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Emerald
I know he's watching me. I can feel it in his gaze.
Once again, he's worried about me. Why? Because it is raining outside, and here I am at the window, staring out into the haze. He always worries about me on nights like tonight.
I don't even know why I force myself to watch the rain. I hate it, completely and utterly hate it. But I'm still here, watching it.
A few footsteps creak on the wooden boards beneath our feet., but he doesn't say a word. I suppose I am grateful for that. I have nothing to say.
Something hovers in the air between us, though. Something that makes me want to speak, to say anything. I want to hear his voice. Say something, please. I don't care what it is, just say something.
Almost as if he can hear my thoughts, he asks, in that rough voice of his, "Why?"
He knows. I know he knows, because I told him. "Why what?" I reply gently.
"You know what I mean!" He grabs my shoulder and turns me to face him. "Why are you doing this to yourself?" When I give no answer, he shakes me, frustrated. "Come on, man, answer me!"
Still no words escape my lips.
He sighs. "I know why you hate the rain, but I don't get why you've got to torture yourself like this! I know you miss her. I get that. But you've got to let her go!"
I can't seem to meet his eyes. "It's my fault she died. How can I forget that?"
Anger now burns in those eyes. "It's my fault my mom died, but I'm not the one standing around moping, am I? Let her go!"
"How?" I hiss, my voice raising slightly. "How do I do that? Do you think I haven't tried?"
"If you keep hiding behind her memory, you'll never find anyone new! Find someone else. If you really fall in love, you'll be able to let her go."
"Show me," I whisper suddenly.
"What?" he asks.
"How to let her go."
"I just told you. You've got to-"
"I know," I interrupted him. "I have fallen in love⦠with you."
He wasn't expecting that, I can tell by the expression on his face. Than a grin; his trademark grin, appears. "If you insist." Pulling me close, he carefully, gently, seals my lips with his own.
Butterflies flutter in my stomach, ones that I haven't felt in such a long time. When we break apart, he asks, "Is she gone?"
"Yes," I reply. "I've let her go."
"Good." Her holds me close, and I bury my face into his shoulder. "I feel like I've been waiting forever for this."
"So do I, Gojyo. So do I." I don't dare to let go of him; what if this is just a dream?
He seems to read my mind once again, for he says, "It's not a dream, babe. I really love you, Hakkai."
Cho Hakkai and Sha Gojyo from Saiyuki
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