Zelda: Why are you kissing Ruto?
Nabooru: Yeah!
Malon: Yeah!
Link: Hey! Back off! I'm not kissing her! She's kissing me!
Retarded Narrator: Meanwhile in the kitchen…
Ganondorf: Ganondorf the Great will start his magic show in two seconds!
Saria: Hurry up!
Darunia: Patience, little one.
Ganondorf: I will now make someone disappear!
Audience (Saria, Darunia, and Sheik): (Claps quietly)
Ganondorf: Who here would be kind enough to volunteer?
Sheik: Oh me! I can disappear anyway, but I want to see if you really can! (Walks into a booth)
Ganondorf: (Covers the booth with a cloth) Abra, Kadabra, Alakazam! (Quickly removes the cloth from the booth)
Rauru: (Appears in the booth wearing nothing but a thong)
Darunia: Saria! Go somewhere else! I have to teach Ganondorf… a lesson…
Saria: (Runs to the bathroom)
Ganondorf: I didn't do it! I swear!
Darunia: Yeah right! Prove it!
Ganondorf: Come on! Now that you were talking to me you let Rauru get away! Now he's gonna molest children or some other perverted thing!
Sheik: (Suddenly appears outside the booth)
Sheik, Ganondorf, and Darunia: (Run outside to catch Rauru)
Retarded Narrator: Meanwhile in the room…
Link: Okay, ladies. I hate Ruto. Ruto just likes me.
Zelda: Well then who do you like?
Link: Um… you guys are gonna totally kill me after this…
Zelda: Just say it! I won't hurt you. I promise.
Link: Really? Okay! I like Nabooru!
Zelda: (Elbows Link in the face)
Everyone (Malon, Zelda, and Ruto): (Stares coldly at Nabooru)
Nabooru: I gotta piss… (Sprints to the bathroom and locks the door)
Saria: Um… I'm in here.
Nabooru: Sorry, honey. I promise not to look.
Saria: Why are you in here anyway?
Nabooru: I'm running away from those monsters!
Saria: Why are they fighting you?
Nabooru: We all like Link, but Link only likes me.
Impa: Hey! (Shoots up with a machine gun) Stop this madness now!
Ruto: Geez Impa, I'm telling Rauru on you for being that violent!
Impa: Yeah, so what? What's he gonna do spank me?
Ruto: Exactly.
Impa: What?
Retarded Narrator: It was dark, and Sheik, Darunia, and Ganondorf were hunting Rauru.
Darunia: Shouldn't we have done this earlier?
Rauru: (Goes up to Darunia and squeezes his ass) What's up, sexy thang?
Darunia: Aaaah! Make it stop!
Sheik: Dude, what's the matter?
Darunia: Sorry, I'm just having a bad flashback of something Rauru did to me before.
Ganondorf: I see him!
Rauru: (Moons Ganondorf)
Ganondorf: (Shoots his butt crack)
Rauru: Waaaaah! (Runs around like crazy)
Sheik: Sweet! Nice job, Ganondorf!
Ganondorf: Oh no! He's getting away! Quick! Call the police!
Sheik: (Calls 911) Hey. There's a crazy old man wearing a thong on the loose.
Cop: (Hangs up phone) Crazy kids!
Sheik: (Calls back) Hey dude! I'm serious! Go get him before rapes those innocent little kids!
Cop: Alright, fine!
