Chapter 2
'I'm telling you! I don't like little brats who lie!'
'Kohta! We have to get out of here now or she's gonna kill us too!'
'You're crazy! Apologize to my friend right now Kanae! Or else…I'll hate you forever!'
'…oh Kohta...please don't say that…please don't say you'll hate me…'
He stood still, in a daze, watching Kanae's torso separate from her legs. Her upper half flung to the ground on her chest, he watched horrified as the warm crimson fluid flowed across the train's dirty floor, covering the stray pieces of gum and food wrappers tossed aside. Her face was pale, her eyes wide in shock, yet held no glint, no color. Her once brilliantly colored brown eyes were hazed, holding no energy, no life in them. Tears still flowed from them lifelessly, like droplets from a faucet not completely shut off.
'Kohta? What's going on here?'
The calm, masculine voice from behind brought him back to reality, allowing his body to obey his commands for a moment. He turned, wanting to leap into his arms. Before he could, he looked up to his father's concerned face to see blood gush from his throat, his head thrown from his body. It hit the ground with a loud thud, and his limp body soon followed after. The spray of blood from his neck had rained down upon the young boy, lightly coating him in the warm, thick solution.
'DAD?'
Kohta bolted upright, trying to scream, but the only thing that passed by his dry lips was a pitiful whimper, devoid of breath. He grasped the sides of his head, his eyes widened, darting around frantically. His breathing was erratic and uncontrolled, his heart beating uncontrollably. He was coated in a layer of cold sweat, and he trembled terribly all over, his fingers shaking his head more than supporting it. After a few moments, his eyes adjusted to the darkness, and he began to take in the surroundings. His breathing began to stabilize, but his heartbeat still continued on heavily, each beat echoing in his ears.
"…just…a dream…" he muttered in a low tone, more to convince himself of it than anything. Although he had realized he was not on that train, he wasn't twelve years old again…he wasn't watching them be murdered again…his body refused to allow him to break away from the images that plagued him. He had repressed these memories for so long, it was only natural that they would bombard him now that he had dug them out of the recesses of his mind. He fell onto his back in his futon with a long sigh, holding his hands to his face, rubbing his cheeks and forehead, trying to relieve any amount of stress. Lately, he had been thinking of them quite often.
He had only remembered the grizzly truth on that day, two weeks ago. Seeing the girl he called Nyuu tear through soldiers as if they were nothing, their limbs detached, blood flowing down the bridge like a river. Their bodies were torn asunder by unseen hands, their fear, their agony filling the air with a heavy despair, making it hard to breathe. The memories had crashed down upon him like the wrath of heaven itself. Despite all that, he found himself diving on top of her to protect her from stray bullets. She had run off…telling him to wait for her by the stone steps…and he had. He stumbled there in a daze, his legs heavy with the weight of his own sadness. He sat on one of the top steps, and the sun set beyond the deep blue of the ocean's waves. The sky had been stained a deep red that night, fitting of the massacre. His mind wandered aimlessly, recalling the past he had tried to desperately to lock away. He struggled within himself, wondering what he would do, or what he would say to her when she returned. In the end, he couldn't come up with an answer until she had tried to walk away from him. It hurt unbelievably, and he still hadn't quite yet come to terms with it. The only thing he did know for sure at that moment was that he didn't want her to leave. His words had flowed from him without hesitation or thought, which only validated them all the more. He found himself surprised by his own words as he embraced her from behind, professing his feelings. Since then, he has constantly battled within himself. What he feels…what is right…what is wrong…he had no rest it seemed, even in his sleep.
"…Kanae…Dad…" he mumbled to himself, his voice cracking. He clenched his eyes shut behind his hands, feeling the strange moisture building.
"….what do I do…I'm…I'm…in love with her…the girl that…that took your lives…what do I-.."
He turned onto his side, curling himself slightly into the fetal position, clutching his pillow tightly.
