Disclaimer: Own the Teen Titans, I do not. In a Yoda voice, I shall speak.

A/N: Well, I'm bored . . . and you people have just been positively hassling me to update this thing, so I'm just gonna do it and get it over with. You better be appreciative, though. I know I promised all of you a chapter with the villains; I say, screw that. I'll do what I want, and I don't feel like doing a chapter on the villains right now. So . . . I won't.

And before I start, I just have a short message to everyone who has been whining to me to update: GET OFF MY NUTS!

Enjoy:

BEHIND THE SCENES IN TITANS TOWER!

CHAPTER FOUR

CYBORG MATCHMAKER PART II

"Sorry, BB," said Cyborg. "But unfortunately, your advice is different." Only moments ago, Cyborg had sent Robin to Starfire's room to 'do the do.' This was, of course, how Cyborg planned it; he was playing matchmaker for BB and Robin and Robin was up first.

Not it was BB's turn.

"It is?" asked BB. He looked crestfallen. "Darn it . . . ."

"Here's what you gotta do, BB," Cyborg said, pulling his green friend closer. "You see, yours is pretty easy, too. But to attract Raven, you have to remember the one most important thing about her."

"And that is?" BB asked.

Cyborg smiled. "Girl has low self-esteem!"

A moment passed. The gears turned in BB's head. The hamster that was his brain began to run faster and faster in its wheel . . . until it tripped, got stuck in the wheel, and choked to death in the spokes.

"Huh?"

Cyborg sighed. He grabbed Beast Boy and made him face him from across the table. "BB, the thing with girls with low self-esteem is that they throw themselves at anyone who shows affection for them! ANYONE!"

BB nodded. "So . . . what do I have to do?"

"Simple," Cyborg said. "You walk up to her room, enter, and tell her you love her." He grinned and leaned back in his chair. "As simple as that."

BB raised his eyebrow in doubt. "As simple as that?"

"As simple as that."

"I'm not sure . . ."

"Of course you are, now come on," Cyborg said, grabbing BB and dragging him out into the hallway. "I am getting you two hooked up tonight, so I don't have to watch you guys flirt anymore. And I'm not even going into the laundry subject . . ."

Finally, the two reached Raven's door. "Now do just as I told you," Cyborg said. "I'll be right on the other end of the hallway if you need me." And with that, he ran to the other end of the hallway . . . and back out into the kitchen.

"Suckers . . ." he muttered, getting his sandwich. "Don't mess with Cyborg when he's hungry!"

Back in the hallway, BB knocked on Raven's door. He stood there and shuffled nervously until he finally heard some movement in the room. So, he knocked again. And again. And he continued to knock until a very disgruntled Raven answered the door.

"BEAST BOY!" she screamed, growling at him. She was only in her nightclothes and looked positively ferocious. Her hair was disheveled, her eyes were bloodshot, and a dangerous black aura surrounded her, threatening to tear Beast Boy limb from limb.

BB couldn't have been more turned on.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?" Raven shouted. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm trying to — "

"I love you, Raven," BB said without blinking.

Raven stopped and blinked. "Hold on . . . what? Say that again?"

"I love you, Raven," BB repeated.

And he was then knocked backwards as Raven threw her arms around him and began to kiss him passionately. "I love you too, Beast Boy . . . " kiss "Oh, Gd, I love you too!"

Dude, Cyborg was right! BB thought to himself. This was way too easy!

"Oh, Beast Boy . . . " Raven moaned as she continued to kiss him everywhere. "We should have sex!"

BB heard that and immediately straightened up like a board. Nothing moved; his brain into overtime. And then . . . movement. An eye twitched. A grin began to form. Raven began to pull him into her room.

And BB could only think of one thing to say.

"Sweeeeeeeeet . . . "

BAD, BAD SILKIE!

Starfire was arriving back at the Tower from a week long trip from Tamaran when she noticed the Tower wasn't quite as she had left it. Maybe it was the huge holes bitten out of it. Maybe it was the pink sludge located all over the place. Maybe it was the dark gray feathers that littered the ground and stuck to the walls.

