A/N: Hey guys. I'm so sorry this got put to the back burner. Exam season is kicking my butt. Anyway...here's the latest chapter. There's a lot of developments in this one. It's a long chapter, and I hope you guys enjoy it! Heads up, I'm using one of Smeyer's quotes. I don't own Twilight but I wish I owned that line.


CHAPTER 18:

"Bella, please honey. I haven't seen you in forever. He has a sister, Alice, right? She can help you. But please come home."

I huffed out a breath filled with guilt. It had been too long, but I had refused to acknowledge it until now. "Of course babe. I'll call her. Is three okay?" The tail end of the question quivered; tears threatened to fall down my face.

"Three sounds perfect."

"Then I'll see you then."

"Hon, is something wrong? Your voice sounded off there for a moment."

"No, I'm good. I've been talking a lot today, so my voice is a little sore." I hadn't. A combination of separation anxiety from Edward and regret from dropping Jake created a landmine in my brain.

"As long as that's it. I'll see you later Bells. I love you."

"I love you too."

That night started a line of days consumed by Jacob's presence––not that I minded. The warmth of his arms felt nostalgic the first night. Eventually, I questioned how I had ever lived without it.

Edward never left my mind. Every few hours, I would look down to a text from Edward and my heart would forgive me for a moment.

Three days had passed before Alice had to leave for a conference, and I had to go home.

But as I left, his smile tried to bargain for longer.

"Bella, please. We've just started making up for all of the time we've missed."

"I have to go home sometime." It was almost 7 o'clock.

"Orrrr…you could move in." His puppy-dog eyes took over his expression before he turned me into him.

"Jake that's a little…I have to think about it okay. It's a lot to process so soon."

"So soon? It's been almost half a year." It had been around five months and he was right… but I still didn't feel the need. If everything stayed in place the way it was, I would have been living in bliss for the rest of my life.

"I love you, Jake," I pulled the collar of his shirt down for one last chaste kiss, before pushing him away. "Bye."

Too stunned to move, he watched as I closed the door myself.

Move in? I hadn't had a reason in a long time to hyperventilate. But as I slid down the wall next to his door, my breathing became so uneasy that I was dizzy. Too soon, much too soon. Do you ever want to move in? Yes, of course I do, but then what happens to Edward?

I needed to pull myself together. After a couple deep breaths, I reoriented myself and then meandered down the hallway.


While I spent most of my time at Jacob's (every spare second), work still had priority. In the days that passed, Edward and I had been able to close up a fairly easy case. I had a sneaking suspicion that Director Aro felt some recompensation (aka easy cases) was needed from the incident.

When I got into the apartment, I realized that meant it was "paperwork night." Yay, I groaned internally. I looked down at my hands feeling as if something were missing before I remembered my promise earlier: "After Jake's I'll run by and pick up the rest of the paperwork."

"Hey Edward, I'm going to go to the office to pick up the files we need to finish. I completely forgot to go on the way back." Shouting across the room, I rummaged through my purse looking for his car keys. Jake had driven me home.

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"There's no need." Oh, they're on the hook. I snatched the keys.

Right as my hand reached for the doorknob to leave, he spoke, "Don't you need your badge?"

"Oh yeah, thanks," I smiled, knowing that he saved me a whole trip to the office.

Entering my room, I couldn't remember where I had put it last. I eyed my jacket. Digging in its pockets, I waited to feel the cold metal of the badge. It wasn't there. Going back into the kitchen, I could have sworn it wasn't in my purse, but where else could it have been. I scattered its contents out on the counter. Still not here. Maybe they'd let me in with his badge; I doubt they would accept that though.

"Edward, do you know where my badge is?" My hands shuffled through the pile of laundry on the ground, hoping to hear a clunk on the floor.

"Um, no. But it might be in my jacket." I began to focus on the fact that I need to work out a new way for organization.

"Where's your jacket?"

"In my room."