"…do you hate me?" he asked to unheard ears, his voice muffled into his pillow. "Please…tell me…I don't know what to do…Kanae… Dad…forgive me…" Stray tears fell from his clenched eyes, dampening the thick pillow. He stayed in that position for a time unbeknownst to him. He lay in the darkness, trying desperately to hold back his tears. He had to be strong after all, for them. What if someone had heard him and were to walk in? He couldn't let them see him like this. He simply clutched the pillow to himself and laid there silently, until at last he fell into a dazed sleep.
"Kohta…you awake?" Yuka asked with slight annoyance in her voice. She knocked lightly on his door frame with the back of her knuckle, raising a suspicious eyebrow towards the room. She waited for a moment, hearing no reply. Her eyebrow twitched with annoyance and she flung his door open, treading into his room. She looked down on him with frustration, both hands on her hips. He was curled on his side, hugging his pillow as he slept quite soundly. That was great, of course he was sleeping! They had to be at class in 20 minutes, and it takes 15 minutes to get there, why wouldn't he be sleeping?
"…Kohta! We're going to be late again if you don't get up!"
His brow furrowed unconsciously, and he turned onto his other side, facing away from her. He let out a small groan, the type that can be perceived as 'leave me alone'. She sighed heavily, turning her head towards the door, collecting herself. For someone who always felt the need to shoulder responsibility to help others, he sure couldn't take care of himself! He couldn't even wake up on time!
"I said….get UP!" she yelled out, delivering a hard kick to his lower back. He arched his back, letting out a loud yelp. He clutched his back and bellowed a low painful growl before rolling onto his back and looking Yuka in the face from his place on the floor.
"God! What was that for?"
"I already told you! We're going to be late!"
She crossed her arms in front of her chest, waiting for him to get up and begin getting ready. He sat up slowly, scratching the back of his head before rubbing his eyes tiredly. He searched her features for a moment with a blank stare, her expression more irritated than concerned.
"I don't think I'm gonna go today, Yuka…"
"Why? So you can look after Nyuu all day?" she asked immediately, her words spiteful and stinging. He always worried about her. He would sacrifice things in his own life just so that things were even the slightest bit easier for Nyuu. This time she wasn't going to let him get away with it. He looked at her with surprise, the tone of her voice sending a quick twinge of heavy guilt through his body.
"Well you can forget it! We have a biology test today, in case you haven't forgotten!"
"…oh yeah…" he mumbled to himself, looking down into his lap. He couldn't very well skip an exam if he wanted to maintain his grade. He had studied for it, fortunately, but the material was still pretty difficult, even after countless hours of reading and note taking.
"So hurry up and get ready! I'll wait for you outside." With that she made her way quickly out of his room, deliberately leaving the door open as she left. He shook his head slightly, trying to wake himself up somehow. He hadn't slept much last night. He had lain in bed most of the night, his mind running rampant. He couldn't stop wondering about what Nyuu had told him, and more questions seemed to build up in him the more he thought about it. Wandering? Wandering what? The streets? How did she eat? Where did she sleep? And that was just the beginning of his pondering. When he had finally fallen into a slumber, that horrific nightmare jolted him from his rest.
He looked to the window, watching the subtle rays of sunlight filter in through the blinds, coloring the floor and seemingly making it glow. He much preferred the radiance of the daytime to the void of darkness that was night, though he was the exact opposite of what many consider a 'morning person.' Yuka could attest to that. Finally having worked up the strength to thrust the sheet and blanket from his legs, which for some reason was quite hard to do in the mornings, he stood. Taking another stretch, he proceeded to dress himself and run a hand through is tussled hair. Scooping up his backpack quickly, he made his way out into the hall and towards the door. He walked lightly as if on egg shells, not wanting to disturb Nana, Mayu, or Nyuu from their rest. Shoving his feet into his shoes, he opened the door and joined Yuka outside. She barely gave him a glance before heading for the gate.
"Uh…Yuka? Something wrong?"
"Just shut up and let's go, I don't wanna be late again. Professor Demetri isn't exactly pleased with us lately."
