In the End Chapter

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Sides

"Kate?"

Kate jerked awake at her name with a once forbidden hope escaping from her. The fear that Jack may be gone forever was an experience she had suffered through once too many times on the island, and even when he wasn't really away from her, that same fear still remained. Even when Jack's eyes were wide open, and Kate could've sworn she felt his shivers next to her, she felt as though he was miles away. Miles away in a horrific land of demons and nightmares, trapped in a maze of past and trauma. And when she looked over to him at that moment, taking in the fact that he was there now- really there- she could see that all of her fears were true. Unshed tears formed built a wall in Jack's eyes, threatening to release the pain of the horrific images they had eacheach experienced and rexperienced.

"I'm sorry.." Jack whispered before she got a chance to say anything.

For a moment Kate stared at him, unable to believe what Jack was trying to say

"No," she said, unable to bring her voice above a whisper. She inched closer to him, and soon found her hand cupped on his face. "Don't be sorry. Don't ever be sorry."

Her hand slowly wrapped around his neck, pulling Jack into a hug, holding him tightly, feeling like she never wanted to let go. The longer the hug lingered, the tighter they held each other, and the more tears were shed. She heard Jack let out a sniffle, and Kate knew he was trying to be strong for her. It made her smile a little, knowing that when even in the darkest of pains, Jack was still thinking of her.

At last she felt Jack slip silently away, and Kate feared that maybe she was suffocating him. Letting out a single sob, Kate rested her head against Jack shoulder and he held her there, looking away above her. It pained her to know that under any other circumstances, Jack would be closing his eyes, resting himself against her as well. Instead he just looked away, away from her.

"You tried," Kate whispered. She swallowed hard in attempts to speak up. "You tried to save her Jack, you have to give yourself credit for that."

"No," Jack said, shaking his head. Kate closed her eyes. She knew this was coming. The denial. Jack's famous denial. "No."

Holding onto the wall for support, Jack lifted himself off the ground. Kate watched below with worry.

"Jack?" She asked tentivley, reaching up to him with a hand.

Jack batted it away.

"Jack!" Kate called desperately again, watching in intense horror as Jack ignored his pain, though wincing harshly at it, determined to get out the door.

"We thought Sayid was dead," Jack finally said, collapsing into a resting position against the wall.

Kate stood up slowly, watching him carefully. Jack was resting his head against his arm, pure exhaustion dripping in sweat down his pale face, He was in no condition to stand, let alone go anywhere. And that was just from physical pain. The things Jack must've been facing mentally..Kate shivered. She didn't want to think about it.

"What are you talking about?" She asked at last.

"We thought he was dead that time.." Jack trailed off, having to choke out his words, "the monster got him..but he wasn't. He was fine. He was-"

Suddenly Kate realized what this was about, and closed her eyes. She hated seeing Jack like this. It pained her, knowing what he was going through and knowing how possibly long it'd last.

"Jack.." Kate searched for the words to say to him, words to make him stay, to make him believe..it wasn't his fault. "Alex is gone. I'm sorry."

Shaking his head, Jack looked towards the doorway again, determination resurfacing.

"No," Jack said, pushing himself off the wall, "no, she's not."

Almost drunkenly he stormed off, racing out of the caves with Kate chasing behind him. People watched, stunned at Jack's sudden presence, but only Charlie approached.

"I've got him," Kate said to Charlie, and ran after Jack, who was already almost out of site, camouflaging himself with the rest of the jungle: tired, and dead at its feet.

(space)

"Mornin', Starshine," Sawyer said cheerfully.

Rebecca muttered something in protest, but Sawyer only smirked, bending down over her. He was up a good hour or two while she still snored away, so he decided to take it upon himself to find something to eat.

"I've got bananas and mangos," Sawyer said, holding out the fruit, "take your pick."

Reaching towards the fruit, Rebecca grabbed immediately for the banana, snatching it out of Sawyer's head and cuddling it for protection from where she still rest. Sawyer scrawled.

