Episode 4: Voyage to the Deep

When I woke up, the sun was already approaching its zenith and the bright sunlight blinded me through the open window. I glanced over at the clock and saw that it read 10:00. Stretching my arms wide, I felt more comfortable in this moment than I'd been in the past two days. I felt as if pure energy was coursing throughout my body as I quickly showered, humming a tune over the soft sprinkle of the water, toweled off and donned my typical black suit, and consumed a quick breakfast of eggs and toast. When I opened the door and let the fresh smell of nature in, I was greeted by a harsh wail. Jumping back, I looked over and saw that it was my mailbox; it flag was raised high and it was beeping at me as if I'd neglected it. Which I had. I stretched a ginger hand toward the mailbox handle and pulled it open. Letters flew out of the box and struck me in the face before I could get them under control and in my hands. I leaned back against the cold concrete of my house and began reading.

To my new friend Edgar: I apologize if you and Mr. Dekkoid got off on the wrong foot. Enclosed is a booklet entitled "Your Gyroids and You: Fifteen steps to a happy Gyroid family." Please follow these tips and give Mr. Dekkoid a second chance. I know you two can have a lot of laughs and dekkoids together. Love and Gyroids, Melba

P.S. I trust you're not the kind of monster that would resort to the off switch.

Laughing nervously, I looked at the next letter and saw that it was from Big Eddie. So was the next one, and the one after that. Deciding to save those for a time when I was feeling more courageous, I shuffled past them and found one that smelled of perfume.

Dear new neighbor: We haven't had much opportunity to talk, but I do hope that more opportunities will come when you aren't so hard at work. My friends are coming to visit soon and they've heard all about you! Perhaps we can all have dinner at my place when they arrive. Take care! -Olivia.

I sighed. It was such a nice offer, but I've always had an aversion to cat hair. It's made for some embarrassing situations, such as my short-lived stint with a cat partner at SPOOK. At least Mittens was cool with it.

I opened the final letter and smiled.

Dear Edgar: I finally found out that was your name! I can't believe I forgot to ask you. I guess I was so caught up in everything I didn't even consider it. I just wanted to let you know that your suit will be ready this afternoon; come by the Able Sisters' shop to retrieve it. And thank you again. This is so courageous of you; I only hope it works out! -Rei.

Even though it was well before afternoon, I decided to pay Rei a visit. I spent half the walk to the Able Sisters' convincing myself that it was strictly business. By the time I reached the store, I had failed utterly. I pushed the door open and all eyes turned to me, as did two sets of quills.

"Hi!" one of the Ables said with a cordial smile. "You must be the person from SPOOK. I'm Mabel, proprietor of the store. Come on in and make yourself comfortable."

"Thanks," I said with a slight bow. As I walked through the store, I felt like I would be swallowed by fabric. Spools of thread and bolts of fabric of all colors and textures were strewn about with the merchandise, and I felt needles crunching under my feet. I silently thanked myself for wearing shoes inside the place. There was hushed conversation coming from the back; I made my way through the mess and spotted Rei sitting at a table with the other Able sister. Each had a piece of the suit in their hand and was sewing rapidly. When Rei saw me, she smiled and held her piece up.

"Like it?" she said nervously. "It's a special kind of rubber that's easy to sew together without unraveling in water. It should be just what you need." She held it out. "Here. Feel it."

As I touched the fabric, my fingers jerked back involuntarily. After another touch, I found it to be oddly comfortable. The black material was stretchy, like nylon, but I could tell there was no room for leakage.

"It's perfect," I said. "You guys are awesome!"

"Thanks!" said the other Able sister with a sigh.

"Something wrong?" I asked her.

"Oh, Sable's always like that on Wednesdays," Mabel shouted from the front. "She hates missing her favorite soap, even though I always tape it."

"Mabel!" Sable's quills rose up in annoyance. "You're embarrassing me! What's our visitor going to think of a rabid Pointed Love fan?"

P...Pointed...Pointed Love!

"Edgar, is something wrong?" Rei asked, raising her eyebrow. "You've got an odd look on your face."

"I..." I trailed off, twiddling my fingers for a second. "I love Pointed Love."