My feet guided me into his bedroom. Meticulous. That was the only way to describe his room. Each time I had entered, it looked untouched. The chair. The infamous chair usually had a stack of laundry, but, unlike most people's "chairs," his was always clean and folded. As my hands rustled through his chair, the scent of his detergent formed a bubble around me.

"Edward, it's not in here."

"It might be in the closet."

I turned to open the door, when I heard his heavy footsteps. He's running? The door slammed open and dented the wall. Continuing, I moved the hangers to try to find the jacket. Is that a picture back there? What is that? Moving all the hangers to the left, a board hung in the back of his closet. At first I found it abnormal that it was hidden; it looked exactly like the ones we made in headquarters, but more on the delirious side. Arrows, drawn haphazardly, pointed to each picture. What the hell?

"Bella, no." He grabbed my arm but it was too late.

"You're investigating my boyfriend?" Heat radiated off of me as my jaw clenched so hard I was convinced my teeth would break. .

"You weren't supposed to see this." No shit Sherlock.

"Are you going to explain this to me?!"

"First, I want you to calm down."

"I'M ALLOWED TO BE ANGRY!" I gave up on trying to remain rational. I let venom sink into my words, "I asked you a question, now answer it."

"Okay, hear me out." Backtracking, just wonderful. I glared up at him, noticing the utter fear in his eyes.

"Oh, I've got all day to listen," I scowled.

"Okay, okay, I'll answer. Yes, I was investigating Jacob."

I unclenched my jaw enough to whisper, "And now why would your psychotic brain do that?"

"It started a few weeks ago."

"What started? You better start talking faster." You need to calm down. He's not your enemy. He was deranged, yes, but he was still Edward.

"Well, I was looking at potential suspects that could have orchestrated the shooting at the bank." Clenching my jaw, I watched a montage of memories fly by in my brain. I watched us theorize who was after us. I watched a cold glare in his eyes form when he realized that I was supposed to be there too––we were supposed to be there together.

The sympathy for him left my body. I had dedicated hours on trying to catch this scum bad. It was not my boyfriend. "And you think that was Jake?!"

"Stop interrupting. If you want to talk, let me." My hand created a hole in my pocket from the tension that I wasn't allowed to release

"Fine."

"Okay so I was doing research on crime rings in San Francisco and I think there is a new crime lord. A lot of people have been outed recently, and there seem to be new introductions too. And obviously, my first guess was not your boyfriend. But then I looked up the new criminals' backgrounds, and where did they come from?"

"New Mexico," I rolled my eyes, "I can't believe you think it's Jake. He's with me all the time. And it's just a coincidence. How many people in the last month that have been caught are from New Mexico?"

"Two," he said faintly.

"TWO?! All this based off of two people. You accuse my boyfriend of being a crime lord." I tried to count my breaths before I did anything rash, "I don't even know what to think of you anymore. Are you sane?"

"Bella, it's a reasonable assumption. I have been looking at all the options." I kept walking closer to him as his voice got quieter.

"Then why didn't you tell me this one."

He gestured toward me, "You're clearly mad."

"You have photos of my boyfriend in your freaking closet and think he's a crime lord. How the hell am I supposed to react?"

"I'm sorry. I should have told you."

"You should have just said something earlier. It's like you don't think I'm trustworthy. I'm more mad at you for hiding it than for thinking about it. I would want you to know if I thought your girlfriend was working for a crime ring.'

"Bella, I am sorry." His shoulders hunched; he didn't look anything like Edward anymore. The person I knew had left, because he would have told me.

"Me too. I'm going to go take a walk. I'll be back…at some point."

I didn't have time to change; I just wanted to get out of there. I couldn't be near him. Does he really think Jake is a criminal? That's crazy. I just can't understand. Just because two people are criminals from New Mexico doesn't mean anything about Jake.

Storming out the door, I jogged into the street with no purpose except to get far, far away. My legs carried me briskly. Any on-looker would assume I had somewhere to be; I wished that I did. My legs started to ache when I took out my phone, it had been two hours. I had walked 5 miles, in circles. As much as I wanted to run away, I never was more than a mile away from the apartment—it rained too often for that.