"You did that on purpose."

From where she lay in the sand, Rebecca smiled. Scrawl still on his face, Sawyer threw himself down into the airplane recliner he managed to save over all these months. Looking down at Rebecca, he considered offering her the seat, but she did look comfortable on the ground...and he didn't feel like moving.

Peeling open the mango, Sawyer picked up his latest novel, War of the Worlds by H.G. Wells. After reading a few sentences he grew frustrated at the old fashioned writing style, and threw the book aside. Out of pure boredom he peeled off his shirt, decided to make good use of the bright sun.

"You're going to get burned," Rebecca murmured on the ground before the shirt was even off his arm.

He looked at her, incredulous."What, you got x-ray vision now?" He smirked.

Rebecca grunted. Whether she was agreeing or disagreeing, he couldn't tell.

"Hey," a slightly nervous voice greeted.

Glancing over, Sawyer saw that it was Claire, holding Aaron in her arms. The baby was unusually quiet, especially since they were close to the ocean's crashing waves.

"Rebecca, right?"

In surprise at hearing her name, Rebecca rolled over and sat up, pushing her blanket over her shoulders, shivering. Despite the cold, she still slept in tank tops.

"Yeah," Rebecca said, echoing Claire's nerves.

Hearing it didn't have anything to do with him- probably woman stuff, he figured- Sawyer closed his eyes, and let the sun's rays put him to sleep.

"Do you know anything about babies?" Claire asked.

Worry was written all over her face, and Claire stood up to face her.

"Depends," Rebecca said, "what's wrong?"

"He has this cut, here on his hand," Claire explained, holding out Aaron's hand to her. She was right. Across his tiny thumb there was a cut, a pretty thick one for a baby, at that. "I was worried..I wasn't sure what to put on it-" below them, Sawyer snorted.

Rebecca glared, though she should've known Sawyer wouldn't of thought heavily of the situation. A med student could've taken an exam off of all the injuries Sawyer had in his life.

"Did you go to Jack?" Rebecca said immediately, without thought.

"I didn't want to bother him," Claire admitted, "Charlie's gone up there to look for some cream, but I'm just worried. I don't even know what he's allergic to."

A guilty look of realization came over Claire, and Rebecca felt sympathy towards her. Her baby may never have a normal life, and they may never even know if he was healthy or not. Feeling the need to reassure her, Rebecca reached out with her hand, placing it on Claire's arm. She originally reached for Aaron's head, but remembering overprotective mother's she'd seen before, she quickly changed her mind.

"I'm sure he's okay," she said reassuringly.

Claire didn't even bother to try and smile, and Rebecca couldn't blame her. An awkward moment passed between them. To try and break the ice, Claire glanced towards Sawyer.

"Won't he get burned?" Claire said in concern.Rebecca rolled her eyes.

"Don't worry, he knows," she told her.

Sun walked out of the jungle just then, and Rebecca could vaguely remember Sun being one of the ones helping her yesterday. But Claire spotted her soon after, thinking along the same lines. Quickly she turned to Rebecca.

"Thanks," she said hurriedly before rushing off to catch up with Sun.

Rebecca shook her head, not helping but to smile, and looked down at Sawyer, rolling her eyes.

(space)

The hatch seemed darker, colder, and damper than ever before, but Boone hardly noticed. He was sitting in the computer chair, propped against the wall, staring at the virus that sat forgotten inside the computer screen. At this rate, it probably already ate the hardrive, which most likely held the program that controlled it.

After what felt like a lifetime he and Sayid had dug the hole for Shannon's burial. The tension and awkwardness had only grown stronger between them during the process, so afterwards Boone had immediately dashed towards..anywhere. It was all so overwhelming that he wasn't sure what to do. Should he of stayed with Sayid? Should he of stayed with Shannon's body? Should he cry? Boone blinked. The third seemed like the most welcoming, but Boone was determined to get through this without a breakdown. That was the last thing he needed.

