In the End

Chapter Thirty-One

Author's Note: Thanks so much for the reviews!

Chapter Thirty-One: Solitaire?

"How's the game?" Rebecca asked Sawyer as she stepped into his tent.

Despite the pouring down rain, she insisted on running to grab some fresh waters. Heavy raindrops from the expected storm pounded against the tarp overhead, sheltering Sawyer from the rain as he dealt out another card for solitaire. Nearby waves splashed, fighting to get away from the breeze that pushed them against the shore. Rebecca shivered in the cold, wrapping her arms around herself tightly.

"If you're cold, get a jacket," Sawyer snapped, annoyed.

Startled, Rebecca gaped at his tone. Her arms still crossed, Rebecca opened her mouth to retaliate, but she quickly closed it, noting that Sawyer didn't seem too intune to reality at all. Though his eyes were usually cold and critical, now more than ever Sawyer seemed back to his old self, unwilling to compromise with anyone about anything. He was constantly distant, only speaking in terms of snaps and sarcasm; and if possible, it was worse than ever. Others were noticing as well, but they chose to ignore instead of interfering. Rebecca, on the other hand didn't want to just ignore him, because she knew this was just his way of pushing people away, and it wasn't healthy. But what she didn't want to do was scare him with accusations and concern. For now, she decided ignoring- just a little bit of ignoring- was the right thing to do, for Sawyer's sake. She didn't want to push him too quickly. It was only the day after, after all.

Instead of commenting, Rebecca settled down in the sand near Sawyer, watching as he placed cards down in rows of patterns she didn't understand. The game reminded her of the old song "Solitaire", and at the memory she subconsciously began to whistle the tune. She watched Sawyer carefully, half-expecting a reaction. After a few notes recognition stopped Sawyer, and he held a card in midair before sitting it down.

"Do you know that song?" Rebecca asked carefully.

An idea was slowly forming in her head. Maybe if the song was something Sawyer could relate to, he'd take it to heart and realize what he was doing.

"Alex liked Billy Joel," Sawyer commented randomly, speaking lowly as if afraid of being heard.

Rebecca's set expression softened sympathetically. She wanted him to talk about the loss of Alex, but once he mentioned it only made Rebecca herself feel worse. But she had to be strong for him.

"I'm sorry," Rebecca whispered, not sure what else she could say that wouldn't set him off.

"It's just a comment," Sawyer shot, "no need to be sorry 'bout it."

Her eyes watered as she watched him go back to his game, establishing his own life in terms of numbers and symbols. She remained silent as she watched him, not helping but to note that a single card of hearts hadn't been put down. Rebecca found herself contemplating the insane theory of the hearts set being hidden somewhere, maybe at the bottom of a suitcase or inside a book. But even Sawyer wasn't that deep.

Lightening suddenly flashed around them, and Rebecca felt her heart jump in surprise. Sawyer never flinched.

"Maybe we should go to the caves," she said, her voice beginning to shake in fear.

Ever since she was a kid she'd never been good with storms of any kind. She never had anyone there to calm her or tell her it'd be okay, so there was nothing stopping Rebecca from thinking the world could be swept away in sixty seconds. Secretly she wondered if Sawyer wasn't in such a mood, would he try and comfort her right now?

"We're fine," Sawyer replied bitterly just as thunder clapped loudly over head, followed immediately by more lightening.

"Sawyer-"

Abruptly Sawyer jumped up, throwing his cards down. He stormed out of the shelter, ignoring the raging storm. Rebecca looked around desperately, but she was only confirmed with her worst fear: they were alone with this. She had no choice but to follow him, swallowing her horrific past storm experiences.

"We need to get out of the rain!" Rebecca shouted to him over the wind.

The smell of salt was heavy in the air as rain blew in a freezing breeze around them, letting thunder be it's echoing effect. His feet traveling roughly across the sand away from her, Sawyer let out a curse as he didn't find what he had been searching in his pockets for. This gave Rebecca a chance to catch up with him, grabbing his hand just as he punched the air furiously.

"You need to calm down," she instructed, worried.

She searched his face as his eyes avoided hers, desperately trying to find some kind of solution.

"Don't tell me what I need to do!" Sawyer finally shot, a little late in the moment as he jerked Rebecca's hand away.

Already they were drenched, covered head to toe in the freezing water. Rebecca could feel her hair becoming slightly heavier with the weight of the rain, though Sawyer didn't seemed at all bothered by the water dripping from his own hair. She finally had to look away as Sawyer continued to keep to himself, his hands dug deep into his pockets. Around them the rain calmed a little, growing softer in a graceful fall. It was quieter now, as if knowing one should be pushed towards confession. But when Sawyer did open his mouth again, he said the last thing she ever expected to hear out of him:

"Do you think dead people know?"

"Know what?" She said, blank and puzzled.

"When it rains," Sawyer finished. For once he sounded sincere about his question, as curious as a kid wondering why the sky was blue. "Do you think dead people know when it rains?"

She looked at him, completely taken aback by the question.