Giving up, I walked back up the stairs and tried to convince myself that the last conversation didn't happen.

Opening the door, I scanned the room to find him on the couch, relaxed with his phone pressed up to his ear.

"No, not right now. I'm not ready." Somehow just his voice infuriated me.

Taking my shoes off, I kept listening, "I'm not telling her. It's not the right time. Just leave it alone."

He hung up while tears from anger filled my eyes.

"Who was that Edward?" The acid leaked into my voice.

"No one important."

"Just tell me, Edward. What were you talking about? What can't you tell me?"

"I promise Bella it's nothing to worry about."

"Like the photo of Jake in your closet. 'Nothing to worry about.'" I mocked.

"Just trust me." How the hell was I supposed to trust him? Lies. All I could see was his growing pile of lies.

"Edward, you won't tell me anything anymore." His dead eyes stared back at me. "How am I supposed to trust you now? Not to mention you're constantly angry at me. And what was that apology for earlier? You didn't change, you didn't tell me about that, and now this. It's never going to end. Let me go," a tear rolled down my check. I felt betrayed. "You're a jerk."

"Bella, you don't understand."

"Understand what? I don't understand how you can be such an ass sometimes."

"I just wish that I could tell you…"

"Tell me what? What could you possibly say that would explain all the crap you put me through? Edward you were my best friend."

"Were?" I looked into his eyes; they were glossy with tears.

"Yeah. I can't be near you anymore. I'm requesting a new partner."

"What?"

"If I can't trust you here, who says I trust you with my life?" Wiping a tear off my face, I scrambled to find my suitcase.

"Bella," his voice broke and I collapsed on the floor just staring at my pile of clothes. "I want to tell you so bad, but I don't want to mess anything up."

"Everything's already messed up."

He slid next to me and put one of his arms around me.

"Get the hell off me! I swear your mood swings are giving me whiplash."

"Bella, I'm in love with you." I froze.

"What?" His green eyes appraised my reaction.

"I've been trying so very hard to not hurt you, and that's exactly what I've been doing in the process. I wanted to make sure Jake was normal so that nothing bad would happen to you."

"You're—you're…in love with me?" Now, I was fuming.

"Yes, irrevocably in love. I didn't realize until Jacob showed up."

"I don't understand." This doesn't change anything. What the hell?

"I never liked Jake and I would love to put it on the fact that I think he ordered the shot, but there was always more than that. I saw you with him and it pushed me to realize that I've always liked you…as more than just a friend.

"And once I got shot, I couldn't get the situation out of my head. All I knew was that I had to protect you. And, god Bella, I wanted to tell you so bad, but you're intelligent and optimistic, so I had to wait until I had solid information.

"I know I've lied so much and you have no reason to trust me now. But all of the lies have been my deranged way of protecting you." A tear hit the wooden floor board and I couldn't tell if it was his or mine.

"If you have to get a new partner then I'll be fine with it as long as I know you're happy. I'll love you from a distance." My chest constricted with our combined pain. I needed air; I needed to run.

"Maybe I should have just kept quiet." His voice faded.

"No, I needed to know this. I just—I need some time." My emotions tangled with each other, leaving me in a state of disarray.

"Of course," his hand reached out to help me up, but I flinched away.

"I think I'm going to go to a hotel, okay?"

"Yeah, take as much as you need. I'm so sorry."

He stood in the doorway; his sobs barely audible. I piled my suitcase with whatever I could find. With blurry eyesight, I had no clue what I would wake up to find. I didn't care enough to check as I snapped it shut. With the dark brown bag weighing me down, I walked to the door. The keys jaggled in my hand as I placed them on the shelf. I won't be needing these for some time. Leaving through the threshold, his eyes followed me with tears.

I couldn't think straight, but one person stayed in my thoughts. I dialed a number; I got the voicemail, "Alice Cullen. Sorry I'm busy right now. But I'll get back to you as soon as possible. Leave me a message if it's urgent."

