Part Three: Gnome Thievery

Rory pushed a strand of hair behind Alice's ear, and straightened out Jess's shirt collar. "Okay. Are we ready?"

"No," both father and daughter voiced.

Rory sighed. "Come on, you guys, its one night a week."

Jess rolled his eyes. "One night a week of slow, painful, tor-"

"Grandma!"

Alice looked up to see her great-grandmother Emily standing in the doorway, smiling.

"Rory." She hugged her. "Alice." She hugged her as well, and then gave a nod to Jess. "Jess."

"Hi, Emily."

"No maid?" Rory asked. "You don't normally answer the door."

Emily sighed heavily. "She seems to have disappeared on us."

"Probably in the torture chamber with the others," Jess muttered under his breath.

Alice struggled to keep a straight face, and Rory cleared her throat quietly.

Emily paid little attention. "Well, come in. Lorelai and Luke are late... as usual."

The trio followed her into the living room; Alice sat in between her parents on the couch.

"Would you like something to drink?" Emily asked, walking around to the bar.

"Martini, please?" Rory asked.

"Whiskey," Jess added.

"Margarita," Alice stated.

All three adults stared at her.

"What?"

Rory sighed. "She'll have a soda."

Alice pouted a little and sat back. "Wanted a margarita..." she muttered.

"You've never even had a margarita," Jess pointed out.

"I like trying new things...it makes me a better-rounded person."

"A better-rounded...slightly inebriated person," Rory nodded.

"It worked for Fitzgerald."

"Fitzgerald wasn't slightly drunk," Jess corrected. "He was piss- drunk. Big difference."

Emily walked back over, and handed Rory her martini, Jess his whiskey, and Alice a soda. "So, how has everyone's week been? Alice, how is Chilton?"

She forced out a smile and sipped her soda. "Fine. Classes are good...the people are...interesting..."

Emily smiled. "Glad to hear it. Rory? How is the paper?"

Rory nodded. "Fine. I'm on overload with editing, but it's going good."

Emily nodded. "And Jess? The magazine?"

He shifted a little. He hadn't been in all week. "It's good. I have an interview over the weekend."

Alice turned to him. "You do? Is it someone lame? Are you going to get to make Britney Spears cry again?"

Jess smirked. "No. Respectable musician this time. Sorry."

Richard walked down the stairs at that moment, straightening his tie. "Ah. Rory, Jess, Alice. I didn't know you were here already."

"Surprise," Rory smiled, getting up to hug her grandfather.

Alice followed suit, hugging him lightly, and Jess got up to shake hands.

Emily sighed as she looked at her watch. "Where are they?"

At that moment, the doorbell rang, but no one answered it.

Richard blinked. "Where is Belinda?"

"Belinda?" Emily asked. "I thought her name was Bianca?"

Jess gave the slightest look of distaste at this exchanged and sat back a little, finishing off his whiskey.

Emily shook her head and got up. "I'll get it."

Richard smiled at the trio in front of him. "So, how are you three? You look well."

"We're great, Grandpa," Rory smiled. "Alice had a good week at school, paper's fine; Jess has an interview this weekend."

Richard nodded. "Good, good to hear." He looked up. "Ah, Lorelai, Luke."

More greetings took place, and the new arrivals sat down. More small talk commenced, and Alice hopped to her feet.

"Bathroom," she announced, walking off.

Emily gave a slightly shocked look to the teen's back. "Well, that was a little rude."

"She has to go to the bathroom, Mom," Lorelai explained.

"Well, she could have handled informing us better," Emily replied. "You don't just say one word, and then walk off."

Jess muttered something, and Rory squeezed her eyes shut to keep from laughing a little.

It was going to be a long night.


Alice took her time walking back from the bathroom. Her great- grandparents' house always amazed her. It was huge, and tastefully extravagant, with its antiques and expensive-looking furnishings.

She liked the pictures best. There was one wall dedicated to family photos, and they spanned from when her great-grandfather was a child, all the way to a picture taken of herself a month prior.