"Hello." Boone groaned under his breath as Locke stepped into the main room of the hatch. He really just wanted to be alone. That way, if he did break down.. "Nice to see you down here again."

Boone could've hit him, but he held back, after all, Locke didn't know. But Locke quickly noticed Boone's odd behavior and sickly apperance, and his humorous demeanor disappeared.

"What's wrong?" Locke asked, concerned.

He didn't want to have to say it. Every time he said it it just made him feel sicker, angrier. But nevertheless, Boone heard himself whisper:

"Shannon's dead."

Locke stopped, staring in surprise at Boone. Boone kept his focus tightly on the computer screen, finding it more and more difficult to hold back tears. He was beginning to feel a sinking feeling, like he was dying himself.

"I'm sorry," Locke said at last.

Boone closed his eyes at the sympathy. The worst part was that he knew he'd be getting it for years to come, especially since they were one of the only families of the island. If you could call them a family.

"You don't have to be down here," Locke offered sympathetically.

Somewhere in the distant, the buzz of a fan rang in his ears, and he could still detect the hum of the computer's modem in the silence that followed Locke's proposal. He opened his eyes, and it was almost as he had never closed them. Everything was still the same.

"Where else would I go?" Boone blurted out quietly.Locke studied Boone for a moment before sitting his bag down on a table by the computer.

"How's Sayid taking it?"

"I don't know," Boone replied honestly.

Sayid was being even more complicated about his emotions than Boone was. Hardly speaking a word, Sayid starred determinedly towards the ground as he dug at it harshly, while Boone remained more aware and blank.

The thump of feet hitting the ground told them that someone else had climb down the later, and while Locke awaited their visitor, alert, Boone, careless, held his gaze at the computer screen. Tiny red and white dots were forming in front of his eyes, making him feel dizzy, and making his eyes water even more.

"Speak of the devil," Locke greeted lightly as Sayid entered the room.

Sayid clearly didn't expect anyone else to be in the room. He stopped immediately at Locke's comment, glancing from Locke to where Boone sat on the far side of the room.

"Actually, I left something at the caves," Sayid liked dryly.

It was the closest to embarrassed Boone had ever seen Sayid. Embarrassed and nervous. Maybe he had come down here for the same reason as Boone- to be alone. Not only that, but really, the hatch was the only place where he felt like he belonged. Even now, after living literally months on the island, he still got glances wherever he went, and not those of the good kind.

Without meaning it to be heard, Boone snorted. Sayid's eyes narrowed, and even Locke turned his way. Boone wasn't even sure why he snorted. It just felt like the right thing to do, because Sayid was making it more and more obvious that he was still in denial. Or at least, that's what it seemed like to Boone.

"Boone.." Locke began, stepping between them as if worried one of them would charge.

"I'm going to the caves," Boone said, jerking himself out of the chair.

He made a violent grab for his bag and slung it over his shoulders as he exited the room, shoving passed Sayid to leave.

(space)

"Jack!" Kate called, struggling to keep up with Jack, who seemed to of developed a new strength after emerging from his shock. "Jack!"

Up ahead, Jack could hear Kate's cries but ignored them as he hurried on. He knew he was growing nearer and neraer to the scene of the crime, and he could just feel it. He'd be able to see Alex again. She'd be alive. Soon the trees began to part, and Jack smiled half-heartily to himself. Kate was wrong. The monster played this game before.

And there she was. Jack stopped at the familiar clearing, and sure enough, Alex was laying there on the ground, just waiting for him to come save her.

"Jack?" Kate asked from behind him.

Jack ignored her as he inched forward, trying to keep his mind off the blood that covered the ground by repeating medical steps in his head.

