SPOV
"The Hibernum is a sacred tradition as old as the festival. Pairs of wizards are selected at random to join in a hunt within the mythical forests of Broceliande. This rite symbolizes a holy communion between the children of the Goddess and the beasts she created to nourish and challenge us in the wild. Only the strongest wizards are selected, and the random selection process is a measure to foster friendship between the different clans of men. We salute and honor those who are chosen by preparing the carnal fruits of whatever these huntsmen retrieve from within the borders of the woodland realms." The announcer explained to the myriad of guests who were not already familiar with how the Carnival worked.
"Albus Potter and Scorpius Malfoy." The announcer spoke finally as the first twenty pairs of guests had been called forward and sent off through various portals. By the time our names had been called, the majority of the guests who knew they would not be called on to participate had already settled in for a comfortable lunch. Everyone wore white and lounged beneath the floating tents that hovered above the enormous gardenscape.
We glanced at each other hesitantly before I took the lead and stepped through the portal. The two of us emerged into the heavily wooded forests of Broceliande, where the air was thick with magic and mystery. It was like entering a timeless sea of swirling memories that clung heavily to every rock and plant and creature. The trees here were veiled in swaths of colors long since forgotten, colors at once vibrant and somber. A brook of pristine crystal water flowed not far from where we'd landed, its current chirping a chorus of trickles and soft burbles. It was a beautiful place, but then those green pools of moss were even more enchanting. They were always more enchanting. Al's eyes were the only thing on the planet that could unnerve me so entirely. After a moment of staring at him, he finally chanced a glance back at me. My heart caught in my chest when our eyes made contact. He looked so young… but… he emanated an energy that told of an unspeakable vastness. A vastness more than what any mere boy could know or feel or be.
"Of course I had to be stuck with you."
I merely blinked, thinking of everything that had passed between us. He sighed tiredly before speaking again. "Fine. Say whatever you were planning to say this morning. Just get it over with."
"I thought you were done with me? If your intention is to torture me with this back and forth, then I'm not interested."
I regretted speaking before the words had even left my mouth. 'Apologize to him you idiot!' Shot a voice inside of me. I shook my head at my own stupidity when he frowned, withdrew excalibur from his robe and walked right past me towards the brook. 'Apologize now before he never gives you another chance to'.
"Al" I started when a deafening crack interrupted me. I spun around just in time to catch a gnarled oak groaning angrily as it came crashing to the ground in a hail of chips and splinters. Al had felled the rotting tree in a single quick motion, forming a bridge over the brook with the mass of its ancient trunk. A brace of cardinals had taken flight at the angry sound, chirping their distress to the entire forest.
I should have taken the opportunity to say sorry. why had I snapped at him? Why couldn't I ever seem to control my temper?
He leapt onto the log and began crossing before I could say anything. There was a determination to his movements that made me question whether he'd even forgive me if I tried to apologize now. "You really never learn anything you foul boy."
I made quickly to follow him when those words reached me, a sort of fear growing in my heart. Unfortunately I only got two paces before a section of bark cracked off beneath Al's feet. He slid unceremoniously into the water bellow, managing somehow to avoid the many rocks that lay haphazardly about.
My eyes shot skyward as a smile grew outwards on my lips. He was always so clumsy, it was a wonder Al hadn't killed himself yet by mistake.
I jumped down into the water after him, offering the idiot my hand to help him up. The water was cold where where it seeped into my shoes. I was struggling to contain my laughter at the situation. It was like something out of a scripted comedy. Al looked up at me angrily, merely swatting my hand away as he attempted to stand on his own. The idiot almost succeeded, falling instead back down into the water with a simple splash.
He looked so startled by the second fall that I couldn't help but howl at the hilarity of it. I knew he'd hate me even more for the cackling but I couldn't stop. Water dripped down his face in great streaks, like trails of flowing tears. "The look on your face!" I exploded, trying desperately to pull in air.
He scowled, managing finally to rise firmly on his own two feet. There was an anger set like flames in his mossy eyes that cut through my laughter like lightning through the heavens. It shut me up so fast I nearly gulped down my own tongue.
Al steadied himself quickly but before he had a chance to climb out along the river bed I grabbed roughly at his arm, forcing him back towards me. He gave me one look so filled with anger, regret, sadness, hurt, and honest confusion that I couldn't restrain myself. That was when I pulled him tightly into an embrace from which he could not escape.