Her favorites were the wedding photos. It amazed her how young Richard and Emily Gilmore had been once upon a time. Alice's grandmother had no wedding picture, but there was a formal photo taken of her and Luke, arms wrapped around each other, looking happy. The silly version of the photo (complete with tongues out and bunny ears) was kept on the mantel in the Gilmore-Danes home. The last wedding photo was of Alice's parents. Her father had a serious, but soft look on his face, and her mother was smiling brilliantly.

"There you are!" cried Luke's voice from behind her.

She turned and shifted on her feet a little. "Hey, Uncle Luke."

"What's up?" he asked. "Your grandma Lorelai was afraid you'd fallen into the toilet or something."

Alice shrugged with a smirk. "Just looking at the pictures."

Luke look past her at the wall of photos and nodded. "They're nice... Jeez, look at that." He took a frame off the wall and studied it carefully. "I didn't know they had a copy of this."

Alice looked at the picture and smirked. It had been taken in the diner, on an obviously sunny day. Luke and Jess were leaning on the counter next to each other, neither smiling, but neither looking unhappy. Jess looked to be muttering something to Luke. In front of them on the bar stools were Lorelai and Rory, both smiling and hugging each other. Alice's parents couldn't have been older than twenty.

"Who took it?"

"Your Aunt Lane," Luke replied. "I wonder where Emily got it." He smiled and put the picture back in place. "Come on, dinner's ready."


The click against her bedroom window turned her attention away from her book that evening after dinner. Alice squinted at it and slowly got up, book in hand, and looked down.

There was Joey, hands in the pockets of his black jeans, smirk on his face.

She opened up the window, and stuck her head out. "Hello, dark and mysterious stranger."

His smirk turned into a smile. "Hey, lady. Feel like coming out to play?"

Alice smiled.


Emma looked up from reading her Cosmo when she heard the tapping on the window. She smiled and rushed over from her desk to open it. "Hey."

Alice smiled from the adjacent tree. "Hey there, hot stuff," she joked. "What's say I take you away from all this?"

Emma snickered. "I like the sound of that. There wouldn't be a Joey with you, would there?"

"Alas, he was too afraid to climb the tree."

"I can hear you!" Joey called from the ground.

Emma giggled. "I'll meet you at the front door."

"Yes, Ma'am."


Dean Forrester watched his only daughter rush down the stairs, and to the front door as it was knocked on. She opened to reveal Joey and Alice.

"Going out, Dad!" Emma called.

Dean sighed from his spot at the kitchen table. "Where?"

"Just for a walk."

"When are you coming back?" he asked.

"Not too late."

"Right."

Emma turned and pouted. "You don't believe me?"

Dean gave her a smirk and shook his head. "Have fun. Be safe."

"Will do!"

Dean got up and walked to the door. "Hey, Joey; Alice."

"Hi, Dean," Alice waved. "We'll take care of your daughter."

Joey nodded in agreement. "No harm shall come to Emma."

"I'm more worried about the rest of the town with you three prowling around," Dean admitted, trying not to smile at them.

"Are you implying that we are bad, delinquent children?" Emma asked in mock shock. "I am insulted!"

"Go," Dean told them.

Alice pulled Emma out the door, and they walked off.

Dean watched and shook his head, and was about to close the door when a broken-down red Ford Anglia pulled into the drive.

"MIKEY!" Emma cried, breaking away from her boyfriend and best friend to go hug the leather jacket-clad, shaggy-hair young man who was getting out of the car.

"Christ, Emma get off me," Mike snapped.

She smiled and let go of him. "What are you doing here? I thought you weren't gonna come visit till Christmas."

He shrugged and straightened himself out. "Felt like visiting."

Emma smiled. "Okay. Well... I'm glad you're here... I'm going for a walk but maybe we could hang out when I get back.'

Mike nodded. "Okay." He walked to the front door and confronted Dean, who was looking a little surprised.

"Mike."

"Dad."

"This is a surprise."

Mike shrugged.

