In the End
Chapter Thirty-Three
Author's Note: Assume that anything injected between Jack's thoughts is something that was previously said by Alex, unless it's obviously something otherwise.
Disclaimer: "Do What You Have To Do" is a wonderfully beautiful song by Sarah McLachlan.
Chapter Thirty-Three: That Was Then
Her throat was still sore. After spending the previous day doing nothing but yelling, she was looking forward to having some time to relax. But as she approach their camp, she saw that her dreams were crushed. Sawyer was still there. She thought for sure he'd be up and gone by this time of day. Then again, knowing his laziness, she should've figured as much. He was still asleep, passed out from many hours of arguing. Their first topic had been the return of his letter, but they soon branched out to other insults and accusations, eventually becoming quite riddiculous.
As she walked towards where Sawyer was reclining on an airline seat, Rebecca frowned at the book he had in his hands: October Sky. He finished that book three days ago. Suspision already told her what to expect as she curiously lifted the novel out of his hands, getting a glimpse of what was indeed his letter- carefully taped together- hidden in the pages before Sawyer jerked awake. His eyes bulging with fury, Sawyer ripped the book from Rebecca's hands, tearing a corner of the back cover in the process. He hid it behind his back, fingers closed over the paper inside protectively.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" He demanded, jumping up at her presence.
Rebecca stared at him, contemplating how she wanted to take this. The last thing she wanted was more arguing. She didn't know why, but arguing with Sawyer hurt more than arguing with her parents or even her sister. Maybe that was because she thought Sawyer cared about her.
"Nothing," Rebecca lied at last, shaking her head. But she didn't say it as a lie, she said it sincerly. An argumentive trick she learned from mommy dearest. "Because that's all we do around here, isn't it? Nothing."
Sawyer returned the stare until he finally blinked, incredulous.
"We're on an island!" Sawyer cried. "A damn rock! What do you expect me to do? Mow the yard?" He glared at her when Rebecca didn't reply; she didn't expect him to answer. "You wouldn't of happened to find anything to eat around here, did ya?"
Her mouth fell agape. She heard this argument so many times, but it'd always been directed at her. Rebecca actually felt slightly guilty, because it wasn't as though people were jumping at Sawyer to pitch in. Though it was like he was jumping in himself. He liked being alone, or at least that's what he told himself. If he needed to do something, he'd do it. But at the moment she felt like slapping him.
"You're unbelievable," she whispered at last, gaping at him.
"Really?" Sawyer said as he pulled on a clean shirt. He grinned. "Because I've had girlfriends tell me that's my best quality."
"How long did those relationships last?" Rebecca challenged, eyes glaring.
Sawyer returned the glare beautiful.
"So this is how it's going to be?" Rebecca said after a long moment of silence, crossing her arms. Sawyer didn't reply. "And now you're giving me the silent treatment?"
"Hell, it's just one fight!" Sawyer exclaimed. "And I'm just so flattered that it got to be about me!"
"Well I'm glad I got the chance to flatter you," Rebecca spat, disgusted. Sawyer smiled to himself before taking the letter out of the book and carefully folding it and placing it inside his back pocket. "I get it. You got your letter back..and I hope you're damn happy with it."
"Maybe I am!" Sawyer ejaculated, throwing the book harshly to the sand.
Rebecca felt the blow psyically, knowing she gave him that book. She wondered if he remembered.
"Good," Rebecca forced in a whisper.
Shivering, Rebecca could hardly tell it was nearly fifty out, a pretty warm temperature for January. The sun was shining bright with creeping rainclouds..she hoped grately they wouldn't get rained in. She didn't think she could take it. Times seemed so much better after the letter was done away with that it was painful to think of. That was when, with being only partially aware of what she was doing, Rebecca made a grab for the letter, shooting out in determination. The move wasn't quick enough, and Sawyer's tight grip stopped her before she was able to retreive it. He stared into her eyes, glaring at her in fury and disapointment. Letting out a sudden gasp, Sawyer let go, realizing he was hurting her. As he let his hand slide of her arm he revealed angry red spots in place of his fingertips.
"I'm sorry," he muttered in regret.
"It's okay," Rebecca lied. Truthfully her arm ached a little, but she was sure that'd go away in a few moments. It was clear that Sawyer really did regret grabbing her, it was no use making it worse..that was also one of the last things she wanted.
With that they let the argument die, passing it on with the incoming tide and letting it wash away to sea. Just like that the argument would be over, never mentioned again. Sometimes that would hurt just as much as the argument itself. Feeling the sudden need to distract herself, Rebecca glanced around the beach until her eyes landed on Jack and Kate, who were lounging on the shore. In the same state they were in the day of their shock, they stared out to sea, Kate carefully placed inside Jack's arms.
