I hate you.
It rings in my head with such a fierce volume. It's nothing new, whenever I fight you the phrase echoes through my body, reminding me of why I'm fighting so hard... but every time I hear it, I am surprised. It's funny, we've been fighting for how many years now? And despite all those times, I'm still am bewildered at those three little words. They sound so enraged, deafening... pained even, yet, never full of hate.
I ignore those thoughts as I always do, biting my lip and fighting you with all I am. I let this repulsive smirk reside upon my lips as you gasp and grab your stomach, trying to stop the blood. My, my, you look pained...
Good.
One by one, with every slash and cut I give you, every drop of blood you bleed for me, I'll repay this pain that you've given to me. The torment of being only half of a whole! The agony of rejection, of loss... The pain of this engulfing despair that only you can make me feel.
We... used to be one. Long, long ago... Do you remember it like I do? Sometimes, I'll see it in my dreams, I'll be taken to that place where I was you and you were me and nothing else existed, or mattered but us. You... probably resented me all that time, eh? But now... when I look into your eyes, I don't see a speck of me remaining. I know when you look into my eyes all that fills them is you.
You'd want nothing but for these eyes to be blank of your influences, and I'd give everything for you to show a spot of mine. Is this the only way we can coexist? By wanting something that would make the other unhappy? Sometimes... I have doubts about us being an entity in the beginning... could it all just be some cruel delusion?
Those doubts are erased whenever the moment comes. It's a rare moment, one I pursue almost obsessively. When our eyes meet and I can see mine reflecting in them. When you're so close than I can feel our two hearts beating in harmony...
But I can't allow for my resolve to slip away. I hate you and I'll be the one who kills you! I'll be smiling this horrible smile, as I do now, when you take your last breath, when you open a pair of eyes that will never have the opportunity to open again.
I'll say it to your face then, when I look down into those eyes, that face that will once again belong to me in death. "Dark Mousy, I hate you, I love you, other me..." I wonder what sort of expression you'll sport for me then? One of shock? Of disgust? Maybe one of understanding..? No, probably a grin from all this irony...
Then you'd be shocked, for at least a noticeable moment, when I'd turn my sword point toward my own gut. I'll thrust until the strength leaves my arms and with my collapse, the sword will go in a few more inches in. I imagine I'll drag it out of me with shaking hands and shaking breath.
You'll probably ask me something stupid at that moment, like 'Why?' as dense as always. Can't you see that without you, my point of living is gone? I have no desire to wander this world as only half of a whole forever. I don't know where we'll go when we die... but I know that you'll be there.
I don't know if I'll tell you any of this, though. Maybe I'll give you a real smile then. One no one has ever seen, something I've been saving for only you and in exchange I'll steal from you the last kiss you'll ever experience.