But Starfire, being, of course, Starfire, did not take into account any of this. The thing she noticed that was different from before was that her friends were missing.

"Oh, friends? Where are you?" asked Starfire as she walked into the main control room. She stepped through several layers of pink slime and looked under every cushion and hole in the room. "Oh friends? Why have you deserted me?"

So, Starfire, being the wayward alien she was, looked all over the Tower. She looked in the basement, which was filled with pink slime, and found no one. She looked in the kitchen, where every morsel of food had been scarfed down and thrown about, and found no one. She looked in the gym, where gray, dark feathers were blowing all over the place. And still she found no one.

"Oh, what am I to do?" Starfire asked herself. "My friends are gone, and I have no idea where they have gone to!" What was a poor, naive alien girl to do? "Why, I shall go feed Silkie!"

And the happy alien girl rushed to her room to go find her beloved worm-baby. She found her room, punched in the code, and opened the door to enter.

Only to be eaten by a huge, pink tongue that swallowed her whole.

"Aaah!" Starfire cried as she felt sharp teeth push into her and the tongue push her back into the throat of the creature. She felt a rush of sticky saliva and then a thump . . . and she was in the belly of the beast.

There, Starfire had the bright idea of conjuring a starbolt so she could see. And you know what she saw?

"My friends!" Starfire cried out. There they were: Robin, Cyborg, and Raven, all huddled together in the stomach of the monster and covered in drool and pink slime. Only Beast Boy was missing.

"Please, friends, where are we?" Starfire asked. "Has Soto come back? Has Johnny Rancid created another metal monster? Has Raven's father, The Trigon, eaten us whole?"

"It was Silkie," Robin said, his eye twitching behind his mask.

"You're damn bug ate those stupid berries again," Cyborg pointed out. "And now he's eaten us all."

"We've been here for three days," Raven grumbled. A bubble of green slime shot out of her nose. "ACHOO!"

"Where is Beast Boy?" asked Starfire, completely unfazed by the fact that her pet just ate everyone.

"We sent him to find a way out," Robin said. As he said so, bubbles began to appear at the bottom of the stomach acid. "That must be him, now."

Moments later, a fish flopped back into the stomach and transformed into a very wet and very annoyed Beast Boy. He spit out some bodily fluids that were not his own.

"Well?" Cyborg asked? "Any luck?"

"Well, I found a way out . . . " BB said, looking into the back of Silkie. He grimaced.

"But it's not pretty . . . "

CHICKEN MAN!

It was a peaceful day in Titans Tower. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and all the Titans had the day off from fighting crime. Robin was enjoying some morning coffee in the kitchen, Starfire was cooking some alien recipe, Cyborg was playing video games, and Raven was reading a book.

Only Beast Boy was missing.

And so, the day was to continue as a very relaxed and peaceful one. With BB gone, it was even more so like heaven to the Titans, especially for Raven, who was finally starting to enjoy her book.

All was quiet. Until . . .

"CHICKEN MAN!"

Raven sighed. She knew it had been too good to be true . . .

At once, all four of the Titans looked up to see Beast Boy in the main door. And, all at once, their eyes widened in fear and panic. BB was at it again. The young man was nearly naked, save for a thankful loincloth wrapped around his . . . well, loin. His body was dirty and his eyes were wild.

And he was carrying about a dozen chickens.

"I am Chicken Man! Here to entertain you!"

Without another word, the green fiend threw a chicken, much like a football, at the head of the nearest Titan. That being, Robin.

"Beast Boy, don't — !" Robin started. He was interrupted by an angry chicken being thrown at his face. This resulted in a mouthful of chicken butt and Robin screaming and falling over.

"Beast Boy!" Starfire cried out, looking at Robin's fate. "This is most unacceptable! You are being a royal glabbernotch!"

To which BB responded: "Chicken up your skirt!"

And then he stuffed a chicken up her skirt.