On the ground, just a foot from him lay Alex. She was torn up- literally cut up. Dried blood clogged in blotches on her chest, seeping through her shirt. Her jeans were shredded with blood seeping down her legs. Shoes still remained on her feet, but her ankle was twisted at an angel that made Jack wince. Kate watched with uncertainty and concern as he knelt before Alex, wanting to stop him but not having the heart to do so.

His knee hit the ground with an echoing thud, and Jack spent a moment studying the body that lay before him. Alex was beautiful, there was no doubt about that, even covered in injuries. injuries that would scar her for life- mentally and physically. Jack didn't want to know what she went through those hours he was gone, and when she awoke, Jack decided he wouldn't ask. At last he held his breath, and checked for a pulse. Closing his eyes, Jack placed two fingers against Alex's swollen neck, covering with injuries that remained from traumas far before the monster attack. Jack closed his eyes tighter, forcing the thought from his mind to concentrate on finding a pulse. After what felt like hours, ages, lifetimes, there was a small beat. Letting out a laugh, a smile escaped his lips, and he heard Kate fell to the ground behind him.

"You've got to be kidding me," she said, though with obvious joy.

"Yes," Jack muttered to himself, "yes, yes, yes.."

Suddenly Alex coughed. There were only a few things in his life that were so beautiful..sounds that were like a swift orchestra, those songs you just wanted to hear over and over again. That cough quickly became one of them. Tears of joy formed in Jack's eyes, and he couldn't stop them from falling as he placed his hand over the blood on Alex's face, caressing it carefully.

"It's okay," he whispered, "you're okay..you're okay."

It is okay, Jack told himself, you're okay..

No longer would he have to feel the guilt of Alex's death. He wouldn't even have to tell Danielle because, well, she wasn't dead! She was alive, alive..

"Jack?" Alex croaked, struggling to open her eyes.

"Be still," Jack told her, placing his hand gently on her forehead. She was burning up.

He looked to his side in habit for his bag, and cursed when he realized he didn't bring it. For a moment he panicked. This wasn't happening. If she died now..like this..it'd be all his fault. Because he wasn't prepared. Good thing he never signed up for the scouts.

Calm down, he told himself, calm..

Jack closed his eyes, trying to block out the thousands of medical procedures that were coming back to haunt him, his father looming over his shoulder..he felt his breathing grow rapid, and suddenly, Kate's hand on his back. A much needed ease came over him, and Jack took a deep breath. But Kate seem to read his mind. She was close to him now, whispering into his ear:

"One..two..three..four.." there was a short pause before the final number, the number which would bring them back to reality. The number that would send Jack on his mission, the mission that would make him or break him.. "five."

His eyes snapped open, and his head immediately turned to Kate. She offered him a smile, and Jack accepted it, though he couldn't return it. Reality was indeed back, and Alex was laying here in front of him, wheezing, gasping for air.

"Calm down," he said, "you're gonna be fine."Reaching down, Jack made to rip off a part of his shirt, but he felt something cold and clammy clamp down on his hand. He scrunched up his face in confusion, and almost hurt, when he looked down to see Alex's hand on his. It was scared like the rest of her body, decorated in cuts and bruised. The bone stuck out especially, and Jack felt like he was going to be sick.

"Don't," she whispered.

Alex looked at him. Through the blood that covered her eye, tinting the stories it held, shielding him from what lay behind. But still he knew those stories. He felt like he had known her forever. And hearing that word, the protest at his attempts to save her..a part of him felt like it died. He had always naturally cared for all of his patients, and originally, that's what Alex was: just another patient.

"I remember not being on a plane."

Jack remembered thinking of Alex as a younger version of Kate, and wondering if maybe that was why he cared about her so much. Like he knew he had to save her, because now he knew what could happen if he didn't. Now as Alex looked at him with pleading eyes, Jack felt the world slowly begin to crash down on him again.

"You can't save me," Alex whispered weakly.

"No," Jack said, shaking his head. This wasn't happening. Ignoring Alex's protest, he began ripping the fabric off his shirt. "No..no.."

