Here's Ch. 2! Thanks for the reviews, and I hope you like it! And MelancholyAnatine, I like chocolate best ;)

Cathy woke up the next morning in a very good mood. If I'm beautiful and brilliant in my fanfiction, she thought, maybe I'll be beautiful and brilliant in real life, too!

With this idea, she tried even harder than usual to find a boy to date. But as the day drew to a close, she was still down a little: .5 for 76. (She counted the half because when she'd given David Bowan a lap dance during lunch, he'd been speechless. So he hadn't actually said no.)

Nevertheless, Cathy wasn't disappointed at all. She had a pretend boyfriend! As soon as she returned home, it was time to write.

First things first, she thought. I should do a summary and introduction. She tried the summary:

Follow the life of Moonlit Starbeam (Cathy had forgotten her alter-ego's name) as she attends Hogwarts after transferring from an American school. She fits in well, but there are two problems: the boy that all the girls want can't keep his mind off her, but she refuses his advances. Will he be able to win her heart? Also, beautiful, talented, and brilliant though she is, Star can't shake her dark, dark, dark, mysterious, dark past.

Cathy was very pleased with this summary (it was thirty words too long, but what did she care?) and thought she should write not just the introduction, but also an author's note for the end of her first chapter.

Intro: This probably sucks but you know. I hope it doesn't suck too bad. If you like it REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW. The random Spanish is just to show how smart I am, and if you want to know what it means, look it up, loser. Oh and I found the song in the Sorting scene in my Spice Girls album and I just thought it fit the moment so well.

A/N: Well what do you think? It probably sucks. Anyway REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! If you don't REVIEW at least TEN TIMES I will MURDER YOU IN YOUR SLEEP! THIS IS NOT AN EMPTY THREAT! I want at least FIFTY REVIEWS before I update!

(Cathy thought it best to gently remind her readers that feedback was appreciated.)

But wait! Cathy almost hit herself. She'd forgotten the most important thing of all - the title! What kind of title will make me seem smart and witty? wondered Cathy. Wait a minute - I can use Sirius' name like 'serious'! How clever and original! I'm sure nobody's ever done that before!

So Cathy decided to use a Sirius pun. But there was a problem: she couldn't think of any! She decided that "A Siriously Clever Pun" would have to do. Hopefully her readers would catch the serious cleverness.

Now she was almost ready to start. But one thing was still missing: a quote at the beginning of her story. She had no idea what her plot was going to be, so decided to just find one that sounded ambiguous but very smart.

Aha! Cathy had found the "S" pages in her Quotes Dictionary. Shakespeare was very smart, she thought.Cathy finally settled on this:

"And thus I clothe my naked villainy

With old odd ends, stol'n forth of holy writ,

And seem a saint, when most I play the devil."

-William Shakespeare

She had no idea what it meant, but it sounded very sophisticated. (Cathy made an effort to decipher it, but couldn't find "stol'n" in the dictionary.)

Sighing, Cathy looked at the clock. She had been writing for an hour and the story wasn't even started! She looked back at her screen and began "A Siriusly Clever Pun".

Starlit Moonbeam Higgins stepped wide-eyed into the hogwarts great hall. (Cathy decided that if it wasn't a person, she wasn't going to capitalize it.) She looked around at the hundreds of students eating dinner. None had noticed her yet, but soon they would feel Star's powerful presence and see her.

Star tucked a jet-black, shiny curl behind her ear and blinked her amber-sapphire-emerald-garnet eyes. She wasn't nervous - at her old american school for the dark arts, she had been whipped on her first day. Surely this "sorting" couldn't top that.

Finally, an old man with long white hair raised his hands for quiet.

"As you can see, we have a new student starting with us today. She has transferred from america and will join the seventh year class, and her name is Starlit Moonbeam Higgins."

Hundreds of heads turned to bask in Star's beauty. She was wearing a barely-legal miniskirt, a bra top, and stilettos, but no one mentioned that it was late November. Or the seventies. No, every boy in the room was mesmerized by her beauty, and every girl was touched by the deep hurt they could see behind her jewel-y eyes.

But one boy in particular was entranced. His eyes devoured her curvaceous body and he vowed to make Star his own. (This boy was either Sirius or Snape, Cathy hadn't decided.)

Star, being very modest despite the stripper attire, didn't notice any of this. She had just been given the sorting hat to try on and she slipped it over her raven locks.

"Well what do we have here?" said the hat. "The most talent I have seen in a long time...and great intelligence too! A good and noble person, but I see deep pain underneath...And more brave and fierce than a lion! What a dilemna, my dear! You are too good for any house!"

But the hat eventually yelled, "GRYFFINDOR!" and Star glided to her new table amid thunderous applause.

Cathy read her words over gleefully. No one could resist this story! She saved it under "totallycoolstorykindofaboutmebutcooler" and went to bed.

A/N: Hope you liked it! Feedback is very much appreciated. Oh wait, I mean REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! OR I WILL KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP! Heh heh. And for the record, I actually enjoy when authors put (relevant) quotes at the beginning of their stories - most of the time.