He gave her a concerned look before hurrying to fall into step beside her. The walk to campus had been awkwardly silent. They both walked side by side, not saying a word, nor giving a glance to the other. Although a sunny day, the winds were a bit colder than usual, making Kohta wish he had worn a jacket instead of his simple long sleeved shirt and jeans. Yuka, always thinking ahead of course had worn some form hugging khaki pants and a nicely patterned sweater. The awkwardness died down once they had reached the lecture hall, since there really was no way to hold a conversation while in class. Yuka listened intently to the professor discuss the finer points of writing and language, taking notes and absorbing the information carefully. Kohta seemed more preoccupied with the biology test at 10 o' clock, and was reviewing notes taken from lecture.
"Hmm…you, in the navy shirt." Professor Demetri called out into the audience. All 150 sets of eyes turned to Kohta, still intently focusing on his non relevant material. Yuka gave him a hard thrust with her elbow to get his attention. Startled, he looked to her, then to the professor.
"Um…me?" He asked with a frightened look, typical of a deer staring down a set of headlights.
"Yes, you. Perhaps you can tell us what correlation there is between the social situation of Europe at that time period and Shakespeare's work, namely Hamlet when he said, 'Frailty, thy name is woman.'?"
"I…uh……"
The professor examined him with interest for a moment, hearing his words trail off. He gave a small chuckle to the young boy.
"Haha…indeed…pay attention will you please?"
"Uh, yes sir! Sorry!"
There were scattered muffled whispers as well as snickering around him for a moment while the professor returned to the lecture. He looked to Yuka for some type of support, but she merely rolled her eyes at him and continued with her notes. He gave a quiet sigh, having felt the entire population of the lecture hall have a good laugh at his expense. Now that he had been pinpointed on the all powerful professor radar, he decided it best to pay attention for the duration of the lecture.
With a low sigh, Kohta threw open the door to the intimidatingly large lecture hall, closing the door quietly behind him so as not to disturb the other poor students still struggling with the exam. The test had really been a difficult one, he was glad he had reviewed his notes a bit in his literature lecture despite the embarrassment. He adjusted his backpack on his shoulder and rounded the corner, reviewing some of his answers in his head.
"How'd you do?" Yuka asked from her place against the wall, startling him slightly.
"Oh…Yuka. I guess I did alright. You must have done great to finish as soon as you did."
She shook her head slightly, pushing away from the wall.
"Yeah well I study a lot more than you."
"...yeah, yeah." He grumbled, adjusting the strap of his backpack on his shoulder again.
"Anyway, I waited up for you. I don't have any more classes, and you have a little while before your next class right?"
He nodded simply in response, starting down the long polished hallway floor, Yuka falling into step next to him.
"…then…do you wanna go get some coffee? The coffee house in the student union is pretty good."
"…sure"
They walked to the union together, braving the still bitter winds and the memories of the exam. Kohta started to ask her about specific questions on the test, finding he most likely got more wrong than he had initially thought. Just his luck. If he had known the test was going to be so difficult he would have taken studying much more seriously. It was still alright though, he had gotten relatively high scores on the other two exams, so his grade was still stable…for the moment anyways. He followed Yuka as she led the way into one of the many doors in the series. Why were there always so many doors to the various buildings on campus? It's not as if that many people come and go at a specific time. Perhaps fire code?
She navigated them through the complex system of hallways and corridors, coming at last to the main hall of the student union, where there was nestled a small coffee house that was quite busy, feeding the ever present demand for caffeine that fueled the college minds and got them through the day. No scholar can function on 4 hours of sleep after all. It wasn't a chain store like so many that dotted the campus, but a student-run, student endorsed coffee shop. It was small, simple, and very quaint. Quiet and comfortable, much like any bookstore you would wander into. Students sitting at the many rounded tables conversed quietly, or read to themselves, sipping at their drinks that had stained the air with a pleasant, warm sensation. A few minutes of standing in line had brought them to the front counter manned by a very eccentric young man. After carefully contemplating the matter at hand, both youths finally decided on what type of coffee they felt was worth nearly 800 yen. They made their way to a vacant table, setting down their book bags and miscellaneous possessions before falling into the dark wooden chairs. The small table had a large square in the center that was checkered with alternating light and dark woods, most likely for engaging in games of chess.