Of course the idiot started to struggle immediately. There was an urgency to the jerks and flailing that reminded me of an animal caught in a snare. All I knew was that I wasn't going to let him go this time. There was no way I'd let go.
"Release me!"
"No."
"RELEASE ME NOW!"
"I love you Albus Potter." instantly his resistance ceased. "You are my best friend Al, you are the only brother I will ever have and I love you. I am so sorry."
APOV
The words had taken me by complete surprise. He continued without pause, not giving me time to start fighting him again. "I was so mad that you were going to sacrifice yourself to get me away from the keeper. So afraid. I couldn't imagine living in a world without you. Then I realized I would have done the same thing in your position. I was willing to die to give you a chance to escape. Ive been beating myself up this entire time for my own hypocrisy. For my cruelty. I should never have moved that night. I should have trusted you to handle that monster like you asked." I realized as he spoke that I was crying.
My heart was aching, tearing in every direction at once. Scorpius Malfoy confused me more than anything in the world ever had. No subject or person had ever been so difficult to comprehend. I could feel the skin of his cheek against mine. I could feel the warmth of his chest through his clothing. I was high with him so near. The sensation became so strong that I had to pull my head back slightly for fear of fainting.
The moment I did his left hand came up along my neck to caress my face. He was looking at me so strangely now. I shuddered when his thumb began running its way along my lips. There was a hunger in those blue eyes that made me think my emotions were slipping through our link. This couldn't be him. This was how I felt… me… not Scor. This wasn't right. He didn't understand anything.
"Al. Please forgive me. I heard your bones crack and I couldn't help but attack the Keeper. I knew only that I needed to save you. I still don't know why I did it. I'm selfish and cruel, but I know what I would have done for you that night beneath the forest. I would have given anything. I still would. I just don't know what to do. Just tell me what you want me to do. There has to be something. I need with every fiber of my being for you to forgive me."
My lips parted slightly under the pressure of his finger and before I knew it I was biting gently into the soft pad of his thumb. I released it when the fire in my chest grew too hot to bear. I leaned in, allowing my mouth to brush softly against his. Like the final drop that breaks the dam, my heart began to overflow.
"I will forgive you for what you said… if you forget what I'm about to do" I finished, kissing him softly. The running water was cool against my feet. My soaked robes had already sapped much of the warmth from my body as the wind rushed through the forest leaves. Up until that moment everything had been running in slow motion.
The air, the sound of the stream, our breathing. Yet the moment I made contact with his mouth I could feel nothing but fire.
It started out shyly, until I remembered why we were fighting. The act soon became both angry and urgent. The moment the hurt of his actions set in I lost it. I hated him for his malice, but I still couldn't help myself, I was in love with him.
It was hot and real… I was surprised he'd allowed it to go on for as long as it had. Suddenly his hand closed roughly around my throat to push me away from him in a quick violent jerk. His hand had been so gentle the first time he'd touched me. Now it was hard and frenzied. But I had known he would react this way.
"I told you the last time to never do that again!" He looked furiously into my eyes as he shouted.
He had no right to tell me anything. He was the one who had kissed me! After the prophecy, in the bath… He was the one who had fractured my mind the way no friend should ever do. What he had done to me in that bath in the hero's beacon… He had taken too much to deny me this. My eyes narrowed dangerously back at him.
"You told me to light myself on fire too. To simply die and save the world the trouble of dealing with me. Should I take stock in what you say or not?" He was visibly distressed by the reminder of what he'd done. "I never forget the things you say to me. Nor the things you do. That I did on purpose. Whenever we're apart for long… its the only thing I can think to do to stop the cold. You know the freezing chill I'm talking about. Don't you? Do you feel like holding hands is enough to stop it?"
His grip was tight and uncomfortable on my neck but I still relished the sensation of the contact. I couldn't control myself in this forest. The magic was too strong. I rolled my head to the side so that my skin brushed softly against his hand. He was contemplating my words carefully. He looked at me just as distressed as I imagine I looked mere moments ago.
As I watched him I came to realize something about myself that I would never truly understand. There was a weakness inside of my soul that was entirely irrational and wholly unbreakable, and I hated myself for it. I don't know what made me tell him, but I have never to this day felt more vulnerable.
