In the End

Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty: Guilt

The entire island time seemed to be set back, and as they awoke late, some began to ponder missing daylight saving's. But as the dark clouds slowly loomed over the roaring sea, the unusual darkness becamse obvious: a storm was coming.

"The doctor stayed on the beach last night," Sebastian commented, glancing to where the man and his girlfriend were sleeping on the shore, just far enough out to where the tide couldn't reach them; yet.

"His name's Jack," Michelle retorted, staring out to the raging sea while Sebastian attempted to fix their tarp.

Strong winds made the usual morning routines more difficult, and the oncoming darkness just caused confussion. Was it even still morning? After the two funerals, most of the camp stayed on the beach, and now everything seemed to be working backwards.

"Yeah," Sebastian said casually, brushing off the harsh comment, "well Jack never stays at the beach."

As he succefully tied the tarp around the bamboo holding it up, Sebastian stepped down from the boxes he was using as a stepladder, and pushed his glasses further up the bridge of his nose.

"So?"Michelle shot.

Sebastian stared at her for a moment. Ever since she went up to the caves to help with Jack, she had been more distant, more independent, than ever. And he didn't like it. Sudden changes of behavior made him nervous, especially when it concerned Michelle. He sighed.

"Do you want to go to the caves?" He blurted out.

Michelle snorted.

"What?"

She was acting almost like teenager, lacking respect and refusing to coopercate. It was so unlike Michelle that he was really beginning to worry. Did something happen up there the other day? The new thought of someone hurting her suddenly made him angry, so angry that he nearly dropped the second half of the tarp.

"Never mind," he said quietly, ending the conversation in silence.

(space)

Jack let out a groan as he was brought back to consioucness, fished out of his sleep by a raw taste in his mouth.

"Oh God," he exclaimed, sitting up quickly and spitting out the sandy taste in his mouth.

A moan escaped from Kate at the gagging sound, and she rolled over from where she lay in the sand.

"What?" She muttered.

"I have sand in my mouth!" Jack complained. He looked at her, wiping his chin in disgust. "See, this is why I don't like sleeping here."

Giggling, Kate sat up on her elbows, watching him.

"But you have to admit," she said, "it was a good sleep."

"Yeah," Jack said, "but your shoe got soaked."

"What?" Kate cried out, throwing herself onto her side to get a good look at her shoe.

Sure enough, salty liquid covered the soles. Groaning in frustration, Kate ripped them off and turned them over, desperate to save her only pair of hiking boots; the same ones she took off the dead body the first day on the island. While she tried to save her shoe, Jack sat behind her, watching in admiration. How was it that Kate was able to be so strong through this?

"So you slept well?" He asked, trying to distract himself.

"Okay," Kate replied, sounding careless.

Jack frowned, worried. What was she hiding?

"How about you?" She asked over the silence.

"As well as always," Jack replied.

"Barely slept a wink, huh?" Kate said sympathetically.

"Yeah," Jack admited softly.

Kate offered him a smile to go with the sympathy.

"You ready to go?"

Jack assumed she meant to the caves. Truthfully, Jack didn't feel like facing anyone. That was one of the reasons why he planned a private burial for his father; he couldn't stand the thought of someone seeing him at his breaking point. Now that someone was everyone who depended on him, everyone who he'd have to face every day.

"Yeah," Jack said anyway, standing up.

He reached down to help Kate up, and after studying the trail for a long moment, began the path to the caves.

(space)

The caves seemed like a weird, surreal place of unfamiliarity, even though he was there everyday. Jack stopped as soon as he stepped inside, and took a moment to observe the atmosphere. People stole glances as they walked by, but never spoke a word.

"Catch!"

Jack came back to reality just in time to see a water bottle coming at him, and caught it gratefully from Kate's toss.

"Thanks," he said, attempting to open the cap so quickly he ended up struggling with it. At last he got it open and took several huge gulps, not having had anything to drink in almost days.

For the first time Jack stopped long enough to notice the bandage wrapped around his hand. Poking at it in intrest, Jack begin picking it off to reveal dozens of tiny little scratches he hadn't even felt before. There was no pain, but he supposed at some point there had to of been.

"You gonna skip the rounds today?" Kate asked, breaking Jack out of his thoughts.

Jack looked around the caves a second time. From the looks of it, most castaways seemed to be at the caves anyway. He shook his head.

"We should just warn them to make shelter," Jack suggested, "looks like a storm coming."

"At least it held out," Kate commented, growing quiet with the end of the statement.

They both looked away, letting an unwanted akward pause pass between them. It was only the day after, but already Kate was realizing how hard this would be, for each of them. She was already surprised that Jack was even offering to talk to her this morning.

"Do you want to come back to the beach with me?" Jack finally asked.

She spent spent an honest moment contemplating the offer. Was he really requesting it from her? She couldn't tell. Kate was beginning to think that maybe Jack planned to spend the day at the caves, but changed his mind at the high mass of people. Already he was slowly starting to distance himself, and Kate felt a small pang at the thought.

"We just got here," Kate protested, "let's just..catch our breath for a moment."

Without further protest Jack followed Kate to the caves, looking down all the way to avoid confrontation. Once inside, they each sat their bags down and stood there, waiting for one of the two to say something.