Needless to say, Starfire cried out and ran across the room, attempting madly to remove the chicken that was now caught in her miniskirt.

BB, eyes wild, then turned to face Cyborg and Raven. The two remaining Titans' faces portrayed fear and horror at what they saw. Never before had they seen such gruesome use of a feathered animal.

"ATTACK, MY PRETTIES!" Beast Boy cried out. At once, all of the chickens dived at Cyborg and Raven. Cyborg immediately screamed like a girl and began to run away, attempting to throw the chickens off of him.

Raven, meanwhile, was left to sneer her brains out, as she is allergic to chickens.

"Beast Boy! ACHOO — When I — ACHOO — get you, I'll — ACHOO!"

Beast Boy was left to laugh maniacally at what he had done. "HAHA! FEAR ME! FOR I AM . . . THE CHICKEN MAN!"

WORD GAME

(Based on a true story!)

"I'm bored!" Beast Boy hollered out for the four-hundredth time that day.

"I have an idea," Raven said, turning to the bored green one. "I have a game for you, Beast Boy. It's called the word game. Basically, I will say a word, and then you will say the first word that comes to your mind. I will then say the first word that comes to my mind, and we will continue from there. Interested?"

"Sure!" BB said, jumping up. "I'll start! Um . . . Sex!"

Raven rolled her eyes and then said "Mature"

BB responded "Adult"

To which Raven said "Parents"

And so on.

BB: "Married"

Raven: "Love"

BB: "Kiss"

Raven: "Lips"

BB: "Nose"

Raven: "Nostril"

BB: "Rape!"

Then there was a pause. All of the remaining Titans, who had been watching the game with some interest, immediately let their eyes widen and their faces become distorted. Raven, who had been ready to respond, immediately shut her mouth and let her eyes widen as well.

They all looked at Beast Boy.

"Um . . . nostril rape?" Robin asked, his eyebrows reaching for the sky.

BB blinked. "Um . . . hehe . . . new game, anyone?"

WHAT SPEEDY AND AQUALAD DO WHEN THEY'RE ALONE

Bumblebee was comfortably watching tv with Mas y Menos in Titans East Tower when she heard a few thumps coming from the other room. Curious, she looked up and walked over to it. Mas y Menos followed right behind her. There was another thump. Immediately, all three of them put their ears to the door and listened.

They recognized the voices of both Speedy and Aqualad in the next room. Together. And their mouths dropped when they heard what they were saying.

"Like this?" came Aqualad's voice

"Yeah, now be very careful with the shaft," said Speedy

"Oh, I see now . . . wow, it's really smooth."

"Yeah, it'll do that."

"Hmm-mm! I can see why you do this all the time!"

"Hehe, yeah. Now be careful!"

"What?"

"You're too far forward! Pull back, pull back!" cried Speedy

"Oh, geez, sorry!" said Aqualad.

"It's okay; now push forward again, but not too far forward."

"Okay, I think I have it!"

"Yeah, yeah, that's it!"

There came some cheers and happy noises from the other room. Mas y Menos looked at each other and turned blue. Bumblebee gulped worriedly. It seemed that everyone's suspicions were about to be confirmed.

"Almost there! Almost there!" Aqualad said.

"Yes, that's it! Go for it!" Speedy cheered.

THUMP!

"Man, that was awesome!" said Aqualad.

"Definitely! But next time, we should get everyone's asses in here too, man," Speedy said.

Speedy and Aqualad then opened the door and entered the common room.

"Hey guys," Aqualad said. "Speedy just taught me how to us his bow and arrows! We should all try, it's awesome!" Then he looked around.

Bumblebee had fainted on the floor and was a sickly green. Mas y Menos were busy throwing up into a bucket and racing to try and get away.

"Uh . . . guys?" asked Speedy.

A/N: Well, I think I'm done for now. I've managed to make myself laugh to hysterics by now, so you all better like this.

Review. Cuz it's cool. And it's better than drugs. Most of the time.