"They've been like that for awhile," Rebecca said suddenly, remember spotting the two earlier that morning.
The night before she hardly got any sleep, still awake at dawn when Kate stepped onto the beach. Shortly after Jack followed, inquiring her before settling into the sand, allowing Kate her peace.
"Well you can't blame them, can you?" Sawyer expressed.
Sitting down on the airplane recliner, Sawyer began lacing up his hiking sneakers. She chose to ignore his reply. Rebecca felt badly for the two. Whatever they had been through still wasn't entirely known, but it had clearly been traumatic. The loss of Alex had to be hard enough.
"I think I'm going to go talk to them," Rebecca announced, reaching for a light jacket and fresh bottle of water.
"Let me tell you a secret," Sawyer said warningly, "don't meddle with other people's buisness. They don't like it."
"But they might need it," Rebecca protested to herself, throwing the jacket over her arms as she began walking towards them.
As she aproached she studied them, trying to take in any warning signs before she spoke up.
"Hey," she said at last, apearing beside Kate. "I thought you two might want this-" she laid the bottle on the sand next to Jack- "and I brought this for Kate."
"I'm fine," Kate protested quietly, pushing the offered jacket away without even looking at it.
Rebecca thought about insisting, but it'd be getting even warmer soon anyway.
"Okay," she nodded. Curiously she looked out to where Jack was looking out to sea, part of her expecting to see something there. There was nothing. "Well, if you guys ever want to talk-"
"We're fine," Kate turned down quickly.
Jack didn't protest.
"Thanks for the water," Kate added under her breath.
Rebecca looked at Jack, expecting him to speak up, but when he never did, she turned away.
"The offer always stands," she said before walking away.
As soon as she left Jack's hold on Kate tightened slightly, and she tensed briefly before slowly easing into it, letting him continue to hold her. This was going to be just as hard as they feared.
(space)
"Hey, Dude, wait up!" Hurley called after Charlie just as he reached the jungle. Charlie continued walking on. A backpack was thrown over his shoulders, a jacket on his back, and a bottle of water in his hands. "Hey, I'm following you!"
Sighing, Charlie stopped and turned around. Hurley was finally able to catch up, already panting and sweating from the short run.
"Where're you going?" He inquired, eyeing Charlie's backpack. "Because, dude, Danielle's still got traps all over the place."
"You think I don't know that?" Charlie shot, face suddenly agry. "I've been out in the jungle a dozen times, and you don't think I'm bloody aware of what's out there?"
"Woah," Hurley said, raising his hands in defensive, "what's up?"
Charlie sighed again, knowing he was caught.
"I'm going to the radio tower," he explained in a low voice, glancing around to make sure no one was listening in.
"What?" Hurley exclaimed. "You mean the one Danielle mentioned? The one she went to?"
"No, I mean the other radio tower on the island," Charlie snapped sarcastically. Hurley fell silent, taken aback by Charlie's harsh tone. "Look, I'm sorry, but I have to do this. It's like no one cares anymore. We're still stranded, you know."
"Trust me dude, we know," Hurley said with a laugh, "but seriously, if you're going, I'm going with you."
"What?" Charlie said, staring at him. He let out an uncomfortable laugh. "No offense mate, but don't you think you're a little out of shape?"
"Dude, I'm serious!" Hurley exclaimed. "You can't go out there alone. You said yourself about the kidnapping and stuff, and not to mention the monster-"
"All right, all right!" Charlie retreated. "Fine. Just don't tell anyone."
"Actually.." Hurley began thoughtfully.
(space)
After Rebecca's interferance to their quiet, Kate wanted to be left alone. Jack protested, but she insisted it would look less suspicious that way. In truth Jack was terrified of being left alone, knowing he'd only be forced to deal with the memories that haunted him and the fear that awaited. He lay in their cave on the cot, staring into deep space at the wall, thinking of just these. Over and over again he heard the screams of the flying plane as it was snatched by the monster, Kate's worries of being a mother, Alex's passing words and desperate need to be let go. He still couldn't understand why she wanted to go so badly. Why didn't she want to live, stay? With him? With her mother? And the question would enter his mind over and over again, well aware of the pain it was causing, leaving behind no sympathy: how could he have just let her go? The guilt and confussion made him feel cold, sick to his stomach to where the knock on the cave wall made him really feel sick.
"Oh, sorry," came Charlie's voice.