"How's Chicago?"

He shrugged again.

"You're moving back." Dean concluded.

"Ran out of cash," Mike said quietly. "Got kicked out of the apartment. Lost my job. Grandma didn't want me there."

Dean nodded and let him in.


"Wow, the great Mike has returned," Joey said.

Emma smiled. "Yeah. I can't believe he's here! Mom's gonna flip!"

"In a good way or in a bad way?" Alice asked. "I mean... if I remember correctly, the last time he was here... a year ago, he was hopped up on whatever it was he was smoking or snorting at the time, and arguing with your parents."

Emma shrugged. "Maybe things have changed." She smiled at them. "People can change, right?"

Joey wrapped an arm around her. "Yeah. Yeah, they can."


Dave Rygalski tilted his head at the dirty, old lawn gnome that was seated at the kitchen table that sunny Saturday morning. "Lane?"

Lane walked into the kitchen and hooked her arm through his. She reached up and kissed his cheek. "Morning."

"Morning," Dave smiled at her, but then turned his attention back to the kitchen table. "Do we usually invite lawn gnomes to breakfast?"

Lane blinked and followed his gaze. "I... Oh. That's a lawn gnome..."

"It is."

"Did you put it there?"

"Nope."

Lane squinted at it. "I didn't put it there."

Dave sighed. "JOSEPH!" he called loudly. "YOU GOT SOME 'SPLAININ TO DO!"


Lindsay Forrester quietly opened the door to her daughter's room, and looked in to find both of her children sleeping peacefully.

"Mike?" she whispered in shock.

And then she saw it.

The dingy lawn gnome that was lying on the floor.

"Dean!" Lindsay called; knowing that nothing short of a nuclear explosion could wake up her children.

Her husband climbed the stairs. "Yeah?"

"First of all," the blond hissed. "What the hell is Mike doing here?"

Dean sighed. "I-"

"Second of all," Lindsay cut him off. "What is that gnome doing here?"

Dean looked in, and rolled his eyes. "Dammit, Emma!"


Jess trudged down the stairs groggily, running a hand through his hair. Yup. Still all there. Graying faster than Speedy Gonzales (in Jess's eyes at least) but all there. He sighed and was about to walk into the kitchen, but stopped and backtracked into the living room.

He stared blearily down at the lawn gnome sitting on his couch.

"Pierpont?"

Jess looked around a little, and then picked up the phone and dialed. "Hey, Luke. Guess what Alice did."


Emma followed her father down Maple Street. "It's just a lawn gnome."

Dean sighed as he carried the gnome at a brisk pace. "But it's not your lawn gnome."

Emma rolled her eyes and he whirled around to face her.

"Stealing is wrong."

"Bad Emma!" she cried, slapping herself on the wrist. "Bad, bad Emma! No soup for you!"

Dean rolled his eyes. "Be serious, please."

She gave him a bright smile. "Yes, Daddy."

"Why did you steal this thing?"

She shrugged. "We were bored."

"Was this Alice's idea?" Dean snapped. "I swear to god..."

"It was Joey's idea," Emma smiled.

"Oh, even better," Dean droned out. "You're grounded."

"What?! It's just a lawn gnome!"

"But it's not your lawn gnome!"

"I'm a little ashamed."

Dean turned at the sound of the easy voice. Jess was walking up, carrying his own lawn gnome, trailed by his daughter.

"I'm sorry," Alice replied regretfully.

"Alice, you have got to learn that stealing, while fun, and sometimes thrilling, is only so until you get caught... and believe me, this town will always catch you."

The small brunette sighed. "Yes, Dad."

"And now, since you've been found out, I have to think up suitable punishment," Jess went on. "And I suck at that."

Alice gave him a hopeful smile. "Maybe you could skip that and get me ice cream."

"No... that won't do," Jess replied, grimacing. "Looks like movie night is off tomorrow."

Alice pouted. "Oh."

"You did get caught."

"Did Uncle Luke punish you for gnome theft?" Alice asked.

