SCENE 1

Lorelai, Rory and Emily sat at the dinner table for Friday night dinner, absent Richard. Lorelai leaned over to smell the floral centrepiece, gaining Rory's frown and Emily's stare, and cleared her throat.

"So, where's Dad?"

Emily lifted her fork and knife.

"On business."

"Yes - but where?"

"Germany."

"Oh, Germany," Lorelai slapped her knees, and the napkin fluttered off. "Well, that place is nice. I haven't been there. But they must have good architecture. And you know - "

"Don't tell us again about how attractive the men are. Honestly, Lorelai."

Lorelai shrugged, and Emily wiped her lips with her napkin.

"Oh by the way. Claudia died."

"Claudia… Claudia… " Lorelai rolled her eyes, "What can I do with Claudia? Claude? The guy who didn't speak from the game where you steal cars?"

"In any case, the funeral's on Thursday. I thought we might all go together."

"Why?" Lorelai frowned. "I mean, well."

Rory glanced up. "Mom, there'll be free food."

Emily stared. "Rory!"

"It's not me, Grandma. I just know what Mom will go for."

Lorelai nodded. "You do know me well, sweet child o' mine."

If you're out on the road…

SCENE 2

Lorelai was sitting in the kitchen of her home, watching a little TV. Rory came in wearing her school uniform.

"Mom, what are you doing?"

"Who knows," Lorelai shrugged, "What prompt have you to reply with disdain?"

"You're supposed to be baking!"

"Once," Lorelai smiled, "I forgot the raising agent whatever that is, and my cookies came out flat. Flat! I ate them, but still. Do you know how much sugar is in one batch of cookies? Unfortunately, my friend showed me, so now I can't eat them."

"Mom, the Chilton bake sale is today!"

"Why else do you think I'm attending? Hello, free food!"

"They expect things to be homemade."

Lorelai glared. "So? I'll just rock up with whatever I choose, and if they say it's not homemade, I'll just say it is. And they won't argue, because I'll have the strongest intentions towards violence. That's the natural way, Rory. That's the natural way - or so says the fat man on that show with a talking dog."

Lorelai frowned.

"Where is that music coming from?"

Lorelai opened Rory's door and saw Lane bouncing around to some Ranson or something.

"I don't know this music. What is this?" Lorelai shook her head. "You know, actually - I can't offer a funny alternative, because I don't know any good songs. I like music from sound-tracks. You know, Gone with the Wind? I luurrve - "

Lane switched off the radio. "Gotta go!"

Lorelai, Rory and Lane walked out of the house and off the porch. Lane ran for it. Babette and Mory were leading a little trailer thing with a cat inside a curtained kind of setup.

"Cinnamon's not walking good these days," Babette patted Mory's hand, "She still likes her passeggiatas. That's Italian for a nice walk."

Lorelai opened her mouth.

"I wish I could disagree, but you're probably right. Is Mory Italian? Moriati? The detective from Sherlock? Genius detectives do tend to have their problems, don't they?"

Lorelai and Rory watched Babette and Mory cart Cinnamon away.

"You'd better head to school, kid," Lorelai kissed Rory on the cheek. "I need some time to bake those cookies, you know."

"Don't forget the raising agent!"

"You mean the Raisin Agent," Lorelai smiled and waved, as Rory ran for the bus stop, "You know, whenever my sister cried, I would tell her she was a raisin. It would only make her cry more. Well, she started it, after all she stole my toy telephone, whether she knew I wanted to play with it first, or not."

SCENE 3

Lorelai was walking through the foyer of the Independence Inn with a customer, noticing a group of French clients approaching the front desk. She strode over behind the front desk as Michel opened his mouth.

"Sir, I am just a simple country boy from Tex-as. I do not understand this Fran-cais business."

Lorelai smiled at the group, "Scusi."

She turned to Michel.

"While I applaud your attitude, some indication on my side must give rise to a sharp demand that you, um, don't do that. Wow, that was easy."

"Lorelai, French people are insufferable."

"Michel, you don't hang out with insufferable people because they are insufferable. You only do it if they are hot."

"Lo-re-lai… "

Michel began to fiddle with some things on the desk. Lorelai held down her eyelids and poked out her tongue. Michel sighed.

"You are gee-ving me that louk, aren't you - that louk from that protagonist of a children's show where he enslaves bizarre animals inside big red balls."

Michel turned.

"Fine. I will be French. But I will not be nice."

"Do I ask for anything more from you?"

