The Unfortunate Don

Chapter 10

Buffy and Willow were sitting in the living room a couple of days later. It was early in the morning, the sun still in the process of burning off a slight mist from the night before. Willow was buried in a physics textbook while Buffy drank coffee and studied an ancient Watcher's Diary. They could actually hear Dawn in kitchen as she yawned hugely over her coffee and the morning paper. Xander had dropped by on his way to work and was searching through the refrigerator for something to eat that didn't require cooking or heating.

Dawn broke the silence by asking loudly, "What's a four letter word that starts with 'F'?" Everyone looked at Dawn with either a frown or a puzzled expression, or both.

"What the heck are you reading?" Buffy asked.

"It's the crossword puzzle Buffy, in the Sunnydale Chronicle. The clue is: Analog Recording Medium. There's a crossword that puts an 'f' in the first spot. I don't have another clue."

"It's gotta be 'film' Dawny," said Xander.

"Oh, I didn't think of that! I've never used a film camera. But I bet I know what all of you were thinking, you dirty dawgs you!" Pointed silence followed.

It was so quiet that the whisper of tires on pavement was noticeable when a dozen cars drove sedately up the street and stopped in front of the house. Buffy could also hear cars in the alley behind the house crunching along the gravel.

Willow frowned and stood up and intoned, "Slow!" and waved her right hand in front and then in back.

"What's up Will?" asked Buffy.

"Cops, cops and the FBI and a SWAT team. They're here to arrest you. I slowed time locally so we can talk."

"What? Are you sure?"

"We only have about a minute until they are up to the front door, these guys mean business and they're running scared. Of you, Buffy."

"Why?"

"That's a good question. But we don't have time to analyze this. Be nonthreatening to them, go with them quietly and most of all, don't say anything to them, I mean it Buffy, the only thing you should say is 'I want a lawyer'. I'll get a lawyer for you ASAP, but you might have to put up with a Public Defender guy until we can get a good one." Willow waved her hand in front and said, "un-slow." She added, "Peace and calm be with you," plus some choice Latin phrases under her breath.

Willow got the door open and was nearly run over by cops. By the time Willow turned around there were about ten guys with guns in the living room, all pointed at Buffy, who was sitting quietly in her chair, sipping a cup of coffee.

"Are you guys in the right place?" asked Buffy as she put down her cup.

"Um, guys?" Willow said, "your warrant please." She held out her hand, but they all ignored her until she thundered, "NOW!" The officers looked a little shook up, but one handed her a slip of paper.

Willow read it carefully while everyone else stood still. "OK," she said as doubtfully as she could muster, "this looks like it might be a legal and in order. But what's with all the guns and SWAT team and stuff?"

Detective Stein walked in the front door on the tail of Willow's question. "Ms. Rosenberg, we believe that Ms. Summers is a dangerous felon. Therefore: firepower."

"You guys are seriously crazed!"

"Nevertheless, we must take Buffy Summers into custody." He turned to a couple of uniformed officers behind him and said, "The manacles please. And someone read her her rights."

Willow looked on in astonishment as they put leg irons, hand cuffs and manacles, all sized big enough for a bear, on Buffy. Buffy was distressed. Then they all trooped out of the house, Buffy clinking and clanking between two cops the size of refrigerators. Dawn was seriously upset and could barely hold it together as she watched her sister forcibly marched down the lawn.

Buffy looked up at her next door neighbor, who was putting her trash out. "Good morning Mrs. Peters," Buffy said, trying to drum up a little savoir-faire.

"Why Buffy! What's happening?" Mrs. Peters replied, then she turned towards her house and shouted, "Harold! Get your butt out here! They've finally arrested that troublesome girl next door!"

Buffy slumped in despair as the cop pushed her in the back seat of a squad car.

--- ---

"Hi there. Are you Ms. Buffy Summers? The dangerous felon?" asked the tall gray suited thin man with a perpetual frown. Buffy was sitting in an interview room, looking much like a short, thin, blond girl buried under a stack of scrap iron.

"Yes, I'm Buffy Summers. Who are you?"

"I'm your lawyer, Cliff McCormack at your service. Why are you chained up like that?"

"I have no idea. This whole thing must be some huge mistake."

