This is Me Trying / Taylor Swift

. . .

For Haley's whole life, she's only ever been good at leaving. So, when she comes back to a town she swore she would never return to, it's her final chance to prove just how hard she's trying. She just hopes it is enough.

She stands- shaking despite the summer heat- on his front doorstep, thinking about the roads that led her back here: to the same door that she walked out of six months ago.

She thinks about the long, lonely nights in different cities, the time she spent wishing she'd never left. The dark hours where her thoughts crawled and scratched along her skin; the anxiety constructing cages around her heart.

All the regrets she has, fill her like poison. The words she did say and wished she hadn't. They're all tattooed across her head, a ceaseless soundtrack in a quiet room.

"Maybe you never even cared about me at all… and maybe I never cared about you either."

When Haley was mad, her words were bullets with the power to kill. She knows it now and wishes she never pulled the trigger.

She thinks about the conversation she had with a stranger at the bar a mere 24-hours ago. How he had asked her what it is she really wanted. Haley stared into the whiskey glass, knowing the answer wouldn't find her there. She'd planned on getting wasted, like all her potential, but the drink never reached her lips.

Nathan. Nathan was what she'd wanted all along.

But she wanted the tour and she wanted the music, just the same. Why couldn't she have it all? Why did she have to walk out on the only person she'd ever known to love?

The door swings open and he stands before her, a look of surprise etched over his features. The initial shock lasts only for a second, then he becomes stoic.

"What are you doing here?"

Haley didn't know if he'd even care if she came back- but she had to try. If she listened to her fears, she'd spend the rest of her life wondering what if…

"I don't quite know what to say." She thought the words would come to her in a rush of emotion, but there were too many, and then there were none at all. A blank tornado, spinning around itself.

"That makes two of us," he says.

Her eyes sweep over his face, then his body. She's sure she knows every contour, even with her eyes closed- like an artist who has traced the same line repeatedly. He hasn't changed. She wishes he did, but she's secretly glad he didn't. Something had to stay the same.

"I'm sorry."

It's lame, but she's trying.

Nathan shakes his head. Haley notices he still hasn't moved from the doorway.

"Save it, Haley," he says. "You're six months too late."

Her lip curls beneath her teeth. She wants to hide. She wants to dive from the cliff she's teetering from- but she can't and she won't. Because she's trying.

She'll be the first to admit, she's not used to it. She was the girl who always shined- was ahead of the curve- now the curve became a sphere and she's all rusted. She wouldn't blame Nathan if he never wanted to see her again.

But still, she had to try.

"I shouldn't have, Nathan, I know that now. I know it's late, but I just want you to know that I'm trying."

He shakes his head again, then folds his arms across his chest as if building a wall of bricks in front of his heart.

"It's not that you left, Haley, I know music has always been your dream- it's how you left. You didn't even tell me!"

Her eyes fall to the doormat. The 'welcome to our house', written in black ink, faded significantly from when she'd first bought it. Despite its disheveled condition, it eased her mind to know he still kept it- even after all this time. It meant they still might be an "our".

"I was wrong," she says, "because you're my dream, Nathan. You always have been and always will be."

He sighs. "Look, Hales, I appreciate you stopping by, but you can't just show up and think we're going to be okay again. I was hurt. I still am."

"I know that," she looks directly into his sharp blue eyes- the stars that led her home. "But I need you to know that this is me trying. And I won't stop trying until I prove to you that I'm not going anywhere."

She stays rooted firmly to the steps, challenging him with her own somber brown stare. There's a crack of thunder ripping across the sky. The clouds, now almost black. Summer weather changes with a flip of a switch.

"You should get home, Hales. It's gonna rain."

"This is my home," Haley says.

"How do I know you aren't going to leave again?"

"Because I came back," she whispers. The sky opens, unleashing a rush of rain. "You can go inside, Nathan, but I'm staying here. I'll stay here forever if I have to."

"Don't be ridiculous," he says, "you're getting soaked."

He takes her hand and gently leads her into the door. The sound of rain beats like a drum on the roof. They stand in the hall, staring, silent, shaking.

"I'm sorry," Haley says again. "What can I do to prove to you how much I love you?"

She watches his eyes soften. His whole body melts as he takes a step towards her, her back facing the wall. Haley's breath hitches in anticipation.

"Stay," he pleads. "Or take me with you on tour, just… Please don't leave me again."

She smiles for the first time since she left.

"I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

Nathan's body erases the space between them, and he cups her cheeks with his palms. "God, I missed you."

"I missed you too," she cries and when his lips finally touch hers, she knows she'll spend the rest of her life trying to show him just how much she loves him.