I tried her other number, less people had this one.

"Hello? Hello? Bella?"

I zoned back in, "Can I come over? I—I need someone to talk to."

"Are you crying?" Her high pitched, glossy voice asked.

"Maybe. Can you come pick me up?"

"Of course, I'll be there in a bit. Is Edward alright?"

"He's physically fine," probably emotionally hurt.

"Ohhhh, I think I know what this is about," she sounded excited.

"Please just come."

"I'll be there, but apparently I'm getting another call. I'll be there. Bye."

My clothes clung to my body as the rain counted me. Unfortunately, there was a slight breeze that caused a shiver to rise up my spine. I felt eyes on me, but I refused to look at our window.

Her car silently turned the corner giving me a sense of relief.

"Hop in," she yelled through the glass.

"Hey," my voice was faint.

"Bella, are you okay?"

"I don't know." A round of sobs caused my chest to ache.

"Okay let's get you home and get you ice-cream." Her voice bubbled with enthusiasm and my heart dropped in my chest.

"You sound excited."

"Well, I am. Of course, I want to know how you feel about him." A smile formed on her lips, which was eerie considering her were completely focused on the road. I don't need someone asking me questions right now. My eyes started to water again. She was the only person I had left.

"Sometimes I doubt you guys are just siblings. It's like you've got twin telepathy." I tried desperately hard to turn the mood.

"Don't be silly. He just called." Oh. "You know I've been waiting for this coward to tell you for a long time."

"Alice!"

"Sorry I'm being a little insensitive. But, I just have to know what you think." I can't tell Alice about the crime lord accusations. I have to make this all surface level.

"Alice, it's not going to be a straight answer." It's not going to be an answer at all. I'm lost.

"I know and either way, I'm still your friend."

"Thank you," I whispered as I sunk into the seat further.

The car stopped abruptly; Alice hopped out of the seat. Lethargically, I turned to grab my suitcase. Before I could get a good grip on it, I watched as she tossed the keys. Her gait was bouncy, like she was skipping. I sighed as the elevator took us to the highest floor.

"See, we're almost there and then you can change into comfy clothes and talk about feelings," she voice raised an octave. I wish I could tell you what really just happened. I just stood there silently, waiting for the privacy of her penthouse.

"Here we are," she opened the door. Even though I had been there a thousand times, I never ceased to be amazed. Wall on the opposite side of the room was solely made up of windows that showed the whole city below.

She moved to the kitchen. The kitchen alone could be the size of my kitchen, living room, and my room combined.

"Here," she shoved a tub of vanilla ice-cream to me.

"Actually, I don't feel like eating."

"Okay, I'm fine with skipping that part. Let's go to the talking." She led me to her massive couch.

I laid my head in her lap, staring at the ceiling. My mind was blank, purposefully not wanting to think about all of my issues. Maybe I could move and forget about all of them. No, I wouldn't do that.

"So Bella, tell me something, anything."

"Well he told me he loved me, and I don't know what to do about that." I laughed internally. That statement made tonight seem like a vacation in comparison.

"Okay, that's a start. How do you feel about him?"

"Confused."

She looked down at me, "Before tonight how did you feel?"

"I was angry, Alice. Very angry, he was being so annoying and that's what led to this. I was going to get a new partner."

"Do you know why he had a mood shift?" She was leading me, like in court.

"He doesn't like Jacob. What am I supposed to do with that?"

"It depends. What do you feel with Jake?"

"I'm in love with him, or at least I think I'm in love with him."

"And Edward?"

"I never thought of him as more than a best friend. I don't think I can."

"That's okay."

"Will you still be my friend even if I don't choose him?"

"Of course. If you think I'm your friend just because of my stupid brother, you're crazy." There was a period of silence before she continued, "But just to let you know, I think he's always loved you. I know you might not feel the same, but I need you to know that he always has your best interest at heart."

"I know." I closed my eyes as Alice ran her fingers through my hair.