"We could've slept later," Kate spoke up.

Jack shook his head.

"I'm fine," he insisted.

Kate looked away, biting her lip to keep from lashing out at him.

Don't you dare start doing this, Jack..

"I'm gonna sit down," she announced.

It was frustrating, not being able to say anything to each other. She was afraid of confronting him in fear of him running away..how ironic that not to long ago it was the other way around. Dragging her bag to the cot, Kate sat down, feeling as though someone were moving her by force. Letting her hands drop below her, Kate stared at the ground, wishing the answer to all of this would suddenly appear. Jack remained standing nearby, all his amusment from earlier suddenly gone.

Outside, loud arguing erupted between two people, but Jack and Kate remained still, oblivious to the fighting. They were on their way to being able to sucessfully ignore it when Hurley came running in the cave. He stopped and stared at the state the two are in, momentarily forgetting his reason for barging in.

"You should come-" he said at last.

Jack snapped out of his daze at the call for duty, but Kate stayed, secretly not wanting him to go. He'd always put his work ahead of himself, Kate observed. No matter what. So when Jack left her alone in the caves, Kate just stared at her hands, waiting for him to come back; he always did. No matter what.

(space)

Hurley led Jack to a path outside the caves, where a small crowd had formed around the fighting couple. Sebastian and Michelle. Jack closed his eyes. He heard rumors about these two and their quarels.

"God would you just leave me alone?" Michelle cried.

Her hair was flying around as she exaggerated her words with waving hands, brushing her hair back as she attempted to seize her tears. Jack watched her sympathetically; he knew too well what it was like to be constantly feuding with a loved one.

"They've been like this for ten minutes," Charlie whispered, appearing by Jack's side. He looked at Jack. "I don't think anyone knows the point, actually."

Ten minutes seemed to be enough for Michelle. Swirling around, Michelle made to run off, but not before Sebatian grabbed her arm roughly, pulling her back towards him. As the audience held their breath, the couple glared furiously at each other. Jack could've sworn he saw fear flash across Michelle's face, but as he stepped up, he was sure no one else noticed.

"Hey!" He called, shoving Sebastian back. Michelle's wrist snapped away, and she held it closely, rubbing it with a pained expression on her face. Something told Jack that pain had nothing to do with the phsyical attack. "Lay off, won't you?"

Sebastian's expression didn't change, which made Jack even more angrier. Turning swiftly, he looked back for Michelle, but she was no where in sight. What was half of the camp- though no more than a dozen- watched him in a mixture of fear, appreciation, and..pity. More angered than ever, Jack turned around, storming back towards the caves.

When he got back to his cave, Jack's first reaction was feeling upset at Kate towards leaving, then regret for leaving himself. He could've at least said something to her before, but no, he just ran. Then he realized the cave wasn't exactly empty: Michelle was already there, sitting on the cot. Wearing a helpless expression, she looked much like Kate had before he left.

"Hey," he said finally, stepping into the room, "you okay?"

He approached her carefully, unsure of how she'd react if he startled her.

"My wrist hurts," Michelle whispered.

Jack noticed she was cluching it in pain, and he decided it was time to take the risk and stepped towards her. She needed help. Knealing beside her, Michelle let him take her wrist in his hand. The faded black-blue swell of the bone made him wrist. But that couldn't of just been from now. Jack swallowed.

"It looks sprained," he told her.

Michelle didn't react. She just looked so sad, so betrayed..

"I don't have a brace," Jack continued over his thoughts, feeling guilty for not being able to give proper medical attention to the wound, "but I can wrap it up, if you want."

Giving a half-hearted nod in reply, Michelle seemed completly aside the situation. Concerned, Jack glanced back towards her as he searched for his medical tape. At last he found it. He looked at the ground a moment before clearing his throat. It'd be hard to tend to her while knealing below her level.

"Mind if I-"

Michelle shook her head and scooted over to give him the seat. Carefully placing the beginning of the roll onto her wrist, he began to gently wrap it.

"So what were you two arguing about?"

The silence concerned Jack and worried him about overstepping his boundaries.

"Sorry," he said quickly, "I-"

"It's okay," Michelle actually snorted, more to herself than to Jack, "it used to be like that a lot."

"Used to?" Jack said curiously.

Michelle hesitated.

"It's complicated," she said softly.

This time, Jack gave her her space as he continued wrapping her wrist. Even one of her fingers looked bent out of shape, but it appeared to be such a common thing for Michelle that she didn't notice. Surely she hadn't been in an accident..he would've eventually found out. But then, what was her problem? He thought back to her argument with Sebastian, his rough grip on her arm, and the moment of fear that Jack was now certain he saw. Familiar symptoms built up, and Jack remembered countless encounters with simular patients back at work. Swallowing again, Jack tried to work his theories around it, but he found no other explination.

"Does he hurt you?" Jack forced himself to ask, his voice so low he wasn't sure she even heard him.

Michelle looked up at him, meeting his eyes with a dangerously pained stare, one he was used to seeing only in Kate. She looked frightened at first, like earlier, as if fearing being caught. Maybe that was exactly the problem, because soon after, her eyes quickly changed, becoming determined and protective.