"Jack.." a groan escaped Alex, and her words became less audible.

"No," Jack said in a serious, finalizing voice of a father arguing his daughter's point, "I'm going to save you."

"Jack."

She was crying now, taking away her strength. Dried tears of blood streamed down her cheeks, and Jack wished he was able to wipe them away, but he knew he had to concentrate on trying to save her. Beside him, Kate looked away, and Jack knew she was crying as well. They all were. There were so many people he wanted to comfort at once, and Jack was shivering in fear. It was all on him now.

"Please.." Alex begged, "I just want to be with him."

"Him?" Jack said to himself.

And then he realized. Adam. Alex's dead boyfriend. The boy who waited for her on the other side, the one who was probably talking to her right now, whispering to her. He was telling her it would be okay. Don't be afraid.

Don't be afraid.

Alex had always been close to death, Jack knew that, but she had never experience it personally. But he didn't get it. She could talk with the dead. Why not just communicate that way? It'd almost be the same..

"I want to be with him.." Alex murmured, choking back on tears. Jack knew her lounges were probably failing her now, it'd hurt to talk. "Adam.."

Jack shivered at the word, and at that moment, even Jack could feel It. The It that was the unknown, that contained the unknown. It.

"Alex, I can save you," he said, he breathed in deeply, at attempts to stop the tears that had yet to run down his cheeks, but were threatening to. Not now. No. It wasn't over. It wasn't over..what an oxymoron. "You don't have to-"

"Why don't you want me to be happy?" Alex whispered.

He heard Kate choke back a sob beside him.

"Happy?" Jack whispered. "You..you.."

He almost felt like yelling at her. Happy? But..wasn't she happy there, with him and her mom? She pretty much had a family. People loved her. But then again, so did Adam..

"Goodbye, Jack."

Jack's attention was jerked towards Alex again. Her face was paling quickly, her breathing grew slower, raspy. Her body was breaking down.

"No!" He cried out, giving Alex a hard shake though he knew it'd hurt her. He couldn't lose her, not again. He wasn't going to go through that again. He couldn't do it. Life without her being there..Kate was right, Alex was like a daughter to him. "No, Alex!"

Alex's flow of tears slowed as Jack's slowly began. Her hand began slipping from his. Her head fell to the side, looking at him..past him. Adam would be standing there, he thought, and maybe even his own father. He'd be laughing. Mocking. He was failing..he didn't want her to die. But as she lay there, body slowing, mind becoming cloudy, he knew what she was doing.

In his thoughts, Jack didn't hear Alex whisper final words. All he saw was her head roll to the other side, away from him. It was almost like a favor for him, and he could've sworn he heard her voice. Not a whisper, but a clear voice in his head- it's not your fault. But somehow, he knew that wasn't what she whispered.

"What did she say?" Jack asked urgently to Kate, who was collapsed beside him. She had stopped crying, and was now just staring in shock at Alex's body. "What did she say?"

"She said..never say goodbye," Kate whispered in disbelief.

They looked at each other. Jack didn't want to break that gaze, to look away from Kate. Because then he'd have to face her..Alex..the girl who was like a daughter to him. The girl who left him, just like everyone else. Tears finally unleashed themselves, breaking away from the bars that always seemed to cover Jack's eyes, dripping down his cheeks, landing in puddles on the hairs of his neck and chin. Kate had begun silently crying as well. She reached out for him, and Jack didn't protest the hug. Instead he hid his face into her shoulder, listening to her whispers:

"It wasn't your fault."

Jack shivered. It sounded just like the voice he heard in his head. Then again, Alex had always reminded him of Kate.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, holding him tighter as she cried in to his shoulder, sharing the same tears of grief, though hers weren't for the care, the depth, the failure that his were. Not for Alex, anyway. "I'm sorry."