"You could squeeze you know. You could close your fingers around my neck until I stopped breathing. The horror wouldn't be that you did it. What terrifies me is that even now, I would let you." His eyes grew wide as saucers when the words left me. He would have let go then and there had I not closed my hands around his, keeping it in place. "You said you wanted me dead. Do it. Go on. I wonder if you'd really be sorry then." I squeezed, hard, forcing his nails to dig into my flesh. The spark of pain was nothing compared to the weight on my heart nor the sadness at the memory of his words. No matter how much he apologized he could never take it back. The nightmares hadn't left me since the night this happened. The crows would descend, a horrible miasma of blood red feathers and sharp piercing beaks. Their eyes shone like rubies in firelight. Every time they cawed I heard them scream freak. Every time it was the voice of someone I knew and loved. My mother and father, my cousins Louis and Rose, My aunt and uncle, even my brothers and sister.
"Stop it Al. Let go! You're hurting yourself!"
"You are the one that's hurting me Scor. You. You. You. Always you!"
"I'm sorry! You know I never meant to hurt you. You know how many times I've said it."
"Yes I've heard you say the words, but do you really understand what you did to me?"
I was sobbing so utterly that I could scarcely breathe. The magic I cast next came as easily to me as a shark might tear into its prey. In this mystic place my powers swelled forth to match my desperation. The dancing shadows of these ancient trees whispered gossip to each other in the wind as they observed our exchange. It was too difficult to speak, so I projected my words into the air through a spell.
"Freak!"
"Freak!" "reak!" "eak!" "k..." "k…"
The single syllable echoed madly outwards into the woods like a swarm of bats. That one word cawed and shrieked wildly as though being chanted by a murder of crows. Logic told me I'd pass out before any real harm could come to me, but somehow my strength seemed greater here in eldritch Brocéliande. I could tell my eyes shifted his demonic blood red as my magic flared further out of control. I could feel the trees recoil in fear as their dark shadows were pulled towards me like magnet. Light became twilight as I warped the space around me.
"Weak and disgusting! Light yourself on fire next time and save the world the trouble of dealing with you! Freak!"
The horror came pouring out exactly as he'd said it to me that night in the hospital wing. At that moment Scorpius managed with all of his might to yank his hand from my neck, causing me to collapse back into the river with a splash. The tears flowed shamelessly down my cheeks as sobs continue to heave from me. I had never been more hurt by anyone in my entire life.
"Please Al. I'm sorry! You know I didn't mean it! I promise on my life I didn't mean it!"
I could feel the deadening chill of frost forming around me as the water began to freeze solid at my feet. Something made me laugh in the back of my mind. Scorpious Malfoy should never grovel, even to me. It didn't become him. It was not like him to beg and plead to anyone… not for anything.
Finally he took notice of the ice forming… the blue… shone eerily agains the amber glow of artificial twilight. Blue… that's funny…
"AL!" Scor cried, pulling his wand from his robes. He tried twelve spells to warm me, to melt the ice, anything to stop its slow crawl. I looked down at my hands as they blued, frightened that I might really be dying this time. Still I couldn't stop crying.
"Just leave me alone. I want it to stop!" I wept louder. At that he abandoned his wand to grab me with both hands. Electricity flowed through me for the second time. This time he was kissing me, more intensely than I had ever before. I could hear his drunk words from last night. 'It was the hottest day of the summer and yet I nearly froze.'
"Æ£ßüS¡"
/_777/*Ω= ∫~(⁄⁄°∞µ^‡~fifl˘∆ı) + (¬˚ß–≈œ)=∑∂ª¨)
»˘±◊—(ª∫¨°)
/(‹·˜ı‰˝Ô¯˘¿˘fifl‡‡°·‰›)
To this day I don't know how I wound up on the grassy clearing on the other side of the brook. Had I lost consciousness? It had all gone terribly black. My head rang as blood pounded through it.
Finally the swirling sensations stopped and I sat up, bracing myself lazily against my arm. My vision came back into focus and I caught sight of Scor wringing the water from his robes and shirt down by the stream. After some crudely constructed profanity he came stomping back towards me with a furious scowl on his face.
"You're a terrible best friend. You stole my first, second and third kiss… Any more or are you quite done?"