"He's never laid a hand on me," Michelle said, her expression fixed and voice solid. Their connected gaze ended suddenly with that. "Until now."

Studying her, Jack realized the fear wasn't from Sebastian, but possibly for Sebastian. Thinking back to the time he hit Kate, Jack shivered.

"Do you think there's such thing," Michelle began quietly, "as loving someone too much?"

Jack caught her peeking over towards him through some of her fallen blonde hair.

"He is protective of you," Jack commented.

He found his thoughts once again trailing to Kate. Sometimes did he love her too much? Was he so afraid of losing her that he was risking everything? And with Alex's death..his biggest fear was letting Kate down like that. He didn't think he could ever take it if something like that happened to her. He knew he couldn't.

Michelle didn't offer him any more insight, but Jack decided to be respectful of her space. From experience with Kate, he became a pro with women and their secrets. But the silence was making the atmosphere uncomfortable, and Michelle didn't make any move to leave once Jack finished wrapping her wrist.

"I heard you're the one that helped bring Kate out of her shock," Michelle didn't reply or made any sign of taking credit. It didn't matter; Jack was grateful anyway. He offered Michelle the smallest smile he could muster. "Thank you."

He gave Michelle a moment to turn around and reply, but her own world seemed to be taking over her. Jack smiled a little again, and swung a leg over the cot to stand up.

"Well, that should-"

A hand suddenly clamped down on his arm, and Jack looked down in surprise. Her sadness suddenly gone, Michelle almost looked as though she were in some kind of trance.

"You lost someone you love," Michelle stated quietly, "it's okay to grieve her."

Shocked by the sudden announcment- especially coming from Michelle- Jack couldn't answer. He opened his mouth to protest, but nothing came out. He felt dizzy, and suddenly he wished Kate were there. Maybe he could try and make her understand, try and make Michelle understand, that he just couldn't take it.

"Talk to Kate," Michelle went on, "she's worried about you."

"Hey."

As if on cue, Kate stepped into the room, breaking into the conversation softly. Michelle offered Jack a smile and stood up, letting go of his arms.

"Thanks," she said, and left the room.

Before exciting completly, Michelle stopped at the door, and turned towards Jack. She didn't wink, but exchanged a look, which didn't pass Kate.

"What was that all about?" Kate asked, glancing after Michelle.

"Nothing," Jack lied, shaking his head.

Kate studied him as Jack sucessfully avoided her eyes.

"What's going on?" He didn't answer. "Jack?"

Abruptly Jack swirled around, startling Kate into taking a state back. He suddenly looked choked up, almost defeated. But not quite.

"I-" he choked on his words, looking desperate, "Kate-"

Sympathetically, Kate stepped towards him.

"It's okay," she said, reaching for his arm.

Jack sat down. He didn't know why the realization was hitting him at that moment or the motivation for it, but he knew he couldn't handle it. If Alex was gone..that was his fault. He let her die..

"I let her go on the trek," Jack moaned dreadfully.

Kate stopped.

"What?" She said slowly, watching him carefully.

"The search party," Jack explained. His face was becoming pale in drawn out dreadfulness as a sickning feeling sank in. "Why? How could've I of just.."

"You didn't know," Kate began softly, "Jack, this isn't your fault, there's no way you could've-"

"Yes there was!" Jack shouted, looking up at Kate.

Now that she had his attention, part of her wished he'd turn away. The guilt she knew was running through him, the emotion..it made Kate feel sick herself. If only he would let her help him, if only he'd understand.

"She died," Jack said quietly, his voice shaking, "and it's all my fault."

All my fault..Kate's heart sank at the words. It broke her, hearing him say that, knowing what he believed, the truth he refused to believe. As she stepped towards him, she could feel his guilt radiating off him in strong waves. Suddenly she felt warm, and began to sweat a little. Slipping into the spot next to him, Kate leaned down to his level, a sense of dejavoo coming over her.

"It wasn't your fault," Kate said into his ear, "please believe that."

Jack shook his head, bringing his hands to his mouth like he was preventing himself from getting sick.

"Jack-"

"No!" Jack shouted, leaping up.

Kate stared up at him, alarmed. He was nearly and tears now, and at the thought Kate could feel her own eyes watering. She kept them wide, determined not to cry. She had to be strong. Maybe then he'd believe her.

"I killed her," Jack choked out, staring at Kate in deep guilt.

"No you didn't," it was all Kate could think of to say, and she hated herself for it. Jack was always able to think of excuses for her, reasons. But now she was too shocked, too hearbroken to comprehend anything. "No you didn't Jack, and don't you ever-"

"Stop!"

Kate almost fell back at the near phsyical blow. That's what it felt like, at least. Jack's words echoed off walls, leaving a haunting silence. Tears were clutching desperatly now, for both of them. Jack stood there, guiltridden, pained, horrified..feeling all of this for himself. Then he turned away. Away from her. Fell against the wall, holding onto it for support instead of her. And as Jack stood there, breathing hard through the intense emotion, frustration built up inside Kate. Why was he turning away?

"Go away," he muttered, holding himself against the wall. Kate didn't budge. She didn't want to leave him, not like this.

