Episode 6: Won't You Be My Neighbor?

"So then we're on a shopping trip in Capitaltown...all the nicest places...when poor Kiki has to go to the bathroom for the third time that day." Monique reached across the low table and laid her hand on Kiki's short black paw. "Really, darling, must you have had all that lemonade?" The whole room, sans Kiki, erupted in laughter that reverberated off the bamboo screen in Olivia's home. Kiki blushed and hid her paws under the table, crouching lower in her seat.

"But...but I like lemonade," Kiki murmured. "It's tasty, lemony, and it...it aids."

"Oh, it aids, all right," Tangy shot back, and more laughter erupted as Olivia, obviously having too good a time, nearly knocked her tea cup over. I began to suspect she'd put more than just tea in her cup. I glanced down at my own, checking the leaves as they swirled in my half-empty cup, to make sure it wasn't spiked. Satisfied, I laid it back on the table.

"Did you enjoy the tea, Edgar?" Monique peered across the table at me. "Tangy's an expert at it. She's studied for over fifteen years."

"Wow," I said, casting an astonished look at Tangy. "That's amazing!"

"Thanks," she said, blushing.

"Of course, Livvy here's become an expert at drinking it..." As laughter ensued, Olivia lost control and showered the room with tea. I licked some off my face, confirming that it really was more than just tea. Brushing droplets of tea off of my watch, I saw that it was after two. Has it really been two hours already?

"Are you leaving us, Edgar?" Monique asked, tilting her head and putting on her best sad face. "We've only just begun!"

"Well..." I felt my defenses breaking down against the indomitable power of the sad face. "I wanted to get home later on and rest up. I really have enjoyed this, though. I think I needed it."

"You did seem awfully distraught," Monique replied, breaking off the sad face. "If I had to guess, I'd say it was a combination of girl trouble and business." As she finished, I had to brace myself with my hand to avoid falling over.

"Darling, it's no surprise to me," Monique continued, unperturbed. "I saw the way you looked after Rei there. There's no keeping something secret when it wants to just burst out."

"Well...I guess I did want more of a chance to talk to her..."

"Oh, dear Edgar, we all do sometimes," Olivia piped in, pouring herself more tea. "For Rei, though, it's Tom this, Tom that. If I didn't know better, I'd swear they were joined at the hip. They do go back, though, so I suppose it makes sense."

"Don't feel too bad, Edgar," Tangy added. "Rei is a nice girl, and a wonderful friend of ours, but she is off in her own little world. Literally."

"I like Rei," Kiki said, her eyes wide. "She has nice kneecaps."

I looked outside and saw a tumbleweed rolling past, pursued quickly by Tom Nook. "Blasted runaway merchandise," he muttered to himself.

"Don't even get me started on Tom," Monique said, shaking her head. "He's always seemed mysterious to me."

"Mysterious?" I raised my eyebrow. "In what way?"

"Think about it, Edgar." She crossed her arms. "He shows up and we run into trouble with the Dogstar. Coincidence? I highly doubt it."

I fell hard on my rump. "H-how'd you--"

"Oh, we know the Dogstar all too well," Olivia said, "but that's a story for another day."

"When I first heard about the Dogstar," Kiki said, unaware that her tea cup was tilted over and was slowly losing its contents, "I thought it was a pop star that was also a dog. I was wrong." Tangy sighed and stood up to get a towel. I stood up with her, stepped back, and bowed to everyone.

"Thank you, everyone," I said, finishing the bow. "It really was wonderful."

"Oh, certainly!" Monique stood and curtsied back. "We'll have to have you again sometime. We'll be staying quite awhile, so don't be a stranger!"

"Oh, I won't." I turned to leave.

"Oh, and Edgar?" I turned back.

"Do be careful, will you? I know you never meant to be involved in any of this, but you seem quite capable. Even so, there are powerful forces at work here. Very powerful."

"I know," I replied, "but it's my job." Nodding once more to them, I left.