"It's fine," Jack lied, coming out of his daze as he rolled over, placing his feet on the floor. He ran his hands over his head as he went on. "What did you need?"
Charlie glared at someone behind him, someone who squeezed into the room, peaking through- Hurley.
"We sort of could use your help with something."
(space)
The usual afternoon shower came earlier that day, sending drops of soft rainfall to the ground around them as the three made their way out to the jungle. Jack agreed to go, worrying that sending Charlie and Hurley out there alone might not've been such a good idea. It wasn't as though he didn't trust them, but a radio tower was a dangerous thing, and after all, Hurley wasn't so good with blood.
"Sorry we pulled you out here, mate," Charlie called back to him.
Jack had let the two lead, dallying behind them. Every now and then he would look up, curious as to where they were actually going. He'd never been to the radio tower before. In fact, he didn't even know it excisted until Hurley mentioned it.
"Hurley here doesn't concider me a trustworthy friend," Charlie finished, no longer annoyed now, moving on to teasing.
"I do!" Hurley protested. "It's just that, dude, face it, you're not the best traker."
Snorting in ironnicy, Jack recalled the numerous comments Kate made about him over time with being a horrible trakker.
"Don't expect too much," Jack said, "Sayid would've been better for the job."
"We thought about it," Charlie admited, "but you know, with Shannon and all.."
Charlie trailed off, realing what he was saying, replacing his words with a guilty silence.
"Sorry," he whispered quietly.
"It's okay," Jack said, heaving a sigh.
He hated unwanted sympathy. Jack appreciated the fact that people were thinking about him, but he wasn't a child anymore. He could handle himself.
"If you want to go back, you know, you can," Charlie offered, glancing to Hurley micheviously, "it's not like I'm going to push him over a cliff on anything."
"Funny," Hurley muttered bitterly.
Jack let out a dry laugh, tempting to add to Charlie's comic relief. Only to himself he would admit that the jungle felt weird to him. At a time in his life being in someplace exotic like a jungle or beach would help clear his mind, giving him that needed relief, but now the haunted woods only made him feel even more parinoid. He'd wince subconsiously with every step, beads of nervous sweat trailing down his forehead. A sick feeling was beginning to come over him, like his mind was closing in on him. His head begin to hurt, and a jabbing pain began aching in his ribs with every step he took.
"Actually.." Jack began, finding it hard to speak. He realized what was wrong amongst his confussion, scaring himself with the disgnose: a panic attack. Ever since they set off from the caves a feeling of dread overcame him, but he pushed himself forward despite this, telling himself it wouldn't be a big deal. He'd been on hundreds of jungle treks. But those treks were before he witnessed a plane full of people being eaten right before his eyes.
"Good thing, mate," Charlie said, ignoring him and assuming he was okay with coming, "we're here."
Looking up, Jack felt even sicker at the height of the tower, which stood high above any of the nearby trees. How had they missed it before? The tower looked old, maybe even forty years of age..there were surely certainly newer kinds around the world today.
"So how do we do this?" Charlie spoke up nervously, his voice shaking a little.
"You didn't ask Sayid?" Jack inquired.
He suddenly wanted to run away. There was no reason to it, but just being out in the jungle gave him a bad feeling that just grew even worse, forming a pit inside his stomach.
"He's kind of in a bad mood," Charlie explained, "since, you know."
Hurley too was gazing up at the radio tower in awe, as though he had never seen one before in his life.
"So what do you supposed that circle thing's for?" He wondererd outloud.
"I dunno," Charlie replied, "maybe you should go see."
A snort accidently escaped from Jack, and he blushed slightly as Hurley glared at Charlie.
"Fine," Charlie muttered, bitter, "I'll climb the bloody thing."
Clearly having a change in heart, Charlie stepped forward.
"Look, Charlie," Jack said, stopping him, "you don't have to."
"Do you want to climb it?" Charlie pointed out.
Jack stopped. He didn't want Charlie to get hurt, but he didn't want himself to get hurt either. For the first time, he realized, he was suddenly thinking about himself. Being there for Kate was more important to him now than ever, and Jack knew from experience what is was like growing up without a father- even though he may have been standing right there in front of you. Sighing, Jack stepped forward and placed his hands on the legs for the radio tower. Behind him Charlie secretly looked hopefuly, but his hope faded when Jack stepped back.
"It's safe," Jack confirmed. He looked at Charlie, wondering if he was thinking along his own lines. It was obvious to anyone who'd seen the two together that Charlie cared about Aaron. Turning to Charlie, Jack made sure he caught his attention. "You don't have to do this."