Jack caught her. He swirled around again, his wild eyes dancing bloodshot around the room.

"Get out of here!"

Before she realized it, Kate was running. She wanted to stop, to turn and go back, but she couldn't. It almost felt like she was in over her head now. Jack wasn't listening to her, and she felt like she herself was beginning to lose it. Tearing through the jungle, Kate ripped through brush and branches, leaping through the jungle in a sprint. Here she was, running again. She felt turned upside down, like nothing was going the way it was supposed to. Stuck in reverse, Kate found herself regretting the times she sent Jack away, feeling his old frustration.

"You'll freefall off that cliff if you run any further."

Kate stopped at Locke's voice, and surprising even herself, she listened. Maybe because that's what Jack would've wanted her to do. Catching her breath, Kate turned around, casually facing Locke.

"I'm sorry about Alex," Locke offered.

He was sitting on a log, and Kate's eyebrows furrowed at what he was doing. A leg brace was in his hands, and he looked like he was trying to decide how the straps were supposed to fit on.

"Jack is too," Kate replied, placing her hands on her hips. "Need some help?"

Locke smiled gratefully.

"Have a seat."

Eyeing him suspiciously, Kate made to sit down next to him.

"Over there," he said, pointing to a log across from them.

Kate couldn't help to get the eerie feeling that this was already set up for her. As soon as she sat down, her leg naturally slid from under her, and Locke caught her foot with hand. Before she could pull away, he placed the leg brace around her calf, and began connecting it together.

"Medical exam tomorrow, John?" Kate joked lightly to hide her nerves. What the hell was he doing?

"You can say that," Locke smiled.

Kate watched as Locke roughly attempted to do up the straps of the brace, which looked acient and well-used; certainly not like one that would've been on a plane.

"Where'd you get that?" She asked him curiously.

"Found it," Locke shrugged, replying simply.

She didn't buy it. To her knowledge, Jack didn't have any type of brace with him, and who else would have one? But most importantly, why was Locke being so secretive about it?

"That should fit right," Locke announced to himself, sounding cheerful.

If he was choked up about the recent deaths, he didn't sound it. With ease this time, Locke took the brace off Kate's leg, which she quickly pulled away, though feeling relieved.

"So how's Jack doing?" Locke asked casually, as though they were just old friends catching up.

Kate gaped at him as he fitted the brace into his bag and zipped it up. Could he really be that cold-hearted? Especially considering his close friendship with Boone. Now that she thought about it, this was one of the first times in awhile that the two weren't together. Knowing that, knowing that things just seemed to be going easily for him made her angry, even sick.

"He's back at the caves right now thinking he murdered Roussaue's daughter," Kate retorted, staring at him in hatred and disbelief.

Locke even smiled a little at that. She wanted to slap the grin off his face, pin him down and shout a recital of everything that happened, all that they went through. All she went through. What she was still feeling. Jack wasn't the only one that was feeling guilty, though she wouldn't admit it. Images of the plane and Shannon still haunted her mind like a movie clip, flashing memories one by one without warning.

"Denial," Locke muttered to himself.

He sounded pleased about it, as if this were exactly what he wanted to hear.

"What?" Kate said, standing up so that she was above him, Locke now inferior to her.

"Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance," Locke recited to Kate as he slipped his pack onto his shoulders, "the five steps of grieving and dying."

"Then you're saying Jack should feel like this?" Kate snapped angrily.

She suddenly felt protective of Jack, as though he were so much smaller than them at the moment; like someone needed to look out for him. And Kate felt very inclined to be that person.

"I think Jack thinks that he should feel this way," Locke suggested, smile still hung, crept up on his lips.

Kate's hands were on her hips again, and she was standing as though she were ready to fight. And she was.

"And that's okay?" Kate said. "No one should try and help him, or convince him he's wrong? What if he tries to kill himself?"

"What if he does?" Locke looked at her, pressuring her into the thought.

Her arms dropped, wrapping around her chest. What if he did? What if he'd never listen to her, and went to far? The thought made her head spin, and Kate felt sicker than ever. Honestly, seriously, sick. What if Jack was thinking these thoughts, while she was out here, running from him? Kate shook her head, partially in attempts of clearing her mind. As always, she failed.

"I've got to go," she announced quietly.

Fleeing towards the jungle, Kate ignored Locke's cry for her, running until she collapsed against a boulder sized rock. She held onto it for support, wishing Jack was with her. But he wasn't. She ran from him..ran when he needed her the most, and secretly, when she needed him the most. The thought upset her so much that all she hadn't eaten in the past few days rushed through her, stinging at her throat before she really did get sick, barely able to hold onto the rock any longer.

Wiping her mouth with a trembling hand, Kate rolled over, laying her head against her arm, crying into it. She shook as tears finally unleashed themselves furiously, dropping madly into puddles against her cheek. Trees blew above her, rustling leaves below her that scratched against her feet, urging her to run back to the caves, to fix this. But she really was in over her head. The fear, all of it, was just too much, and Kate wanted nothing more than for it to be gone. She desperatly needed for it to be gone. Memories flashed in her mind, and not only of the crashes, but of all the people she failed in her life..her mom, Tom..she wasn't going to fail Jack. She just couldn't take it. They gained so much together and she wasn't going to let it all be for nothing.