This was the Scor I knew best. "On top of that you keep trying to die on me."
"I don't think you get to yell at me for anyth—"
"NO ENOUGH! Do you get it. Do you realize how much you mean to me? Me! I'm a Malfoy. I don't even tell my dad or grandmother that I love them. I've never even told it to Rori. I snapped my wand for you! I maimed myself forever for you. You are my best friend and I'm sorry I said what I said to you but I was hurt and terrified. I thought you had died alright. All I dreamt about in my unconsciousness was your horrible death. I woke up and instead saw your shredded fingers. I remember hearing your spine crack like a twig when he caught you in his massive grip. I knew when I saw those bandages that you must have dragged yourself to me, bloody, even as you were half broken. Dragged your upper half by your torn nails like some shattered voodoo puppet to get to me… to protect me… I couldn't handle it, that I had nearly gotten you killed. You were planning on sacrificing yourself for me and I could never have lived with the guilt, the idea that I could ever be responsible for that. I made a mistake but I still get to yell at you when you do something crazy. I will always be allowed to yell at you Æ£ßüS. Ok?"
My head rang as he said my name in the old way. My true name the way we'd learned it the night we'd met Phoenix. Fighting took too much energy and I was so tired of this. We looked at each other for a minute in silence before I agreed.
"Ok… I… Ok Scor…"
He smiled, shaking his head at me as though I were a silly little kid. He plopped himself down beside me then, resting his back against a tree. "You're mental Al. You know that? You nearly froze yourself into an Alcicle. Isn't frost supposed to my speciality? I thought you preferred fire?"
"I… Scor… I didn't… mean to… I…" I stuttered stupidly.
"You were upset. I understand. Truly I do. Just… don't do that again. Please."
I rolled my eyes.
"Unless I'm dying, I promise I won't fucking kiss you again ok? Jeez. You think I would do it unless the spell required it?"
I was lying of course. I'd kiss him all day long if he'd let me. I'd kiss him even if he had the plague and by doing so I would knowingly contract it. It was the most painful experience, dreaming every night of the bath we'd shared. He didn't remember what he had done to me. Even to me it was barely a series of drunken flashes from our night atop the hero's beacon. But still it remained. My eyes drifted momentarily to his naked torso still glistening with the clear water from the brook.
"No… although you aren't to do that again either… but thats not what I meant. Don't ever do that again." He repeated bringing his fingers up against the marks around my neck. "Make me hurt you." I winced as he made contact with the bruised skin.
I couldn't believe myself. It was insane. Rosie would say it was terribly American of me. In all fairness… it had been a little dramatic. I blushed thinking about how I'd broken down in front of him like that. How could he still believe my feelings for him were platonic? My embarrassment forced me to turn away.
"Whatever, lets just forget this. We have a hunt to participate in."
"So you forgive me then? Right?" He pressed, grabbing my shoulder to return my gaze towards him. So intent was his attention on me that I contemplated using a spell to keep me from blushing again.
"I told you. I'll forgive, if you forget."
"That's not what I'm agreeing to! I want to know if we're ok. This isn't a bargain. You can't forgive me just like snapping your fingers! I need you to mean it. I've missed you so damned much. You can't even imagine Albus."
A sigh escaped my lips even as his words shocked me.
"Scor, if I can't forget what you said to me, then I also have to remember what you were willing to sacrifice. You would have died for me that night. You tried to apologize the day after on the train. On top of all that, you were right. Whatever magic exists between the two of us… neither of us can survive without the other. I shouldn't have faced that evil thing alone. I shouldn't have… tried to sacrifice myself for you. Yes… yes of course I forgive you."
He sighed his relief and I knew how much the words had meant to him. I think I might have forgiven him the moment he'd broken his wand for me… that wasn't the issue in my mind keeping us apart…
His fingers closed delicately around my throat again and my heart started to race as he observed me.
"Do you… I m-mean… are you ok now? Or do you… you know… need another…"
He started to blush.
We both nearly died while we were apart. Being close was enough to keep us from getting sick… but the only thing that seemed to cure us was…
"Another kiss?" I asked blushing. He nodded shyly, a boy again. "I don't know. I still feel really sick… We just wouldn't want it to become a habit either." The lie came easily to me. "Right?"
