Dum Dee dum… still writing…
------------
I had stood there motionless for what seemed an eternity before I turned and fled, unable to bear the sight of Clair and Ethan making out as though it was the last day on Earth.
My bag had slammed against my thigh as I ran all the way to the church, and when I sank to my knees in the pews, sweat mingling with my tears.
So this is what Clair had come to confess about…she knew that I liked Ethan, and yet she went behind my back and made out with him…and who knows what else before that?
I bowed my head, wishing that I could bang it against the pew in front of me until I was unconscious, for that was one of the best states to be in. You couldn't feel anything or think anything…it was better than dreaming, because dreams were evil and made you long for things that you couldn't have…but what your ex-best friend could have and go behind you to get it.
Fresh tears spilled out when I thought of that. It had to have been a nightmare…was I dreaming? It was one of those dreams when you know you were dreaming…like when I had gone back to Francois's cave…
I raised my head and looked up at the hanging Jesus. All of the stories I had heard about God protecting us from sadness and sorrow played through my head, and I felt a sudden anger toward God.
If he was so good and all-mighty than why did he let this happen? Why was it me He decided to pick on for all of my days? I had had to deal with so much pain…physically and emotionally…so much that it had nearly destroyed me…and now…now! God must have something out for me, because this just makes it a perfect living HELL!
The word rang through my mind as though I had screamed it into a canyon.
I wanted to do something rash…something that would show just how angry I was at Him and all of his damn holiness.
I reached into my bag and grabbed the rosary beads that had, just yesterday, meant the world to me, and flung them down on the ground.
There…that'll show Him… I thought smugly, and sneered at them. But a moment later I broke down again, clutching the beads to my chest, and letting out muffled sobs.
I looked up at the Jesus and whispered "Forgive me…please…forgive me…for so long it seems, that I have been given the short end of the stick…and it seems like you have it in for me…and I'm wishing for something good to happen, Lord…I want to be given the better end…I don't want to feel like Job, Lord…a miracle, or the Archangel Gabriel himself to tell me it will be alright…please…please…"
I folded my arms to cushion my head as I cried. The sleeves of my jacked had dark brown smudges from my mascara, and my eyes hurt from crying so much, same as my palm ached from clutching the rosary so tight.
I wiped the edges of my eyes and stood up, feeling my knees also sting from leaning on them for so long. I picked up my bag, slung it over my shoulder and walked out of the church, heading for home, knowing that mom and dad were probably worried.
My assumptions were proved correct as soon as I opened the front door.
"Katey…where have you been?" Dad demanded, sounding furious.
"You should have called if you were going to come home later…we were worried sick!" Mom shrilled.
"Sorry, guys. I was worried about other things. I have to go start on homework." I said dully, and started to push past them, but they stopped me.
"Katey Anne, what happened." Mom demanded, holding my shoulders straight in front of her.
I lifted my head to show her my smudged brown and red puffy face and said simply "I don't want to talk about it. Not here, not now." And tried getting past them again.
"You're staying right here to tell us what happened. Now!" Dad said fiercely.
The sudden anger lashed back out like whip. Couldn't these people see that I was upset?
"I don't want to talk about it! Leave me ALONE!" I screamed hysterically, my voice octaves above normal level. I shoved past them and ran up the stairs, but tripped, landing hard on my knee and elbow, but I got up again and sprinted to my room, slamming my door so hard it shook the walls.
I jammed my chair against the doorknob and fell onto my bed, feeling the fervid anger drain out of me. I felt horrible now that I had screamed at my parents, something I had never done before…but somehow I felt like they deserved it.
Couldn't they see that just by passing their bedroom that was next to the entryway of the house, I was always reminded of the horrors that had taken place there not a month ago? That in my eyes I could still see the dark red stain in the replaced carped…that in my dreams I would still see Erik's mangled body, the sickening crunch when Francois broke his nose…the squish I felt when I fell on him…I could still hear echo's of the strange gurgle Francois had made while I was slicing through his skin…the hollowness after I had taken his life…and the cold from the February snow that still cut through me, even underneath the warmest blankets at night.
Could they not see that something was wrong? Something that made my heart feel like it had been stabbed repeatedly, the way I had wanted to stab Francois the second I had him in my mercy, and they didn't care at all. And if they were so worried then why didn't they just call my cell phone?
I kept my face buried in my pillow, letting the infuriation build up slowly until I wanted to scream until my throat burned and I could make a sound.
My eyes spilled over again, and heaving convulsions took over my body until I felt bile in the back of my throat. I grabbed for the trashcan and leaned my head over the bed, vomiting up the entire contents of my stomach, until all that came up was a watery substance.
I wiped my mouth on my sleeves and lay my head down, exhausted, tired and hurting all over from the crying, where I was still breathing in gasps.
My eyes grew heavy and, not wanting to stay and face reality, fell asleep.