As her crying finally began to sieze, Kate wiped her face against her arm, and straightened up. Brushing her hair back, she looked around, trying to determine where she was. Recognizing her earlier path, Kate stared at it, taking a deep breath before heading back, leaving her crashed emotions behind.

(space)

Charlie didn't know Danielle very well. He didn't even know Alex very well. But still, when he saw Danielle sitting alone on the shore, he couldn't help but to feel sorry for her, horrible even. When he was a kid one of his friends lost a parent, and afterwards he went through a series of unpredictible changes: moodyness, angst, delienquency. But no one could be sure about Danielle. She was so soft-spoken, so self-indulged that it was a wonder she was still even there.

"Just out of curiosity," Charlie said, inviting himself to have a seat beside Danielle. "Do you miss it back home?"

Danielle looked at him, and though he should've expected it, Charlie was taken aback by her appearance. She looked exhausted, her hair fallen carelessly in tanlges around her, heavy bags underneath carved permantely beneath her eyes. Her skin haggard, Danielle could barely manage a half-hearted look of confussion in reply.

"You know," Charlie said, "back home, where you came from?" He smiled a little at the distant thought, one that was nice to dream about but often jerked away before given a chance of second thought. "Wherever you were before here?"

Charlie watched as Danielle turned back towards sea. Her face was set in its old, casual way, where you could never tell if she was about to smile or not. Suddenly more distant than before, Charlie let out an inner cry of triumph because he was sure he succeded in his partial goal at getting Danielle's mind off Alex. He knew that was a lot to ask, it almost could be taken in offense, but no one had said even a word to Danielle at the funeral. If he didn't do something, Charlie feared Danielle would just sit there, lost in a memoric reveri until she rotted away with the rest of the island's troubles.

"Yes," Danielle admited at last. She actually almost looked at peace with her memories, as though it was something she learned to accept, but it didn't bother her to bring them back up every now and then. "I don't think about it very often."

Nodding, Charlie took on the manner of a buisness salesmen, acting like he understood though he never really could. He let a moment pass before asking his question, knowing that if he did he'd catch Danielle in a reminense.

"What do you think of going back there?"

Danielle turned back towards him. Aware of how absurbed it sounded, Charlie was ready with an explaination.

"You mentioned a radio tower," Charlie went on, "no one ever talked about it, but I mean, it still has to be there, right?" He knew Danielle wanted to interfere, to tell him how crazy and wrong the idea was, but Charlie continued on, talking faster so she couldn't interrupt. "So how 'bout it? What do we have to lose, anyway?"

He stopped suddenly, realizing for the first time what he must sound like. Like he was telling Danielle she had nothing worth living for. That was the last thing she needed to here.

"I'm sorry," he offered quickly, "I-"

"No."

The distance was gone, and Danielle was back. She looked like she had come to an understanding, and Charlie awaited the rest of her reply nervously. Suddenly Danielle was realizing what people must be thinking of her now, even if it wasn't what Charlie meant. She spent the last sixteen years of her life searching for her daughter, living strictly for that. Now that she was gone, what did she have to live for? But they'd never come out and say it. Some might've even been trying to keep her from realizing that.

"You can't go there," Danille finished.

While part of Charlie felt relieved at the brief answer, the other part felt furious.

"Why?" He burst out. "Don't you want to get rescued? What about missing home?"

"Just because I miss it," Danielle began, doing a magnificant job at maintaining her emotions, "doesn't mean I want to go back."

Now he was furious, angry at Danielle's selfishness. After all, if there was nothing left for her on the island, why not go back to what was waiting for her? He stood up, his earlier sympathy suddenly gone.

"Yeah, well you're not everyone, are you?" Charlie shot bitterly as he left.

Storming off, Charlie was so lost in frustration that he didn't notice Sayid as he brushed right by him.

"Sorry," he muttered under his breath.

Just as he moved on, Charlie rememebered something. Sayid was good with radios, right? He could help. Hope resurfaced, and Charlie managed to pull together some of his previous optimism.

"Hey, you've been all around the Black Rock, right?" Chalie asked.

Every time he got the chance to go, he was either being kidnapped or looking for a missing person. Charlie never had the opportunity to look around.

"Yes," Sayid replied with the slightest hint of curiosity.

Sayid honestly looked like he didn't care one way or another, like anything he said or did didn't matter. Not anymore. The same sympathy Charlie felt before for Danielle was returning, and he suddenly found himself very lucky to still have Claire. He knew he should always feel this way, but sometimes he couldn't help but to feel furious or even vengeful of the world. Why did all this have to happen? Why was it that Aaron was the child who wouldn't live a normal life? Why them? Why Claire?

"Did you ever see a radio tower?" Charlie went on.

Holding his breath, Charlie awaited Sayid's reply. Part of him expected Sayid to blow up at him like Danielle, while part was hoping Sayid, like him, would like nothing more than to get away from here. What was the point of being here, anyway? Charlie proved himself a good person, but no one but these people were able to see it. They didn't know how bad his drug habbit was, or his troubles with the band. What was it to them if he was now in a relationship and practically fathering a child?

"No."

His heart fell.

