Note: update!!! I'm honestly in such a good place emotionally right now. Nothings changed for my housing, I'm still in homeless and my life is still crazy but I've been focusing on my own mental health in recent months and I'm quite proud of how far I've come in that time. I'm now in a place where everything doesn't seem as dark anymore in my head and I am so grateful for that. I spent Halloween with my niece and nephew and for the first time in months I was genuinely happy, living in the moment. So that's my progress update for you. I'm honestly so very grateful for all the words of support and encouragement from you all. Truly you have no idea just how much knowing you're all out there has kept me pushing forward.
Trigger warning: child abuse, references to rape and physical violence in this chapter. Please read with care.
Anyways enjoy the chapter update, I love you all.
Love Nell xoxo
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They found Bellatrix in the library, pacing, as Alecto had said she would be, in front of the dimly lit fire. As they entered Hermione saw her Alpha turn towards her quickly her eyes a mix of satisfaction and weariness as she glanced between the two Omega's clasped hands and her mates face. It was an odd expression for her Alpha and Hermione couldn't stifle her giggle at the image presented, her mama's own laugh letting her know that she too found Bellatrix looking so uncertain rather comical.
In all the time Hermione had knew her, not that it was all that long, she had never seen the woman look unsure of herself. It made her heart flutter slightly, finding the look oh so endearing. Knowing her Alpha was just as human as she made her feel a little better about her own insecurities and hang ups.
"What is so funny hmm?" The dark witch questioned with an exaggerated pout, her confidence seeming to slide back into place instantaneously at their amusement.
"Nothing Bella, let's sit shall we?" Her mama directs, not letting her hand go as she leads her to the sofa beside the fire. Seating them close together but leaving room on her other side for Bellatrix to sit next to her, which the dark woman did without prompt. Clasping Hermione's free hand tightly as if she were afraid she would pull away.
"Fine, I take it you have both reached an understanding with one another?" Her Alpha asked, directing the question more at her than Alecto and Hermione knew it was her witches way of seeking an understanding of just how mad Hermione was with her.
"We did, I don't think everything's going to be okay over night, it will still take time for me to trust mamma but we both want to try so thank you Alpha, even if I dislike how sneaky you were about it, your interference has helped" the brunette answered, offering Bellatrix a small yet genuine smile as she squeezed the older witches hand.
"I'm glad" and her answering smile was almost blinding, her eyes showing relief and happiness as she gazed at them both. "You deserve to have a mother who gives you all the love and support you deserve sweet girl and your mamma deserves the chance to give that to you. It makes me feel slightly more at peace knowing we have at least corrected some of Dumblefucks gross actions. He's bound to be furious when he realises just who you are"
Hermione nodded, neither of the rooms other occupants missed the dark look that flashed through the young Omega's eyes at the mention of the man who had tormented her for years. The brunette was seething really, now that she had spoken to her mamma, could see just how much her mother truly loved her, how different her life could have been she wanted to know what had happened to her. How did she end up with muggles? Why was she ripped away from her mamma?
"I want to know what happened but I don't know where to start" she murmured, questioningly. Glancing up at her mamma then at her Alpha, letting them know she was willing to take their guidance on this.
"First thing we can do is get Narcissa to take you to Gringotts for an inheritance test, it'll let you claim your rightful name and place as the Heir to both the Carrow and Prewett families" her mamma replied, squeezing her hand gently before letting her go and sitting back, slouching into the sofa comfortably. A proud smile gracing her face as she looked between her best friend and her baby.
"It will also let you into the vaults, if there is any reasoning or tangible information as to why you ended up in the care of those filthy muggles, it will be in Gideon's vault. The swine may have kept a diary of some sort or papers that may contain clues" Bellatrix added and Hermione let the dark witch wrap her in her arms and lay them back in the sofa as Alecto had done. Meaning she could see her mamma better. Her Alpha's arms felt secure, the warmth of the woman seeping into her back and the intoxicating scent encouraging her to let the tension she didn't know she still harboured seep away from her. Relaxing back into the elder woman.
"That sounds logical" she agreed as she rested her head on her Alpha's shoulder, contently.
The younger brunette felt safe in that moment, her Alpha holding her close with her mamma holding her hand, the older omegas thumb stroking softly over her skin.
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Hermione blinked in shock as she heard her fathers voice filtering through the basement, her underweight body shaking in fear as she heard the raised voices above her that by now she was more than accustomed too. Though she didn't know she had fallen asleep. She hadn't meant to but her body still ached terribly from the beating she had received from her mother.
