AN: Since today is the Ateez concert in Chicago and I couldn't go anymore thus having to sell my VIP tickets that I held onto for TWO motherfucking years all because I got c-v1d THREE days before the actual d-day, I decided to update this chapter that's been sitting in my drafts for months. Enjoy the mild angst.
Disclaimer: I don't own GA
LAST CHAPTER RECAP
"Who's Imai?" he asked quietly
"No one important"
"How long are you going to ignore it?.."
"I'll ignore it as much as I want"
"I'm not Imai i'm Hyuuga"
"What do you need Hyuuga"
"I just wanted to say I'm sorry…I shouldn't have played with your feelings like that"
"I will never forgive you, unlike you I was actually serious!"
"Don't talk about things you don't know!"
"Then what is true?!"
"I LOVE YOU DAMNIT…….I love you Sakura Mikan."
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Chapter 6 - I Love Him
ScarletMidnight19
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'I love you so fucking much it actually fucking hurts'
'I love you Sakura Mikan'
'I love you….'
'I love you….'
'I love you….'
She was drowning in a vast abyss. Her mind spinning out of control.
Was it the truth? Could it be?
She hoped it was.
No.
Their lies, all lies.
That can't be true. It's a lie.
He doesn't love you.
If he did he wouldn't have ever lied to you in the beginning! Wouldn't have ever used you.
But what if he did?
He doesn't. Remember how he always treated you. Remember his insults. Would someone that loves you be so quick to insult you?
No, but-
Don't be so naive Mikan. We are not this stupid!
No. No. NO!
"...kan. Mikan. MIKAN!"
With a shuddering gasp she woke up. She could feel the slight tremors in her fingers. Twitching ever so slightly. The feel of her sweat sliding down across her forehead and to her jaw.
She could still feel herself spinning in the dark abyss. Fighting for control.
She fisted her sheets angrily. She was doing fine.
She was doing just well.
Why did he have to say such a thing. Why couldn't he just leave her alone, like she wanted.
She left Japan for a reason.
He was supposed to be a genius. He should've known she wanted nothing to do with him.
She wanted nothing to do with him.
He was the one who started this. Him, along with Imai. They didn't have the right to be angry at her.
They didn't deserve an explanation. Because they knew what they were doing wasn't right.
They knew it. Because if not, why try to keep it a secret? Why go to these lengths for her to never find out.
That's not what a 'boyfriend' or a 'bestfriend' does!
And then even after all that, he just says 'I love you' just like that? And expects a response??
No. NO!
He doesn't deserve that!
"It's okay Mikan. It's okay."
Comforting words were being whispered in her ear by a familiar voice, followed by soothing gestures, rubbing her back in soft light circles. Just murmuring sweet nothings.
She heard a choked scream, which she vaguely recognized to be coming from her own lips.
She was sobbing?
How did that happen?
She was clinging unto the familiar body. Grabbing their arm like it was her lifeline. Her cries echoed throughout her small dorm room.
And all throughout it she cursed Natsume Hyuuga to hell and back.
She was doing fine! She was...she was...She wasn't fine at all.
She hated this! But most of all she hated him!
She hated how even though he was stringing her along and manipulating her, she still loved him.
She hated how even through his cold exterior he would show warmth and kindness only to her.
She hated how he made her feel.
Hated how her own feelings betrayed her. Because even after all that happened she still loved him.
She loved Natsume Hyuuga with all her heart.
And even if she screamed to the heavens that she loathed him. Her heart would always sing a different tune.
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She awoke to the sound of insistent knocking. She only lifted her covers more, and ignored the loud noise happening by her door.
"Ignore it, it'll go away" she mumbled to herself half asleep.
"Mikan! Open the door!" The pounding just got a little louder and just a tad more annoying
Mikan groaned "Go away~" she whined
"Mikan. Open. The. Door."
"No! Leave me alone!" She yelled back, reaching for her pillow and putting it over her head covering her ears as she tried to go back to sleep.
Luckily the pounding stopped and she could finally concentrate on going back to sleep.
