Speak Now - Taylor Swift

. . .

Haley James was not the type of woman who snuck into weddings she was not invited to attend, nor was she the type of woman who had intentions of ruining such special occasions.

But there she was: sneaking into the back of the church, crouching behind a big, potted plant with decaying leaves, wishing she was the one wearing the white dress and marrying Nathan Scott. He too, Haley knew, was not the type of man who should be marrying the wrong girl. Yet, in just one hour, he would be— unless Haley stopped it.

She forcefully pinched her eyes shut. No. That's not why she was here. Truthfully, Haley didn't know the answer to that question; she just knew she should probably be anywhere else in the world. There was a reason she did not receive an invitation. Maybe Nathan was trying to spare the measly crumbs now comprising of her heart. After today, Haley wondered if there would be anything more than a gaping hole in the center of her chest, or if she'd forever be left with a creeping hollowness too vast to ever be filled.

She remembers the day she learned the news. A photo she feared seeing for so long surfaced at the top of her Facebook page. The words, "she said yes!" were a noose around Haley's neck. They were strong enough to make her choke as if the caption itself was the final conviction leading to her fatal hanging. She remembers staring at the picture, blurred by her tears, and wishing it was just another nightmare. He looked happy— painfully so. The woman was beautiful. Haley felt nothing and everything, all at once: a wondrous paradox. Still, she went about her day the way she imagined a ghost would. Feeling stuck in the present, but haunted by a past where every door was locked. She tried to scream, but it made a silent sound.

Haley knew the day would inevitably come. They still had mutual friends; had heard through Lucas, or Peyton, that he was seeing somebody new. She'd even seen them together once, at a party. Most days, it was easy to forget, though. Out of sight, out of mind. It would've been naive to think Nathan would be single forever— but knowing he'd have a wife, instead of just a girlfriend, felt more final, like the last nail in a coffin.

Perhaps it was because Haley and Nathan had dated for nine years— from sixteen to twenty-five-years old— that made the news hurt more than their actual break-up (though, that was as catastrophic as Haley thought possible). It was because they'd been together a third of their lives but it never led to anything other than the slamming of a door, a tearful goodbye, and boxes of memories she still can't open. It was because she'd given up Stanford to follow him to Duke (she'd still do it again, without a second thought). It was because she scribbled 'Haley Scott' on her notes, even in college, dreaming of the day Nathan would ask her to be his wife. It was because she still remembers they would lie awake at night, in their crappy college apartment, with the window open as they listened to the sound of the mid-November rain while debating the names of their future children. James, or Jamie, for a boy— Nathan was hell-bent on it, and Madison, or Maddie, for a girl.

It was the 'almost' that made it so hard to bear— that these dreams of a shared future were almost, but never will be, a reality.

Haley was pulled from her somber thoughts by the sound of a screeching voice. She jumped, afraid she'd been caught— but the voice traveled from down the hall, where Nathan's soon-to-be wife, was getting ready.

"I told you I wanted lilies! These are roses— you know I hate roses! Are you fucking stupid?"

Haley, still crouched behind the fake plant, shuddered. The bride did not sound happy, despite the famous adage that weddings are among the happiest days of a person's life.

In the short amount of time that Haley was lost in her thoughts, a larger crowd filed into the church. She took this as an opportunity to get closer inside; if she kept her head low enough, she could easily blend in among the sea of pastel-dressed guests.

On the opposite side of the aisle, Haley watched Nathan's friends from both high school and college start to greet each other. Another pang of pain echoed in the emptiness of her chest. If this was their wedding, they'd be congratulating her— ribbing both her and Nathan about all the times they caught them making out in the strangest of places because they could never keep their hands off each other. She wondered what his friends were thinking now… did they approve of the new woman? Did they welcome her in the way they always welcomed Haley?

This wasn't what it was supposed to be like. She wasn't supposed to be hiding behind a curtain, tears constantly threatening to drown her eyes. She wasn't supposed to be a stranger, standing in a church where she should've been the one saying yes. None of this was how it should have been. Did Nathan know it, too?

An organ started to play. The deep noise echoed through the walls of the church and Haley couldn't help but think it sounded like a damn death-march.

The broken fragments in her chest completely crumble when she saw Nathan, dressed in a black fitted tux. Fuck. Haley wanted to look away but she couldn't. He looked incredible; clean shaven jaw, slicked back black hair, a tiny smirk on his lips. This time, she didn't stop the tears from falling. They're raining against her skin. She got the urge to run. To never look back. But her eyes don't roam. Her feet are firmly planted to the floor. She wondered if Nathan thought of her today, if even for the briefest of seconds, he wished it were her.

Does he ever miss her? What would he say if he saw her there?

The death-march continued. The guests stand, looking towards the door. Haley forgets to breathe. The bride is dressed in a gown dressed like a pastry— too big for her small body. She floats down the aisle like a pageant queen.

Haley doesn't want to look at Nathan. She can't. It would surely kill her. It would be the last bullet to a bleeding wound. If there are tears in his eyes— if he's wearing that smirk, the one he only ever wore when looking at her— she simply wouldn't survive it. She squeezes her eyes shut, hoping that when she opens them, she'll be in their bed again, with his strong arms wrapped around her waist.

She's stuck in another daydream: when the preacher stops and says "speak now or forever hold your peace," Haley jumps out from behind the curtain. All eyes on her. She's shaking. A tremble tears through her skin, pulsing through every fiber. Nathan's blue eyes pierce her soul— the sharpest blade of a knife, slicing right through her.

"Don't say yes."

The words surprise her. A gasp tears through the crowd.

"Run away with me now."

Horrified looks are thrown towards her, but she's only looking at him.

Nathan smiles— the tilted smirk she knows so well— and runs right towards her, ready to take her hand. She doesn't look at anyone else, just feels the weight of his palm in hers as they run out of the church, without looking back. He's hers and she's his. The way it should be. Always and forever.

But Haley's eyes are still closed when the ceremony starts. She doesn't want this dream to end, or the real nightmare will start. She doesn't have the strength to do it. She's not that type of woman. She'll never be able to speak the words she's so desperate to say— it's a regret she will live with until her last breath.

The preacher's stating the vows. Haley runs out, knowing no one will notice. Or so she thinks.

It's not until she's outside, gasping for breath, tears staining her red cheeks, when she hears the voice she knows too well.

"Haley? Wait!"

He needs to speak now or forever hold his peace.