Warning: This story contains violence, self harm, and child abuse. Also, I have a potty-mouth, so be warned.

Disclaimer: If I owned Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Percy would have been besties with the Stolls, not Annabeth and her crowd. Also, I wished I owned the fabulousness of Yourfavoritemartian, but I don't... *sobs hysterically*


Percy laughed hysterically all the way to his next class, only stopping when his ribs started to slide. Why couldn't he just take the time to set the bones right, instead of doing it having to reset them a dozen times throughout the day. And why couldn't he be this good of an actor all the time? Well, he was only half kidding about not taking his crazy-pills, but the rest of it he'd just pulled outta his ass. Alright, here we go...

He walked into his next class just as the bell rang, earning him a disappointed glare from Ms. Kerr. The rest of the class just sat and gawked at him, having already heard about the previous class. Percy walked to his seat in the back corner, thinking that they would have no choice but to stop staring at him once he was behind them. He was wrong.

After several minutes had passed, Percy was fed up with it. "Take a picture, it'll last longer," he said sarcastically, rolling his eyes when some people took him seriously and did just that. "What is this, an exhibit at the zoo? Really, guys, did I turn into a Black Mamba while I wasn't paying attention? "Cause that would be wicked cool." Everyone finally stopped staring, embarrassed that he had called them out on it like that.

Ms. Kerr just looked confused. "Would someone mind telling me exactly what happened? How about you, Percy? I mean, they're all staring at you, so what have you done this time?" She wasn't at all prepared for his answer.

"Okay, but this is a little confusing at first. Ready?" When she nodded, he walked calmly to the front of the room. Everyone held their breath, and no one but Nico noticed the mischievous glint in his eye. When Percy started to smile, everyone prepared for the weirdest thing they could imagine, but none of their imaginations could quite keep up with Percy's. No one, that is, except for one very amused Nico di Angelo. When he opened his mouth, it didn't take long for everyone else to figure out what was going on.

"It was a weekend, and you can't stop

Us from going to the local dance spot.

Instead of drinking imported beers,

Somebody brought a bottle of Orphan Tears.

We popped the top. We know what was in it.

Yeah, we were all so stupid to sip it.

Orphan Tears are so hallucinogenic.

I took one drink and saw a two-headed midget.

Then the room filled with colors and shapes,

And suddenly DeeJay was covered in snakes.

Oh snap! And what made it worse

Is I swear I saw a unicorn humping a smurf.

Then a rainbow appeared out of Wax's ass.

He passed some gas and it snapped in half.

Yo Deejay! Are you still there?

Yeah, I'm trying to hook up with this girl in a wheelchair.

Alright. Chill there. I think a bulimic

Carebear might pick a fight with Jesus.

I don't believe it. I'm gonna be sea sick.

These Orphan Tears are about to make me trip.

Little children, near and far

Don't know where your parents are.

Cry directly in this jar.

I will drink it at the bar.

Sip sippin' on Orphan Tears.

Sip sip sippin' on Orphan Tears.

Sip sippin' on Orphan Tears.

Sip sip sippin' on Orphan Tears.

These Orphan Tears got me feeling like I ain't felt before.

I tried to bust-a-move but fell asleep on the dance floor.

I swear I saw Bill Cosby like, "Hello with the pudding!"

He was dancing in his underwear showing off his woody.

I ran to the bathroom. Everything is in slow mo.

I couldn't throw up, because the toilet bowl called me a homo.

I barfed up a kitten, and I'm feeling strange.

Sippin' these Orphan Tears, now it's got me seeing things.

Little children, near and far

Don't know where your parents are.

Cry directly in this jar.

I will drink it at the bar.

Sip sippin' on Orphan Tears.

Sip sip sippin' on Orphan Tears.

Sip sippin' on Orphan Tears.

Sip sip sippin' on Orphan Tears.

All up in the VIP section, straight relaxed.

The DJ playing my favorite tracks.

Waitress asked, what can I bring you.

I said the most expensive thing on the menu.

She came back with a glass of liquid.

I said, I asked for something different.

This looks like a normal beer.

She said, no it's Orphan Tears.

Took a swig. Then I walked down where the dance floor is,

Whole club looking like a forest.

DeeJay turned into a brontosaurus.

Everybody in the club looked like Chuck Norris.

I tried to run to the bathroom

but when I did I felt a vacuum suction.

Pulling me back slow

Dance floor turned into a black hole.

Spinning around horribly.

Feeling like Dorothy.

Woke up and was still at home.

Orphan Tears got us in the zone.

Little children, near and far

Don't know where your parents are.

Cry directly in this jar.

I will drink it at the bar.

Sip sippin' on Orphan Tears.

Sip sip sippin' on Orphan Tears.

Sip sippin' on Orphan Tears.

Sip sip sippin' on Orphan Tears."

The vice principal had come in sometime during Percy's little performance, and Ms. Kerr looked mortified.

"Percy!" Vice Principal Octavian shouted. "My office. Now!"

Great. Just what I need right now. Percy was snapped out of his thoughts when Octavian put a hand on his back to guide him out of the room, causing him to double over in pain.

"Percy?" He could see someone hovering over him, but he couldn't seem to discern the figure. "Percy, stay with me. Don't pass out on me now, Perce." Oh, so it was Nico... He allowed the darkness hovering on the edge of his vision to consume him. "Percy!"


Thank you all so much for the reviews!

UPDATE: I am going to be rewriting this story. A lot of my writing really needs some help, and the language is stretched, but I promise I will be as timely about it as I can. Thank you so much to those of you who stuck with this story for so long, and I sincerely apologize for not updating in so long.