"I don't know," Rebecca finally replied, stuttering. "Sawyer, where is this coming from?"

"I knew it," he muttered bitterly, glaring down to the sand.

"You knew it?" Rebecca repeated, incredulous. "Sawyer, you're standing here asking me if dead people know when it rains!" He didn't reply, only stood there, glaring to no one as though he were furious with himself for being caught. "What's going on with you? Why won't you talk to me?"

Watching him, Rebecca waited desperately for a reply. Anything. More questions about the dead would've even have been fine, as long as Rebecca could somehow be insured that the rest of their lives weren't going to be spent in silence and pity. Assuming their would be a 'rest of their lives'. What if Sawyer suddenly had some kind of epiphany or some kind of rebellion against the world? What if he left her? Rebecca began to shake a little in the cold, but more because of fear and worry. She shivered, praying she'd get through to him sometime soon.

"I hate storms," Sawyer mumbled to himself, but when he realized Rebecca heard him, he went on. He hadn't just standing there, being watched. "I hid under the bed for three days after my parents.." he trailed off, swallowing hard and closing his eyes. When he opened them, out of the corner of his eye he could see Rebecca still watching him; listening to him. "They looked for me, but no one thought to check under the bed-" Sawyer snorted, "ironic huh?"

Rebecca didn't think so. She actually found herself feeling mad at the police. Who knew what he went through during those three days? Did anyone even care that he was missing? Was there anyone left to care? She found herself holding back tears at the thought.

"You must've starved," she commented lightly.

To her surprise, Sawyer snorted.

"Nah," he said in his normal comic tone, "I had two years worth of Halloween candy over there. The only day someone like me could go into town and actually come back with something. Could've lived under that bed."

"Right," Rebecca remarked, now becoming a little grateful of the right move.

"Seriously," Sawyer said, "haven't ate another Snickers since. Scout's honor."

"Like you were a scout," she muttered.

Sawyer let out a huff.

"You'd be surprised," Sawyer said, "my mom wanted the best for me, even if it meant dressing me in stupid little uniforms with kleenex around the neck."

Rebecca couldn't help but to laugh.

"I think they're called bandanas," Rebecca smirked, trying not to picture Sawyer in one of those blue boy scout uniforms. She'd never stop laughing.

But at the same time, she was feeling a little jealous towards Sawyer. She lived her entire life fending for herself, never having anyone who wanted the best for her, or wanted anything for her for that matter. However, she wasn't entirely cold-hearted. Rebecca actually felt relieved knowing that at one time in Sawyer's life, at least he had someone who was there for him.

"She was the reason I was under the bed in the first place," Sawyer went on quietly.

Suddenly Rebecca was thinking maybe that wasn't the only occasion where Sawyer had to hide under the bed.

"Guess I got pretty damn lucky," he finished.

His glare was gone, soften now into a distant stare as he concluded his story, the rain settling down to a drizzle.

"I don't think he would've killed you," Rebecca told him softly, reassuringly.

"The man killed himself on top of me," Sawyer said, "somethin's telling me he wasn't feeling too sympathetic at the moment."

"But he was drunk, right?" Rebecca said defensively, though she had no idea why she was trying to defend this man. Maybe she thought that if Sawyer wouldn't be so mad..after all, that was the saying, right? You can't hate someone who's dead. Maybe there were exceptions.

"There wasn't a time he was not drunk," Sawyer retaliated with a snort. "He'd come home every night four hours past my bedtime and complained about a splitting headache in the mornin'. I was dense enough as a kid to think he was getting sick."

Rebecca listened to him with sympathetic admiration. Sawyer never poured out his soul like this, not unless it was by force. It was like the rain had some kind of calming affect on him, or maybe it was sending anxious vibes to free his subconscious mind. Whichever the reason, Rebecca was grateful for it.

"But forget it," Sawyer said, quickly brushing off the confession, becoming aware of how mentally vulnerable he was, "that was twenty years ago."

Studying him, Rebecca tried to decipher the best way to approach his sudden change. Should she accept it? Deny it? For starters, she decided to play it safe.

"I'm sorry about Alex," Rebecca said at last, ripping Sawyer from his escape of a pause.

"Don't be," Sawyer snapped in the same tone as he had done with the mention of Billy Joel.

"You can't blame yourself," Rebecca attempted, only to be shot at once more.

"I don't."

She stared at him for a moment in wonder.

"You don't blame Jack, do you?"

The way her voice sounded even annoyed Rebecca herself. It was now beyond boyfriend and girlfriend. Now it was doctor and patient, a third degree given as a charge of punishment for silence. She never liked being given one herself, and she hated grilling Sawyer like this.

"No."

Sawyer moaned the word like a child trying to convince his mother he didn't do anything wrong at school. He was looking away from her again, presumingly annoyed by her questions.

"Just tell me you're okay," Rebecca begged helplessly.

At last Sawyer looked up, meeting pleading her eyes. She let him give himself a moment to really search them, hoping he'd see her emotion.