Lorelai smiled and waved. Michel smiled through grit teeth.

"Kill me now… "

Lorelai held her hand over her head, pretending to faint.

"Oh, mon dieu! Oh, de foof."

SCENE 4

Lorelai, Rory and Sookie were standing in front of their stall at the Chilton Bake Sale. Sookie was pointing to all the dishes.

"Is it OK?"

Lorelai put her finger in one of the cakes.

"Oh, delicious." Lorelai nodded, taking a second slice, "But what will we sell to everyone else?"

Lorelai watched as Sookie brandished a blowtorch, and the edge of the buffet linen caught on fire. Lorelai went over to the neighboring stall, took a little glass, scooped a cup of lemonade, drunk it with a smile.

"Oh, right," Lorelai twisted the ring on her finger, and aimed it at the fire. "Water!"

The flame grew, and Rory took the glass and scooped up the lemonade and poured it into the fire and it was extinguished. Lorelai glanced up to the purse-lipped ladies behind the stall.

"Well, I suppose that's two dollars."

"Yes," they replied.

Lorelai nodded. "No, I mean, that's a statement. It's two dollars."

Lorelai took the bowl, held it up to her mouth and drank a steady amount.

"Mmm. Backwash. This is de-li-cious."

Lorelai set the bowl back down, and returned to her stall where Max Medina stood there.

"Very Henry the eighth."

"I didn't behead one of my wives," Lorelai frowned, "I don't have any wives. I'm tempted to behead one of my husbands, because they've all run away. Did you watch the show? I really liked the poet. Mr Wyatt? I would've totally gone with him if I was Anne. How can I help you?"

"It's good to see you, Lorelai."

"Well, how kind. Formality and pretense and all that."

"You must call me Max."

"I cannot call you anything but Mr Medina, Mr Medina. Ellen only referred to Gerald as Mr O'Hara, so you must be Mr Medina. Sookie?"

"Yes?"

"This is Mr Medina."

Max turned, "Could I have a word, Miss Gilmore?"

Lorelai waggled her finger. "I could be married - does it count if you've never met your husband, but you were married, you just can't remember?"

Max exchanged a glance with Sookie, and led the way that Lorelai might follow through the crowd.

"You know, Lorelai, I would love for the ice to thaw."

"You'll need to contact Ice Man about that. But I always liked Colossus. Gosh, he's tall. You just know any mattress spring would groan with him on top."

"I was doing my job when I didn't let Rory take that test!"

"Well, you're a teacher, and probably - well, I don't know why I'm defending you."

"Isn't that a good start?"

"I have to fight for the plot's sake," Lorelal shrugged, as they walked out onto the front yard of Chilton where the fountain was, "Gosh, it's hot. You know, Rory's first day, I put her backpack in there."

"I'm going to propose something - I'm not sure how you're gonna take it. I'd like to see you sometime."

"Well," Lorelai paused, "It's always nice to hear it in person."

"Is that a yes?"

"You're a teacher," Lorelai rolled her eyes, "I mean, I could drag this out, but as from my temperament as can be guessed, a yes is forthcoming, and that is my answer Deal or No Deal."

"You know, the wordsmith thing, we have in common."

"That remains to be seen, Mr Medina."

SCENE 5

Lorelai entered a cafe opposite where she went for her business class. Max was sitting at the counter and glanced up as she sat down near him.

"Lorelai?"

"Max?" Lorelai placed a hand on her chest, "Oh, you startled me, for nothing I can conjure at this moment can yet make a mockery of your name. Coffee?"

"No foam. It prompted - "

"Well, you can always use the oil from the oven vat," Lorelai smiled, "Is that how oil from ovens is made?"

" - as I was saying," Max dimple blushed, "Well, to cut a long story short, the waitress would have looked at me the same way my dad did when he told me I wanted to be a teacher."

"Corporal punishment," began Lorelai, "Is something I thought I could do in schools, when I was a teacher. I would love to. I have a lot of frustration. But then, I'd end up taking it out on the other teachers."

The waitress glanced over. "What can I get you?"

"I will definitely have these - "

Lorelai reached for the two chocolate muffins and four other flavoured muffins.

"God, I love food. But not this biscotti - "

Lorelai tried the chocolate biscuit thing from a jar, screwed up her face and put it back.

"Is biscotti French?"

Max cleared his throat. "I'm glad I ran into you here. I think we should date."

"That's so forward - usually it's me saying that. But you know, you are awfully normal. Have you not seen how crazy I am?"

