Chapter I
Buffy was lying down on her couch in her living room with her eyes closed. She was well and truly pissed off. The front door slammed open and Willow bounced in.
"Hey Buffy," she said with indecent cheer, "what are you doing lying down on such a beautiful Saturday morning like this?"
"Oh," Buffyreplied morosely, "it's Dawn, again. You remember Ms. Barton?"
"Yeah, how could I forget her? She was really something when she was high on Ethan's band candy, wasn't she? But, when she came down she turned into an even bigger grump than before. Still, I'm glad she survived our snaky graduation. Hasn't she retired?"
"No, unfortunately," continued Buffy, "it seems that she was substituting for Mr. Whitmore's Teen Health Class when Dawn..."
"Wait, wait," interrupted Willow, "Ms. Barton was teaching Sex Ed? God, she probably hasn't gotten any since the end of World War II! What idiot put her in charge of a bunch of horny teenagers asking questions about sex?"
"Ah, well, that would probably be our new principal, Robin Wood, but anyway, to get back to the subject, it seems that Dawn asked Ms. Barton When will you be getting to the sexual technique part of the course because most of us already know more than we want to know about saying no'."
Willow cracked up. She tried to stop laughing and say something serious, but couldn't.
"Willow!" Buffy complained, "it's not funny. Or, it's not that funny anyway. Poor old Ms. Barton was terribly upset, she thought maybe she was the butt of a practical joke or something. Anyway, it's up to me to find a suitable punishment for Dawn now. God, this must be my punishment for being my mother's daughter."
"Well Buffy, I wouldn't think she deserves any punishment at all – I mean, speaking from my enlightened position as a twenty-something lesbian witch, I think I can state with some authority that pre-marital sex can be good for teenagers, certainly healthier than than some stiff-necked and dusty old organized religion anyway."
"Geez Willow, don't let Dawn hear you say that! She's already screwed up enough having to follow my poor example, much less yours too."
"I heard that," yelled Dawn from the kitchen, "it's too late sister dearest, I'm clued in about sex and I'm ready to try it." Her volume dropped off so her next phrase couldn't be overheard, "If only I can find a suitable boy."
"See," sighed Buffy, "what the hell am I gonna do?"
"What poor example do you mean?" asked Willow, a little hurt by Buffy's offhand remark.
"Oh, but I didn't mean you ... it was just ... really ... I mean I was the poor example ... oh ... not you, and I, well ..."
Luckily for Buffy the telephone interrupted them. Dawn answered, "Hello?" She listened a moment and then yelled in the general direction of the living room, "IT'S FOR YOU BUFFY!"
Buffy walked into the kitchen and after exchanging sisterly sneers with Dawn, picked up the phone and said, "This is Buffy."
Buffy listened a moment and hung up without saying anything. She looked puzzled as she turned and said, "That was someone telling me about a house full of vamps over off Center and 18th street. Who the heck would be calling me anonymously about stuff like that?"
Willow asked, "How about the voice Buffy, did you recognize it?"
"Well, he sounded sort of familiar, I can't quite place it though."
Dawn spoke up, "Maybe it was Giles, no that can't be. How about Angel? He might hang up on you. Unless someone is setting a trap!"
"Gee, thanks for the heads-up Dawn. But no, first of all, Angel wouldn't hang up on me. And second, don't you think I would recognize his voice? No, hmm, it might have been Detective Stein, maybe."
"Who?" asked Willow and Dawn, simultaneously.
"Detective Stein, he interviewed me when I thought I had killed Ted, you remember Ted, the maniacal robot groom wanta-be, don't you? And again when Faith stabbed the deputy Mayor, he interviewed both of us."
"But," said Willow, "that's been more than four years. How could you know if it's him after all that time?"
"Well, I've actually talked to him several times since then. I mean, I'm always wandering around in the bad parts of town at weird hours of the night. Every once in a while I come across ordinary human crime. I can't ignore it just because there are no vampires involved."
Both Willow and Dawn looked curiously at Buffy.
Buffy continued, "Sometimes I stumble on petty thieves, them I just beat up a little and send on their way. But I have interrupted armed robbers, rapists, and even murderers. Not often, but twice in the last year I had to call the police to gather up various criminals from Sunnydale's back alleys. So, yeah, I do know Stein's voice, although if it was him, he was trying hard to disguise it. Of course, I could be entirely wrong."
"Oh well," said Willow, "it doesn't really matter, does it? We saddle up and head out to Center Street, right? I mean, finding a vampire nest above ground in daytime is almost like cheating, but it's the kind of cheating that I can get behind."
"Might as well, it's not like I was looking forward to going the Mall this morning or anything."
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