"I'm okay," Sawyer promised quietly.

Letting their gaze linger, the two let the rain fall gently around them before thinking to start the conversation again. These minutes with no words seemed to be the most heart-feeling, if you were able to understand the emotion within them. With silence, you neither had to deny or accept what was given, but you could contemplate the options without the pressure of fast thinking and quick wit. Rebecca figured at least that part would be more helpful to Sawyer than herself.

"Forget this," Sawyer said, finally breaking their contact, "come on."

He pulled her arm to drag her towards the jungle, a place where- especially after Alex's death- Rebecca felt very torn to go to.

"What?" She cried as he began dragging her away. "Sawyer-"

"Trust me," Sawyer said, flashing a grin.

With a chuckle of a menenceful laugh Sawyer pulled her into the jungle, leaving Rebecca to chase after him as he tore down a path she didn't recognize.

"Come on, woman!" Sawyer complained a few feet ahead of her. "Keep up!"

She could still hear him laughing to himself over the rain, which bounced off the jungle leaves in echoing splashes. Mud flew from their feet as they ran, ruining their shoes and staining their clothes.

These are my good jeans, Rebecca couldn't help but to point out in a groan to herself.

Sawyer, on the other hand, didn't seem to have a problem with running through the rain. He seemed to be a pro at it, in fact, gracefully dodging puddles of water. All of a sudden he seemed so much more child-like, full of life. A very unSawyerlike characteristic. What the hell was going on?

After what felt like miles of running Sawyer slowed down, letting Rebecca follow him in a trudge to where he was creeping along the jungle.

"Okay, what the hell-"

"Sh!" Sawyer immediately whispered, bringing a finger to his lips.

Taking her hand he led her around the bushes. She finally decided to trust him, and began taking in her surroundings instead. Once she really began studying the place, Rebecca could see that the path they were on was very worn, covered with fresh footprints- multiple sets of them.

"Sawyer, what-"

He jerked her around towards him, sending Rebecca crashing into his chest breathlessly.

"You've got to swear to me you won't tell anyone," Sawyer said in a voice so low she had to fight to hear over the rain; which she realized was more closer now. She was beginning to feel the moister through the thick humidity drawing in over the rainstorm.

"Sawyer-" Rebecca tried again, trailing off. Was this one of those secret hiding place type of things?

"Promise me."

Unlike before, there was no joke in his eyes as Sawyer kept a close grip on her. She finally agreed, partially just afraid of what he'd do if she didn't.

"Okay," Rebecca nodded, pulling herself together, "I promise."

"You'll promise what?"

Rebecca stared at him.

"I promise I won't tell."

She was fighting to keep her patience now, frustrated and itching to know what was going on. What secrets were Sawyer holding? He studied her for a moment, like he actually didn't believe her, but just when she was about to speak up against him, he gave her a nod.

"All right," he said, "Sayid'll kill me if he finds out."

Sayid? What did he have to do with this? And did Jack know?

"Just promise me you won't scream," Sawyer said to her, a little more lightly before.

"You didn't murder someone out here, did you?" Rebecca asked him with a nervous chuckle.

Sawyer didn't reply. He began creeping forward again, clutching her hand tightly as they made their way in what was found to be a clearing. It was all Rebecca could do to keep from asking questions, so to help herself she tried to think back to her weeks with Sawyer, attempting to recall any odd behaviors or disappearances. She couldn't. There was, however, the factor of Sayid, who most noticeably wasn't around as much as he used to be.

She didn't even notice the opening of the path until she bumped into Sawyer when he stopped. Stepping aside, he gave Rebecca full eye to what it was he was hiding. Whatever it was. In the middle of the clearing sat an opening to what looked like a doorway..a hatch. There was a hard cover over it, sprinkled with jungle to make the spot in the ground look more natural. What the hell was that thing?

"Sawyer.." she began. She couldn't even find the words to ask. "What is this thing?"

Sawyer's grin came back, and it made her feel a little better. He's just taking precautions, she told herself, whatever this thing is, not many people must know. And if they found out..Rebecca swallowed nervously in thoughts of what they could do to him for concealing this.

"You'll see," he said playfully.

Already he was carefully picking up the door, placing it beside the whole. Darkness shown from below, like a luming tunnel just waiting to be investigated.

"After you," Sawyer said with a grin.

Rebecca's face fell into fear.

"What?" She stuttered.

"Come on," Sawyer teased, "what are you, scared?"

She scrawled, and as she walked towards the whole Rebecca mentally kicked herself for being so giving to him. Once she reached the whole she just stared at it, trying to see some kind of puddle, light, anything that could help her detect how long the passage down was.

"Seventh step's broken," Sawyer warned from beside her.

He was sitting on the ground, ready to assist her departure.

"You're serious about this?" Rebecca tried to cover up her terror with disbelief.

As a kid she never was a scary movie person, and secret passageways definitely weren't her thing.

"Hell yeah!" Sawyer exclaimed. "And this is just the beginning."