"Really?" Sable said with a gasp, while Rei held back laughter. "What do you think's going to happen to Esther? I can't stand it! I want to know who the mystery porcupine is!"

"Mystery porcupine? They already..." I stopped when I realized where I was. With Fluffytown so far away, they probably use a different station for their programming. I watched that episode before I left...

"Already what?" Sable was leaning forward and I found myself perilously close to her quills.

"Already, uhh...nothing. Nothing at all." I tried to back away, but Sable and Rei each had arms on me.

"You get the broadcasts on time, don't you?" Rei burst out in a literal squeal. "See, Sable? He'll tell us the mystery porcupine is Ronald, just like I thought it was."

"Nonsense, my dear," Sable retorted, "it has to be Luciano! It just HAS to be!"

"Actually," I said, trying not to chuckle, "It's Gordon."

"Gordon?" They both cocked their head sideways. "What!" I thought momentarily that the shout might level the store. When I opened my eyes, the two of them seemed relatively calm.

"So, Edgar," Sable continued, "tell us more!"

"We want all the juicy details," Rei added, seizing my arm. That was how I spent the next two hours of my life discussing my favorite soap opera in the most unlikely place under the most unlikely circumstances. I have to commend Sable and Rei for being more civil than the people at the official Pointed Love online discussion forums. Geez...after going in there, you'd think Loch Ness was a hot spring vacation resort...

"Wow," I said of the nearly-finished suit, "you guys have done an awesome job! It's not every day that I submerge myself in a lake, but thanks to your work, I think I'll be just fine." They looked up and smiled at me. "In fact, once I get everything prepped, I could go as early as an hour from now..."

As if summoned by some karmic force, a loud sound shook the walls of the store. It sounded like a thunderclap. Jolted out of my chair by the impact, I got up and peered out the window just in time to see the heavens open and torrential rain come spewing out.

"Wonderful. Just wonderful. " I buried my face in my hands. As if to accent my frustration, a bolt of lightning flashed nearby and bathed the entire store in white.

"It's okay," Rei said, walking over to stand at the window with me. "We'll just finish the suit anyway, and then you can go tomorrow."

"No." I shook my head. "The rain could spread those trace amounts of metal to who knows where." I turned to face her and saw that her eyes had widened significantly. "I have to go today. As soon as I can."

"Today?" Rei sputtered. "In this? Edgar, you're insane."

"Just see what you can do with the suit," I replied, nodding knowingly. "I'll take care of the rest."

"Edgar," Sable called after me, "at least take an-"

I pushed the door open and ran out into the rain.

"-umbrella."

Shaking my head, I started running back to my house. On the way, I noticed a boat attached to the docks on the shore. I turned and ran toward them instead.

"You two!" I called out to what I figured were the boat's crew. "Can you sail this thing upriver?" The first one looked up; through his yellow raincoat, I saw the unmistakable face of a kappa.

"Well, that's quite the introduction, lad!" he shouted. "No 'Nice to meet you, I'm wet-soaked lad with water-for-brains' just 'You there, scrappy ol' turtle boy! Risk life and limb, will ye?'" He inclined his head very slightly. "It's Kapp'n to you, lad, and I'd bow to you, but it'd cause me to, well..."

"I get the point," I said, panting, "but this is important. There's something in the water that has to come out. Now."

"What goes in the water stays in the water, mannn," said Kapp'n's companion. "You gotta learn to go with the flow, mannn..."

"Pascal's right, matey," Kapp'n piped in, "whatever has to be done can wait."

"No, it can't!" I shouted. "This is my job we're talking about here! This is what I was brought here to do! If you're not going to help me, then at least--" I cut myself off when I realized I had Kapp'n pinned to the ground. Water pattered harshly off my back as I slowly snapped out of it and realized that I, too, had been affected.

"Edgar, I've got the suit--" Rei stopped in the mud and cocked her head at me.

"--ready."

"Sorry about that," I said to Kapp'n, pulling him back onto his feet.

"Ye'd better be, lad," he shot back. "I'd wrestle ya all over the place for that cheap shot."