"I know," Charlie said quietly. He gazed up at the tower one last time. "But I am."
Taking a deep breath Charlie put a foot on the ladder, barely wide enough in width to support his small frame. He placed his hands on the bars above him next and closed his eyes in what Jack thought could be a prayer. Hurley was standing just under the ladder during this, looking up at the tower in pure dread and fear.
"Dude," Hurley said, gazing up at the mysterious circle around the tower itself, "if you fall I'll catch you but, uh, I'm not making no promises."
"Thanks," Charlie said with a simper as he took a final look at his destinion. Then finally, one step at a time he began to climb.
Things went pretty well as he slowly made his way up, climbing high over the jungle. From the ground Jack and Hurley watched, nervous, but no where near as much as Charlie, whose stomach was doing somersaults madly each time he began to lift a foot. On about the tenth step up Charlie wavered, gasping under his breath shortly before catching himself again.
"I'm okay!" He called down to the two on the ground.
Jack let out a long held breath. It was like he was watching him climb to his death.
I forgot islands don't come with stairways.
The trees around them shook in reply to Charlie's reassurance and swayed around them as he once more prepared to climb, this time with less hesitance. However, the trees still were protesting. They howled even louder, and Charlie stoppped in his traks, looking around. Below him, Jack and Hurley were doing the same thing, glancing around, alert. Then something else howled, and it wasn't the trees.
"Charlie?" Jack called up, voice shaking with worry. "Charlie, get down from there!"
Charlie was already scampering down the ladder, and he was only fifteen steps from the ground when a high pitched roar echoed from a short distance. A roar Jack recognised only too well. The familiar crashing of trees was coming too close too quickly, and Charlie was still too high from the ground.
"Charlie, you'll have to jump!"
"Are you out of your bloody mind?" Charlie exclaimed.
Jack swallowed. Charlie was only seven steps up, he could make it if he tried..
"You'll be fine!" Jack called. "I promise! I'll catch you."
"That's what Hurley said!" Charlie cried.
"I promise," Jack said again, this time more seriously. The monster roared again, even closer than before. Now Jack's own stomach was churning.
Charlie looked down to the ground, face in a panic. He was sweating horrible, and the monster was only growing closer.
"Charlie, jump!" Jack yelled.
At the cry Charlie leaped, falling through the air just as a swarm of darkness whirled by. Jack just missed seeing it, just missed finding out what was causing this death and destruction, when Charlie fell in his arms, sending him crashing to the ground. Landing face first in the dirt below Jack's heart skipped a beat as his head smash against the ground, plunging him into a threatening darkness. He could vaguley hear the sound of the monster fading, and a large weight left him as Charlie rolled off his back. Whispers were heard as Charlie began talking to Hurley, but Jack remained on the ground even as the monster was long gone. What the hell just hadn't? Why hadn't he been more careful? What if he had died?
"You okay there mate?" Charlie asked from somewhere above him, sounding cheerful yet concerned.
Staring into the darkness behind his eyes lids, Jack couldn't answer. He was stunned into a black wall, in shock of the sudden blow. Memories flooded through his mind, sending him transparancies of falling planes and screaming bodies.
"That's some cut," Charlie observed. He was knealing beside Jack, studying at the cut he could see as Jack had finally been able to lift his head up. It felt heavy and clogged, like it was too full. "You okay?"
Jack didn't answer him. Instead he began to stand, picking himself off the ground limb by limb as he let the dirt fall off of him. Mud clung to his clothes but he ignored it, as well as the bleeding slit in his forehead.
"Jack?" Charlie asked, more serious now.
Ignoring Jack mechanically stalked off, leaving Charlie and Hurley behind, only partially aware of doing so. He walked until he was far out, far enough out to reach a cliff. The same cliff he had ushered Alex away from only days before. Tears stung at Jack's eyes, poking at a release as he sat down in the grass. His eyes didn't leave the scenery beyond the cliff as he settled down, resting on his elbows. Once on the ground he gave himself time to catch his breath, realizing that he was panting uncontrolably for air. How far had he run?
In front of them the world seemed to stretch for miles in a picture of mountains in streams, zigzaging through each other in a race to the end. At the realization that this side of the jungle was quiet, Jack pondered why the monster never seemed to move anywhere. It would attack and then just disapear, like nothing ever happened. The thoughtlessness of it all made Jack angry, though it could be easily accepted that monsters wouldn't have feelings anyway.
