The first bout of food poisoning hit Stan on the Capilano Suspension bridge, which they had stopped at because it was, after all, an opportune reason for getting out of the car and stretching their legs, and Big Gay Al had promised Mr. Slave (For reasons that Stan and Kyle insisted that they be left in the dark about) he would bring home a bottle of maple syrup, having heard good things about the brands stocked in this particular gift shop. They were still several hours away from Big Gay Al's intended destination, but they figured they would go with it; after all, they had at least gotten to Canada.

Stan hadn't been looking so great for a while, although his behavior had been a little off all day, but the food poisoning went and manifested itself when he and Kyle had gotten to the center of the swinging bridge, so Kyle was rather lucky that Stan was too preoccupied vomiting over the side of the bridge and into the beautiful, rushing ravine below to kill him for jumping on the bridge despite Stan's protests.

Big Gay Al, upon hearing of this, immediately insisted that they notify their parents, or at least take him to the hospital where they would be sure to notify his parents, so Stan had grabbed Kyle's hand and taken off running about as fast as an asthmatic kid worn down by food poisoning on an already generally weak stomach can. Unfortunately, in addition to being asthmatic and plagued with food poisoning on an already generally weak stomach, he was also feverish and disoriented and had wound up jumping over the edge of the suspension bridge, dragging Kyle with him.

They were just lucky that Brian Boitano arrived just in time to rescue them from certain death, or at least getting super soaked.

Because this required Brian Boitano to be in proximity with Big Gay Al, the awesomeness of both individuals caused the Space/Time Continuum to rip temporarily, and when it repaired itself, Brian Boitano, Big Gay Al, Kyle, and Stan, found themselves exactly where Big Gay Al (And Brian Boitano, it turns out) had been hoping to arrive; the center of Terrance and Phillip's wedding rehearsal.

Go figure.

"Hey, buddies!" Terrance called to the group, as though it was a perfectly normal occurrence for his wedding planner, Brian Boitano, and half of their most loyal fans to suddenly materialize into the middle of his wedding rehearsal.

The scenario could have gone much smoother, however, had Stan not vomited on Phillip's shoes, although he apologized profusely.

Big Gay Al finally relented and decided that it any further attempts on his part to do the sane, rational, and considerate thing and return Kyle and Stan home would only be in vain and most likely have results with completely insane, illogical, and insensitive happenings, and allowed Terrance and Phillip to offer the sick boy the guest room in their home (because, after all, they really were pretty nice guys, loving puppies and hating mean things and all, however "vulgar" and "immature" their sense of humor was regarded).

And so it was that Kyle, after insisting to Terrance and Phillip that it really was more than ok that he share the room with Stan even if there was only one bed available (resulting in him screaming, "WE HAVE A THIS, OK!", which of course the Canadian duo completely understood, encouraged, and tried as hard as they could not to make jokes about, of course meaning that they wound up snickering at every double entendre within the ensuing dialogue), spent the rest of the day sitting up and offering to hold Stan's hair back for him or something while he threw up, which as much as Stan appreciated (or at least tried to), was quite unnecessary because he had short hair.

As Stan wandered back into the guest room from the bathroom, after finally puking up stomach acid thus signaling that his system had succeeded in ridding itself of anything causing his ailment, looking rather dazed, he noticed Kyle sitting on the bed, flipping through a seven page book entitled Teh Novel, and flopped down on the bed with him, strategically placing his head in Kyle's lap.

"Hey!" Kyle cried in surprise, but made no move to try and escape, and gladly allowed himself to be clung to, as Stan breathed a heavy sigh of satisfaction.

There was something incredibly domestic about it, the act and the situation.

They hadn't really needed to be reminded of why they were here, why they were doing this, but if they did, this moment was all they would have. Liken to embracing in the middle of the street, preparing to be killed and planning a romantic horror film about it. Just sitting there in the kind of intimacy that they could only imagine with each other.

Kyle gave Stan's hand a squeeze, and they smiled lazily, watching from the window as Brian Boitano practiced his ceremonial speech, or at least tried to; like everything else, Terrance and Phillip kept up their gratuitous demonstration of farting and off-colour remarks through out the whole thing, making it impossible to take the whole thing serious. But they looked so amazingly happy about it, delays, and hassle, and clashing saffron with forest green and all. It just seemed worth it.

In a very lucid moment, Kyle found himself musing aloud, although he couldn't be sure that he was actually speaking, because it was all so soft it was almost intangible.

"I think…I do want to marry you someday, Stan. Maybe. If it's necessary. I think that llama farm idea sounds great, too. So long as we can raise genetically engineered pot-bellied elephants, too. I'll even let you name one Gorack. As long as I get to name another one Steve."

Stan made a small grunt of acknowledgement, just before he drifted off into sleep and started to snore loudly.

Kyle grumbled to himself, and then looked back to the window, and almost had a panic attack on the spot, seeing his inspiring situation about to be torn apart.

Or shot up, given that it was Scott, brandishing a gun.

Kyle jumped up from the bed, rudely awakening Stan in the process, although he didn't stop to enlighten him and high-tailed it out the door.

He'd done it before, so may years ago…he'd do it again. And maybe if he could cause a distraction like before, Brian Boitano could at least be able to do something, because, after all, he was just that hardcore.

"Why, Scott? Why are you doing this, you dick?" Phillip was yelling.

"Simple. I'm homophobic!" Scott retorted.

"I was right! You owe me twenty dollars!" Phillip said to his fiancé, triumphantly.

"Never mind that right now, there's more important matters," Terrance reminded Phillip, "For instance, that Scott's trying to kill us because we're…wait a minute! We aren't gay!"

"You're in love and in a sexual relationship with a man and planning on marrying him tomorrow. How is that not gay?" Scott cried.

"It isn't because I'm not! I'm just a Phillipophile." Terrance said.

"And I'm a Terranceophile." Reminded Phillip.

Scott just stared at them incredulously.

It was at that moment that Kyle barreled across the lawn, and jumped in front of Terrance and Phillip, holding his arms outstretched in front of them, just as he had in defiance of his mother all those years ago, at the climax of the Great Canadian-U.S. War of 1989.

As Scott fired a single bullet in surprise, Kyle realized that there was one thing that he hadn't taken into consideration.

He was taller now.

Stan, from the doorway of the house, could only watch and scream with Kyle as he was brought down to his knees in painful agony

When Stan was finally able to uproot himself from his shock, he hurried to the side of his Super Best Friend, as Kyle sobbed melodramatically and cradled his ushanka, which had been ripped apart by forty seven bullets, even though only one shot had been fired.

"Oh my God, you killed the ushanka!" Stan cried at Scott, as Brian Boitano finagled the gun out of his grasp with a roundhouse kick, and handcuffed him all in one fell swoop.

"You bastard! You dick!" Kyle screamed, clutching at the felled pieces of green fabric and ear flaps.

"I am so sorry, dude; it really was the nicest hat I have ever known." Stan said empathetically, wrapping an arm around Kyle's shoulders consolingly.

"May we always hold its memory close to our hearts." Big Gay Al said, dabbing at his eyes with his handkerchief once again.

"Sleep well, little ushanka, the lord holds thee now." Phillip sniffled.

Terrance watched the scene, ashen faced.

"You people are freaks." Scott said, just as he was lead away by the Canadian police.

Brian Boitano said some fond words in the ushanka's memory.

Celine Dion later wrote and dedicated a hit, chart topping single to the ushanka.

Kyle's ushanka was just that hardcore.