"I think we'd be good together."

"Oh, Mr Medina," Lorelai sighed, "I date pie, and something Bangles - "

Lorelai lifted her wrist and shook it, adjusting imaginary bangles, clearing her throat.

"It is of consideration that my daughter feel this is all OK, you know."

"Of course!"

"Do you like rap music?"

"Yeah."

"Me too! Well, I only liked Eminem when I was younger, I still have a thing for cap-wearing douchebags with like, long tee shirts and that kind of look. You know, like skateboarders. Not man-childs, but just… that certain look. I know it when I see it. Do you like Italian food?"

"Yeah!"

"Well, I like pizza. I mean I guess that counts. And Italians make bread. I like bread. I love me some passeggiatas."

Max frowned. "Lorelai, I think - "

"Trust me, they're really good with hot sauce. Pastrami! Pasta! Those are Italian. Are you just telling me what I want to hear?"

"Yeah!"

"Well, we have that in common."

"You're just trying to give me the answers you think I want!"

"Isn't my trying to do so providing that I have a mindset towards - "

At this, Lorelai blinked, and stuttered.

"Mr Medina, I'm not very good with when other people ramble on."

Max moved closer to Lorelai, who began fanning herself.

"I'm not sure what Ellen and Mammy would say about this, good sir."

Max opened his mouth. "You know my uncle… "

Lorelai tore off a piece of chocolate muffin, chewing, zoning out.

"... met this girl, and oh, he wanted to date her… "

Lorelai eyed the small piece of chocolate inbetween her fingers, popping it in her mouth, carving with her fingernails on the counter, some scribbles.

"... and then he got drafted, and he never saw her again… "

Lorelai folded up the wrapper, and started on the second muffin. She cleared her throat.

"Yeah, that's nice. Hans Christian Andersen?"

"Huh?"

"Too soon? But really, I didn't realise you were stroking my arm until now."

"What do you say?"

Lorelai took a deep breath. "I suppose it wouldn't be so bad… "

"Perfect! A date? An actual date, we're on the same page?"

"You know," Lorelai smiled, "On Sims Hot Date, I took someone out and we sat in that little booth, and my date stood up and peed their pants. Oh, the old days… "

Lorelai gave Max her number, and he stood up to leave. Lorelai turned to him.

"Was that story true?"

"I know you well enough by now, Lorelai Gilmore, that you'd prefer if it wasn't. Being creative with the truth is your - your hu-more - am I saying it right?"

"I should hope so," Lorelai put her nose in the air, "You know I try very hard, to keep from the proximity which you are only tempting me into. Good day, Mr - Max."

Lorelai turned to the corner, continuing to scoff her muffin, sharing a glance with the waitress.

"I am totally gonna need more than just these five or six."

SCENE 6

Lorelai and Sookie sat in the diner at the counter. Lorelai glanced down at her untouched hamburger.

"I should be hungry - but man, what's happening to me?"

"Man?" Sookie raised her eyebrows, and giggled. "Have you been listening to your Eminem again?"

"Oh, you know," Lorelai sighed, pushing her hamburger aside, "How much can I eat? The void is full. I have to keep active. I have to keep my mind busy - busy, not trying to bury thoughts, to state the difference."

Sookie glanced over.

"So what's happening, pretty gal? You usually perk up when I call you that."

Lorelai grabbed the mustard.

"Well, I'm going on a date. You know, Mr Medina, Rory's teacher?"

"Oh, he's cute."

Lorelai squeezed mustard onto her burger.

"Gosh, this is yellow. Well - yes, he is cute. And in the most indirect way, he does look like any culmination as experienced during a specific point in time, can only be tender. That is a relief, and I'm sure the mixing of feelings that must approximate true intimacy. I suppose not so indirect. But, Sookie - he's Rory's teacher… "

"Did you get onions? Luke?"

Sookie sighed and went round the counter, and began serving and primping other people's meals. She handed a flat meat thing on a plate to a customer.

"I've added… "

Lorelai tuned out, and picked up the mustard, and squeezed a dollop onto the customer's plate. He and Sookie glanced up as Lorelai shrugged.

"It does taste."

Lorelai turned back to Sookie.

"I do hope it goes well. It would be good to, well, you know."

"What?"

Lorelai rolled her eyes. "The… well, I can't think of another way to say it. You know, the… gosh, I'm blushing, and I can't even say it. You know how well ordered and sanctified my mind is, in that I cannot frequent notions of such dalliances."

