Welcome To Wonderland Ch. 9: The Hordes Gathering

Joey sighed and waited at the small diner table. He took a glance at his watch and sighed again. "I say 'hey... meet me at Luke's at ten on Sunday," he muttered. "They say 'okay, Joe! We love you, Joe!' Yet here I am at ten-thirty and... I'm alone... unloved... abandoned..."

Luke walked up, giving the teen a weird look. "You okay?"

"Fine," he replied, sitting back. "Forsaken by my friends, but fine."

Luke smirked. "You know Alice isn't working today, right?"

"I know," Joey replied. "I'm not waiting on her. She's not supposed be here. See, we were all supposed to get up early to start planning her birthday... which is... soon. And here I am. Alone; unaided; by myself."

Luke stared in slight fear. "Don't you even-"

Too late. Joey burst into song. "All by myyyseeeelllfff!"

Luke cringed. "How do you know that song?"

"Hi," Joey replied. "Have you met my parents?"

"How could I forget," Luke muttered. "You gonna order something?"

Joey sighed. "Pancakes? And coffee?"

Luke nodded. "You got it."

Just as Luke walked off, Emma stumbled in with a hand to her head.

Joey got up. "Em?"

She waved vaguely and took a seat at his table.

"What happened to you?"

"Nothing," Emma replied. "I'm sorry I'm late."

Joey bit his lip and then went up to the counter. "Hey, Jess."

Jess nodded as he served an elderly gentleman sitting on the other side of the counter. "What's up, Joe?"

"Can I get another coffee along with my order?" he asked hopefully.

Jess gave him an odd stare, and then glanced over at Emma. "She doesn't look good. Something happen?"

Joey shrugged.

Jess grimaced and nodded. "I'll get you that coffee."

"Thanks," Joey nodded as Jess handed him the coffee.

Jess nodded and watched him walk back to his table and set the mug in front his girlfriend.

Luke walked out from the kitchen and followed Jess's gaze. "What's up with Emma?"

"Three guesses," Jess muttered, before walking back to the storeroom.

At that moment Lorelai rushed into the diner and slumped down into a chair at Joey and Emma's table. "Hi! Sorry I'm late!"

"No yelling, please..." Emma muttered, squeezing her eyes shut.

Lorelai blinked at the girl. "Em? Are you okay?"

Emma nodded and drank her coffee.

"What did you do last night?" Lorelai asked suspiciously.

"Hung out with Mike..."

"Oh, sweetie, no," Lorelai said worriedly. "Please tell me you didn't..."

"Nothing happened," Emma snapped. "Everything's fine."

Lorelai sighed. She knew the girl was lying. "Don't go out with him again, okay?"

Emma nodded a little.

Joey and Lorelai made eye contact; both frowning at each other.

"Do you want me to take you home?" Lorelai asked.

Emma shook her head. "No. I'm fine, and we need to plan this."

Joey sighed. "Well, we're still waiting on Molly... and Tristin... and Madison...and Keith, but god only knows if he'll actually show up..."

The door opened again, and Tristin walked in. "Sorry I'm late."

"Liar," Joey muttered.

"What?" Tristin asked as he sat down, looking confused.

"What?" Joey repeated. "Who said that?"

Tristin rolled his eyes and sat down at the table. "Did I miss anything?"

"Nope," Lorelai replied. "We're still waiting on Molly, Madison and Keith."

Tristin wrinkled his forehead. "Keith's coming?"

"He's one of Ali's oldest friends," Joey said.

Tristin sighed loudly and tapped his fingers on the table.

Emma snatched Tristin's hand to stop him from tapping. "Don't."

"What's your problem?" Tristin asked, obviously a little annoyed.

"Headache," Emma replied. "Stop the tapping or I'll eat out your liver."

"She's not lying," Joey warned. "She'll do it."

"Man, you guys are weird," Tristin muttered.

Lorelai smiled. "Mmm, this is normal for them."

Madison stumbled into the diner and plopped down into a chair. "Sorry I'm late. Mein Fuhrer almost didn't let me leave the house on account of my chemistry homework not being done."

Tristin blinked. "It's not due until next week."

"And that matters?" Madison asked.

"How is your mother?" Lorelai asked.

"Paris is fine," Madison replied quickly. "Juuuuust peachy."

Tristin gave an odd look. "What is it with you people calling your parents by their first names?"

"This again?" Keith asked as he walked in and took a seat.

Tristin rolled his eyes as Keith sat down. "Hi."

Keith nodded. "So how are we working this whole birthday thing?"

"We're still waiting on Molly," Emma muttered.

"Still?" Keith asked.

At that moment, Molly stormed in, with her father hot on her heals.

Brian sighed. "Just wear the coat."

Molly rolled her eyes. "How many times do I have to tell you that I'm not cold?"

"I don't want you to get sick!" Brian cried. "At least just take it with you."