"But this is why I need the boat," I said as calmly as I could. "This is what we can put a stop to right now." Kapp'n's gaze went from me, over to Rei, and then back to Pascal. Finally, he let out a heavy sigh.

"You owe me a lot of cucumbers, boy." He turned to Pascal and nodded. Wordlessly, they prepared the boat for sail even as the violent winds threatened to carry it out into the sea. Rei, who was kind enough to bring along a jumbo-sized umbrella, led me back to my house so I could change and grab my water analysis kit. Inside, I dried off and put on the suit, watching as it contoured itself to my body. Perfect.

When I stepped outside, I saw the boat floating wildly in the brook, moored to the shore by a rope. I stepped inside and saw several pieces of equipment by me.

"This is yer lifeline, lad," Kapp'n said, pointing to the diving helmet and line. "Once ye've found yer precious treasure, tug twice and we'll pull your sorry sea-legs back into the boat. If ye get in trouble, tug on it three times, and we'll get you right away." Kapp'n looked sternly up at the sky. "This kinda weather would beach even the mightiest fish, so tread lightly in the deep waters, y'hear?" Kappn's face lit up as he pointed to the next item. "Oh, this here's yer oar. You know what it's for."

"Aye aye, Kapp'n." After an awkward salute, I threw the wire into the water, grabbed my oar and started rowing us slowly upstream. As we approached the waterfall at the north end of town, my arms started aching in tune to the rising intensity of the readout on the console.

"Whatever it is," I said, panting, my arms seemingly catching fire, "we're almost there." We entered the pond into which the waterfall dumped and the console officially freaked out. I set down my oar and picked up the helmet.

"Remember what I said, lad," Kapp'n said as I put on the helmet, "two times once ye find it, three if ye get in trouble."

"You're crazy, mannnn," Pascal said, his voice muffled through the helmet, "but good luck."

Splash. I held my lips tight, suppressing the initial shock as my body met the cold water and fell downward. Opening my eyes, I looked around my watery surroundings, which were mired by the rain coming down from above. Being able to breathe down here was fascinating; I decided I could probably spend an eternity down here if I wanted to. I just preferred not to.

My musings stopped when I saw it. Wrapped in algae, it still shone brightly, a ray of gold through the murky water. I swam over to it and wrapped my hands around it, dragging it closer. It fit snugly in my grasp, but it was heavy; I strained to hold it with one hand as I wiped the green off of it with my other hand. It looked like it was an idol of something, but I couldn't tell of what. Hugging it to my chest with one arm, I tugged twice with the other arm. Moments later, I was being lifted back up to the surface.

The first thing I saw when I surfaced was the side of the boat, which I grasped with my free hand as Kapp'n and Pascal hoisted me back into the boat. The second thing I saw was the crowd that was gathered at the edge of the pond, watching me as I took off my helmet and set the object down in the boat. Rei was there, along with Big Top, Melba, Olivia, and several others. As I stared over at them, they all started clapping. I waved back weakly.

"Sounds like you've got groupies, mannn," Pascal said as we rowed to the shore. I stepped off the boat, the object in hand, and was swarmed by the crowd.

"Way to go, Edgar!" Rei shouted over all of them. Despite the rain still coming down, I cracked a wide smile at that.

"All right, people, break it up," came a voice from outside of the crowd, and everyone parted. I was staring at two police officers. "Good evening, sir, I'm Officer Copper, and I want to know just where you got that."

"It was in the pond..." I turned back.

"I see," Copper replied, raising his eyebrow. "Why don't we discuss this matter at the station?"

"Station?" I blinked. "Well...okay, but..."

"Booker, cuff him."

"What!" I said, and heard echoed by Rei, who was the first to recover. "Officer, he's done nothing wrong. He was just--"

"If you'll excuse me, Miss, I think I know exactly what he was doing." Copper turned to his partner. "Well?"

"I'm sorry about this, sir," Booker said to me as he took the idol, turned me around and set the handcuffs in place. "If they're not comfortable, let me know and I'll adjust them..."

"That's quite enough, Booker." Copper cocked his head in the direction of the station. "Let's get going." He gave me a shove and started me in the direction of the station, a large crowd of confused faces looking after me.

As we left, the rain stopped.