It hadn't even been a minute when her door swung open and a cheerful greeting, which shouldn't even be sounding that cheerful this early in the morning, sounded inside her room.
Mikan groaned "how did you get in, Anthony?" She asked exasperated
"Picked the lock" he replied, casually shrugging his shoulders as he did so.
"I don't even want to know why you know that"
"Come on Mikan stop being so depressing and get up"
"It's so early though~"
"Mikan, it's eleven twenty something" Anthony deadpanned
"So early" she whined
"Mikan. Get. Up."
"No!"
"Mikan, come on. Nobara is being a bitch right now and it's all your fault." He said pulling the covers off of her, and depositing it on the floor.
"You better be washing my covers later because that's dirty now."
"Mikan. Come and save us." He now whined, shaking her shoulders, not in an attempt to wake her even more but just to be annoying.
"Oh my god. I'm up! What do you want Anthony?!"
"Geez no need to be so aggressive."
"I'll show you aggressive" she murmured "What's up with Nobara? Why is she being bitchy?"
"Of course you don't remember." He sighed dramatically "Well last night Nobara came in to check on you and found you tossing and turning. You were having a nightmare. And when you finally woke up you didn't even acknowledge her presence, she said it looked like you were in a trance. In short, you broke down and didn't go back to sleep until dawn. Which means she didn't go to sleep until dawn, but unlike you still went to class today. So you can imagine her mood when she only got about two hours of sleep."
"Oh."
"Yeah, oh"
Silence. She didn't know what to say. She remembered a voice comforting her, telling her everything was fine, that she was fine. She hadn't expected it to be Nobara. Although it probably shouldn't have come as a shocker the bluenette had grown rather fond of her, although she could not understand why.
"So...help? Yes? No? Maybe so?" Anthony was staring at her. No. He was staring through her. She could feel the intensity of his gaze. It was searching for answers. Searching for the slightest twitch in her body, the twitch that would unravel everything to him.
It unnerved her.
"Just spit it out Anthony" she sighed "What do you want to know?"
He only shrugged, putting his hands in his pockets and sat on her windowsill "What did Hyuuga say in that phonecall that's got you so out of it?"
"What?" She was honestly surprised. That phone call had been two weeks ago and she thought she had been doing a good job at hiding her emotions from them.
"You may have our friend group fooled but not me. So, what did he say?"
Her shoulders slumped. She let out a shaky breath, her gaze remained on her hands. She rather look at anything else than at Tony.
"He told me he loved me." When she spoke, she could hardly recognize her voice. It sounded exhausted. Sounded small to her own ears, almost as if she was afraid.
"And you don't?"
"That's the problem now isn't it" she mumbled, tugging at her cuff sleeves.
"You're conflicted" Anthony said in a knowing tone.
"I moved here in hopes of forgetting him." She confessed "I was doing so well too. But then he just had to ruin everything with just one damn phone call! Why couldn't he just leave me alone? I hate him. I hate him!" Her voice broke at the end, and she felt her eyes stinging with the tell tale of unshed tears.
"It's funny isn't it? We sometimes confuse hate and love to mean different things when in reality they are but the same thing."
"What?"
Anthony gave her a warm smile, one that was so unlike his usual Cheshire grin and face breaking smiles. This one was small, filled with kindness and understanding.
"You say you hate him, but what does you heart say?"
Her tears fell, "I love him" she whispered.
"So you do know your feelings."
She nodded "But is it healthy to love someone when they only ever played and manipulated you? Is it healthy to love someone who purposely always lied to you?" She hiccuped
"The heart is a weird thing. And we usually tend to fall in love with those who least deserve it."
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In the end Bella and Kousuke had been to inpatient in waiting for Anthony, and forced Nobara to sleep. Both had a great deal of stress and headaches with the amount of protesting the bluenette had done.
Meanwhile Mikan had fallen right back to sleep after bawling her eyes out to her blond friend.
Anthony was too scared in facing the ire of Bella and Kousuke he decided to hide out where he knew they would never dare search. Mikan's closet.
That girl really had to clean her closet it was so messy.