Suddenly Jack broke away. He didn't want to be here. Someday he'd give anything to go back to that place, to feel closer to Alex, but not now. He wanted to run. And Kate was a master at that, right?

"Let's not go back so soon," Kate said quietly.

Jack shook his head.

"Jack, please-"

Jack absentmindly kept shaking his head as he lowered a trembling hand down to Alex's forehead. He had seen pleanty of dead bodies in his life time, but he was hardly ever close to them. He didn't know them personally. He just wanted to save them, and all of those people had something in common: he couldn't save them. And he wasn't going to let that happen again. Making up his mind, Jack bent forward a little, prepping himself for CPR, the steps rolling like a film through his mind though he had done the process countless times.

"Jack-"

He ignored her. Head hovering carefully close to Alex's neck, Jack listened again for a pulse. Still there was none. But that would change, he thought, it just had to. As he tilted Alex's head back slightly and opened his mouth, a dry sick sensation burst out, followed by a wave of dizziness at Kate's words:

"She's not coming back.

There was the dejavu again. Determined, Jack ignored it. Surely he could save her. He was the miracle doctor, after all..

The CPR process started. He remembered trying to save Charlie, and succeding. With that thought, what Kate was still saying never crossed his mind. Because he didn't want to believe it. He couldn't.

"She wanted to die, Jack," Kate said, leaning in close towards him as Jack came up after the first attempt at reviving Alex failed. "She's not coming back."

Hard but true the words hit, and though Jack tried, he found himself unable to contiue the CPR. Alex did want to die. She wouldn't come back. She was dead. But how come Jack still felt like it was his fault? Slowly he pushed away from Alex, the sickning feeling returned numbly, like his body couldn't decide how it felt. But in his mind, he knew.

Gently he brushed his thumb against some already drying blood on Alex's forehead, and made up his mind.

"We need to clean the body," he said calmly, determined to take things slowly, because he knew if he didn't, the blur it would pass in would be too overwhelming.

"What?" Kate asked, looking at him.

Jack stared sadly at Alex's body. The imense pressure from having to deal with yet another close death was beginning to hit him, and all Jack wanted to do was to be able to get through it.

"No one needs to see her like this," he finished.

He looked at her, meeting eyes with Kate until she nodded.

"Okay," she agreed, "I'll go get some cloth from the caves and-"

"No," Jack interrupted immediatly, already placing a foot on the ground to stand, "I'll go."

This was something he felt he needed to do on his own, like he owed it to Alex. For his failure.

Kate stared at him for a long moment before making up her mind:

"I'll go with you."

When Jack shook his head in protest again, Kate studied him, puzzled and worried. Jack looked at her.

"Someone needs to stay here..with her."

Jack swallowed. Suddenly things were starting to speed up again. Just having to acknowledge that she wasn't really here..Jack hated it.

A hand fell on his shoulder and Jack turned to look at it. Of course it was Kate; what had he been expecting? She was still watching him, and suddenly felt very small under her watch. Kate had always feared that she wasn't good enough for him, but now Jack feared the very opposite. He had failed once again, surely she realized that.

"You don't have to go through this alone," she said soflty.

Jack shook his head. Yes he did. Because he felt he was responsible. Because now he had to tell Danielle her daughter was dead. He just sat there and let her die. Finally he stood.

"I'll be back soon."

(space)

Sayid had followed Boone to the caves. Locke didn't know why, as there was an obvious sense of hostility in each of them, but he hadn't interfered. Instead he left as well, heading off to find Danielle. And he did, more quickly than he expected. She was wondering around the jungle, rifle at her side.

"Find what you're looking for?" Locke called out to her.

In a flash the rifle was at his face. When she saw who it was, Danielle lowered the weapon, but no sigh of relief or ease came over her.

"My daughter's missing," she said quietly, "do you know where she is?"

Locke stared at her.

"Danielle..you know I don't," he said carefully, taking a cautious step back.

