Backsliding - Carrie Underwood

*I do not own the rights to this song

She wasn't supposed to be thinking about him- and she definitely wasn't supposed to be thinking of him as she lie awake in bed.

But she was.

With eyes wide open, Haley imagined him beside her, delicately caressing the cold sheets on the far side of the bed. What a contrast in touch, she thought- the silky sheets felt smooth beneath her fingers, when all she really wanted was to trace the familiar contours of his abs. She knew every valley, every ridge, as if it were a road map to her home.

Her fingertips burned for a semblance of his ghost. He was gone.

She rolled onto her back and sighed. Tears stabbed the corner of her eyes like the sharp edges of glass.

Too much has gone wrong. We should just move on.

At least, that's what they both said.

Haley didn't mean it. Her words were born in the heat of the moment; a fire that couldn't be doused. She regretted it now. Their love had lit an inferno inside of her but, as with any blaze, everything burned to dust.

There was no single match to blame- there were a million reasons they said goodbye.

They couldn't try. They couldn't fight anymore.

She realized now, in the darkness of what had once been their bedroom, that not one of the million reasons mattered.

Haley turned again to face the other side of the room as a single teardrop slid onto the pillow; even in the shadows, her eyes found the dresser drawer where he put his wedding ring and slammed it shut. And just like that- five years of everything they ever built, was buried.

Is that what it all amounted to?

Five years of laughter. Happiness. Hope. Dreams - now merely thrown away as if it were a tattered piece of cloth.

"Ugh!" A groan of frustration tore through her thoughts and the time caught her eye.

2:02 a.m.

Another sleepless night. She turns and flops again- the feeling is not lost on her that she resembles a fish out of water. She may as well be. Without him, she would never truly be home.

Before Haley even has a chance to contemplate what exactly she is doing, she reaches for her phone and blindly dials his number.

It's probably a dream, she deduces, when he shows up fifteen minutes later, bathing beneath her porch light.

The sheets aren't cold anymore. They are warm. They are drenched in his crisp cologne and the scent of spicy aftershave.

His lips attach to the hinge of her jaw and his tongue is lapping at the dark brown freckle below her left ear. She's pulling off his t-shirt, discarding it on the floor to wear as a dress tomorrow morning.

Haley feels his hand brushing below her shirt until it reaches her bare breast and calloused fingers tweak her hardened nipples. She moans his name, breathless.

"Nathan."

She feels his lips curve into a smirk. Her fingers wrap around his bare shoulder, lightly digging her fingernails into his hot skin. Their naked bodies get tangled between the sheets and she feels him thrust his hips- his hard length rubbing along her wet folds sends a shock-wave of pleasure straight to her brain. It's the greatest form of torture.

"Haley," Nathan whispers her name in a soft chant; his body blankets hers.

"Please."

"Please, what?" He mumbles against her breast.

"I need you inside of me."

Nathan braces himself on his strong forearms and, wasting not another second, enters her in one full thrust.

A spark of white-light flashes between her eyes every time his hips ground against her throbbing clit. She digs her nails deeper and swallows another moan when Nathan's lips meld against her own. Their tongues are parallel to their lower bodies; thrust-to-thrust.

Nathan watches her below him. He feels her bouncing breasts against his chest- fuck, he missed this. He missed her. He can't help but smile when he watches her eyes clench, a tell-tale sign she's on the cusp of a climax and he'd be damned if he didn't get her there.

"Come for me," his words are a hot whisper, forming a cloud around the crackling air.

She's almost there- and when Nathan taps his thumb firmly against her clit, Haley clenches her inner walls, securing his long, hot length deep inside like a hidden secret. She never wanted to let go.

. . .

Everything feels right when she wakes up wearing his t-shirt. Fallen beams of sunlight splash between her curtains, bathing them both in a warm glow. They shouldn't have done that. They said they wouldn't. Not again. But they did, like they always do.

"Mm' mornin'," she hears Nathan mumble and can't help but smile when his arm snakes around her stomach and presses a kiss in her hair.

"Nathan," she warns- but her voice lacks conviction- "this is the last time."

His eyes are still shut but he chuckles in response.

She contemplates her next words and wonders if he can hear the rapidly beating heart in her chest. "I heard you were seeing someone."

"It was one date," he grumbles. "The guys set it up. Thought I'd get over you quicker."

Haley fiddles with her fingers, which have interlaced with his. "Word gets around in such a small down," she mumbled.

"I heard you were seeing someone too," his words were wrapped in barbed-wire. It cut like a knife.

"Only twice," she squeaked. "Brooke and Peyton…"

"What are we doing, Hales?"

Haley turned to look at the mark of rejection stretching across his face. It fit like a perfect mask.

"I don't know."

"We just… we can't keep lookin' back and living in the past like this," Nathan said as he started to sit up in bed. Haley tugged on his forearm, willing him back down. He cautiously sank back down onto the mattress in all his naked glory. Nathan didn't miss the way Haley's hooded eyes roamed his form. He too couldn't help but notice how sexy she looked this morning; her hair was a mess but a beautiful one at that. "There's a million reasons why you should be happy."

"But they're not enough!" Haley argued. "Because here we are."

"Why do you keep calling?"

"Why do you keep answering?" She countered.

Nathan licked his lips. Her brown eyes intensely bore into his burning blue gaze.

"I keep asking myself," Haley continued, "why do I need you and nobody else?"

He watched as she paced along the floor, his shirt looking better on her than it ever looked on him. The expanse of her creamy skin on her thighs was on ample display and it took everything in him not to push her back to the wall-

"If we're not meant to be, then why do we keep doing this… this… it's like we're backsliding," Haley was on a full-on ramble mode and Nathan couldn't fight the smile blooming over his lips. She was right; why did they ever call it quits?

"Baby," Nathan grabbed her hand and spun her towards him until she was flush against his chest. "I don't care what you call it. Backsliding, front sliding, hell- slip sliding. I'd do it over and over again with you."

"Nathan-"

"Let's stop pretending and start over again. We are meant to be and I'll do whatever it takes to prove it to you."

"I just," her protest was weak and seized by the feel of his lips on hers. She was just as stunned when he pulled away, seconds later; her face curling into a question mark when he walked towards their dresser.

Nathan carefully pulled open the dresser drawer and found his ring again, sliding it on his left finger with a wide grin.

"I never should have taken this off."