She really should have finished cleaning the bathroom a lot quicker than she had done. It was her own fault she knew, that her nine year old frame sported more bruises than clear skin and her head felt so darn heavy it was painful to move. But he'd be down soon.
He always was. She just hoped that this time it was only a heating she received because recently the way he looked at her, the way he touched her had made her uncomfortable. His harsh fists and kicks being replaced by caresses afterwards. His hands lingering for far longer than she wished. She wasn't stupid. She had long since wormed out the expectations of Omega's in this world. Had long ago learned to avoid her parents rooms when the door was locked and long learnt to patch up her mother afterwards.
She just hoped she could avoid those expectations a little longer. She was only nine, she was a child. She hoped her father would not cross that line, despite him not really caring all too much that he had crossed every other line one could. She stifled a sob, pressing her grotty blanket to her face, half to provide herself a little comfort and half to make sure he didn't hear that she was awake because maybe if he didn't hear her, he would forget she was there.
But such a hope was a fools thought. He never forgot and the boots growing closer told her he was already yon his way. No doubt he'd be angry and drunk. He always was. Her mother would have told him of her failure and that meant he'd be even harsher.
"Rat, get up here" his voice was a slurred growl as the door was unlocked and flung open. Light streaming down the cold steps and blinding her for a moment. Her vision taking a minute to come back to her. Dread filled her empty stomach. The feeling of hunger one she had learned by now would never fade. Her stomach twisting into needles as she climbed as fast as her already beaten body would allow.
"Hurry" he hissed causing her to push herself just a little faster until she crested the steps. Emerging in her mothers brightly lit kitchen. The surfaces cleaning back at her immaculately. Just the way her father expected them too.
"I don't know what we did to deserve such an unworthy Omega child" her father spat as she stood quietly, patiently, fearfully. Her eyes down cast and her body shivering and Hermione didn't know if it was in fear or because she was cold.
His boots thunder closer and Hermione could smell the vile stench of beer mixing with his usual sweaty concoction of angry pheromones in the air around him. Sending her mind into panic as she struggled to remain still. It would only be worse if she moved away, if she flinched or fought back. He didn't like it when she didn't act compliant. They both knew his pheromones were useless against her if he truly tried to get her to submit but she knew he'd only hurt her worse if she didn't play along.
"We give you a roof over your head, we feed you, we clothe you and you repay us by being an u grateful lay about" his words were spat, contempt and anger lacing every word as his hand raised to strike her.
Hermione sat bolt upright in bed, sweat dripping from her forehead as she looked around the room frantically. Her heart pounding in her chest, lingering fear and relief competing for priority as her eyes steadied and processed her surroundings.
She was in her room, the one she shared with her Alpha. Bellatrix had gone out to update the Dark Lord. She wanted to stay up and wait for her Alpha but must have fallen asleep for a little while. She clutched the dark comforter under her fingers, taking deep breathes of her Alpha's lingering scent. Taking comfort where she could to ground her.
It had been a while since she had experienced a nightmare. A perk of sleeping beside Bella was that the dark witches presence seemed to chase away all the nightmares she had suffered prior to meeting her Alpha. This one had been no less realistic and terrifying as any she had experienced before and it made her skin feel itchy. Her eyes hurt from the tears she didn't realise she was still crying and she felt as if she were trapped. It was always the same and she knew that the best thing for her right now was not the steaming hot shower she wanted to immerse herself in right now but a walk in the fresh air. It was the only thing that did truly help.
Showering helped to a degree but she knew at times it caused her to spiral back into those same dark memories and she would end up scrubbing herself raw. Fresh air would clear her head and calm her, she always felt her strongest surrounded by nature. Her magic thriving when she could feel the world around her unobstructed.
Stifling a sob she forced herself up off the bed, summoning Bellatrix's thick winter cloak to her hands. Wanting to be surrounding by her Alpha's scent. Pulling her hair back into a messy bun with a casual flick of her wrist as she moved towards the door.
The evening breeze was cool on her overheated skin as she moved slowly down towards the pond. It had become one of her favourite spots in the Manor. Her go to when the world around her grew too overwhelming for her. It was a place of tranquillity, of peace and freedom and usually it was a place she could be alone. Bellatrix having long since noticed she needed solitude at times. To rest her mind and digest the world around her. It had become her safe place. Somewhere she could just bask in the still beauty that was the Manor grounds.