"But Danielle said this..tower..was by the Black Rock!" Charlie said. He wasn't going to let himself be turned down.

"Why do you want to go there?"

Now Sayid sounded curious. Charlie just gaped at him.

"To get to whatever source is up there and get a signal out!" Charlie exclaimed. "So we can get rescued!"

For a long moment, Sayid just stared at him; for a split second, Charlie even expected him to hit him. He even flinched in preperation.

"Get rescued?" It was the most innocent he ever heard Sayid sound. Soft-spoken and slightly distant, for that one moment Sayid sounded the hope of a child. Thinking of a younger version of Sayid was almost amusing, like your grandparents insisting that once they were children too. "Why would you want to get rescued?"

He was sure he was dreaming. Wasn't there anyone here who wanted to leave? To forget all this?

"You know, to get rescued!" Charlie cried again. "To go home!" He watched Sayid's eyes carefully for a reaction, and somehow Charlie knew not to be too optomistic. "Don't you want to go home?"

Sayid stared at him, and Charlie realized that this was the first time he'd ever seen Sayid out of sorts, as though he wasn't quite in aware of reality.

"Do you really want to go back?" Sayid began steadily, speaking quietly. "Back to people who have possibly never experienced pain, let alone at the extent we have?"

Charlie didn't have an answer. He never looked at it that way, going back to society with knowledge of the pain and trauma they've experienced. It even seemed difficult to imagine a world where he didn't have to live everyday in fear of not being there for the next. But then again, when he thought of all the people back there..

Sayid placed a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sure we haven't been forgotten," Sayid said assuringly, as though he were reading his mind.

Sayid offered him a half-smile of reassurance before walking away, leaving Charlie standing there. Though determined not to let his hopes die, he was thinking in a whole new light now. How different was the world out there? Were people still thinking about them? It had been almost six months- half a year. Surely someone still cared.

(space)

Kate stepped gingerly toward the cave, peaking around the corner. She felt nervous, like she was a child who wasn't sure about her first recital. The audience was out there, and Kate had been fooling herself before, believing it wouldn't be that big of a deal. But it was. Pulling the curtain back slightly, she could see hundreds of blank-faced viewers waiting for her to come on.

But instead of waiting for her, Jack was laying down on the cot. His eyes were closed, and he looked so peaceful laying their in his moment of rest that Kate couldn't help but to smile. Maybe now wasn't the best time. She knew Jack; later on he'd be refusing to let himself get any kind of rest. If he found out she caught him, he'd be frustrated with himself, even though it wasn't a big deal at all. Because it was to Jack. Quietly she turned, but at the movement her head spun, and Kate stumbled. Grabbing onto the wall for support, Jack must've heard her quick breathing because he shot up.

"Kate?" He asked, coming out of his sleep in concern.

Jack sat up, reaching for Kate's arm, but she pushed it away.

"I'm fine," she insisted, resting her head against her arm.

The last thing she wanted was Jack worrying over her. Despite her protest, Jack still pulled her towards him. The effort made Kate's head pound, but she tried to ignore it as Jack came to her.

"Come here," Jack said.

This time Kate felt to weak to protest, and she allowed Jack to sit her down on the caught.

"Drink this," Jack told her, handing Kate a bottle of water.

Shaking her head, Kate tried her best to hold the pain in. She felt Jack's hand fall on her forehead, and out of the corner of her eye she saw him shake his head.

"You don't feel hot."

At Jack's worried tone, Kate herself began to tense up, nervous.

"I just got sick," she admited, a little embarassed, "I'm sure it's nothing."

To prove herself, Kate stood up, but just at putting her weight on a foot she fell back down. Jack caught her back, helping her sit down.

"How have you been feeling the past two days?" Jack asked, laying Kate down gently on the cot.

"You mean before or after I watched a plane crash?" Kate retorted sarcastically.

Jack snorted, both of them grateful for the comic relief. Kate herself was almost grateful this was happening. Not only did it give them an excuse to force themselves to be together, but it was reassuring, seeing Jack concerned for her. Part of her still feared that he'd push her away for good, but now at least she knew it wouldn't be because of her specifically.

"Do you feel dizzy at all?" Jack asked her, sitting down on a vacant spot on the cot.

With his hand he brushed back some hair from her forehead, which was drenched with sweat. Suddenly Kate felt cold, and she shivered- not just at Jack's touch.

"Not really," she said, only half-lying, "my head hurts."

Above her Jack's frown curled up sympathetically, managing to crawl itself out of fear. The last thing he wanted or needed right now was for something to be wrong with Kate. She looked so fragile laying there, and it scared him because he'd never seen her so weak healthwise. Whenever she was down, Kate, like Jack himself, somehow was always able to pull herself together. He was well aware that Kate was atempting to do that now, and though he was always wanting Kate to be truthful, her failure at the attempt worried him. It scared him to death. Pausing, Jack tried to clear his mind before speaking up again.

"So this just started today?" Jack guessed.

Nodding weakly, Kate let her head tilt to the side so that she was looking at the wall. For a moment she lay there, letting Jack study her as she looked away distantly. He wondered what she was thinking of, if she was worried or- heaven forbid- she was worried because she knew she was lying. Silently he prayed to himself that this wasn't true. Surely if it were serious, Kate would say something. Over the past few days Jack couldn't remember witnessing any strange behavior from Kate, though with recent events, it was hard to part strange from understandable. At last she turned towards him, meeting Jack's eyes.