Light footsteps woke me up. I looked around to see Alice making coffee in the kitchen.

"Sorry to wake you."

"What time is it?" The sky was black outside.

"It's six in the morning."

"Do you have work today?" I asked.

"No, I took the day off. I just naturally wake up this early." She handed me a cup of coffee.

"Thanks." I stared out the windows as the sun began to rise. "Alice what do I do? I can't go back to Edward and I can't go back to Jake."

"Just stay with me," she beamed.

"Okay, but what about work? The dynamic between us is going to change." Memories flooded into my mind. When his green eyes stared into mine as we spun around with Seth watching. The feeling of him being next to me. The proposal. The image of him bleeding on the sidewalk entered my mind and it psychically hurt me. But did that mean that I loved him or that we were just best friends. If Alice died, I would feel the same thing. We're just friends…we always have been.

"I promise you he's not going to make it awkward. He's going to act like it never happened." That brightened my mood slightly. Both of us don't talk about anything uncomfortable after it happens, ever.

"Alice, I think this might kill him, but he's my best friend and nothing more. I'm in a relationship with Jacob," I said it so sternly, but inside I was trying to convince myself of the truth.

"And that's perfectly okay. He's leaving it up to you. That's why he waited so long, he didn't want to hurt you or make you uncomfortable like you are now."

"Yeah, I know. I just…right now, I'm just going to try to be faithful to Jake." I pondered that, "No, that doesn't feel right either. I think I'm just going to have some time to myself."

"I like that idea. Then, I have you all to myself." Her smile beamed at me. God, what have I gotten myself into. I would be perpetually grateful for Alice, my only friend that I could really talk to about this.

I laughed, "I do want some girl time, but that doesn't mean I want to go shopping every weekend though."

She sighed, "You know shopping can help the soul."

"Is that why you work in stocks for a living? Spending money?" I teased.

She laughed, "No, it's more that I'm great at predicting things." We both chuckled, but I could tell my laugh wasn't right. Nudging my arm, I knew Alice heard it too.

"I don't know what to do. I love him but not in the same way. And I love Jake too." Oh, and Edward thinks Jake is a crime lord.

"It'll be okay. I promise." She looked like she was holding her tongue, but I wasn't in the mood to interrogate. I wasn't in the mood to do anything. Tears were forming and I tried to push them away.

Alice turned towards me and put her slender arm around my back bringing me into a hug. I let out a small sob before quickly wiping away my tears. Be strong, Swan.

"What should we do today?"

"Let's go walk around downtown."

"Wait there's one thing I have to do first." She backed off fairly quickly, busying herself with her computer. Every once in a while, she would mutter something incomprehensible.

My fingers unwillingly typed in the correct buttons. Pressing my ear up against the cold phone, I listened to the dials hoping for voicemail. But, knowing him, he would pick up.

"Hey Bella." His smooth voice carried through the phone and I felt tremendously guilty about what I was about to say.

Taking a deep breath, I tried to explain the situation without saying "my best friend thinks you run a crime ring, oh and he confessed his love for me." The words were carefully chosen and written on a post-it in front of me, "Hey Jake. I've got something to tell you."

"Okay, go on."

"Something happened last night. Nothing terrible, I'm fine. But it was between Edward and I and I realized that I need a break."

"Okay, so do you want to stay at my place?"

"Jake, I need a break from everyone. What I'm trying to say is that…our relationship is on a stand still until I figure my life out. I still love you, I've just got to focus on me for a little while."

"What has this ass done now?" Oh my god, my mind had completely obliterated the thought that he proposed moving in together earlier.

"Nothing Jake, he just made me consider a lot of different things and I need space to figure it out."

"Space from who?"

"Space from everyone. I'm staying with Alice."

"You're not cheating on me are you?"

"God no Jake. I love you, I just need some time to myself okay. That's all it is. Look, it's like I'm on a vacation."

"Is our relationship too much for you? Did I scare you away today?" He's going to think he scared me away.