On the way back to my house, I was greeted by overhanging clouds increasing in size, contributing to humidity so high I felt I was going to drown in my suit. It was then that I realized Fluffytown probably had no dry-cleaners. Holding my nose, I sprinted back home, hoping my other suit would fare better.

"Oh, Edgar!" came a voice, and I halted in my tracks despite the insatiable urge to run faster. Melba ran up to me with mirth all over her face.

"H-Hi, Melba..."

"How're things with you and the dekkoid?" she asked with a huge smile on her face.

"Oh, just fine," I told her, which was the truth, from a certain point of view. Namely, mine.

Melba pursed her lips in concern. "He's not still off, is he?"

"Uhh..." My eyes darted involuntarily. "No?"

"Edgar!" Melba's frustrated scream smacked me in the face, making the humidity seem like nothing. "Dekky's a living thing, not just some toy! You really need to learn how to get along with him."

"I will," I replied quickly, holding up my hands. "I promise."

"Hmph." Melba folded her arms. "You're starting to sound as sincere as Tom."

I dropped my hands, reversing my surrender. "What does that mean?"

"What do you think it means?" Melba narrowed her eyes at me. "Did you forget that Tom is a dog? And we're going to be attacked by the Dogstar?"

Argh! I looked up at the sky, rolling my head in frustration. How does she know—wait a second. Rustling in the bushes...

"You were out by the station earlier this morning, weren't you?"

"Station? Earlier?" Melba folded her arms and shrank back. "Well, uhh...you know, I usually pick flowers around there, and..."

I buried my face in my hand, massaging my temples. "Who else knows?" I asked in a low voice.

"Well, I only told Olivia..."

"In other words, everyone knows." I rolled my eyes. "Wonderful."

"It's okay, Edgar," Melba said in an overly cheery voice, "all we have to do is ban Tom from the town and everything will be okay, right?"

If my head could have sunk any lower, I would be peering into the Earth's core. "No, Melba," I said, trying to keep disappointment out of my voice, "It's not even remotely that simple." Turning away, I started sprinting toward town hall.

"Where are you going?" Melba shouted after me.

"To fix this!" I shouted back.

"But you stink!" she shouted.

"So does all this!" She had no reply for that.


"Attention, everyone!" Pelly's voice squawked through the megaphone. "There's an important announcement from the mayor!" From out the windows of town hall, I could hear her voice echoing in the wind and slowly dying out. "Is that all right?" Pelly asked, turning back to me.

"Perfect," I replied, flashing her a thumbs-up. "Now, then," I turned to Tortimer, the mayor of Fluffytown, and found his face buried in his shell. "Oh, for the love of...wake up, will you!"

"Huh? Hoorf?" A wrinkled face popped up out of the shell with bifocals half off. "Sorry about that, kiddo." Tortimer adjusted his glasses. "Now you want me to read this here thing?"

"Pretty much," I said. "I'd read it myself, but you're the mayor. People have known you longer, so they might trust you more than I do."

"Fair enough, sprout." Tortimer cleared his throat and grabbed the megaphone. "Attention, citizens of Farfenugen!"

"That's Fluffytown!" I shouted from as I struggled to get up from the floor. "Don't you know your own town?"

"My mistake!" he shouted through the megaphone, causing interference that knocked me over again. For a brief moment, I recalled the substitute teacher in school that scrawled her name on the chalkboard with her nails. "Just...just keep going," I said, flashing a weak thumbs-up to him.

"Now then, it's come to my attention that...let's see...Tammy, is that it? Has been, uhh...accused of eating dog biscuits..."

"Just go back to sleep," I hissed, yanking the megaphone from him. "Am I on?" I asked Pelly. She nodded.

"People of Fluffytown, this is Edgar, your friendly neighborhood paranormal investigator from SPOOK International. Which I guess isn't really friendly, or in the neighborhood...but I digress. My mission here was to determine what phenomenon was altering the quality of life in this town. Yesterday, I located the source of trace chemicals in the water supply of the town that had the capability of inducing violent rage." I cleared my throat. "Many of you fell victim to this and did things you regret. Fortunately, the threat to the water supply has ceased. Unfortunately, we have uncovered a new threat."

