II. Patriarch
Zuko was the Fire Lord. Courtiers bowed at the shadow of his presence, mighty armies stood at his beck and call, and his name was known and feared at every corner of the earth. This room, the palace connected to it, the island it was built upon, and everything living therein were his property by divine right. Commoners produced big impressive khon dances illustrating his legendary exploits, for performance during major festivals. He was a dignified figure respected by all.
None of this did anything whatsoever to dissuade his second wife from trying to rub strange herbal concoctions into his beard.
"Stop that," Zuko swatted at Ty Lee. It was hard for him to maintain a poor mood in the morning. His blood boiled with energy. The sun was telling him to rise and shine and order people about.
"You don't mean that!" Ty Lee easily evaded him. "This crushed amber in linseed oil will totally to the lightning element of Agni's threefold spirit. And I added aloe for healthy follicles!"
"I'm sleeping," Zuko's other wife complained, from where she'd dragged the covers over her head to shut out the morning light. Zuko was unsure why it was necessary for her to kick him in the shins when Ty Lee was the one making noise. Still, he wisely took the gashes her nails made in his calves without complaint. Marriage to trained assassins had taught him a lot about forbearance and timing.
"Aw, Mai you don't mind! You luuuuuurve us," Ty Lee teased loudly. She was wrapped around Zuko like a limpet. He couldn't say that he objected to that, even if his facial hair felt frightfully greasy.
Things like this were always happening when he slept in Ty Lee's room. Sleeping in Mai's room usually ended up oblique threats upon his life. Zuko's room was rarely slept in at all, because his wives said that he had no taste, though Zuko had no idea what was so offensive about it. Zukos' room was peaceful. It wasn't full of unnecessary, cluttery crap, unlike the quarters that certain other people in this marriage maintained.
"I do not love you when you keep me awake in the morning," Mai bitched.
"Sure you do," Ty Lee retorted over Mai's groan of protest. She wriggled in Zuko's lap and grinned a big cheesy grin. "Just like you don't mind trying my new ointment! Truuuuuuueeee luuuuurve conquers all. I've read all the Vedas so I know it's right."
Zuko had to concede that he bore a certain amount of affection towards what was going on his groin at the moment.
"Shut up, Ty Lee. I mean it." Mai tried to burrow further into the futon. This was probably the most inflection that she would show all day.
At that point Zuko made the tactical decision to lift Ty Lee by the hips – not hard, she was so light that she was breakable and Zuko had never let go of his training – and set her down on Mai's midsection. He could take a cold bucket of water to the crotch if needs be.
"I need to arrange something with the Exchequer. I'll return in a moment," Zuko excused himself, so as to pin the brewing squall on his wives and avoid all personal censure. He stood and then headed down the hallway to the bathroom.
When Mai first insisted upon a polygamist dual marriage – in the style of Fire Lord Sozin – the old-fashioned soldier in Zuko had been understandably scandalized. For months he was unable to let go of lingering fear that his paramours were secretly lesbians, plotting behind his back. He hadn't known how to tell if a woman was faking her orgasms and there wasn't anyone he was willing to ask.
Zuko looked over his shoulder and saw Ty Lee tussling with a murderous-looking Mai. He'd come back once the two of them had worn all the irritation out of one another and were feeling more pliable.
In retrospect, he could see the wisdom in the traditions of his forefathers.