He winked, and suddenly Rebecca was sure she didn't want to find out what that meant. Nevertheless she swallowed again, and somehow she managed to lower herself down into the whole, fighting her fears. Sawyer was now above her, her legs dangling against some kind of steal ladder.

"Sawyer, I swear-"

"Anyone ever tell you you were too much?" Sawyer cut in.

You're the one to talk, Rebecca thought, remembering Sawyer's too cautious behavior after her minor heart-attack. Not that she wasn't flattered by it.

Bending down he kissed her, and he offered her another smile. Rebecca kissed him back quickly, too worried about what lay below to deepen it. She took a last look back down the hatch.

"You'll be right behind me?" She asked him, her voice wavering with nerves.

"You bet," Sawyer reassured, foot already closer towards the hole in preparation, "light's at the end."

He winked again. After a long pause, staring at the darkness, Rebecca finally felt her hand leave Sawyer's. She didn't know why she was doing this, and she was slightly surprised in her trust in him. As she slowly descended down the hole, Rebecca contemplated their trust, still shaken by the ever-so-graceful way he had of taking control of it. Yet there was still this look in his eyes, something about him that told Rebecca it was okay to trust him this much. He wasn't playing her.

"Seventh step!" He bellowed to her from above.

She jumped at his voice, and shivered at the way it echoed through the tunnel.

"Almost there," he assured her, "why didn't you ever tell me you were a rock climber?"

"Because I didn't grow up in the Appalachians!" Rebecca shot back at him, her hands still trembling with each step above she left.

Right on time the rain eased to a closing as they lowered themselves into the hatch, the sun quickly following and peeking through the clouds above. But through the darkness, even just the jungle floor seemed miles away. Momentarily she forgot that they were even on the island..the hatch seemed to have an odd side affect on her emotions. Already it was beginning to scare her.

Ages later her feet hit the bottom. The floor, from what it felt like, was dirt. Hard and solid. As her eyes adjusted she could barely make out that something was scattered across the ground. Something that looked oddly like..computer parts? Ahead of her she noticed there was another passageway, and she briefly wondered if that's where they were going. Before she could ask she felt Sawyer's hand on hers. She had completely missed his footsteps hitting the ground, but already she was feeling a little bit safer. He turned her towards him.

"Take off your jacket," he instructed to her.

At first she had to think. Jacket? Then she remembered the lightweight over-shirt she started wearing once it became cooler.

"Why?" Rebecca asked curiously.

But already Sawyer was picking it off her, and instead of asking questions Rebecca was forced to help him peel it off. He took it in his hands, folding it but being careful not to wring the water out.

"Like I said," Sawyer began, "Sayid'll kill me..this'll be cold." Just as he said it Rebecca shivered as she felt the damp jacket being placed over her eyes and wrapped around her head. Any source of light she had before was cut off, and suddenly Rebecca felt very cold, noting not only the dampness of the cloth, but also the dampness of the hatch's atmosphere. "And besides, what's the point of a surprise if you can't see it first?"

"Oh," Rebecca said uncertainly, "so there's a surprise involved."

Sawyer chuckled.

"Watch your step."

Of course she couldn't, and as Sawyer momentarily forgot this she stumbled into a puddle.

"Sawyer!" She hissed through the darkness.

"Sorry," he whispered to her, though he sounded more excited than apologetic.

Doing her best to clear her mind, Rebecca tried to picture the room through the thick cloth.

"Can you breathe okay?" Sawyer now sounded worried, paranoid.

Rebecca nodded. Even through the damp jacket she could see teeny lights before her eyes, blinding the pupils only used to seeing colors in terms of beaches and jungle with red rays. Her head was beginning to spin, and she was just about to mention this when Sawyer spoke up.

"Right through here," he muttered more to himself than Rebecca, as if reminding himself of directions.

A door creaked open as Rebecca was shoved into a room, more playfully than forcefully. Then it closed. Florescent light buzzed above from a faulty bulb, giving the room a blue tent. But Rebecca wasn't able to see it clearly until the jacket was untied from her and thrown to the side. She blinked, letting her eyes adjust, and gasps as she saw where they were. A food pantry. In front of her, Sawyer was grinning like mad.

"What did I say?" Sawyer stated happily. "Am I good?" Swiftly he reached forward, pulling Rebecca into a kiss. "Or am I good?"

"You're good," Rebecca admitted, kissing him back.

This time, she let the kiss deepen, too amazed by his secret to do otherwise. Sawyer didn't seem at all bothered by the decision, letting Rebecca balance herself against the wall as he kissed her again. The smell of food finally got to her by the third kiss, and Rebecca had to back away. Sawyer watched her, practically pouting as she did.

"Food," she reminded him with a smile.

At the mention of real food, Sawyer couldn't help but to grin as well, and he grabbed a bag of chips from one of the shelves, tearing it open.

