AN: shock horror it's an update. sorry guys, but am currently tres busy and i got bored of this story. hopefully i'll update regularly now as i have a few good ideas bouncing around my brain. anyway must be going...all this bouncing is giving me a headache. enjoy!

Disclaimer: Not mine...yet.

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I have spent the last half an hour trying to clear that bloody toilet. You know what, I give up. I'll just hold it in all year…no need for a bathroom. I sweep my hair out of my hot sweaty face and get up off the floor, snorting angrily through the nose.

With a squeal of frustration I kick the toilet hard. It hurts…a lot. I actually think I may have broken my toe. I let out a howl of pain and hop around on one foot, clutching the other tightly in my hand.

"What are you making all that noise about, Granger?" Snape asks coolly from the doorway, surveying me with a wrinkled nose. I know I look a mess, with my grimy tear-streaked face, red with anger and pain. My hair has also exploded into a frizzy untameable mess, my robes are covered in slime and I smell like a sewer, not surprising as I am covered in sewage.

"I think I've broken my toe," I tell him through clenched teeth.

He raises an eyebrow at me and crosses his arms in a businesslike manner. "I thought you were attempting to fix the toilet, Miss Granger," he says surveying the overflowing bowl.

I give him an extremely dirty look and resume my hopping with as much dignity as I can muster….

He lets out a sigh. "Sit down."

I glare at him but obey and sit on the side of the bath, still clutching my foot as he kneels in front of me. I don't like being this close to him. Apart from the creepy factor, I smell like a public toilet so I don't really want anyone getting too close.

Snape pries my foot out of my tightly clenched hands and pulls off my slimy-green sock, dropping it on the floor in distaste and wiping his hands on a clean section of my robes…thanks.

With a surprising gentleness, he moves my foot around in a circle and carefully bends each of my toes. "It's not broken Granger," he says, dropping my foot on the ground with a thud: umm, ow!

Pulling his wand out of his robes, I recoil slightly but he doesn't notice, just points his wand at the toilet. "Have you tried the Tergeo spell?"

Well duh, why do you think I'm covered in slime! I open my mouth to give a smart answer but suddenly an idea occurs to me and I close my mouth quickly, shaking my head. He smirks and points his wand at the toilet, while I subtly shield my face from the coming explosion.

"Tergeo," Snape mutters coolly, and although I cannot see him, I picture a bored, self-satisfied expression on his face.

Grinning to myself, I wait for the explosion and am not disappointed. Dripping with reeking sewage, Snape lowers his wand, managing to pull off a livid yet repulsed expression.

"Hmmm. Well that didn't work," I say cheerfully, feeling slightly better about resembling a walking pile of excrement now Snape's in the same position. It's honestly hard to feel upset about anything when that old git's covered in other people's poo.

"You knew that was going to happen," Snape says in a deadly quiet voice.

"Me?" I ask, feigning innocence. "I had no idea. Would I have let you performed that spell if I knew the consequences?"

He glares at me and wipes a glob of muck out of his eye, before storming from the room.

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"You smell funny," Ron tells me taking a step away from me and holding his nose. Honestly, that boy has all the subtlety of a ballet-dancing troll. We're in Herbology class, standing around a large venomous tentacula attempting to collect a small portion of venom from its fangs without dying of tentacula poisoning. Needless to say, after Professor Sprout told us about the whole "death-by-venom" thing, no one has yet to venture to close to their deadly plant.

"You look funny," I retort then roll my eyes. What kind of lame-ass come back was that? Ok, so I'm tired. I stayed up half the night trying to fix a toilet with a near-broken toe. Personal hygiene wasn't exactly the main thing on my mind.

"What's got your knickers in a twist?" Ron mumbled, poking the plant with the end of his wand, held at full arm's length away from his body.

"Will you please stop thinking about Hermione's knickers, Ron? You're about to have your arm bitten off. You shouldn't poke dangerous things."

I roll my eyes and silently tell Harry to shut up for being so sensible. I'm supposed to be the sensible one and right now all I can do is huff and scowl at Ron for snickering at the word 'poke'. Yes, haha, very funny…poke can also mean sex, very witty.

"Ouch!" Ron exclaims, drawing his hand away from a set of sharp plant-fangs which had just lunged at him. After making sure it didn't get him I click my tongue in annoyance.

"Well, Harry did tell you not to poke it."

He snickers again and resumes his poking.

"I hope it eats you, Ronald," I say, grabbing my book bag as the bell rings and head for the greenhouse doors. As I'm leaving I hear Ron ask again what has gotten my knickers in a twist and Harry once again tell him to stop thinking about my knickers. Boys…who needs them?

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Well there ya go. Review and i might just update sooner. hehe, hope u enjoyed. xxx