"You are so damaged," Molly commented, taking the coat. "Now go home before Dad comes in here and yells at you."

Lorelai snickered as the girl sat down. "Ah, domestic life with Zach and Brian."

Molly grumbled as she sat down with them.


Rory paced around the living room, wearing her pajamas with the phone to her ear. "Yes, hi. May I please speak to Professor Lily Benton?"

"Hold, please," said the voice on the other end.

"Thank you."

Rory paced a little more. Planning for Alice's birthday wasn't as easy as she'd hoped it would be. She shouldn't have been surprised to be having trouble contacting Jess's side of the family, though.

"Hello?"

"Lily?"

"Rory?!"

"Hi!"

"Hi!" Lily said excitedly. "I haven't heard from you in ages? How are you? How's Jess? How's Alice? How-"

"Lily, breathe," Rory snickered. "Everybody's good."

"What's up?"

"Alice's birthday is next weekend," Rory replied.

"Yeah, I know. Dominic and I were planning on sending books."

Rory grimaced. "That's great... I was actually wondering if maybe you would think about coming down... seeing as it is her sweet sixteen and we haven't seen you in so long."

Lily thought for a moment. "It might be a little bit hard... I think we might be able to swing it."

"That'd be great!" Rory smiled. "That'd be awesome."


"I'M HOME!!"

Sookie rushed down the stairs of their home, almost tripping on the way to her son. "JELLY BEAN!"

Davie Melville caught his mother before she hit the ground and hugged her. He was a very large young man of around twenty, with light brown hair and warm brown eyes. "Hey, Mom."

"Oh, Sweetie!" Sookie cried, hugging her son back. "I'm so glad you're home!"

Davie smiled. "Me, too, Mom. Dad home?"

"Oh, no, he's at work, but he should be here for dinner." She let go of him and led him into the kitchen. "I thought you weren't coming home until two weekends from now."

Davie shrugged. "The coach let us have the weekend off of practice, and I had nothing else to do, so... here I am."

"Well, good! You can help Mommy cook dinner."

Davie smirked and rolled his eyes. "Yes, Mommy."


Luke heard a crashing from the storeroom, and rushed back, swinging open the door.

There was Jess, in the process of getting to his feet.

"Jesus, Jess! What the hell was that?!"

He turned suddenly, looking slightly pale. He crossed his arms over his chest. "I slipped. Sorry."

Luke stared. "You don't look so good."

"I'm fine."

"You're lying."

"I said I'm fine." He sighed. "I'm gonna clean this up," he told him, nodding to the fallen boxes.

Luke just stared and shook his head.


"We're not coming here a couple of Friday's from now," Rory informed her grandmother.

Emily looked up, slightly alarmed. "Why not?"

"It's Alice's birthday," Jess answered. "We're throwing the party."

"Oh?" Emily asked, raising an eyebrow.

Both parents nodded.

"Why can't you have it on Saturday?" Emily asked.

"Oh, here we go," Lorelai muttered.

"Her birthday is on Friday," Jess replied. "SO we're throwing her party on Friday."

"We want time with her on Friday," Emily said.

"Tough," Jess replied. "She's not your kid. You're more than welcome to come to our house on Friday, but we won't be showing up here."

Emily glared slightly, and Jess stared blankly.

At that moment, Alice walked in, still in her Chilton uniform from school, backpack over her shoulder. "Hi," she said. She glanced from Emily to Jess. "What happened?"

"Nothing," Emily replied pleasantly.

"Your Great Grandmother and I are not seeing eye to eye," Jess told her truthfully.

"What else is new?" Alice asked, sitting next to Lorelai. "Hi."

"Hey, Sweetie. How was your day?" Lorelai asked.

"Good," Alice nodded. "What are we arguing about?"

"Alice, where would you like to spend your birthday next Friday?" Emily asked.

"On the moon," Alice replied.

Emily paused for a moment. "Would you like to have dinner here?"

"What's wrong with the moon?" Alice asked, pouting a little.

"Your dad wants you to spend your birthday at home," Lorelai told her.

"Cool," Alice said. "That works. Joe and Em have plans for me apparently."

"What about Friday dinner?" Emily asked.

"You can come to our house," Alice smiled. "It'll be fun! You haven't been in a really long time."

Emily sighed. "Why disrupt our routine?"

"Sorry I'm late," Richard said, walking in and sitting down. He looked from Emily to Jess and sighed. "What this time?"

"They want to have Friday dinner at their house for Alice's birthday," Emily replied.

Jess cleared his throat. "Ali, can you go get my cell phone out of the car?"

Alice nodded and got up. "One day, you'll remember it on your own," she mumbled as she walked out.

"Not likely," Jess called as the door closed.

Rory sighed. "We're throwing a surprise party for Alice at Mom's house."

Emily kept her gaze on her granddaughter. "And?"

"And that's why we need to cancel Friday dinner," Rory finished.