Kohta relaxed against the back of the chair, holding onto his Styrofoam cup with one hand, rotating it back and forth on the table's surface in a rhythmic fashion, taking short sips every now and then. Yuka had taken the lid off of hers, and was staring down into the dark liquid, the steam rising off and dissipating into the air quickly. They sat in an uneasy silence for several moments. Kohta wondered why she was acting so strangely, while she was busy trying to decide how she was going to convey what she desired to say. Expressing herself was never her strong suit. Whenever things got difficult, she was the first to get angry, and the first to cry in frustration. She was trying to change that, but altering a part of yourself is never an easy thing to do. She fidgeted in her chair for a while, and finally looked at him, having made up her mind.
"Kohta?" She grabbed his attention quite effectively. His eyebrow rose slightly as he focused in on her words, and tuned out the random conversations hanging in the air.
"You remember when we went looking for Nyuu? It started pouring…and we…took shelter from it at an old shrine in the park…"
He took a tentative sip at his coffee and turned his gaze to the cup. A sinking feeling in his stomach arose, as he knew where this was going. This wasn't going to end well, he could already tell. He wasn't ready to answer the questions she desperately needed assurance of. He hadn't even sorted out his feelings on the entire matter, in other words, he couldn't answer those questions for himself, let alone another person. But not responding would be even worse…
"…yeah. I remember." He responded simply.
"…you held me close that day…and we kissed for the first time." Her eyes focused on him, yet were distant, as if replaying the episode again in her mind. He could only imagine how many times she had done so. To her, that must have been what she had thought to be the beginning of their relationship, an admittance of love. That's not how he had meant it…he barely remembered it.
"…doesn't that mean anything?"
"Yuka…what are you-"
"I asked you a question Kohta!" she yelled, cutting him off. He looked around, startled; finding many of the patrons of the shop had halted their conversations and turned their attention towards him and Yuka.
"…listen…Yuka. Maybe this isn't the best place to talk about this. Let's go and we can-"
"Oh! As if you'll talk to me about it anyways Kohta! All you ever do is avoid any serious subject with me!"
"Yuka please. People are staring." He pleaded, trying to calm her down. Whenever she got upset, things never ended very gracefully.
"…what does she have that I don't?" she asked in a low tone, almost a whisper. He looked at her in confusion as she wiped her eyes with the backs of her hands.
"I love you so much Kohta…ever since we were kids. I gave up so many things just to be with you, and she comes in and…." She stopped speaking for a moment, trying to compose herself.
"What makes her so special?" she asked finally, averting her eyes.
Kohta struggled with himself for a bit, trying to formulate a thought, trying to find some kind of explanation that would soothe her somehow.
"Yuka, I don't really know how I feel right now. Everything's changed so fast, and-"
"You liar…" she said spitefully, cutting him off once again. "…it's written all over your face. I'm nothing more to you than just a friend, a cousin. You're in love with Nyuu, and you have been since you met her! I thought that maybe you felt the same about me, but I've been so stupid…I'm always second place…"
She stood quickly, scooping up her belongings. Kohta reached out and grasped her arm to stop her from leaving, but her petite form made it easy for her to slip her wrist out of his grasp, and deliver a stinging slap across his left cheek. His head turned instantaneously with the force of the strike, and he did not move afterward. He could feel her tear filled eyes watching him with hurt, anger, frustration, and worst of all: betrayal. He could not bear to meet their intense gaze. She sniffled and wiped her eyes, leaving the crowded coffee shop in a hurry. The momentarily silent room began to become louder with whispers, filled with gossip and speculation over what had just happened. The whispers grew into scattered tones of increasing volume, rising in a steady crescendo. Kohta heard various voices saying things such as 'He probably cheated on her' or 'maybe he broke up with her'. All of them were wrong, of course…well…perhaps maybe all of them were right in a sense.
After a few moments, he finally turned his head to his backpack, slinging it over his shoulder and taking up the two coffee cups, depositing them into a trash receptacle on his way out of the building.
