Disclaimer: Do you really want me to own them? Cuz I don't. But, if you sign my petition. . .

A/N: Well, it's time to update this story! I just got a bunch of new ideas, and you know what that means! I suffered another head injury! W00t!

Also, I want to tell everyone in advance that I do not mean anything by writing this. I realize none of the characters in the Teen Titans actually act this way, and I'm sorry if any of you are offended by the stuff I write here. I'm a guy and that means some of my writing is kinda perverted. I know I'm breaking the man code by admitting this, but we guys suck. We're all perverts, it's true, there's no denying it. So, just know I am not as perverted as my writing is, and I do this in the name of humor. Nothing more.

Anyways, I know I promised you guys a chapter with the villains, but I wanna do this one first. Just because. And the fact that none of you have a say in the matter can only help. . .

BEHIND THE SCENES IN TITANS TOWER!

CHAPTER THREE

CYBORG: MATCHMAKER!

'Mmm...' thought Cyborg. 'Man, I'm hungry. Might as well finish off that seven footer I left in the fridge!' Licking his licks hungrily, Cyborg sat up and looked at the time. It was two in the morning, but that didn't stop him. He was hungry!

The metal man got up and exited his room, making his way to the kitchen. His thoughts were dominated by visions of beef and meat, and thus he didn't notice right away when he saw the kitchen was already occupied. He eventually noticed however.

As he opened the door to the main room, he saw both BeastBoy and Robin sitting at the kitchen table. BB was only in his boxers and undershirt, and Robin was in nothing but a bathrobe. The two were staring off into the distance, bags under their eyes. Cans of cola littered the floor, leaving a large pile underneath them.

"What I miss?" Cyborg asked, taking a seat across the table. Both looked up to stare at him, but said nothing. They looked like zombies.

"Can't...sleep," BB mumbled, his head hitting the table with a WHACK. He lifted his head back up and lowered it again. He continued to hit his head against the table as Cyborg looked over at the Boy Wonder.

"BB and I have been just been having...trouble sleeping, recently," Robin said, looking over at the green boy. BB just kept hitting his head on the table. "Stop that!"

"Sorry..." BB said, looking back up.

"Maybe I can help?" Cyborg offered. Robin and BeastBoy both chuckled nervously.

"I doubt it..." Robin said, rolling his eyes behind his mask.

"Ah, c'mon!" Cyborg said. "Just tell me! I promise I can help SOMEHOW!"

"Well..." BeastBoy said, looking over at Robin. The Boy Wonder shrugged. "I guess."

"Right. Just tell me the problem," Cyborg said, grinning.

"Well...it's basically...girls," they both said simultaneously.

"Girls?" Cyborg said, smiling even wider. "C'mon give me the details!"

"Specifically...it's Starfire," Robin said.

"And Raven," BB said. They both blushed at this and looked down, embarrassed. Cyborg just laughed.

"Hey, it's nothing to be embarrassed about!" Cyborg said, punching them both on the shoulder. "I mean, I'd do Star in a heartbeat. Raven too, for that matter..." He stopped as he saw his teammates' disgusted faces. Robin looked red with rage, and BB looked like his eyes wee about to pop out of his head.

"Um...not that I mean anything by that," Cyborg said. "But I understand why you'd be obsessed over them."

"Yeah..."

"So, what's the big problem?" Cyborg asked them.

"We keep dreaming about them," BB said, looking up. "You have no freakin' clue how often either! This is the twenty-second night Rob and I have been out here! I just can't get Raven out of my head! I don't even HAVE any clean boxers anymore!"

"I really didn't need to know that..."

"Well you're gonna have to hear it again, because I'm the same," Robin said. "But, our dirty laundry aside, we need this to stop. We both are totally obsessed with those two! We need help!"

"That's true, you do," Cyborg said. "Well, you've come to the right place! Cyborg, matchmaker, at your service! Robin, let's do you first. You're easier."

"How so?"

"Okay, let me make this as clear to you as humanly possible," Cyborg said, staring him in the eye. "Fuck—her."

"Excuse me!"

"I'm serious!" Cyborg said, holding up his hands. "The girl completely digs you! You'd have to be either ignorant or blind not to see it. Saying she doesn't love you is like saying that BeastBoy isn't green!"