(space)

Why did she always come back to him? Michelle asked herself the question for the hundredth time as she counted the thousandth wave that came in that day. Earlier she was so set on independence, so ready to write the law. So anxious to become someone else. But she had been caught. Of course she had, he was always right there. Right there. If she were to stub her toe or cut her finger, Sebastian would be right there with peroxide and bandages, and perhaps even a steak to murder whatever harmless thing the stepped on. Only to herself did she admit that she was actually surprise he didn't attack Jack when he interfered.

"What did he say about your wrist?" Sebastian asked, cutting into her thoughts.

He was sitting closely, pretending to be interested in an old magazine. The article read '10 ways to brighten your day by 9 AM!'. So bouncy and insightful. Here on the island, by nine am someone was mostly likely dead, and another coming back from a recent kidnapping.

"Jack said it was only a sprain," Michelle replied, heavily emphasizing Jack's name.

It had clearly been made clear that Sebastian didn't like anyone but himself having any part in caring for Michelle. She'd always was grateful for that- was still grateful for that- but at the same time..she didn't know. Truthfully. It wasn't that she didn't like having Sebastian being there for her, she supposed it was the toll it was taking on Sebastian himself. She didn't like bringing him down.

"So it'll heal?" Sebastian asked, flipping a page of the magazine with obvious added force.

Michelle closed her eyes, determined to keep her patience.

"Yeah," she said, "it'll heal."

"Good," Sebastian said, relieved, "I was worried about you, you know."

A snort escaped her before she could stop it.

"Why, because I was in a cave with Jack?" Michelle responded.

Sebastian peered at her over the magazine.

"No," Sebastian replied dryly, "because of your wrist."

Michelle looked down, embarrassed and ashamed. Maybe Sebastian wasn't so possessive of her after all. Maybe it was just in her mind.

"I was going to say I'm sorry," Sebastian went on, sounding hurt.

Her stomach noted at her misunderstanding, and Michelle regretted her comment so much tears stung at her eyes. What was she doing? What had she become? Maybe it was just better to be nothing, sitting there and letting the world go by. Maybe trying was too risky after all. Sebastian appeared behind her from scooting across the sand silently. She shuddered at the sound of the approach, but forced herself to calm down.

"I'm worried about you," Sebastian said quietly into her ear. The sound of his voice made her freeze in the moment, and Michelle found herself unable to take her eyes off the sea. She wanted to turn to him, to finally breakdown, to cry into his shoulder, because he'd sit there and listen. But she couldn't. Swallowing she hold her breath, tears gradually becoming harder to control. "You scare me."

"I'm sorry," Michelle whispered, the urge to break down growing more fierce with the first word.

Immediately Sebastian's hand was on her shoulder, holding her as she stared out to sea. With one hand he gently took her hurt wrist, and though she winced at the touch Michelle was able to adapt to the hold, letting Sebastian run a finger over the bandage.

"You don't have to be sorry," she heard him whisper.

At that they were magically at some mutual understanding. He cared about her, and that was it. There was nothing she could do about it and, frankly, Michelle knew she was lucky to even have that care. After what she did to him..she shook her head, trying to make the thought escape.

"Don't," Sebastian said at the move, holding her head closely to his chest to stop her.

"Go ahead, tell him his name," Sebastian urged to Michelle, who sat in the seat beside him.

Across from them the cop waited. Earlier he had been patient and sympathetic, but now that was clearly slipping. Once Sebastian finally convinced Michelle to go to the police he was sure he could solve this, put it behind them. But that wasn't the case. Michelle refused to speak a word if she could help it.

"It's okay," Sebastian said reassuringly, though with an obvious rush of excitement, "he won't get to you. But if you tell, then we can lock him up, and we can stop."

"Stop what?" The cop across from them asked.

Sebastian kept his eyes on a smudge on the desk's word, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. He curst himself for slipping.

"He only beat me up," Michelle whimpered for the dozenth time that day.

"I know," Sebastian promised, "I know and I promise I believe you. But if you just tell the cop what happened-"

"Don't make it sound like I'm some Law and Order episode!" Michelle shouted suddenly, startling both Sebastian and the people around him. "Nothing happened! He hit me!" Aware of the stares she was receiving, Michelle wrapped her arms more tightly around herself- a habit she had grown accustomed to- and lowered her voice. "That's all."

Sebastian studied her, hoping for more, but Michelle became silent again. He sighed, knowing he'd get nothing else out of her for days. Across from them, the cop furrowed his eyebrows.

"Sir, if we can schedule a more convenient time.."

"No," Sebastian cut in, standing up. "Come on."

The cop watched, clearly interested, as Michelle stood up and followed Sebastian out of the room, ignoring the curious stares watching her, and the throbbing cut on her head.

"So what is this place?" Rebecca asked, scooping up some chocolate pudding with a spoon she found in a bag of plastic utensils.

Around them sat now-empty bags of chips, cases of can drinks, candy bars wrappers, and half-eaten snack foods. They were so excited about making the rounds on all the food in the room that they hadn't been able to finish a complete snack by themselves.