"Yuh think?"

"What am I charged with, anyway? I mean, I suppose it must be murder, but who am I supposed to have killed? The only guy I've killed recently was strictly self-defense, witnessed and attested to by a cop, whose life I probably saved."

Cliff looked startled at that revelation and said, "You've been charged with Capitol Murder of a Federal Agent During the Performance of Her Duties. A Special Agent Sisneros of the FBI."

"Oh my god!" exclaimed Buffy unhappily, "I liked her! Do they have any suspects?" After a moment of silence Buffy added, "I guess that was a stupid question."

"No grass growing under your feet, is there?"

"But that's nuts! I would never kill Linda Sisneros! At least, not normally." she added the last under her breath, thinking of vampires.

"Apparently the police think you had a grudge against her, something about her calling you a buffalo? Or something."

"But that was good-natured banter! I don't hold grudges! At least, not like that!"

"It seems that Agent Sisneros was murdered horrifically. Her body was found decapitated and with a large wooden stake stabbed into her heart. For some reason the cops think the stake leads to you. Do you know of any reason why they might think that?" Cliff was a little shook up just from reading his notes.

Buffy frowned thoughtfully as she processed Cliff's information. "Someone's trying to frame me," she concluded at last, "and it's probably the local Mafia boss in this town, Don Reichs."

Cliff asked indulgently, "And why would the Mafia care about you so much Ms. Summers? I mean really, you're just a college kid."

"Because I put one of his Capos in jail, a guy named Benedetto, and Reichs is on the run because of me. I fought him in front of a bunch of cops, including the FBI. I also rescued an FBI agent from torture at the hands of the Mafia. And I beat up a pair of his foot soldiers who were trying to intimidate a friend of mine. So he has plenty of reason to be mad at me."

Cliff said with a heavy sigh, "Well, the obvious defense in this case is insanity."

"Actually Cliff," Buffy declared with marked emphasis, "you will have problems with an insanity defense because not only I'm I innocent, but I am completely and provably sane. And there are plenty of cops who will corroborate everything I just said. Now, what's next in this legal circus, anyway?"

Cliff frowned at her and said, "Well, next is the arraignment. They'll formally charge you, you'll plead innocent, then they'll take you to the county lockup to await trial."

"But what about bail?" asked Buffy.

"Bail? For a murder charge? You're dreamin' babe, this is California, only actors get bail for murder, and then only if they're famous."

"OK, I'm starting to see a big problem. I can't be sitting on my duff in jail, I have too many responsibilities. First thing I need you to do is go visit with Willow Rosenberg, she should be at my house. Confer with her and tell everything you told me and follow her instructions. Then maybe we'll get to the bottom of this."

"Uh huh," Cliff replied sarcastically, "and just when do you think I'm going to find the time to do all this conferring and I suppose you'll want me to investigate too. You forget, I'm a twenty dollar an hour shyster, not a six-hundred dollar an hour white-shoe attorney. This isn't even my home base, I live over in Neptune, near San Diego. I was just standing around in the courtroom at the wrong time, on another case, when the judge noticed me and I got appointed to your case. This is just until you get a better lawyer."

Buffy narrowed her eyes and came on all Slayer-y, "Cliffy, you will follow my instructions or you will regret it."

"Ah, sure, you bet, I'll get right on it."

--- ---

Cliff wasn't sure exactly why he found himself at 1630 Revello Drive, but there he was. So he rang the doorbell. The door opened cautiously until he found himself looking at a tall thin doe-eyed young woman. It looked like she had been crying recently.

"Yes, may I help you?" Dawn asked.

"I'm here to see Ms. Rosenberg. Is she in?"

Dawn nodded and stepped back. Cliff waited for an invite, but Dawn was silent. After a moment he walked in, assuming an un-announced invitation. Dawn turned and yelled upstairs, "WILLOW, YOU HAVE A VISITOR!"

Cliff wondered if he could get some aspirin. Dawn, remembering her manners, invited Cliff into the living room and asked, "Would you care for some coffee? Or something else?"

"Scotch on the rocks with a water chaser would be nice."

"Um, I don't think we have any. Except water. And rocks, possibly."