He didn't know how long he sat there by the cliff's edge, laying lost in thought as he let his mind take over; a dangerous risk, he knew, but Jack couldn't give hmself any other choice. It was too hard of a fight, and Jack was losing miserably. No matter how hard he tried to push it away he was still haunted with guilt. No matter how much Kate's voice echoed in his head, telling him it wasn't his fault, the scene would play over and over again, and it was the only sensible explination.
But when he really dug deep, really tried hard to find excuses, Jack could blame it on the monster. And of course he could. And should. Why not? That thing was out there looming in the jungle, waiting to attack whenever pausible. That thing killed Alex with no remorse, setting Jack up for the blame. It made perfect sense in a twisted way. The worse part was that thing was still out there, haunting, just waiting to strike again, and who knew where. Alex's death had been dangerously close to the caves, but surely it wouldn't take that risk. But then again, what risk was that? It wasn't as though Locke could slice at the thing and kill it. What was stopping the monster from attacking the caves? The proof was there that it could take multiple people at once..
Thinking fast Jack got to his feet, taking off towards the caves. He should've realized it the first day the monster made it's debue carnage only a yard or two from the beach. The swaying of the trees around him made Jack run faster, kicking his feet up in violent steps, remembering simular jungle behavior before the near-attack at the radio tower. That mission went well.
"Jack?" Kate asked as he hurried into the caves, shoving past the crowds.
"I need to make an announcment," he told her, pushing her arm away.
Kate pulled him to the side anyway, studying him in concern. The blood from his cut had clogged a little, but the entire left side of his face looked like he had dyed it red.
"Charlie told me what happened," Kate said quietly, raising a had to his cut, "are you okay?"
"I'm fine," Jack lied, turning away. Clearing his throat he spoke up, catching everyone's attention on the first try. "Hey!" Eyes fell on him, and the caves grew immediatly quiet. Kate stood behind him, puzzled, trying to get his attention with her worried eyes. "Everyone pack up, we're moving to the beach."
There was a pause. Kate gave up, now staring at him in confusion.
"Jack, what-"
"Who says we're any safer here?" Jack said, speaking his theory.
"You did," Claire said, Aaron bouncing in her arms as always.
Charlie was standing beside her, looking confussed and worried like Kate. They were all looking at him like he was insane, and he knew they had every reason to. Claire was right, he was the one that urged them to the caves in the first place. But that was then.
"That was then," Jack said defensivly, speaking his thoughts. Looking around the caves, he noticed some of them were looking at him with intrest, and he realized that most hadn't even heard from him since his shock day. Jack sighed. "Look, Alex's death was only a mile from here. We're not safe anywhere in the jungle."
Claire stared at him a moment longer before shaking her head.
"He's right," she agreed.
Charlie stared at her incredulously.
"He's out of his bloody mind!" Charlie cried. Jack was slight taken aback by the insult, but he didn't interrupt. "All of us at the beach?"
"All of us?" Hurley snorted suddenly. "Dude, look around. Jack's right. We can't afford to lose anyone else."
Jack smiled gratefully, a little relieved at the defense.
"Why would we be safe at the beach?"
Everyone turned, surprised at hearing Sun's voice. Since Jin's death she'd been so soft-spoken, and everyone felt too guilty to say something.
"The monster-" Sun began carefully. Jack shivered at the term. "We don't have any protection there."
"We'll figure something out," Jack said before they had time to concider the argument.
Behind him Kate looked very unsure of what Jack was doing. He felt guilty for not consulting her- or anyone else for that matter- first, but they didn't have a single second to risk.
"I promise," Jack said, trying to bring out his confidence, "we'll be okay."
Another short silence followed his speech. The reactions he got were mixed; some looked conciderate while others looked unsure. But Jack already had his mind made up. They were leaving. The place wasn't safe.
"Try to be out by dark," Jack finished, turning from the crowd as the whispers began. They watched him as he left, already heading to his cave to begin packing, and watched as Kate followed him, flabergasted.
"What was that all about?" Kate demanded, watching Jack as he began throwing medical supplies into bags.
"I think I'll take the supplies first," Jack announced, ignoring her. He gave her a weary smirk. "Worst comes to worse I'll where the same shirt tomorrow."
Kate shook her head.
"What's this about?" She inquired, stepping forward. "Jack-"
She grabbed the towel he was holding before he could stuff it into the back. They faught over it for a moment, tugging it back and forth until Jack finally won, throwing the towel into the bed. As he did he made sure Kate had his eye, meeting hers in triumph. When the towel was as far into the bag as it could go Jack had no choice but to face Kate. Sighing, he ran a hand over his hair. It was getting slightly longer, he noticed, which apparently made it look darker. Jack remembered Kate commenting on it a week ago.