"He tried," Jess nodded. "That's what counts."

Dean rolled his eyes as the Mariano's approached. "Do you even know what the word discipline means?"

Jess raised an eyebrow. "Let's not, shall we?"

Emma smiled at Alice, who gave her own smirk.

"Wipe those looks off," Dean ordered. "This is not funny."

"I'm a thirty-nine-year-old man holding a lawn gnome named Pierpont," Jess commented. "I think that qualifies as funny."

Dean fumed a little. "Why are you trying to undermine my parenting skills?!"

"What parenting skills?"

Dean glared.

The girls snickered, leaning against each other.

"How about just The Gnomes?"

"No... Gnome Theory."

"That's pretty sweet!"

The quartet turned to see the Rygalskis approach. Dave was carrying, yes, a lawn gnome, and Joey was following quickly. They seemed to be in heated discussion.

"Gnome Thievery," Joey said.

Dave nodded. "Not bad."

"What are you guys talking about?" Emma asked as the duo walked up.

"Band names using the word gnome," Dave replied.

"You're not mad," Dean shook his head.

Dave shrugged. "It's just a lawn gnome."

Jess smirked and Dean rolled his eyes.

"Wow," said a voice behind them. "This is a surprise."

They turned to see Lorelai walking up to them.

Alice smiled. "Hi, Grandma."

"Hey, Sweets, ready for movie night tomorrow?" Lorelai smiled.

"She's not going," Jess replied.

Lorelai pouted. "Why not?"

Jess hefted the gnome.

Lorelai tilted her head at Alice. "You... stole Pierpont?"

The girl shrugged.

Lorelai turned to Jess. "You do realize this is all your fault."

"Isn't everything? Mom?"

Lorelai smiled at her son-in-law. "You call me Mom again, and Pierpont's going where the sun don't shine."

He gave Alice a lop-sided grin. "She does care."

Dean sighed. "Can we just go and return these?"

Dave sighed. "We have to face Babette."

"Old, rotten-toothed, wig-wearin' Babette," Jess nodded. He turned to Alice and placed the gnome in front of her. "You have fun with that." With that, he began to walk off.

Alice stared in shock. "Hey!"

Dave handed the name to Joey and smiled. "Mind her breath."

Dean shook his head and set his gnome down as well. "You're on your own, Em."

Lorelai laughed as the trio stared in shock.


Jess returned home from his interview that evening to find a sixteen- year-old blond boy standing at the front door. He stood behind him, arms crossed.

"You're in my way."

The boy turned and looked up in silence.

"Rotating doesn't put you in a better position," Jess told him.

"I'm looking for Alice Mariano," the boy said with a smile. "We have a date."

Jess's eyebrow rose high. "You do."

He nodded.

"And your name is...?"

"Tristin Dugrey the Second," the blond said, sticking out a hand.

Jess glanced down at it, and then pushed past him to open up the door. He walked into the house and closed the door behind him.

"Hey!" Rory said, walking up to greet him with a kiss.

He kissed back lightly. "Hey. Ali here?"

"Nope. Band practice."

"Huh."

"Why? What's up?"

"There's a boy at the door for her," Jess replied.

Rory raised an eyebrow and took a glance out the peephole. "Oh... is that Tristin's son?"

Jess nodded. "I think."

Rory opened the door and gave Tristin a quizzical look. "Hi."

"Hi," Tristin replied. "Is Alice here?"

"Uh... no, she's out right now," Rory replied. "She went to band practice."

"Band practice."

Rory nodded.

"Okay," Tristin nodded, and turned and walked off.

Rory watched him go and shrugged and closed the door. She turned to find Jess only a few inches away from her. "Why hello, there."

He nodded. "Hi."

She looked closely into his eyes and smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck. "What are we thinking about?"

He shrugged and looked around casually. "Alice is out... we've got nothing planned for tonight... What do you think I'm thinking about?"

Rory smirked. "A rousing game a scrabble?"

He nodded. "Uh-huh. That was it."

She giggled and kissed him again.