It must have been past 7. The sun was setting behind the horizon, and the streets were becoming darker, and in the air hung an ominously cold wind. The only sounds came from wandering pieces of discarded paper and fallen leaves that fluttered across the ground in the gusts of autumn wind. It seemed very dead. Kohta had gone to the library on campus and studied in a daze, almost unconsciously. That was his defense mechanism. Whenever things would get to the point where it hurt to think about them, he would flip a switch inside his psyche, and deaden his senses until he was ready to deal with them. Sometimes he would repress things to the point that if left alone, he would never address them. Growing up, no one had ever shown him how to deal with his problems. He had to deal with them in the only way he knew how: to not deal with them. Maybe it wasn't efficient, but it didn't hurt nearly as much. Somehow, hiding from things didn't make him feel much better, despite everything else.
He took slow, controlled steps, his eyes glazed over from more than just exhaustion. He could see Kaida house only about a block away. The locations of the lights on in the large home made him assume they were finishing dinner by this point. His thoughts drifted to Nyuu, wondering how she was feeling. Had she slept long enough? Had she talked to the others at all?
His train of thought then went to Yuka, wondering if she was even at home. If she was, things were bound to be very tense when he walked through the door, which had snuck up on him, so it seemed, as he found himself closing the gate behind him and heading up the stone pathway to the front door. The house was surprisingly quiet, and no loud noises or exclamations could be heard from Nana tripping or dropping dishes, as she was highly prone to doing. He stood before the magnificently crafted wooden doors, attempting to summon the courage to walk through the door and brave the wrath of Yuka that most likely awaited him, if she was home that is. Where else would she go though?
Deciding he might need a few minutes, he turned and sat down on the edge of the patio's floor, plating his feet in the moist grass. He set his backpack beside him and took in a deep breath, looking to the stars, which were barely visible due to the light pollution of the city. This didn't help his avoidance of thinking about his current problems, however. Having nothing to do, being all alone at night always had a way of making you think. Fortunately for him, he didn't have to endure his own prosecution long, as he heard the door slide open behind him. He didn't dare look, what if it was Yuka?
"Oh…there you are Kohta! Wondered where you were." A young cheerful voice chimed. The owner of the voice bounded down the patio's surface and plopped down next to him at the edge.
"Hey Nana…what's up?"
"Oh..nothing. Just finished eating. There's still some left if you're hungry."
"…you mean you didn't eat it all?" She looked annoyed for a moment, then shook her head and plastered a goofy grin on her delicate features.
"Nope! Yuka made too much! She looked really tired though…went to bed right after she made dinner, didn't even eat it…"
"..I see…"
"…Nyuu got up out of bed for a while. She must've smelled all the good food!"
He glanced back at the young girl with interest. "Is she feeling alright?"
She shrugged haphazardly, kicking her feet back and forth off the edge of the patio. "She got up, ate dinner, then said she was going back to bed. She looked really tired too…and come to think about it, so do you! Why is everyone so tired? It's weird!"
He couldn't help but smile at her. Her innocence and cheerful demeanor always made him laugh.
"…just one of those days I guess. How's Mayu?"
"Eh…she's doing dishes I think…I snuck out when she wasn't looking. I hate doing dishes!" she said, making a sour face at the mere thought of cleaning dinnerware. She brought herself out of her grimace to notice the strange look on his face. She wasn't the most perceptive girl around, but she could definitely tell when Kohta was depressed. His face betrayed all his feelings. One wouldn't really say he had a poker face.
"…so…what's wrong Kohta?"
He was surprised by her question, and quickly managed a smile to reassure her. "Nothing! Just tired, school and stuff…"
Nana's brow furrowed with annoyance. "oh c'mon! I may not be able to help that much, but I can still listen! I'm not a kid y'know?"
Now this was definitely a surprise. Nana was usually happy with just being ignorantly oblivious to things of this nature. She didn't let things like this upset her, she just carried on as usual, skipping through life one might say. He must really look upset for Nana to try to cheer him up, that or she was growing up right before his eyes. He couldn't really imagine Nana as an adult. Even in a few years, he'll still see her as a 14 year old girl. But if she was trying to help, he might as well tell her in general the problem. Hell, she might even be able to help.
After a few moments of considering how he should word this without divulging the specifics, he settled on a plan and began to speak.
"Well…lately I've been thinking about my dad and my little sister…" he began, Nana bringing her legs under her and facing him with great interest. "They both passed away when I was still a kid."