"When a tornado or hurricane comes and you have a roof over your head, does it stop the storm from taking down the house?" Jack asked Kate, proud of his quick metephor.
"I wouldn't know," Kate said quietly in light humor, "I'm from Canada."
She offered him a small smile, and Jack couldn't help but to return it.
"Well it doesn't," Jack said for her, "not all the time, anyway, and that's the risk we have here. People think that just because we have walls we're cealed in. Safe."
"That's what you said," Kate pointed out softly, "going back on your word will shake their faith."
Jack stopped packing and looked down to the floor.
"I know."
Half-smiling sympathetically, Kate squeezed his shoulder. She had been waiting for weeks for Jack to offer to move to the beach, but not like this. However, Jack had his points, and she knew he needed the support.
"Need any help?" She asked finally.
Jack laughed a little.
"I'd love some."
(space)
"Do you have enough room?" Kate asked Jack, knealing from the low cealing of her tent.
Jack stared down thoughtfully at the bags on the sand.
"For now," he said.
He was exhausted, feeling like he couldn't lift another finger. Mentally and phsyically tired, Jack felt like someone was constantly wringing the exhaust out of him, slowly ridding him of the emotion. Very slowly.
"I'm turning in," Jack said, shaking his head. If he tried to sleep thinking like this he'd never get any rest.
Giving Kate a kiss he realized how distant she was when she hardly respond, looking away as Jack stepped back.
"Something wrong?" Jack asked her, concerned.
Kate shook her head.
"I need some air," she said quickly, and stepped out of the tent before Jack could say anything. He looked after her, but he didn't hear her footsteps disapear. In a few minutes, he decided, I'll go after her.
(space)
The night air was a relief from the crowded tent, now with less space than ever with all of Jack's things. She didn't mind, she'd just always been claustraphoic. Running her hand through her hair, Kate concidered taking a swim- her hair felt greasy, and she pulled away a few traces of sand- but a distraction caught her eye. Danielle was lingering nearby, rifle settled stifly on her shoulder. Her eyes were searching the tent, as if looking for someone.
"Need something?" Kate called to her.
She hardly talked to Danielle, but she knew threw Jack the struggle she had with the mother-daughter relationship.
Danielle stared at her for a moment before replying, eyeing her with her old expression of curiosity and parinoia.
"Is Jack here?" Danielle asked, approaching her.
Kate eyed her suspiciously. Danielle and Jack had been careuflly avoiding each other since the funeral. She couldn't imagine what she would want now.
"He's asleep," Kate replied.
But Danielle kept walking, quickling walking across the beach at a pace that made Kate feel slightly nervous. When Danielle reached her she took Kate by the shoulders, shaking her slightly as she spoke.
"I need to talk to Jack," she said, her voice wavering.
From the corner of her eye Kate noticed Sebastian looking over, putting a hand over Michelle even though she was asleep on the ground next to her.
"He needs to get some rest," Kate told her, trying to pry Danielle's hands from her shoulders.
Her fingernails only dug deeper into Kate's skin, and Kate winced as her skin turned red in the moonlight.
"Let me talk to Jack," Danielle demanded, her voice becoming darker.
"He-"
Kate gasped as she was suddenly thrown aside. Now more people were looking on, and Kate thought it was a wonder that Jack himself hadn't come out at the disturbance.
"Jack?" Danielle called softly to the tent, her eyes wild. It was like she wasn't herself.
"You can talk to him in the morning," Kate said, recovering from the toss. She grabbed Danielle's arm in attempts to pull her away from the tent's entrance.
Danielle resisted, slinging her arm around. Whether she meant to or not her fist connected with Kate's face. Immediatly feeling blood Kate clutched her cheek.
"Hey, lay off!"
Sawyer came out of nowhere and forced Danielle away, but showing surprising resist she threw herself at Kate again, shoving her back violently. Landing hard on her stomach, Kate noticed just int time as Danielle's rifle came around, and grabbed it before it reached her. They struggled until finally Kate reached up with a foot, sending a kick to Danielle's ribs.
"Hey!"
Danielle backed away in pain, stopping at the sound of Jack's voice. Kate let go of the gun, her hands sore, feeling out of breath. He waited for someone to say something, but even Danielle was speahless. Instead of saying what she needed to to Jack, Danielle turned her back on them all, disapearing into the jungle. Jack looked after her for a short moment but was immediatly at Kate's side, helping her up.