Danielle returned the glare. She suddenly seemed manic, not herself. Now she was like she was when they found her, alert, nervous..

"Yes you do."

"What?" Locke said, puzzled. Danielle didn't answer. Instead she took off, running.

"Danielle!"

He followed her all the way to the caves, where she stepped in, rifle drawn.

"Don't move!" She ordered to the caves.

"Danielle!" Locke attempted from behind her, but she ignored him.

Everyone in the caves was frozen in place at the butt of the rifle. The only sound was the sound of Aaron's cries, which drew out even the roaring waterfall.

"Where's my daughter?" She demanded, voice speaking loudly, stronger than any of them had heard before. No one answered. "Where's my-"

"Please!" Claire pleaded, clutching Aaron. She nodded down to her child.

She was running through the jungle, afraid. They were out there somewhere, wild, murderous, and she was alone. Alone with no one but her newborn daughter in her arms. Her Alex.

"Where's-"

"Put the gun down!"

Faces turned towards the new voice, ignoring the armed Danielle. Even Danielle looked. Jack was standing at the mouth of the cave, Kate behind him, looking around nervously. She exchanged sympathetic glances with Claire. Jack looked directly at Danielle, and she knew right then what was coming. She could tell from his struggle for words, his tear-dried face and sympathetic eyes.

"Alex is dead," he said at last.

There was no gasps. No one turned to Danielle, offering her a glance or sympathy. But she wouldn't of noticed. She just stared at Jack, frozen.

"I'm sorry."

No one moved once again. Sayid and Boone stepped into the caves from behind the crowd, but neither said a word. And neither did Danielle. When she felt Locke's hand touch her bare shoulder, she jerked away. That seemed to set her off. She didn't want to face these people right now. They didn't know her. Nothing any of them said or did would make things better. Her daughter was gone from her forever. She tore from the caves, pushing past Locke and leaving the place in more silence. They stared after where she had run for a while before turning to Jack, the man who- a little under an hour ago- none of them could reach. Jack swallowed.

"I'm sorry," he offered again.

Kate placed a hand on his shoulder, and Jack looked down. The caves were quiet for another minute before the hustle and bustle began again. Jack cleared his throat.

"I told you not to follow me," he forced out quietly.

"I-"

But before Kate could make up her excuse, a voice interrupted her.

"Well, well, well."

Jack almost laughed. Hearing Sawyer was almost relieving, a much needed comic relief because Jack knew he'd be ready with some witty line. For the first time, Jack wouldn't' of minded.

"Look who finally came out of hibernation," Sawyer said. He met eyes with Jack, and somehow he knew the comic relief wouldn't come. "Is she really dead?"

Of course. Alex had been friends with Sawyer too. She had been on the raft with them. Four of them had, and they were all gone, leaving only Sawyer..Jack suddenly felt a pang of sympathy towards him.

"Yeah," Jack whispered hesitantly, "I'm sorry."It was all he could say. I'm sorry. He wanted to save her, he tried, but he wasn't able to..and he was sorry.

"Glad your back," Sawyer offered quietly.Sticking out a hand he shook Jack's in a half-hearted handshake, and left him alone with Kate. Jack stared at the ground for a long moment before forcing himself to turn around and face her. She placed an hand on his arm.

"Come on," she said, "let's get some rest."

He knew she was saying that because she didn't know what else to say. He also knew that for a long time, rest wouldn't be what he would get.

Another person appeared before them before Jack got a chance to agree or argue. Sayid. Jack forced himself to look up, to face the man who also lost someone they loved that night. Sayid didn't say anything, but just met eyes with Jack. Boone was watching along with Kate as the two men stared at each other, having a complicated, unspoken conversation. They were each sorry but angry. That was the story. And when they were done Sayid turned, leaving like Danielle had.

Sayd's silence told him all he needed to know. Jack was blamed for this. Of course Kate wouldn't say anything, she wouldn't want to bring that kind of harm on him. But it was true. He could've saved Alex. She had been out of it. She probably wasn't even aware of what she was saying. But instead of helping, he just stood there, letting her slip away. He couldn't get over it.