"Trust me," Sawyer said, catching some coke that drizzled from his mouth before it hit the floor. To Rebecca's surprised Sawyer insisted on keeping the place clean, which he said was to hide their tracks. Forget the empty bags and wrappers. "You don't want to know."

Rebecca snorted as she ate another spoonful of chocolate.

"You have got to try some of this pudding," she said, nearly jumping in excitement for it.

"I think I've tried pudding before," Sawyer said, going back to eating his chips.

"Not like this," Rebecca said with a smile, "come on." Sawyer shook his head, growing annoyed. "Please? For me?"

Fluttering her eyelids Rebecca tried her best 'puppy dog' face, pushing Sawyer to his limit.

"Fine," he said, snatching the spoon from her. She stared at him. "You didn't think I'd let you feed it to me, did you?"

She rolled her eyes, letting Sawyer try the pudding. Lifting the chocolate to his mouth, Sawyer studied it before shoving it down his throat, swallowing the sweet taste of coca he'd never thought he'd experience again.

"It's good," Sawyer admitted.

Rebecca smiled, satisfied.

"If you're Tommy Pickles," Sawyer finished with a grin.

With a laugh of disbelief at the comment, Rebecca slapped his shoulder.

"You know," Rebecca said as she threw some cereal into her mouth, "we're going to have stomachaches for weeks."

"Yeah," Sawyer said, "well we'll just tell Jack that we downed too many of his Flinestone vitamins."

Rebecca laughed louder than she normally would've. Both of them were beginning to take on the appearance of a drunk couple.

"Come on," she said, "Jack doesn't have any of those."

Sawyer's eyes twinkled.

"You wanna bet?"

Rebecca's laugh was cut off from a crash outside the room, and both of them immediately stopped eating. Muttering a curse underneath his breath, Sawyer jumped up and walked quietly over to the door to listen.

"Who is it?" Rebecca whispered, pulling her jacket (now dry), further up on her shoulders.

Silencing her, Sawyer listened as the footsteps finally disappeared.

"Come on," Sawyer whispered to her, pulling Rebecca off the ground.

"Where are we going?" Rebecca asked him, reluctant to leave the food behind, though already she was feeling sick from the sudden food intake.

Carefully Sawyer pushed the door opened, and Rebecca let out the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding when it didn't make as much as a creak.

"There has to be a back door somewhere," Sawyer said to himself, looking up and down the backhall of the hatch.

Doors lined the narrow hallway, lightened by a red emergency glow coming from the lower walls. The back was just as damp as the main room, and suddenly Rebecca was very grateful that her jacket dried. Though she was certain he didn't know where they were going, Rebecca followed Sawyer down the long hall to where, sure enough, a rusted door stood in the back. It looked old, as if it hadn't been pushed open in ages. And there was good reason. Sawyer tried multiple times to push it open, resulting to throwing his weight against it. At last he had to back away, rubbing his sore shoulder, his old bullet wound creeping up on him in pain.

"Maybe there's another way," Rebecca whispered.

Sawyer ignored her, and once again threw himself against the door. This time he was successful, and the heavy exited scooted open. Quickly they scurried out, and as quietly as possible, closed the door back. Looking back at it, they saw there was no handle to the entrance. They also saw that they were in some kind of jungle alcove, hidden by the trees around them. Branches scratched at them as they crawled out onto the path, and Sawyer looked around, trying to figure out where they were. He looked back momentarily for the hatch door, but there was no trace that the jungle had even been bothered. Amazing stuff, he admitted to himself.

"Lost?" An approaching voice asked suddenly, breaking their near-successful secret escape.

Nearly jumping out of his skin, Sawyer had little time to mask an innocent face before turning to face Locke.

"No," Sawyer called to him as Locke walked towards them, "we just went in the wrong direction."

Behind him Rebecca rolled her eyes, and he nudged her with her elbow. She glared, but she didn't say anything.

"Oh," said Locke, spitting an orange peel from his mouth and into the jungle. Sawyer made a mental note to check the land later for more of those peels. Maybe Locke was hiding more than even Sayid and Boone knew. "That explains it."

Sawyer wanted to snap back, say something to him in his own defense, but he managed to hold back.

"Found this in the jungle," Locke said after a long pause, "though it might interest you."

He could feel Rebecca's eyes staring with him as they watched Locke pull a piece of paper out of his pockets. A piece of paper he knew too well. His letter. The same on they threw out far into the jungle days ago. The same one both he and Rebecca secretly saw in hallucination following. Perhaps you couldn't throw out the past after all. Fighting to keep a straight, blank, face, Sawyer took it.

"I didn't read it," Locke assured, reading Sawyer's mind. As the two stood there, staring at the crumbled letter in Sawyer's hand. It looked like someone attempted to smooth it out. "Guess you took shelter from the storm." Sawyer looked up at the comment. "You're not wet."

"Neither are you," Sawyer retorted, making the same observation.

Locke smiled, as if just realizing this himself. As if just realizing his mistake.

"It appears so," Locke offered. Readjusting the straps on his backpack, Locke tossed the last of the fruit. "Have a nice day."

