."
the days and nights are long
"Is your wrist okay?" She asked him, finally breaking out of her daze.
Jack blinked in surprise. Kate reached for his hand, and turned it over to where some of the skin was a deep black and blue color. When did that happen?
"You hurt it last night," she reminded him, "the boar, remember?"
"Right," Jack said dully, realizing he never got to eat any of the boar they caught, and neither had Kate.
When you think you've had too much of this life
"I think there's still some left," she said, reading his mind.
"Actually," Jack said, remembering why he had originally come to find her, "I had other plans tonight."
To hang on
She looked up at him, hurt. Jack smiled.
"I was thinking we'd spend the night at your place," he said lightly, "I heard your parents were out of town for the weekend."
Kate smiled, and Jack grinned wider.
"Seriously?"
"Yeah," Jack said, "I mean, despite the crowded place, sleeping in sand, and the waves keeping us up all night, it might actually be okay."
Kate snorted.
"Baby," she teased.
"Hey," he said defensively, "I did offer."
Kate studied him, as if she were trying to decide if he were serious, and nodded.
"Okay," she agreed.
"Okay," Jack echoed back, and held his hand out.
She stared at it for a moment, and then placed hers in his, letting him help her up.
Later that night, Kate looked over to Jack. They were in her tent, and after much complaining and arguing, they had finally settled down. Now they were left with the hard question: what to talk about. A lot of questions and topics ran through Kate's mind, so she decided on the simple ones first.
"What colors would you choose for our wedding?" She asked.
He looked over at her, startled.
"I thought you liked to move slow," he said seriously.
Kate smiled, knowing the question scared him.
"Figuratively," she said, "just pick."
And everybody hurts.. sometimes
Jack looked up to the tarp above them thoughtfully.
"Green and Yellow," he finally decided.
Kate's mouth fell agape.
"Seriously?" She said in disbelief.
Jack shrugged.
"Sure."
"I don't think I can be with you anymore," Kate said, shaking her head in awe."
Jack looked over to her.
"Green and yellow?" Kate repeated in disgust.
"Sarah picked out the colors for our wedding," Jack said, shrugging again, "she said I had bad taste."
Kate rolled her eyes.
"I wonder why."
Jack chuckled, and reached over to his pack. Kate watched him as he brought out two bottles of what looked like alcohol.
"Where'd you get that?" Kate inquired, eyes wide.
"Stole them from Sawyer," Jack replied proudly.
And everybody hurts..
"You're just full of yourself tonight, aren't you?" Kate said, impressed.
"I figured we deserved it," Jack said, popping open one of the bottles and handing it to Kate, saving himself the other, "cheers."
Sometimes..
Their glasses clung before Kate could protest, and even though she knew Jack getting drunk was probably a bad idea, she threw up her glass anyway, knowing she could use it.
Author's Note: Ha, how evil of me to leave it there? Okay, I know people will be coming after me, but honestly, I wasn't sure what else to write for those two. So I'll pick up the next chapter, which will be a 'morning after' chapter for..uh..everyone. And I know I said Rebecca had something on her mind, but I realized that I had already had the two discuss that. The letter will be haunting each of them for awhile, like their own little shared hallucination. I also know that chapter was incredibly cheesy. Forgive me, it had to be done:-p I'm sooo sorry for the wait. Honestly, I thought I updated last Monday, and I only found out last night that I didn't. Thanks for all the reviews! You guys rock!
Coming up next, on "In the End":
How will Rebecca and Sawyer react when they realized what happened(and yes, what you're thinking happened, happened. I just didn't write it directly)? And..uh..I'm not quite sure what else will be happening yet.
Thanks again!
Until next time..
October Sky