Willow bopped into the room and said, "Hi, I'm Willow Rosenberg, what can I do for you?"

"I'm Cliff McCormack, Buffy Summer's lawyer. She gave me strict instructions to come here and question you."

"No she didn't. She gave you strict instructions to come here, bring me up to date with Buffy's legal situation and get instructions from me," Willow said sternly.

"Are you a lawyer?"

"By the goddess no!"

Cliff blinked at her mild and off-kilter curse.

"I would appreciate it if you would bring us up to date on Buffy's legal situation, Mr. McCormack. We need to get her out of jail ASAP, she simply can't be off the streets for long before a noticeable bump in mysterious deaths would become, er, noticeable.

Cliff decided the easiest way to deal with all these lunatics would be to simply agree to their requests. So he explained about the murder charge and Buffy's hypotheses and about what would probably happen at the arraignment.

"Don't worry Dawn," said Willow, I'm sure we'll be able to straighten things out in short order. I think I'd better call Giles, maybe get the Council in on this."

Befuddled Cliff asked, "The who?"

"Oh, nothing you need to worry about, Cliff. Just try to get bail for Buffy tomorrow. And find out what the offense has to say."

"The offense? We call him the prosecutor in the law game. I wouldn't count on bail, if I were you. I don't know how soon the prosecution will get information to me, it's likely to be weeks before they conclude their investigation."

Dawn interrupted, "No no, we don't have weeks! We need Buffy free and clear in a day or two, max." Dawn turned to Willow and asked, "I don't suppose we could get a substitute Slayer, could we? Would we want to if we could?"

"No, Faith needs to stay in prison. But obviously all we have to do is find the real killer and bob's your uncle!" Willow noticed looks of incomprehension around her and quickly added, "I've hung about British people too much in my formative years. I mean that once we find out who the murderer is we will have solved all of Buffy's legal problems."

Cliff started to ask more questions, but then decided he wouldn't care for the answers and didn't open his mouth.

--- ---

"Good Christ woman! Do you know what o'clock it is?" exclaimed Giles into his phone.

"My, aren't we all Mr. British? It's 8:15pm, why do you ask, Giles?" asked Willow.

Giles lay back on his pillow and closed his eyes. "OK Willow, I know you understand about time zones, and you wouldn't be calling me just to chat me up in the wee hours. So I assume another apocalypse must be looming."

"Actually, it's not quite that bad. Buffy's been arrested for Capitol Murder and her shyster doubts they'll grant bail. I think we need help."

"Shyster?"

"You would say solicitor I suppose. Her court-appointed legal-aid lawyer. Although he's good enough for the preliminary phases, he failed criminal law, so you see why we might want to find a better lawyer if we can't nip this thing in the bud."

"Yes, I understand completely. I'll call Quentin and see if the Council will get off it's fat arse. I can't recall whether or not the Council ever kept an American legal firm on retainer. It wouldn't surprise me either way. But Willow, did Buffy do it?"

"GILES! Of course not!"

"Sorry, I know she would never murder anyone in cold blood, but was this some sort of terrible accident? We have dealt with similar situations, after all."

"No, no Giles. Buffy was nowhere near the scene of the crime. The Mafia is trying to frame her. And they've crafted a pretty damming frame; at least from the police point of view. They murdered an FBI agent and stuck a stake in her heart and decapitated her."

"Good Lord!"

"You see why the Sunnydale Police are all over Buffy on this. Although if they had any sense at all they would know this was a frame."

"Um, if I may venture to ask, why do you think organized crime is interested in framing stray Vampire Slayers?"

"They tried a protection racket on the Magic Box. When that didn't work, things, well, escalated."

"I see. Perhaps I'll cross the pond. I'll get back to you later today. Tomorrow for you," he added pointedly.

"Thanks Giles, bye."

--- ---

To Be Continued.

Author's Notes:

I was casting about for a plausible lawyer for Buffy and the one that kept popping up in my head was good old Cliff McCormack. I suppose that means that this is now a cross-over with Veronica Mars, at least technically, but I don't think VM is going to show up. But who knows? I never know where a story is going until it's finished. After all, if it turns out that Buffy needs a private investigator, her lawyer knows where to get one.