-
I knew I shouldn't have fallen asleep…I knew I should have sat up and made myself stay awake…and now look at where I've ended up: The bat cave.
He slowly turned from the thunderous organ, his face blackened with rage toward me, and only me. I could see even from here, ten feet away that he still had scars on his neck.
"You!" He thundered, and his voice echoed around the rock chamber.
"Yes…me…although I really wish it wasn't…" I said weakly, swaying on my feet. I leaned against the wall, closed my eyes, and tensed, preparing to feel the blow that was sure to come.
But when a minute passed and nothing had come, I opened my eyes, afraid of what I would see.
In front of me loomed the 6'5 or so Erik, every muscle he possessed what taught with fury.
"Do you have any idea what kind of pain that was?" He stormed "Do you have any idea it took for me to die?" He grabbed my shoulders and shook me, my head lolling from side to side like a rag doll. "Do you have any idea how it feels, to have the life slowly drain out of you? To be kicked around when you're dying, to be shoved off to the side like rotten garbage?"
I couldn't say anything, and so he ranted on, shaking me harder and harder until a snap came from the back of my neck, and all at once I couldn't feel anything…anything at all.
He let go of me and stepped back, letting me crumple to the ground while he looked down at me, with something like horror on the visible half of his face.
"Yes…" I gasped, suddenly feeling pain all over, from the top of my head all the way through my body, reverberating back and forth with my pulse. "I know what it feels like. Twice now."
He stepped back further and further from my body, and then turned his back on me and stepped through one of the curtained mirrors, disappearing from sight.
The pain was binding me to the spot, and now and then random bursts of color made the vision of the room in front of me disappear from time to time.
Little black dots the size of bees slowly progressed into giant gum ball sized black smudged circles, slowly crowding up my eyesight until I couldn't see anything but the darkness.
The pain in my neck and spine dimmed, and I felt like I was floating…and then suddenly I opened my eyes, waking in a place far from Paris; my own bedroom.
The pain in my neck was still there, but I realized it was from the odd angle my neck was in. It was all the way back and twisted to the side, which would explain the reason I had a pounding headache.
I straightened out my neck, feeling the stiffness and cramp slowly start to leave, and lay there, trying to sort out my dream. Or was it a dream?
Did I still have the connection with Paris, and…if that was the case…did Paris still have a connection with me?
The phone next to me rang deafeningly loud, and I reached over while it was still on the first ring to answer it.
"Hello?" I asked, my voice sounding hoarse and scratchy.
"Katey? Oh my god, you sound terrible, are you alright?"
The same stab of anger whipped out again as I recognized the voice as Clair's.
"I'm fine." I snapped.
"Okay, sheesh, no need to get snippy. Anyway, what happened after school? I asked you to wait outside, but when I got back you weren't there."
"Well whatever it was it sure took long enough. I stood there for half an hour before I left." I retorted.
"Well what's the big deal? I'm sorry that I took so long, but you're acting like I killed your parents, for God's sake."
Yeah well you did something just as mean, I was tempted to say, but knew that I had to make a more tactical approach.
"Yeah? Well what took so long? I mean, what were you doing?" I asked, suddenly cool.
"I was in Ms. Whitis's classroom." She said simply.
"But how could that be, seeing as I watched her leave." I said. It was true, I had watched her leave and get in her car.
"You saw her…leave?"
"Yes, and after what seemed like an awfully long time of waiting, curiosity got the better of me, so I went for a walk." I said, starting to get fired up again.
"You went for a walk?" she asked in a small voice.
"Yes, I went for a walk…around the school. You know, just to see if maybe you were flirting with the guys from track or something, but, before I even got to the gym…you'll never guess who I saw in the Transformer courtyard. Yes, Clair, I saw you." I finished, every syllable ringing with resentment.
"Of all people, Clair…my best friend who I'd known my whole life…I thought you were better than that." Although it would certainly be the proper time to get all weepy, I was still mad.
"If you'll just let me explain!" She cried suddenly.
"What more is there to explain? I saw you and him. There's nothing more to it."
"Yes there is! I thought you didn't like him anymore because you were flirting with all the guys! So I just…I don't know what I was thinking! I knew you would find out…but he was hurt so bad!"
"What are you talking about?" I demanded.
"The way you were flirting with Graham, and all the other guys! He was hurt! He thought you didn't like him and so I tried to console him, and the next thing I knew we were kissing."
I didn't hesitate a second before barking "You liar. I hate you, and I always will" and then slamming the phone down.
The inseparable duo was no more. Clair and Katey, best friends since they were tiny little urchins, finally broken up because Clair had to be a backstabbing…little…Bitch! There! I said it! I called her a bitch! I hope she heard me though her thoughts!
I settled back on my bed, trying to ignore the pounding in my head and at my bedroom door.
---------------
Once again…Please review!
Also, sorry for the use of all the 'until'.
