Zelda: Why are you kissing Ruto?

Nabooru: Yeah!

Malon: Yeah!

Link: Hey! Back off! I'm not kissing her! She's kissing me!

Retarded Narrator: Meanwhile in the kitchen…

Ganondorf: Ganondorf the Great will start his magic show in two seconds!

Saria: Hurry up!

Darunia: Patience, little one.

Ganondorf: I will now make someone disappear!

Audience (Saria, Darunia, and Sheik): (Claps quietly)

Ganondorf: Who here would be kind enough to volunteer?

Sheik: Oh me! I can disappear anyway, but I want to see if you really can! (Walks into a booth)

Ganondorf: (Covers the booth with a cloth) Abra, Kadabra, Alakazam! (Quickly removes the cloth from the booth)

Rauru: (Appears in the booth wearing nothing but a thong)

Darunia: Saria! Go somewhere else! I have to teach Ganondorf… a lesson…

Saria: (Runs to the bathroom)

Ganondorf: I didn't do it! I swear!

Darunia: Yeah right! Prove it!

Ganondorf: Come on! Now that you were talking to me you let Rauru get away! Now he's gonna molest children or some other perverted thing!

Sheik: (Suddenly appears outside the booth)

Sheik, Ganondorf, and Darunia: (Run outside to catch Rauru)

Retarded Narrator: Meanwhile in the room…

Link: Okay, ladies. I hate Ruto. Ruto just likes me.

Zelda: Well then who do you like?

Link: Um… you guys are gonna totally kill me after this…

Zelda: Just say it! I won't hurt you. I promise.

Link: Really? Okay! I like Nabooru!

Zelda: (Elbows Link in the face)

Everyone (Malon, Zelda, and Ruto): (Stares coldly at Nabooru)

Nabooru: I gotta piss… (Sprints to the bathroom and locks the door)

Saria: Um… I'm in here.

Nabooru: Sorry, honey. I promise not to look.

Saria: Why are you in here anyway?

Nabooru: I'm running away from those monsters!

Saria: Why are they fighting you?

Nabooru: We all like Link, but Link only likes me.

Impa: Hey! (Shoots up with a machine gun) Stop this madness now!

Ruto: Geez Impa, I'm telling Rauru on you for being that violent!

Impa: Yeah, so what? What's he gonna do spank me?

Ruto: Exactly.

Impa: What?

Retarded Narrator: It was dark, and Sheik, Darunia, and Ganondorf were hunting Rauru.

Darunia: Shouldn't we have done this earlier?

Rauru: (Goes up to Darunia and squeezes his ass) What's up, sexy thang?

Darunia: Aaaah! Make it stop!

Sheik: Dude, what's the matter?

Darunia: Sorry, I'm just having a bad flashback of something Rauru did to me before.

Ganondorf: I see him!

Rauru: (Moons Ganondorf)

Ganondorf: (Shoots his butt crack)

Rauru: Waaaaah! (Runs around like crazy)

Sheik: Sweet! Nice job, Ganondorf!

Ganondorf: Oh no! He's getting away! Quick! Call the police!

Sheik: (Calls 911) Hey. There's a crazy old man wearing a thong on the loose.

Cop: (Hangs up phone) Crazy kids!

Sheik: (Calls back) Hey dude! I'm serious! Go get him before rapes those innocent little kids!

Cop: Alright, fine!