(A/N: HA! Take that Rob/Rae fans! Cyborg speaks the truth yet again!)

"Are you...sure?" Robin asked, looking up at the mechanical man.

"Positive!" Cyrbog said. "Now get your butt into her room and hump her brains out!"

"If you say so..." With this, Cyborg pushed the boy out of the room.

"And don't come back until you ain't a virgin no more!" Cyborg cried, slamming the door behind him. He turned to see BB staring at him.

"Wow, I hope that's my advice too..."

To be continued. . .

WHY ROBIN HATES SLADE SO MUCH

"I did the job, Slade," Robin said, returning to Slade's base. He had been the man's apprentice for two days now, but the hated it. He hated working for any villain, period. But he was about to hate it even more. . .

"Slade? Are you here?" Robin asked, looking around.

"Right here, Robin!" Slade said, stepping into the light.

"DEAR GOD!" Robin cried, looking away. "You're naked!"

"You say that like it's a bad thing," the naked Slade said with a mysterious lisp. "You can't tell me you aren't tempted..."

"What are you implying you sick, twisted man?"

"C'mon, I know you want me..."

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Robin cried, jumping out of the pedophile's way. "I'm straight! And only sixteen! What's wrong with you!"

"Come Robin, we both want this..."

"NO WE DON'T!"

"At least touch it."

"WHAT!" Robin cried, jumping back again. "I'm not gonna touch your...ugh! That's just sick!"

"C'mon, touch it. You know you want to..."

WHY CYBORG HATES BROTHER BLOOD SO MUCH

"C'mon Cyborg, touch it. I know you want to..."

WHY STARFIRE IS ALWAYS SO...OUT OF IT

The Tamaranean girl looked up as she heard the doorbell ring. Makign sure no one else was around, she zoomed to the doorway of the Tower. She checked who it was.

Prof. Chang. Perfect. She had been running low, and needed something only he could provide. She pulled open the door quickly.

"Do you have the products I so desire?" Starfire asked. Her green eyes flashed dangerously.

"Of course I do, you silly girl," Chang said, staring back. "I always have what my customers need."

"How much is it this time?" Star asked, jumping up and down excitedly.

"It will be two hundred for the lot," Chang said, digging into the great big box he carried around. "But you know, I really shouldn't be doing this. It just seems unethical, what with you being a Teen Titan and all..."

At once, Chang was thrown to the ground. Star jumped on top of him, hissing. "Do you think I care? I must be this way! I need those products!" Her eyes glowed bright green as Chang cowered in fear.

"Now, give me my crack!"

WHAT STARFIRE AND RAVEN DO WHEN THEY'RE ALONE

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos," Both girls chanted. They were levitating in midair, legs crossed. They held their arms out over their legs in classic meditating position. Both were at perfect peace.

Star opened her eyes slowly to look over at Raven. The dark girl's purple hair and blue cloak fluttered behind her gracefully. Raven suddenly stopped chanting and looked over at Starfire.

"Star, why are you stopping?" Raven asked, looking over at her. "This is the third time today you've stopped. I can sense something is wrong."

"It is...hard to admit," Star said, mumbling slightly. "And even harder for me to pronounce."

"Uh huh..."

"I feel...what is the word?" Star said, looking up to the ceiling. "Of the horn?"

"Uh...horny?" Raven said, her eyebrow raising slightly.

"That is the word!" Star said, pointing excitedly. "I am feeling the 'horny!'"

"Um...thanks for telling me that..." Raven tried. This was getting weird. "But I, uh...don't really know how to help you there."

"Why not?" Star asked, naive as always.

"I'm a girl, like you," Raven said, pointing out the obvious. "Therefore can't really...how should I put it...help you with that problem?"

"I must ask why not once again," Star said. "Why not?"

"Um...have you ever had 'the talk?'" Raven said, looking over at her. Starfire blinked.

"What is this 'talk' of which you speak?"

"Oh no..." Raven said. "I just went over this with BeastBoy last week. Now you too..." She sighed. "I might as well get this over with..."

A/N: Well, that's the end, sorry. I know it's needlessly short, but oh well. I'll update whenever I feel like it.

Review if you wanna.