"Well, I don't think it's an excuse," Emily said. "I want to spend Alice's birthday with her."

"We've got plans," Jess snapped.

Rory sighed and took his hand. "Jess...."

Richard sighed as well. "Emily, just let it go." He turned to Rory. "We are invited to this party, yes?"

Rory nodded. "Of course."

"Good," Richard nodded. "Then we'll be there."

Emily groaned. "Richard!"

"Eight o'clock," Rory smiled.

Lorelai grinned. "I'll make sure Sookie cooks more food."

"Wonderful," Richard smiled. "Speaking of food, I'm starving."

At that moment, Alice walked back in and dropped the cell phone in her father's lap. "There."

"Thanks," Jess nodded.

"I don't know about you guys," Luke said, getting to his feet. "But I'm with Richard."

Richard got up as well. "Yes, let's head into the dining room, shall we?"


Madison cleared her throat, and the four girls looked up from their lunch table the follow Monday.

"Uhm... Hi," she said nervously. "I'm Alice's friend, Madison."

Elise, Stephanie, Aza and Sami-Joe all shrugged and nodded.

Madison sat down tentatively.

"Hey," Stephanie said. "You don't have to be nervous. We don't eat people."

"Yeah, only Kayla does that," Aza joked.

Madison sighed. "So... this coming Friday is Alice's birthday, and..."


Friday morning at three, Rory crept into her daughter's room, and sat on the bed. "Alice."

She groaned.

Rory sat down on the bed and nudged Alice, who scooted over to give her room to lie down. "Happy birthday."

Alice squinted awake. "It's three in the morning."

Rory nodded. "Yup."

"I was born at three fifteen," Alice smirked. "I have fifteen more minutes." She closed her eyes again.

Rory shook her head. "You are so Jess's daughter. Open up. I wanna talk to you."

Alice sighed and opened her eyes. "Hi."

"Hi, birthday girl... so, what do you think?" Rory asked. "How does it feel to be sixteen?"

"Same as it did to be fifteen," Alice replied thoughtfully. "Although I think my boobs got a little bigger." She looked down at her chest. "Did they get bigger?"

Rory snickered and nudged Alice. "Any complaints about life so far?"

"Britney Spears."

"I'll have Dad put out a hit on her this afternoon," Rory promised. She smiled. "You are such a cool kid. You're so much cooler than I was at your age."

Alice smirked. "You were a nerd."

"Still am, thank you."

At that moment, Jess stumbled into the room and landed on the bed, on Alice's other side. "Sorry I'm late," he said groggily.

"You're always late," both girls said at once.

He sighed. "Yeah, yeah."

"He was even late for your birth," Rory pointed out to Alice.

"By six minutes," Jess snapped. "I was there in six minutes."

"Six long, painful minutes," Rory moaned.

"Yeah for the nurses," Jess muttered.

Rory reached across and smacked him on the arm.

"Abuse!" Jess cried.

Rory rolled her eyes and wrapped an arm around Alice. "So there I was... at this exact time, many years ago, gripping your father's hand..."

"Cutting off my circulation," Jess muttered.

"You try having a baby," Rory quipped.

"I didn't have feeling in my left hand for three days," Jess told Alice. "It sucked."

"So did having something the size of a bowling ball pop out of my-"

"Okay!" Alice cut them off. "Either tell the story or let me sleep."

Rory sighed. "So there I was, cutting off the circulation in your father's hand, using words I'd never ever used before..."

"And haven't since," Jess pointed out with a nod.

"And haven't since," Rory repeated. "And after hours and hours of pushing and screaming, and cursing Jess, telling him he was never ever allowed to touch me ever again... the doctor said he saw your head."

"And then I leaned over to have a look," Jess cut in. "Biggest mistake of my life."

"Hey!" Alice cried.

"It was weird-looking," Jess defended.

"Jerk," Rory muttered. "So, a few long, loud minutes later, there you were."

"Covered in goo," Jess added.

"You're taking the sentimentality out of this," Rory accused.

"She was covered in goo," Jess repeated.

"You guys are freaks," Alice said.

"And then you started crying," Jess went on. "A lot. Loudly."

"It was a good sound," Rory nodded.

Jess nodded in agreement. "It was."

Rory snickered. "And then they made your dad cut the umbilical cord."

Jess rolled his eyes.

Rory laughed. "He dropped the scissors."

"Shut up."

"So, the doctors took you away to get you cleaned up, and brought you back along with a clean bill of health," Rory said.

"They had to cut the tail off first," Jess mentioned.

Alice nudged him. "Meanie."

"So then you got passed around like a thirty-cent prostitute," Jess went on. "Every single relative wanted to hold you and make weird faces at you and beg you never to inherit any of my personality traits."

Rory and Alice both snickered.

Jess smirked. "And like a true Mariano, you completely ignored them all and did whatever the hell you wanted."

Alice smirked and kept listening.