"Are you okay?" Jack asked her quietly. Onlookers were parting around them, though some were able to catch the concern in his voice, more deep in worry than ever.
Kate nodded.
"I think so."
She looked up at him, meeting his eyes. Kate was afraid to tell him the truth.
"My stomach hurts," she whispered relucantly.
Jack's eyes lingered with her, sharing her fear. They gradually became aware of some eyes that were still on them, and Jack forced himself out of it. He helped Kate up with a hand, subconsiouly placing his free one on her back.
"Let's get that cut cleaned," Jack said, running a finger across the new wound on Kate's cheek.
Kate flenched at the touch.
"It's fine," she protested.
She was feeling tired and a little nausiated. Her stomach hurt, and Kate could only pray that didn't mean anything. But all she really wanted to do was get some sleep.
"We didn't bring any water?" Jack said, frustrated as he through some junk aside from inside the tent.
Kate snapped out of her thoughts.
"I guess not," she finally said.
Sighing, Jack gazed into the jungle.
"I'll get some flashlights."
(space)
"Ow!" Kate cried. "Jack.."
She tried to force Jack's hand away at the stinging pain.
"Sorry," Jack apologized, ignoring the resistance and going back to work.
Carefully he cleaned the cut, taking extra care to the bruise forming around the cut. It wasn't very deep, but Jack couldn't stand the way it stood out on Kate's face.
"Will it need stitches?" Kate asked nervously.
Jack examined the cut again.
"I think you're safe," he said, gaving her a reassuring smile.
Sharing the smile in relief, Jack loosened up a little.
"I think you're set to go," Jack said, getting up from where he sat on a rock. It felt funny to be able to actually sit where he pleased without someone talking nearby or shoving past every few seconds. Now vacant and empty, the caves looked exactly like the way Jack found them. Minus the skeletons. Shuddering, Jack hoped a 'yet' couldn't be added to that thought.
"Jack?"
He turned at Danielle voice, quiet despite the cave's echo. Jack glanced to Kate, who stood up.
"I'll wait for you," she whispered.
"Not outside," Jack replied immediatly.
Kate didn't like being told what to do, but she was hardly aware that she didn't protest as she headed their former cave. As she left Kate noticed Danielle had a hand on her ribs, as if in pain.
"I'm sorry I kicked you," Kate whispered quietly, walking away before Danielle could offer anything in return.
Jack waited until Kate was out of earshot before speaking up. Being in Danielle's presence didn't help his mood, and certainly not his guilt. Now he felt bad for never even saying anything to her.
"How's the rib?" Jack asked, pointing to Danielle's stomach.
"I wanted to give you this," Danielle said quietly, holding out something as she stepped towards Jack.
In her hands was a backpack and black sweatshirt that once belonged to Alex. He remembered Alex always wearing it, despite the holes from when Adam had it on during the crash.
"You didn't-" Jack began as he was forced to take Alex's things.
"I'm sorry," Danielle whispered softly, barely audible.
She refused to meet Jack's eyes as she turned around, walking away and leaving Jack with the baggage. Even though the luggage was lightweight it felt like a burden as Jack stared down at his, unaware Kate was watching from nearby.
What ravenges of spirit
Conjured this temperous rage
That night Jack snuck out, heading for the graveyard. A smoky humidity told him that he had company before he even saw the fire, and sure enough Sayid was sitting there, a campfire burning a few feet away from the graves in front of him.
Created you a monster
Broken by the rule of love
"Sorry," Jack said quickly, "I'll leave."
"No," Sayid said, "sit down."
Hesitating first, Jack sat down beside Sayid, and gazed down for a moment at Shannon's grave.
When fate has led you through it
You do what you have to do
"I never got to say I was sorry," Jack said quietly. Sayid didn't reply. "For Shannon, I mean."
No answer. The fire crackled next to them, zoning out the distant sound of chirping crickets.
The silence was becoming intemidating, reminding Jack of his reason for coming here. His eyes trailed to Alex's grave marking. As he stared at the grave he remembered the black sweatshirt, and scolded himself for not thinking to bury her in it. He didn't know exactly what he came to the grave for. Maybe reassurance. Maybe closure. Whatever is was, Jack was desperate for it.
When fate has led you through it
You do what you have to do
"I miss her," Jack admited, choking out his words as he faught back tears.
Beside him, Sayid seemed unaffected by the words, and Jack almost wanted to shout. But he knew that Sayid had his own burden to carry. At least Jack had Kate now, and a child on the way. At least he had something to be grateful for.
"At least you know how she died," Sayid whispered.