The door to town hall opened and K.K. Slider came through, making a slashing throat motion with his finger. I shook my head at him and kept going.

"What was supposed to have been a confidential conversation between myself and the town police force, concerning the nature of this threat, was overheard by one of you. Naturally, like any piece of news, it traveled to different sources. Therefore, I am sure you are all aware that there is a possible threat to our well-being by the Dogstar Empire from the Sirius cluster."

Before I'd finished, K.K. wore a stern expression. As I finished, his features had softened a little, but his arms were still folded.

"This threat stems from the object that I recovered. It is a statue of one of the Dogstar's great generals. They want it back; however, for security reasons, we cannot give it to them. We are currently working out a plan to shield us from harm by the Dogstar without surrendering their idol to them."

"Good luck with that," K.K. muttered sardonically.

"What this threat does not stem from is our new neighbor, Tom. Ever since his arrival, he has been subject to silent accusation and veiled threats based on fear and ignorance. The purpose of this message is to officially exonerate Tom from these accusations. All I have seen from Tom since his arrival is a sense of caring for those close to him and a desire to fit in. There is nothing in his behavior to suggest to me that he is a Dogstar agent."

"Uhh, Edgar..." K.K. broke in, whispering, "Do you actually know he's not a Dogstar?"

"Just a feeling," I shot back while my hand cupped the megaphone. Uncupping it, I continued: "It is natural for all of you to fear the Dogstar. They are an empire based on accumulating power and using it for their own ends. Nevertheless, I ask you to please keep from projecting this fear onto Tom. He may be of the same species as the Dogstar, but he is our neighbor. He should be our friend. Please make him our friend." Silence cut through the heavy air for a moment. "That is all." I switched off the megaphone and set it down.

"That was sweet, Edgar," Pelly said, plucking at one of her feathers.

"Truly the best epic poem I've ever heard," Tortimer said before retreating back into his shell.

"Too bad it's not all square," K.K. interjected. "You realize we haven't checked him out one bit. He could be in with them, man."

I nodded somberly. "But this way, we can get his skinny on the lowdown. Check what I'm saying, dog?"

K.K. chuckled as he walked out the door in front of me. "You've been hanging out with me too much." He rose from his spot against the wall and bowed his head. "I guess this was the right play, though. Information wants to be free, man. Just like my music." He saluted me with his paw. "Stay cool, Edgar."

"Likewise." He departed, and I started back for home, the stink level of my suit reaching new highs. On the way back, I saw Rei, her auburn hair matted to her face by the humidity.

"Don't get too close," I cautioned her, "The suit needs to be washed."

"Oh," she said blankly, then took a few ginger steps toward me and quickly turned away. "Oh," she said, more knowingly this time.

"I think it needs to be wash-"

"Yeah," Rei said quickly. "You know the Ables can do that, right?"

"Really?"

"Yep." Rei nodded her head vigorously.

"Yep," I echoed, at a loss for anything more profound. "Well, I'd better get going."

"Okay, later!" Rei said. As I walked past her, I heard another word come out of her mouth, a faint whisper against the growing wind.

"Wait." I turned.

"I wanted to let you know..." She bit her lip. "Tom really appreciated the support. I'm sure his family would, too."

"I thought he would," I replied, cracking a weak smile. With a few short steps, she crossed the gulf between us and threw her arms around me.

"And so did I," she whispered against my chest. Having absolutely no clue what to do, I laid a shaking hand on her waist and held it there for a few moments longer. She broke off the embrace and, smiling widely at me, laid one finger on my nose.

"You'd better have a good plan, Mr. Investigator!" Still grinning, she skipped off. My nose still buzzed with energy from where she touched it.

"Wait..." I breathed aloud. "Did she say 'family?'"

I was once told that there are two kinds of weird in this world. The bad kind, the kind most people call karma, is your everyday unsettling event, like a flat tire or a rabid net-swinging bear. The good kind is when things just start going your way. As I sat in the middle of Fluffytown, blushing like a doofus, I found myself appreciating the good kind of weird.