With a nod he left, walking past the alcove. There was no doubt in Sawyer's mind Locke would be returning to it later.

"That guy's a creep," Rebecca commented when Locke was out of earshot.

"Tell me about it," Sawyer said. He looked down at his letter. Rebecca was watching his every move, he knew, and right now he thought the safest action was to pocket it. "Let's go."

"Sawyer-"

Just as he thought. To show his feelings he walked on, ignoring her concern.

(space)

The next morning Jack and Kate stirred from where they fell asleep the previous night, propped up against the wall of their cave. Though it was crowded, the Jack's cot seemed more welcoming than the floor these days, and that's usually where at least one of them fell asleep.

"Hey," Jack greeted as Kate's eyes fluttered open.

"Hey," she replied with a small smile.

Only in Jack's arms was she able to close her eyes, and only in Jack's arms was she able to block out the pictures and screams her mind offered in the darkness. But as soon as she drifted further into sleep, the nightmares came, just as they did with Jack.

"We seem to be doing this a lot," Jack commented.

"What?" Kate wondered outloud.

"Sleeping."

Kate let out a laugh.

"You say that like it's a bad thing," she pouted.

Personally she was relieved that Jack was getting rest, though she knew he hadn't really slept in days, if not weeks. It pained her to know this, and to know the reason why. Giving her a shy smile, Jack kissed her, greeting her to a new day. The thought almost frightened her, knowing what happened to them previously all in one day.

"Hungry?" Jack asked her, lifting himself off the wall.

Kate let him scoot by as he reseated himself on the edge of the cot, staring momentarily down at the floor.

"Actually-"

She moved to sit up herself, but as soon as she tried a wave of dizziness swirled through her, forcing Kate back down. Her stomach suddenly turned upside down, and Kate's head pounded in response.

"Kate?" Said Jack, who was immediately at her side.

Quickly able to diagnose the symptoms, Jack spilled the contents of a bucket onto the ground, thrusting it to Kate just as got sick. Coughing and sputtering, Kate fought to control her breath, and despite the new smell of the room, once again Jack was right there by her side, rubbing her back soothingly. At last she caught her breath, her hair clinging to her forehead in pools of sweat.

"You okay?" Jack asked her, concerned.

Kate nodded. She was embarrassed; it was the first time she'd ever gotten sick in front of Jack. The fact that he was a doctor and probably used to it eased her mind a little, but Kate was still suddenly uncomfortable despite his calming efforts. She knew she was being studied, and sure enough Jack spoke up only moment later.

"How long has this been going on?" Jack asked her in a doctor's tone, remembering yesterday's similar incident. She didn't answer. She didn't want him to know. "Kate?"

His eyes watched her anxiously, and Kate felt small in his presence. What would he say?

"Five days," Kate whispered, barely audible.

"Five-" Jack ran a hand over his head in attempts to calm himself down. That was one of the reasons he chopped off his hair in the first place- too much stress. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Kate refused to look at his eyes and refused to answer. Jack sighed, knowing his outburst wasn't helping matters.

"Have you been feelings nauseated?" Jack asked her. "Dizzy?"

Kate didn't reply at first, but when Jack didn't either she knew she had to ask.

"You think I'm pregnant," Kate stated dreadfully, staring to the ground.

The question came out as more of a comment, making it sound like one of Kate's own fears. And it was. It was something she constantly worried about- especially over the past few days- though she didn't have the guts to mention it to Jack.

"There's only one way to find out," Jack said at last.

His small amusement from before was gone, and Jack was more serious than she'd seen him in awhile. Sure he'd been choked up and distant over Alex's death, and that scared her, but that was Jack. This was Dr. Sheppard, speaking in that tone that told you something was wrong without him having to come out and say it.

Before Kate knew it she was standing on the beach, arms wrapped around her stomach in attempts to ignore the pain as she chatted with Rebecca and Sawyer to keep them occupied while Jack searched his tent. Honestly Kate didn't know why Sawyer would be keeping a pregnancy test around, but Jack insisted that Sawyer had stolen a lot of supplies over the past months, and you never know. As she talked with the couple, who'd been arguing before she reached them, Kate tried desperately to keep her mind off their new worry.

She was terrified of what could happen, so much that she almost wished the sea would jump out and wash away Sawyer's tent so that they'd never know for sure. Well, eventually she supposed they'd find out. But what scared her most wasn't the changes she'd be undergoing, but Jack. How would he react? Would he want to keep it? Would he help her raise it? And what if they got off the island? Just as Jack approached them, mustering an innocent grin, Kate felt herself getting pale, as though she'd be sick again.

"Hey, "Jack said casually, stealing a kiss from Kate. It surprised her, kissing in public, or in front of others in general, was something they rarely did- especially in front of Sawyer. "You ready?"

Kate nodded. Assuming he just meant ready to go back to the caves, Rebecca and Sawyer nodded in goodbyes, taking no hesitance to go back to their previous argument.