"I feel fine now," she said quietly.

"Really?" Jack said, unable to hide his surprise and soon relief.

Kate nodded and let Jack help her sit up.

"It must've just been one of those twenty-four hour bugs," Kate said, managing a smile.

Jack nodded as well, but he couldn't stop worrying that it was something so much more serious. Subconsiously he scooted beside her, letting his arm droop around her shoulders. As Kate lay her head against him, Jack tensed at the almost unfamiliar closeness. He'd been so focused on pushing her away that Jack forgot how much he liked being with her. When he told her to go, Jack secretly believed that she'd insist on staying, and part of him wanted that. But when she really did run, Jack didn't know what to think, and the exhaust of worrying him forced him into a tiring collasp. Launched into a world of nightmares, Jack was granted a few minutes of horrific visions of not only Alex's death, but Kate as well. But now she was back, right? Maybe Kate would forgive him for what he did.

"Why'd you come back?" Jack asked her quietly.

Kate looked up to him, her weight lifting off of him. Suddenly Jack felt lightheaded, like the breath was knocked out of him. He braced himself for the worse.

"Because I need for you to know that you're not alone," Kate replied softly, "I'm not going away."

She met his eyes, and Jack's heart skipped a beat at the emotion in them. A looked of desperation met him, but at the same time, Jack could still find a feeling of pain. Pain that was his doing.

"I'm not going to bring you down with me," Jack whispered.

Jack turned away. unable to look at her, though Kate was staring at him, mouth fallen agape. It was true though. Kate put her murderous past behind her, and Jack didn't want old feelings to resurface because of him. He wanted her there, but not if it would include those kinds of consequences.

"Bring you down with me?" Kate repeated in disbelief. "Jack, you won't..don't think.." She trailed off, so stunned she couldn't think straight. Unwilling to let silence be the excuse to end the conversation, Kate forced herself to face Jack again and pull herself together. "This isn't your fault. Danielle doesn't think that, I don't think-"

"You don't know that," Jack interrupted, jumping up so quickly Kate barely caught herself before falling back. "You don't know what she thinks of me, or anyone else."

Kate sat herself up against the wall so that she was facing Jack.

"But I know what I think," Kate said quietly. She looked at Jack, forcing him to meet her eyes again. "Don't push me away."

Jack couldn't argue. He didn't know why, and it scared him. He wanted Kate, that had to of been it. She'd have to forgive him..she'd have to. Kate didn't say anything more. He assumed his silence pleased her, because she leaned forward then, and kissed him. Jack was so taken aback by the sudden act that he could only just go with it. Kissing her back, he realized just how much he missed Kate, and having her with him. If only things haven't of gone this way, if only he would've been able to save Alex, things would be perfect right now. The thought became so desirous that Jack had to break away. He couldn't live a lie. But when he tried to back away, Kate only held him closer, and they became caught in some sort of half kiss, with Jack letting his head rest against her cheek, vice versa.

"Forgive me," Jack choked out in a whisper.

He felt Kate shake her head slightly against him.

"No," she protested, "you don't need to be forgiven for anything."

Jack wanted to protest, but Kate's arm wrapped around his shoulder, holding him still. For what felt like an enternity they stayed there like that, and the thought of perfection began creeping back to horizon in Jack's mind. He felt so confussed, so torn, that he allowed himself to get lost in that moment, hoping that doing so would make everything disapear.

"Hate to interrupt such a precious moment here.."

Jack closed his eyes at Sawyer's voice, determined not to go off, while Kate let out a stiffled laugh.

"But I was just walkin' through and decided I needed to do my daily good deed," Sawyer finished, "catch."

Scooting slightly away from Jack, Kate caught an orange just before it could reach the floor.

"Nice one," Sawyer complimented with a sly grin. He glanced towards Jack, who hadn't moved since the interruption. Looking down towards the floor, Jack was being unwillingly welcomed back into his troubles. "He gonna eat?"

"He'll eat," Kate promised, looking sympathetically towards Jack.

"Good," Sawyer said in a huff, "because Rebecca's been on my case about you two all day."

Kate rolled her eyes, though she was flattered that people were so concerned about them. Especially people they hardly know.

"Tell Rebecca we're fine," Kate said.

Sawyer glanced towards Jack, and Kate could've sworn she saw guilt, if not sympathy, flash in his eyes. But as always with Sawyer, it was gone as soon as it came.

"Yeah," Sawyer said, looking around, "well, take it easy."

"Thanks," she replied quietly, offering him a small smile as he left.

Kate looked back down at the orange.

"Want to eat?" She asked Jack.