Luke came into sight, raising his voice. "Sookie!"

"Hey, I was just looking for the paprika!"

Lorelai glanced up. "Paprika is a baby - "

Luke walked over to Sookie and shepherded her out from behind the counter.

"You don't do yoga on the Dalai Llama's mat - "

"Um," spoke up Lorelai, "Nope, got nothing."

" - and you don't come behind my counter, period!"

Sookie sat down beside Lorelai.

"He does make a damn good burger."

"I wish I could eat this," Lorelai stared at her plate, "I'm just so nervous. Something about souffle. What do they taste like?"

Rory appeared next to Lorelai. "Mom!"

"Oh, Jesus Mary and the camel he did something on!" Lorelai, hand to heart, looked at herself. "I love my jumper today."

"Mom, you have to come quick. It's Cinnamon."

Lorelai nodded, fumbling for her purse.

"I should be more emotional than I am. Maybe I am emotional… I just can't tell if I am or not. Someone once told me, I think my feelings, rather than feel them."

SCENE 7

Lorelai and Rory got out of the Jeep parked at their house, walked next door to Babette's, and came upon Babette, Mory and a vet looking at a figure covered by a blanket. Babette cleared her throat.

"She's gone. Cinnamon's gone!"

Lorelai stiffened her back, and rubbed Babette's back.

"I thought she was asleep! And then - "

Lorelai nodded, to all of Babette's descriptions, and sniffed, and nodded some more. Mory sunk deeper into his chair.

"I'm never eating clams again… "

Lorelai glanced around the room. She felt stifled, and a little ashamed.

SCENE 8

Lorelai walked through the wake held at Babette's place which was full of people. She heard a familiar voice, and saw Michel letting himself in.

"Michel," Lorelai drew her hair behind her ears, "Please - this is a wake."

"Oh… who died?"

"Cinnamon."

"Who?"

"Babette and Mory's cat."

Michel stared. Lorelai folded her arms and glared. Patty pushed past them both to enter.

Lorelai went back into the house, and when Sookie arrived, they ducked their heads underneath the door.

"It feels like I'm in the doll house," Lorelai whispered to Sookie, "My sister got a Barbie doll house for her birthday, it even had a motorised elevator. God that thing was loud. Also we played shop, but we didn't know what to use as money, so I just pointed out what I wanted and bought it. I don't think we learned the concept very well."

Luke pushed past Sookie, and dumped his paper bags of food on the table.

"Dig in!"

Lorelai joined the scrum. "Sorry Sookie, but I'm hungry again. And I don't want to unwrap those things in those trays you're carrying. Also if you told me what that food was, I wasn't listening."

Lorelai took a glass of wine and carried it through, ducking under the archway, into the foyer of Babette's house where Dean walked by, and Rory stood nervous. Lorelai smiled.

"Who is the gentleman caller?"

Rory gestured.

"He goes to my school. My old school - I go to Chilton now."

"Not that school where Bully went to? Was that his name? The more family friendly Grand Theft Auto where you could beat up kids with bats?"

Rory frowned, then craned her neck out the door.

"Mom, what's Mr Medina doing outside our house?"

Lorelai paused. "Oh, yes. Well, it's Thursday. That's a name."

"Am I in trouble?"

"Well no, because at this point, I'd go all Bully on them, I'd hire that kid. You see, that's a two-fer. I'm sure Seth Rogen or one of those guys said that."

"Mom. Why is Mr Medina at our house?"

"Well. Unfortunately, kid - he's my gentleman caller. So… I'll have to leave you on call waiting."

Lorelai ran over from Babette's house, tripping in the foliage, dancing as she spun, clicking her legs in mid-air. She rubbed her back and breathed heavily.

"I'm definitely too old and too out of shape to commit to doing that again."

Lorelai ran up the steps to the porch of her house, where Max turned and smiled.

"Lorelai!"

"Max," Lorelai smiled, "Look, I'm going to have to be honest here. I can't go on our date tonight because I'm attending a cat's funeral."

"A cat's… ?"

"Yes," Lorelai nodded, "Now I know what you're thinking. And you're right! I'm not dressed in black. Well, Anna Wintour says - "

"Lorelai. I don't want to force you into something you're feeling rushed by," Max placed a hand on her shoulder.