"No Jake. I like our relationship, I'm just getting my crap together." The other side of the phone became silent.

"I've got to go Jake. I just want you to know I still love you and this isn't me breaking up with you." Flipping the phone shut I know that I should have said less. He's going to blame it on Edward. One of my tears fell onto one of Ali's papers and spread the ink.

"Hey, babe, you need to get outside." I flinched from Alice's voice.

"I still have to go to work tomorrow."

"No you don't." With a bewildered expression, I turned to look at her. "Bella, look at yourself. You're a mess babe. You need that sick day."

"But I'm not sick. It would be a lie."

"Well, fuck honesty, let's get out."

"Your morals are weird."

"No, I've just got priorities," she said with flowy hand expressions. "And one of them is you," she smiled and skipped away with a hand gripping my sleeve.

"Where are we going?"

"Outside. Well kind of. I need to get a dress for this event and I expect to find one too. And since you're in my care, you get the pleasure of coming along." And for once, I didn't have any objections.

Two hours later, Alice was twirling me in a dressing room. The blood red dress beneath me flowered out as I spun.

"See, gorgeous."

"Does this mean we can shop for you instead?"

"Well…while you were putting this on I might…have found 10 other dresses." My eyes widened. "Please, I just need everything to be perfect at this event. Everything down to your dress."

"Is there something wrong with this one?"

"No, but I found other ones I liked better."

And this continued for three hours until she looked like she was dead on her feet. As we walked to the car parking lot, I carried the four dresses (one for me, three for gifts for other people? I wasn't completely sure) slung over my shoulder.

After I put them in the back, Alice collapsed into the seat and then fiddled with the music. The vibrant music rocked through the car.

"Does it have to be so loud that my teeth vibrate?"

"Well, do you want it to be fun?" I chuckled before pulling onto the main road home. Next to me, her little dance moves died down until she was laying still with soft snores. I couldn't figure out how both of them fell asleep so easily.

And for the first time today, Edward's face flooded my mind. Distraction, that's all today was. It wasn't a fix for anything.

I pictured Jake sitting on the end of the bed getting ready to go into working, thinking that he had done something wrong—that he had moved too fast for me. And on the other hand, my mind's eyes saw Edward at the office, laughing with Emmett with this mask of joy on his face. And I had caused both situations.

By the end of the week, you need to come to a decision. The only option left for me at the moment was to create an ultimatum with myself. One week.

Lost in thought, I stopped a little too abruptly jerking the car forward.

"You okay, Bella?" Her voice became soft with sleep. I severely doubted that her eyes were open.

"Yeah, I'm doing okay," and that mask I had mentioned slipped onto my own face. "You might want to get up Ali. I have no clue where to park this thing."

"Just drive to the valet." Her eyes finally fluttered open.

I practically dragged her into her own apartment. At one point, I argued for her to just hop on my back. She agreed but not without a fight.

"Sorry. I'm really sluggish after a nap."

"It was only a fifteen minute nap."

"It was a power nap," she hopped up on the counter and crossed her legs. "Italian tonight?"

"Sure."


Blue paint adorned the walls of the guest bedroom. I paced at the foot of the king bed. My hands grazed the gold-colored ornaments that furnished the room. Somewhere in my mind, I knew Alice was only in the room across the hall, but I felt alone.

I refused to turn on the light; the wall sized window gave me enough already. I must have walked a few miles in circles, because, the next time my eyes attached the scene outside, the buildings reflected the sunrise.

"Good morning." The door sprang open, leaving her in the center of the doorway all composed. "Please tell me you slept some."

"Not really."

"Well, you don't have the option to lie today. So, work it is." All I heard was, I wish I could help you get out of this one, but you have to see him at some point.

"Yeah, I'll be heading out in a few minutes."


A/N: This was probably the most dramatic thing I've ever written. Please let me know what you guys think of this one. I wrote it in the very beginning. And yes, she's not the most observant (especially when it comes to him). Again, I am SO sorry for the late update… life has been so crazy lately! I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and please review :)