"We certainly don't. It's just…"
"You want to make sure I'm alright?" I asked curiously. He nodded again, looking away from me to keep from blushing.
I let my head fall into his lap. He was so weird. Which were his true feelings for me? I had read in the tabloids that Scor had spent the majority of the summer dating a string of young heiresses.
"If I rest awhile… there's a chance I might feel better on my own."
He started running his fingers softly through my hair. I looked up at him as his digits twirled and danced.
"Or… you could kiss me again."
His hand stopped immediately. After an awkward minute of staring, he leaned down so that our lips were barely an inch apart.
"I hate that this is a requirement of our… condition"
"Well… you refuse to let me tell my family… or any of the researchers at the ministry." I whispered, brushing the tip of his nose playfully with mine. "Strange though… don't you think?"
"What?"
"Us. As friends, as brothers… as whatever we are. I just wonder if I'd ever have even known you."
"You mean if we hadn't met again that day in the ministry?"
I nodded, staring into his eyes. They were a swirling mix of purples in the midday light. I winced as a wave of pain coursed through me where the frost had bit. It was like an ocean of small pin pricks. Not overwhelmingly painful, but steady and irritating. I opened my eyes again and noticed something had changed in his expression. "You freak me out sometimes Albus. You know that?"
"You do too. You have no idea how much Scor—"
He surprised me then by lifting the knee my head was resting on, forcing me to rise to meet his lips. I don't really remember how long we spent kissing. I just remember feeling happy for the first time in a long time. They were soft, tender gestures this time. Slow and full of dreamy whimsy. He finally pulled back and I smiled. I don't know what possessed me to say what I did. It was stupid and reckless.
"You're sure there's no part of you that enjoys that? Not even a little bit?"
"Al… as unbelievable as it feels, I don't enjoy things I consider dangerous and foolish." My face contorted awkwardly as I registered his response.
"Well I enjoy it, maybe even more than you're comfortable with. Its just… going from deathly ill to above the moon in less than a minute is a strange kind of high. The kisses help abate the blue scale. I'm sure of it now."
He sighed heavily at that.
"So I guess I'll have to kiss you from now on… when it gets bad enough?" He asked annoyed. He really was irritated by it. My heart sank to hear its hope shattered.
"Scor… I think you should know. I didn't steal anything from you. You kissed me first. Christmas day when they erased our memories. You were the one that kissed me."
"What? You told me that there had been a dark premonition, nothing more."
"You were crying, telling me that it was the most horrible thing you'd ever experienced. Before they took you away you kissed me on the lips with tears in your eyes. I guess if you don't remember it it doesn't count… but you just got so angry the other two times I did it… I didn't think it was fair. I have to remember it… even if you don't. It affected our soul prints… I'm sure of it."
I let that sink in before moving myself off of him. I stood and stretched cat like, facing away from the idiot. I didn't want to see his expression. Whatever he was thinking, it was likely to haunt me forever. So I looked away…
"Oh… then I'm sorry for that too I guess."
"You should be Scor" I said turning to meet his gaze. 'It was the moment I fell in love with you'. The thought echoed into my head like the ringing of a nail being hammered into a coffin. I wonder what he would have done had I said the words aloud.
I started to shiver. Despite the retreat of pain I was still so unbelievably cold. He must have noticed because he got up too, walking over to wrap his naked arms around me from behind. I felt his mouth descend against the side of my neck and I couldn't help but shiver again.
I turned around in his arms to stare at his beautiful face, he hadn't let go or even loosened his embrace. He's so close.
"You finally forgave me." He noted stupidly, a grin brimming widely on his face. I couldn't help but chuckle.
"Yes… how perceptive of you… Malfoy"
"Never call me that again. Scor only from now on, please. And it wasn't meant to be a terribly incisive statement… i was just ecstatic at the idea of us getting to do all the things we always said we would. I have another chance now."
I felt myself blush at the words. They sounded like those of a lovers.
He pulled away and walked towards the tree where his damp shirt lay. There he blasted the article of clothing with a drying spell and slipped himself into it after he was satisfied it was sufficiently free of wet.
"Shame, that hot air is going to shrink this. Oh well, shall we continue the hunt?" He asked, offering me his hand. I sighed in my mind. 'How long will these feelings for him last?' I wondered.