She could feel the cool night air wash over her skin, breathing deeply to fill her lungs with the fresh air. Cooling her skin and bringing her back to a sense of safety and comfort. She still found it strange that she had found herself in this place. A sanctuary from a lifetime of pain. Merlin knew that asking Bellatrix to take her that night at the ministry was a gamble. One that could have ended terribly for her and ever since she felt as if she had been on a whirlwind adventure.
Albeit an adventure that felt more safe than she had ever known. From finding her mate so early in her life, to her training with Tom and even finding out about her true mother. Regardless of how terrified the thought had made her to begin with. Being held by her mother felt safe, being near her felt safe. A feeling that until now she had never associated with a parent.
All her life her 'parents' had done nothing but harm her, she feared them. Loathed them and loved them in equal breaths. The sound of her muggle fathers boots on the floorboards above her head, the feel of the cold basement floor her own personal bogart. So to know she had a parent who genuinely loved her, that wanted to care for her, protect her, wanted to see her happy was of course terrifying. Hermione was bright, intelligent and no stranger to muggle psychology so she understood her fear. Knew it was normal to fear a parental figure after all her adoptive parents had put her through and she knew it would take a while for her to work through that fear. But for her mothers sake and her own she would work through it.
Hermione took another deep breath, wrapping her Alpha's cloak around her tighter as she watched the gentle rippling of the water as the fish swam. The waters surface reflecting the fairy lights that littered the garden paths back at her. The golden hue glittering around her.
"I find the garden is gorgeous at night here, peaceful" a voice spoke, startling her slightly as Hermione whipped her head around to find Andromeda, her Alpha's sister walking towards her slowly. At her startled reaction the older brunette raised her hands in a gesture of peace. Smiling in understanding at her.
"Sorry Hermione, I didn't mean to startle you, merely get your attention" the older Omega said as she took a seat beside her and Hermione smiled in response, adjusting her position to face her slightly.
"It's alright, I was just lost in thought"
"I could see that, anything you want to talk about?" Andromeda asked, looking concerned. And the question was a loaded one, Hermione could see, could hear even, the concern in the Omega's voice but she didn't know how to answer. Didn't know whether she could face being honest with the woman. She didn't know Andromeda that well, her and Narcissa may be her Alpha's sisters, they may have been in her mind and seen all her memories but she didn't know her. Though even if she did she didn't know if she would want to divulge the nightmare that had led her out here in search of solace.
"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it. For years I didn't, I couldn't and truthfully I still can't when it matters most but I get it darling. It can be hard to voice our demons" Andromeda continued seemingly sensing her inner panic. Though her wording was enough to catch Hermione's full attention. Her mind filling with questions.
"What do you mean when it matters?" She asked, giving voice to her curiosity. Not that she expected a response, she just knew herself well enough to know that her curiosity would only burn brighter if she didn't at least ask.
"It's a long story, if you have time to listen?" Was her reply and she couldn't help the look of surprise she shot the other woman at her willingness to share something she sensed may be quite personal.
Andromeda chuckled quietly at the younger Omega's expression, patting her knee gently. "I may not always know what to say when it comes to my sisters Hermione but I know when my own discomfort matters less than that of someone I care for. You've been through a whole lot more than one so young should ever have had to endure and if me sharing my story with you helps even slightly then it will be worth the discomfort"
"I don't want you to tell me anything that makes you uncomfortable" Hermione replied softly, her surprise giving way to concern.
"It's alright, I trust you" Andromeda snapped her fingers, a house elf the younger brunette didn't recognise appearing in front of them and Andromeda asked for two large mugs of hot chocolate before settling back into the bench. Getting comfortable. Her voice no more than a quiet murmur.
"As a child I was a little more than wilful. I was raised to believe in my own superiority. I was a pure-blooded Omega, and a member of one of the most influential houses within the sacred twenty eight. I believed myself unstoppable. I grew up with stories of how the muggles were barbaric and how Albus Dumbledore and his henchmen were just as vile. Our parents taught us to believe the opposite of what we were to learn in Hogwarts. It was ingrained in our minds that no matter our dynamic we were worthy and able to do whatever we wanted with our lives." She began, chuckling fondly. Her eyes distant and Hermione could see that the older woman was lost in memories of the past.