Sayid almost seemed on the edge of tears himself, more emotional than Jack had ever seen him before. He seemed to catch this, and stood up.
"I'll go," Jack offered, though he really wanted to stay.
"I have places I need to be," Sayid announced, stalking off into the jungle and leaving Jack alone at the fire.
But I have the sense to recognize
That I don't know how to let you go
In the hatch Boone missed the Danielle commotion, as he was busy typing in names from the passenger manifest.
Every morning marked
With apparitions of your soul
The names came slowly to mind even though they were right there in front of him, like some higher power was letting the final hit come as slowly as possible. Because he knew one name that wouldn't be on the list when he was done.
I'm ever swiftly moving
Trying to escape this desire
Locke was with Callum, who was taking a turn for the worse, in the back room, leaving Boone to deal with the newly fixed computer. Boone felt bad for Callum's condition, but he couldn't help to feel that no one's pain could match his, and no one's should. He didn't care how selfish it sounded, but it was like he literally had nothing now. Like his whole life was useless. The one thing that always mattered had been taken away. It wasn't there anymore.
The yearning to be with you
I do what I have to do
As Boone came closer to the end of the list- the new list- he knew he had to face it. But even as he typed in the last name he found himself scanning the paper over and over again, desperatly wishing there'd been some mistake made. Maybe he had dreamed it all, like one horrible nightmare. At last the final line on the computer was filled, and the screen autimatlly clicked to a completed list. Now it was Boone's job to okay it. Finger trembling it hovered over the keys, waiting until the very last second before he had to push the button. As the map began to jump to life, filling out familiar landmarks, Boone decided that just because Shannon's name wasn't listed didn't mean anything. She was gone, but not truly. As long as her memory was there..
The yearning to be with you
I do what I have to do
At her tent Sun stood, for some reason not able to settle down. Only to well in her mind was the finding of the caves, and Jin's urgency of getting her to safety. Now it was her, on her own.
"Sun?"
She turned at Kate's voice, but was unable to say anything. Kate seemed to understand, and put an arm around her, offering Sun a supporting hug. Behind them Jin's luggage still sat in the corner, untouched and unmoved.
But I have the sense to recognize
That I don't know how to let you go
Danielle didn't have the strength to travel through the jungle at night, falling in a near collasp once she reached a private beach. She had dropped to the ground, letting it go very noticed that she was alone.
"Danielle?" Locke asked from behind her.
A flowing ember, burning hot
Burning slow
"I gave Jack her things," Danielle whispered softly, lacking the energy to turn him away.
Or maybe it was because part of her really wanted him there. She didn't want to do this alone. Not again.
"You didn't have to do that," Locke told her, sitting down to her left.
"I know," Danielle said quietly.
Feeling Locke behind her and sensing his concern, Danielle could feel her emotions become vulnerable, tears clouding in her eyes before finally releashing themselves, being held back for far to long.
And deep within I'm shaken by the violence of excisting
For only you..
Locke held her as she cried, breaking down in his arms. He stared coldly at the sea, suddenly angry at the world. Too many old feelings were arising, for Locke knew only too well what it was like to lose a child.
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
And maybe he could save her before she made some of the same mistakes he almost did.
Oh I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
Rebecca sat down beside Sawyer without asking permission, eyeing the fire in front of him as she did. It blazed, highlighting the age-old ink from the letter in his hands.
"I just wanted you to know," Rebecca began quietly, speaking into his ear, "that I don't want to give up. I don't want you to give this up, Sawyer." He didn't reply, but she could've sworn she heard him listening. "You're better then what's in that letter. I know it, and you know it. So please, please just..stop." She let a tear fall from her face, if not to show Sawyer how deeply she felt about this. "Just stop."
And I have the sense to recognize
That I don't know how to let you go
She looked down at his hand, and watched in wonder as the letter slowly crumbled to a fist in his hands, crinkling with fire and sounding hope.
Don't know how to let you go
And slowly, one line at a time, Sawyer let the letter drop, falling in a graceful decent to the falmes where it set, allowing itself to be eaten up, bit by this.
Don't know how..to let you go
For a moment they both sat there in amazed shock, Sawyer too zoned out to say anything. Even Rebecca couldn't find the words. Instead she reached for his hand and squeezed it, the same hand the letter sat in so many times as he read it, memorizing it into a perfect recital. Now if only he could forget it.
And I don't know how
To let you go..
Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews! You guys rock!
Coming up next, in "In the End":
Dreams haunt Jack, and Callum's injury doesn't stay secret for long.
Thanks again!
Until next time..
October Sky