Her stomach grumbled then, as though she suddenly remembered she hadn't eaten in days. She could vaguely remember Michelle trying to get her to eat before, but she also remembered turning her down. Jack didn't reply. Looking down, Kate couldn't help but to feel hurt and even slightly angry at Sawyer. Things were really starting to lighten up, and now..Shaking her head, Kate began to peel the orange, and offered a piece to Jack. Jack took it, but only stared at it. She was hungry, but Kate paused before taking own piece, studying Jack, trying to decipher what was going through his mind. The kiss made her feel a little better, and just the fact that Jack wasn't yelling for her to leave again lifted her spirits a little, but it was obvious Jack still blamed himself. Across from her Jack sat, looking much like he did the day before when he was still out of it. But he also looked tired, and Kate once again felt guilty for walking in on his sleep.

"You should get some rest," Kate said, brushing a hand against his shoulder as she stood.

Sitting the orange on the cart nearby, Kate watched Jack for a reaction.

"I wasn't sleeping, you know," Jack said at least.

Kate bit back a sigh of relief and chuckled.

"Sure," she said with a hint of sarcasm.

"Really," Jack looked up. Suddenly he looked to be in a better mood, which boosted Kate's optimism a little more. "I was just resting..with my eyes closed."

"Right," Kate nodded. "Well I'm going to go make sure Sawyer makes it back. You know, he doesn't get lost, he just sometimes goes in the wrong direction."

The joke earned a chuckled from Jack, and in that moment, it was almost like things were back to normal. They were kidding around, and even laughing and smiling. Tears hadn't formed in their eyes yet, but the mood was light again. And light was good. Light meant that there was a chance, that there was hope. And suddenly, Kate didn't want to walk away from that so soon.

"You know what?" She said, walking back towards the cot. "Sawyer's just going to have to learn to ask for directions."

Jack snorted. Kate said down beside him, and smiled. But just like that, the lightness was gone. Jack's face fell suddenly, and shortly after Kate's.

"I just can't believe it's only been a day," Jack said. He looked up, his face contorted in awe. "I mean, I feel like I should be making funeral plans, or calling realitives.." his eyes fell on Kate again, "but I've already done all that."

Kate's hands found Jack's, and she gave it a squeez.

"You're doing a great job," she said reassuingly, "it's going to take time."

Jack shook his head.

"We don't have time," he said, "we don't know if we're going to be here tomorrow, next week, or even in a few hours."

"Way to be optimistic," Kate said lightly, though she knew it was true.

"And I don't want to think that maybe someday we won't be together," Jack went on, "and I don't want that to happen."

Once again Kate felt flattered, flattered that Jack cared so much about her that he worried himself sick. But at the same time, she felt that she could take care of herself and didn't want him to worry so much.

"That doesn't have to happen," Kate said, her hand tight around Jack's. "It won't."

"But what if I can't save you either?" Jack sounded hearbroken. Kate felt a pit form in her stomach at the question. "I can't let that happen."

Kate knew in these situations there wasn't much she could do to reassure Jack. He'd always put the pressure and blame on himself, and it took the litle things to shake it off.

"You won't," Kate assured him, "and I won't let that happen either."

Their met eyes, and Kate tried desperatly with pleading eyes to get him to believe her, determined that if her words wouldn't get through to him, her emotions would.

"I just don't want to lose you," Jack said at last.

"You won't," Kate said quietly, "I promise."

Wrapping her arms around him, she hugged him and held him close. Closing her eyes, Kate tried to picture a perfect life together with Jack, away from death, away from the island. She tried to picture him taking her to a nice restaurant, or placing a golden chain around her neck. Though it seemed selfish, Kate could just picture Jack as that kind of guy, and it was relieving. It was relieving to know that once apon of time he was that guy, but also frightening to think of reality. What if they got rescued? What about her crime? Could she escape again? But what about staying with Jack? She squeezed her eyes tightly, and could only pray that it wouldn't come down to that choice. Jack or freedom. Here, on the island, they were the same thing, but out there, in the real world..

"Kate?" She heard Jack ask weakly.

Kate almost smiled. It was like Jack knew it was the perfect time to break into her thoughts; like he knew that something was troubling with her.

"Yeah?" Kate asked against him.

"You're suffocating me."

Letting out a laugh, Kate broke away, and pulled back some fallen hair. Jack looked at her in concern.

"Do you still feel okay?" He asked her.

Kate nodded.

"Good." Jack nodded as well. "You still tired?"

She never admited being tired in the first place, but Kate nodded as well, being truthful. Shifting positions, Jack lay back against the wall. Inviting herself over Kate did the same, scooting into Jack's arms. He put his arm aroung her, letting Kate rest against his chest. She was tired, and as soon as her head hit him, Kate felt her eyes droop to a close. She could only hope that at least in her sleep, her dreams- and her hopes- could continue.

Author's Note: I am sooo sorry for the wait! I've been sick and in a crabby mood, so I haven't felt like writing. Also, I had the hardest time ending that chapter, so I hope it was okay. Things just kept popping in my head and it seems like I've been ending this for days! Thanks for the reviews! You guys rock!

Coming up, on "In the End":

I'm not exactly sure, but I know something's up with someone, and some relationships are about to change. I'm going to try and work some more with Sawyer and Rebecca and don't worry, Danielle's not going anywhere. I think. And the radio thing? For all I know, I've already dealt with that plot, but I'm conjuring up one. We'll also learn why Locke wasn't at the funeral, and it has something to do with his weird cast thing.

Thanks again!

Until next time..

October Sky