Then it was just him and Kate. They stood there for a moment in silence before Kate spoke up:

"Let's go," she whispered again.

Looking away, Jack allowed himself to follow Kate to the caves, only to avoid anymore confrontations. The world dissolved around him as they made the long walk to their cave, becoming a swirl of whispers and conversations. Once he stepped into the cave, Jack looked around. It was almost as though he was stepping into the caves for the first time again. He just felt so different now.

Reaching his medical cart, Jack noticed an overturned bottle of peroxide on the ground, and half-heartily picked it up. He sat the bottle onto the cart, and took off some fresh white cloths, the last of his stash. Kate watched him, arms crossed, and when Jack glanced back at her, he couldn't help but to worry.

"Something wrong?" Jack asked.

Stupid question. Kate probably wouldn't even know where to begin that answer.

"Shannon's body.." Kate began, voice shaking a little. She suddenly looked pale, and for the first time, he realized the tole the events must've taken on Kate. He looked away quickly in guilt. "I left her.."

Jack looked back to Kate. She looked as sick as he felt, and Jack studied her sympathetically as he walked over to her. Placing his hands on her shoulders, Jack tried to look her in the eye, but Kate refused.

"Don't blame yourself," Jack pleaded, "please."

At the statement, Kate turned upwards towards him.

"Don't say that," she said quietly, trying to steady her voice, "don't you dare try and..

Despite Kate's protest, Jack wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in towards him, holding her close. He tried to close his eyes but when he tried to still a moment's peace, Jack was only haunted by memories of Alex's dying words, followed by the crash, trying to save Alex the first time..it was as if though his mind was suddenly playing in reverse.

"Sh.." he told her, even though Kate wasn't crying. Not yet, at least. He knew Kate was trying to be strong for him, and he didn't like it. He didn't want her to be that way at a time like this. He should be the one being strong for her.

Kate pulled away, shaking her head and wiped away a stray tear before it could fall.

"Sorry," she said, "sorry, I-"

"Don't be," Jack said, echoing Kate's earlier words. He offered her a sad smile which quickly faded. "I should be-"

"Yeah," Kate nodded. They fell quiet for a moment as a long, dreadful pause past by.

"Please," Jack said, closing his eyes but quickly snapping them open again to avoid the horrific images that haunted his mind, "don't follow me."

Kate looked at him sadly.

"Jack-"

"No!" Jack protested. Going back to his medical cart, Jack began stuffing the last of the towels into his bag. "Please, Kate, I need to-"

Kate grabbed his arm; Jack looked at her hand in surprise.

"Don't try and go through this alone," she said in the same pleading voice she used before in the jungle..at the body..

With a shiver Jack forced her hand away and threw his bag over his shoulder.

"Jack!" Kate called after him desperatly, only to be ignored.

Hurting Kate was the last thing he wanted to do, but he didn't want to bring her down with him. He couldn't..these situations were no joke, and the worse part was, Jack knew he had to get through them. In one second thought Jack regretted turning down Kate's offer to help. Over the past few months, Jack had been careless with letting her in, and now he remembered his original reason for shutting the world out, building his own infamous walls: he didn't want to be a failure. But here he was, going back to prepare to bury someone he cared about, yet another loved one who died in his arms. Once again, he wasn't ready to say goodbye, and he didn't want to have to, ever.

Author's Note: I hope you guys were satisfied..and I hope I didn't disappoint. Really. Alex's death is necessary for Jack's future decisions and such, as said before. And did Alex's parting words sound out of place to anyone else? Tehehe..you'll see them again. Thanks so much for reviewing! You guys rock..and I hope you stick with me through the end.

Coming up next, on "In the End": Funerals all around..(sniffle)

Thanks again!

Until next time..

October Sky