"No, Max, really!" Lorelai smiled. "I am keen. I suppose I should have that tattooed above my rump. But really, let's just reschedule. And then if I don't show up for that one, you can count us nilch. Did you know, once I messaged a guy to meet, he was parked in his car, I came out onto the footpath, he glanced over at me, and he drove off? Ha-ha!"

"Goodbye, Lorelai."

Max got into his car, and waved. Lorelai frowned.

"Gosh, that car looks just like something Claude would steal."

SCENE 9

Lorelai was in Babette's house, and walked into the kitchen. Babette was collecting medication from a cabinet.

"Babette. How are you doing… "

"Oh, hello sugar. Can I get you anything?"

"Nothing I can't surprise Karen Walker with on any given day of the week. But hey - how are you doing?"

"Oh, you know," Babette gestured, "You never know what's gonna happen when you lose your kids. Hey - you know - I saw on Oprah - and the couple just go - poof!"

Lorelai tugged at her hair.

"Babette, that will not happen to you and Mory. You two are perfect for each other!"

"I'm just so glad to have him - I always thought I'd be alone - oh, what's that - Mory's playing Cinnamon's song!"

Babette moved into the parlour, Lorelai saw Rory and Dean through the kitchen window outside. Lorelai went outside, and caught Rory coming up the steps.

"Finally!" Lorelai cleared her throat, "I've been looking nowhere for you."

"Mom," Rory scoffed, "What was that? Back there?"

"Well, you know," Lorelai tugged on her sleeve, "That was - that was Max. Max Medina. You know?"

"Yes. My tea-cher," Rory bared her teeth, "Why was he showing up on our porch?"

"Look, I'm dating him," Lorelai shrugged, "And I get it. It's weird and he's your teacher and I should have told you. I'm still learning these things. It's not all perfect Stepford with me, you know? I'm making excuses, aren't I?"

"I do live with you, Mom."

"Look," Lorelai sat on the little chair, and fell over, with a red face, "If it's weird, I'll back out. I can be alone and dateless. I've done it this long!"

"Mom," Rory came out of her jitter, "It's fine. I just - wish you told me."

"C'mon," Lorelai nudged Rory, "It's not all bad. If you aren't that smart, then I can totally sleep with Max to improve your grades."

"Ick!"

SCENE 10

Lorelai and Rory entered their house, to a ringing phone. Lorelai marched over, smiled as she took one of the roses out of the vase and smelled it, and spun on the spot and crashed a bit into the wall. Rory frowned.

"Mom. The phone!"

Lorelai snatched up the phone.

"Yo?"

"I've been trying to get you all afternoon," Emily's voice broke through. "You've been listening to that rap music again, haven't you?"

"He's very attractive in a certain pasty white light."

"You are impossible to reach!"

"I hate having my sound on, I always switch it to silent, I'm not working at Runway anymore, Mom."

"I don't like leaving messages, Lorelai. If I wanted to talk to a machine, I'd talk to my VCR."

Lorelai smiled. "OK, so if I wanted to talk to a machine - "

"Where were you?"

"Y'know - " Lorelai saw Rory making a gesture, " - I was at a funeral. Cimmanon died."

"Who?"

"Cimm-a-non. Sy-no-nym. The neighbor's cat."

"Hold on, I might be having an aneurysm."

"Is that a bleed in the brain? Gosh, maybe that's too visual. Visceral? That blood clean up game? I love cleaning up. Did you see the one where - "

"A cat. You skipped your own cousin's funeral for a cat funeral?"

"Well, I didn't know the cousin. Mom, it's late, and I ate a lot, and I need a food coma."

"What's tomorrow? You're going to a racoon's wedding?"

"See, Mom, why would I go to a racoon's wedding? I don't know any racoons. Arrivederci. That's Spanish."

"Actually - "

Lorelai hung up the phone. She wandered into the kitchen where Rory was at the sink.

"Rory, I don't have to date your teacher if I don't want to."

"It's fine! You already told me. But, Mom - if you could - could you keep him out late on Thursday night? I'd prefer if he didn't show up for the final I'm still to study for."

Lorelai smiled.

"Oh, Rory. You know I'll do anything to get my kid into private school. Did you know, I cooked the headmaster a great meal, and showed him some rooms in my house, and I got almost a hundred points!"

"That's a game you're talking about, right?"

"Sadly, yes. Some people like to take the pixel blur off, but I have my i-mag-i-na-tion. Bikini Bottom, hello?"

"Mom," Rory smiled, "Don't take this the wrong way - good night. That means you have to go to bed, too."

"Ha-ha."