Falling. Falling. Falling.
That's my punishment, isn't it? My eternal hell, the everlasting damnation that I've earned for my cowardice. To endlessly fall from this hospital, haunted by the childish ghosts of my head. To endlessly fall to my never-coming demise. All because I refused to acknowledge the truth. All because I was too weak to accept reality. All because I've hurt everyone that I hold dear.
It's the perfect punishment… I will now suffer the same fate as my sister did for all eternity. To descend in perpetuity. This must be just a fraction of the pain she felt after I had pushed her down the stairs. All that remains is for me to fall, circled by the five faces that followed me in my delusions. The five faces that I cherished above everything else, who I found my strength in. Now they're here to punish me.
I'm sorry, Kel. I wasn't that great of a friend to you. You deserved better.
I'm sorry, Aubrey. I darkened your heart and caused your neglect. I don't deserve happiness.
I'm sorry, Hero. I stole Mari from you and abandoned you while you were lost. I am the mistake.
I'm sorry, Basil. I was too weak to save you. Things will never go back to how they were.
I'm sorry, Mari. I do not deserve forgiveness for what I've done. You deserved a brother who would have never hurt you.
In the midst of my despair, I hadn't realized that I was being held. Someone had a hold on me as I descended- but who could have possibly followed me down?
I turned my head back, only to get a full view of hair. Long, black hair. Familiar, black hair.
No…
What I saw caused my throat to throb in pain. Whatever gasp I had was mixed with the words I had failed to express… I was in utter shock. This wasn't possible- inconceivable. Mari- she was right in front of me. Circling me with the others. The Mari who was always there for me, always sitting on a picnic blanket with wonderful meals and odd stories to tell.
So if Mari was in front of me, why was I being held by Mari from behind? It didn't make sense. It didn't make sense. It didn't make sense!
When I found my nerves in the haze of panic, I burrowed my fingers into the second Mari's hold in a desperate effort to break free. But no matter how hard I pried… the hold only tightened.
The hair… it started to surround me. That was impossible- weren't we falling? So how can all this hair just… form around me?
"This was my fault, wasn't it?" The Mari asked. I renewed my struggle, burrowing, thrashing, pulling- desperately trying to pry myself free. But no matter what I did, she wouldn't let me go.
I heard a soft laugh. "Yes, it was. I pushed you too hard… I should've realized what I was doing." Please stop talking. Please stop talking. "I took out my frustrations out on you. On my dear, precious little brother."
Stop talking!
"All you wanted to do was spend time with me, right? Even as I locked myself away on the piano." She continued, despite the fact that she should stop talking. "You even named yourself after my grand piano, didn't you? 'Omori'."
I was fine with endlessly falling. I was fine with the ghosts. But this…
Her hold tightened around me. "Did you think I was replacing you, Sunny? That would never happen… but you thought differently. I'm sorry I made you feel that way. You were irreplaceable."
Don't be sorry, you did nothing wrong.
"When you wanted to play the violin beside me, I was ecstatic." She spoke. I've given up struggling, there was no point. This Mari was too strong, and I too weak. "Having my precious brother alongside me as we stepped onto the stage was a dream that I never thought possible. But when you offered… it was perfect."
Mari shook her head. "But maybe that was why I pushed you so hard. I wanted the recital to go perfectly, no matter what. I isolated myself at times to practice and dragged you in to berate your every mistake as the day drew near. I've had a long time to think about what I've done, and I'm sorry for treating you like that."
No, don't be sorry. I'm the one who killed you. The one who helped hang you and lied about your death. I caused our friends misery, their pain. Had I been honest, they wouldn't have spent years blaming themselves for thinking that they were part of why you were dead.
If I wasn't such a weak coward… They would have learned that they were never to blame. That it was me who was scum. But now they'll live the rest of their lives wondering what went wrong. Wondering what they could've done to prevent the tragedy.
I do not deserve forgiveness, never mind an apology. I'm nothing besides a weak, selfish coward who ran away from his problems instead of facing them.
"You were always so hard on yourself." Mari said, her inflection suggesting that she was disappointed. "But what's done is done. There's no going back from here. And yet… I cannot let you go. I won't ever let you go, Sunny."
Mari's hold on me tightened yet again, and her hair seemed to swirl around me, partially obscuring my view.
"So I will remain here, with you. For as long as it takes." What… what was she doing? She… no… "Because I love you, Sunny. You're my irreplaceable, precious little brother. With the most adorable cliff faced expression I've ever seen."
I did not respond, because I had nothing to respond with. Whatever motivation I had to fight was sapped away from me.
This was the true nature of my hell, then. Not only to suffer the same fate endlessly as my sister, and not only to be haunted by the faces who once helped me cope, but also to be held by the one who I killed. The one who I loved and cherished the most, who did not deserve to be here with me.