"Like a young married couple," Jack teased.

Why was in he such a good mood? This scared Kate the most. What if he wanted a child and the test was negative? Would he be mad, or even worse, mad at her? Worry about Jack being in such a good mood after what happened yesterday didn't even strike her until much later on.

"You okay?" Jack asked her, looking at her in concern.

She'd noticed Jack zipping up his backpack as soon as they reached the path. He'd found a test.

"I'm about to take a pregnancy test, Jack," Kate retorted, sounding sick and miserable, "how do you expect me to feel?"

"Don't worry," pulling her to him, he kissed her hair, "you'll be fine."

This was seriously starting to worry, and worry was all she could do as Jack led her deep into the jungle, where they could have some privacy.

"So do you want me to-" Jack began when they were far enough out, blushing slightly as he trailed off.

Kate nodded, and Jack gave her arm a squeeze as she disappeared into the jungle.

(space)

Kate told him to wait in the caves. Why she did that, he didn't know, but it gave time for Jack to secretly unleash his true worries. Morning sickness? Pregnancy test? How was it that he let those words become a part of their vocabulary? What if the test was positive? Nine months..who knew what could happen in nine months. And Kate..he'd been in the medical business long enough to know that he never wanted Kate to have to go through that kind of pain. What would the others say? The Others..were they still around? Would they try and come after their baby? A wave of anger upset Jack at the thought, and suddenly he felt more protective than worried. That's what he'd have to do, he decided quickly, protect her. Care for her. Be there for her.

"Jack?"

Her voice came small from the side of the caves, and Jack could've sworn it was someone else who turned him around towards her. There were no words to describe how she looked, or rather, not enough. Nervous. Scared. Anxious. All these words came to mind as she finally began approaching Jack, a sweater thrown over where the test was hidden in her hands.

"Well?" Jack asked her.

He held her breath, preparing himself for anything. Jack was prepared to take it. It was all about Kate now, more than ever.

"I couldn't look," Kate said quietly, apologetically.

Instead of angry Jack found himself relieved. Whatever happened, they'd be able to go through it together.

"How long did the box say to wait?" Jack asked her.

Part of him wanted to buy as much time as possible. Within moments their future could change forever. Jack swallowed, determined to stay strong for Kate.

"Five minutes," Kate replied softly.

She reached him then, and the two stood their opposite each other, taking in the aurora around them. The room was filled with emotion, so many at once. It was amazing after all this time the walls were still standing.

"How long has it been?"

Jack held his breath as he waited for an answer.

"Four."

After a moment he breathed. 4 minutes, one second, Jack couldn't help but to think to himself. But Jack forced his anxiety away, knowing whatever he was feeling Kate was feeling twice as much. She was the one who had to go through the changes. She was the one who had to go through the emotional phases. She was the one who would have the baby. Their baby. Jack almost smiled at the thought..it had a nice ring to it. Of course, that was assuming the test was positive.

4 minutes, 10 seconds.

Across from him Kate stood in a state Jack never seen her in before. She looked positively terrified, sick, as if she were taken over by something. Sympathetic Jack reached out to her, taking Kate's arm.

"Whatever happens," Jack began, "I'm here for you."

4 minutes, 25 seconds.

"I'll be here every step of the way," Jack continued, "I promise."

"And what if it's negative?" Kate asked in a small voice.

Jack's heart fell at the words. What was going through Kate's mind right now? He knew she must be terrified..she looked it. But Jack didn't like hearing Kate say it; it made it sound as if Kate thought all hope for herself was gone. And he didn't want that. He never wanted that.

4 minutes, 35 seconds.

"Then I'll still be here," Jack assured her quietly.

At first it seemed like Kate accepted his proposal, but she shook her head just as he thought it.

"No, Jack, I can't.."

"Yes you can," Jack said, shaking her arms slightly to emphasize. "Kate, whatever happens, things will be okay."

4 minutes, 42 seconds.

"You didn't think that yesterday."

She looked up at him, eyes deep and helpless. Jack couldn't reply to that. This wasn't about Alex- Jack swallowed at the thought of her- this was about their future. But then again, it was almost like the same thing, right?

4 minutes, 50 seconds.

"Kate-"

"Jack-"

They wouldn't let each other finish, and before they knew it, Kate's stopwatch was beginning to blink its numbers furiously.

"We've got to do this," Jack whispered.

Kate nodded. She knew he was right. Leaning forward, they let their foreheads rest against each other.

"Whatever happens-" Jack began again.

"I know," Kate croaked out.

The blinking on the watch grew faster as time was almost up, and a million thoughts ran through their heads. Should they do this? Could they do this? Would they be okay?

"Jack-"

Before Kate could begin, the timer beeped. Kate's mouth fell short. There was a long pause as the two took in a last moment, both breathing hard, both anxious, both scared.

"Together?" Jack said at last.

Kate nodded.

"I'll start," Jack offered.

He took a deep breath before he began to count.

"One."

Kate continued.

"Two."

And together they finished.

"Three."