"Getting to Hogwarts I was a little startled at the disregard and hostility I was treated with. Being exposed to the prejudices Albus teaches for the first time scared me but Bella was there to protect me. I may have been seen as inferior by all the other Alpha's that weren't pure-blooded but it didn't matter too much because with my families influence and protection I was still untouchable. My third year I became the target of a group of muggle-born Alpha's who believed it their job to best me down to my rightful place below them. Now Bella tried to protect me but it didn't matter how many times she heed them or beat them, whenever she wasn't around they would attack. Half way through the year they cornered me and I believed they intended to do more than just scare me. They pinned me to the ground, one of them, Kyle Brett was above me, telling me all the disgusting things he wanted to do with me and I believed I'd have to suffer them" her expression turned dark, her eyes still far off but Hermione could sense the fear and anger she felt at the memory. The older Omega's body tense and she couldn't help but reach out to her, Andromeda catching the movement and pulling Hermione's hand into her lap, sandwiching it between her own.
"I screamed for Bella, but it wasn't she that came to my aid. It was another muggle-born Alpha. Edward Tonks. He beat them up, warned them off and then helped me up, apologising for what they had put me through. He was surprisingly charming, sweet. Everything I was told he couldn't be. My parents tried to warn me about him. How he would only harm me. That his behaviour was a rouse to get me away from my families protection. But Edward was the most handsome boy I'd ever seen, he did everything right. He defended me all the time. Against everyone. Even against the headmaster and before I knew it I was madly in love with him, I thought he was my forever. But then he started to change, it was subtle at first. When my family and I argued about him he would comfort me, telling me that they were prejudice, that they were the true monsters if they couldn't let me be happy. By my seventh year I couldn't stand my parents and my relationship with my sisters was virtually non existent. Just before the end of my seventh year I found myself pregnant with Edwards child and I agreed to marry him. My family, my parents disowned me for turning my back on our traditions and culture, burning me off the family tree. It made me angry and I believed I didn't need them. That they believed in all the wrong things. I believed what Edward had spent years telling me, that muggleborns and muggles weren't the barbaric creatures from the tales I'd been told growing up. By the time I realised my parents were right it was too late. Our wedding night, he changed and he became the man my parents wanted me about. He was cruel, evil and he had full control over me. I was stranded alone with him and pregnant with his child. I saw no way out. So for years I suffered rather than reach out to my family. I didn't know how to ask for help. I was ashamed. Scared that they would reject me again and afraid for my child's life and it wasn't until this year that I decided enough was enough. Nymphadora is grown now, moved out and living with friends. Luckily she's a beta and I raised her to believe in equality in secret. Outwardly she plays the dutiful beta, inwardly she knows the truth about her father. I told her the night she left that I was going to the dark lord for help. She understood and came with me to meet him. She's now a spy for him within the order. He granted me safety and ordered Bella and Narcissa to care for me and the injuries I sported. They did and although they were glad I came back, happy to see me they've never truly forgiven me for leaving in the first place. No matter how hard I try I don't know what to say to help heal our relationship. I don't know how to say any of it to them that will help them understand the terror I lived daily, how convincing he was in the beginning or how even now nearly a year on and I still suffer from the nightmares. Nightmares I have no words to express." She finished. Her body tense, her voice a near whisper as she finally glanced down at Hermione, and Hermione's breath caught at the pain she could see shinning within tear filled eyes.
Unable to sit by and witness the older Omega's pain without doing anything, Hermione found herself reaching forward to hug her Alpha's sister. Not complaining when the older woman took it a step further by pulling her onto her lap instead and hugging her close. Resting her head on her shoulder, her nose to Hermione's neck.
"I'm sorry you had to go through all of that alone" Hermione whispered, combing her fingers through Andromeda's hair gently. "I suffer nightmares too, its why I'm out here, I woke from one and Bella isn't home yet so I came outside for some air and to feel a little more grounded" she offered, sharing a little more than she thought she would in response to all she had learned from the older woman. Everything Andromeda had said made sense, it shone light on the tension she could sense between Bellatrix and Andromeda. The anger she sensed from her Alpha directed at her sister no matter how misplaced Hermione now thought that anger to be.
"If it helps any I think just telling Bella and Narcissa exactly what you've told me might help. It might help them understand" because Hermione wanted to believe she knew Bellatrix well enough to know that despite the rep she had, her Alpha was highly intelligent and cared for her family far more than any she had ever met. She believed that Bella would understand and she wanted Andromeda to feel safe again. She didn't want her to suffer alone.
"I'll try darling, but the same can be said for you, you need to try to talk about it, it won't ever heal if you simply avoid dealing with it" Andromeda's response was a murmur in her ear before the older Omega pressed a kiss to her temple, settling them further back on the bench. Sighing quietly in response and snuggling into the older woman further. Content to sit in the silence that surrounded them.
Her mind strangely quiet, the horror of her recent nightmare a distant thought in the comforting embrace of her Alpha's sister.