"…are you still sad because they died?"
"eh…well yes…but that's not the real problem. I've…uh…been thinking lately that maybe the decisions I've made in my life… or the decisions I'm about to make…or want to make…well you get what I'm saying. I'm just worried that they'll be ashamed of me…or angry with me. I don't know what to do." He finished cryptically.
She brought her hand to her mouth, and hmm'd as she considered his confusing words carefully. Honestly, she didn't know what in God's name he was saying. She bolted up from where she sat, deciding on what to say.
"Well Kohta…I don't really know anything about little sisters…but if your dad was anything like Papa…he just wants you to be happy! I don't think he'd care about what decisions you make as long as it feels right to you and makes you happy."
Kohta was speechless. Of all the random things that came out of this girls mouth, this made more sense to him than anything anyone had ever told him before, at the time at least. Everything considered, it sounds exactly like what his father would say. 'Son, I just want you to be happy.' He could almost envision his father's masculine face, his sister's hopeful eyes. It was so simple. He stared back at her for a moment, her reassuring grin strangely comforting. "I uh…" he stammered.
"Oh…I didn't help very much did I?" she pouted.
Kohta shook his head calmly. "Nana…you helped more than you know. I think I know what to do now…thank you."
She giggled and rubbed the back of her head slowly, a slight blush rising to her cheeks.
"Yeah well…you know…"
"Hey…why don't you show me to this food? I actually am kinda hungry."
Kohta stepped out of the bathroom, taking careful, quiet steps into the hall. It was late, and everyone was most likely sleeping, didn't want to disturb them. He made his way back to his room and fell back into his futon. He wasn't sleeping well yet again. At least tomorrow was Friday, he only had one class, and it wasn't until noon. Yuka didn't have any classes on Friday, so that piece of tension wouldn't be present either, should be a relatively easy day, despite being sleep deprived. Even though Nana's words had opened up an entirely new line of thought within him, he still found himself thinking intensely about everything. First there was Yuka, he didn't even know where to start with that topic. Then there was school, he would have to get a job soon to help pay for that as well. Then there was Nyuu. That subject brought up all sorts of mixed feelings within him.
Light footsteps could be heard out in the hall, to which he paid little mind; probably Mayu going to the kitchen or something. But the footsteps stopped at his room, and he could hear the door slowly slide open, and then closed. He turned in bed, his eyes fully adjusted to the dark having been awake in it for so many hours.
Speak of the devil…Nyuu stood at his doorway in a small tank top and pajama bottoms, more hand me downs from Yuka. Her pale skin seemed to glow in the moonlight that filtered through the blinds near the window, and her crimson hair and eyes stood out all the more in the darkness. Before he could manage to ask her anything, she took tentative steps towards him, and sat down beside him. He sat up in bed, meeting her eyes that held a familiar look he had seen so many times. Sadness, regret, futility, loneliness…all mixed into a silent cyclone that made up her bright irises.
"…Nyuu? What's wrong?"
She did not respond, and snaked her arms around his waist, leaning her weight against him. She rested her cheek onto his chest, hearing his heartbeat echo in her ears. It calmed her so.
"…I don't want to be alone tonight…." She whispered. He didn't know what had made her so forward, but it seemed to come from more than just a desire, it was a need. She seemed so very tired; she must not have been resting very soundly. It was at this moment that he made his decision. She made him happy, he wanted to be with her…and that's what his father and Kanae would have wanted, right? It felt right to be with her…
He understood now. He brought one arm off the ground and encircled her waist and fell to his back, using his now free arm to lift back his sheets and pull her closer to him, flinging the linens over both their bodies. She moved closer to him, dangling one of her legs over his and resting her head on his chest. Her other arm curled to her body, while the other draped across his stomach, and her breathing fell into a steady rhythm. Feeling her fall asleep against him, he let his head fall comfortably onto his pillow, and for the first time in almost a month, he slept soundly and peacefully through the night.
Author's Note
And there's chapter 2 folks. The next chapter will be the last one for this story. Hope you're enjoying. Keep the reviews coming!
