Episode 12: Guardians of Fluffytown (part 2)
The battle for Fluffytown raged around K.K. Slider. Ahead of him at the beach, Kapp'n and Pascal were holding off the Dogstar infantry with a cleverly-designed seashell cannon. As for K.K. Himself, he had a sudden splitting headache.
"Is something wrong?" Copper yelled over the action as he observed K.K. massaging his temple.
K.K. Slider groaned. "Something terrible has happened."
Copper's eyes widened. "What is it? Is it the sound of millions of voices crying out in unison?"
"No, it's..." K.K. Slider shook his head. "Someone...somewhere...is butchering my music."
A piano was heard in the distance. Thirty wrong keys sounded off at the same time as the piano hit the nozzle of a Dogstar tank's cannon, causing it to fire into the ground and flip itself over. Three pelicans gave thumbs-up as they circled back toward the museum.
"You know how you say your music wants to be free?" came a voice from further in the town. K.K and Copper looked up and saw Tom running in, his stun rifle out and ready. "Maybe you ought to think about that, huh?"
"Hey, man, don't rag on my stuff!" K.K growled. "Or at least do it after the battle."
Tom's smile wore off as a Dogstar tank fired a shell that sailed just past him.
"All right, boys, let's get dangerous."
"Is everybody here?" the curator Blathers asked to the crowd in the Fluffytown Museum, which had been voted the emergency shelter by everyone but him.
"Pretty much," Booker said, "unless you count K.K. Slider and Copper, who are still out there holding the Dogstar soldiers back."
"And that annoying moose," Phyllis said, wrapping a bandage around her wing.
"Not to mention Edgar, Rei, Olivia, and Tangy," Big Top said.
"And my Gyroids aren't here," Melba said with a sniffle.
"Monique and I aren't here," Kiki piped in, her eyes blank. "Oh, wait, yes we are."
"Perhaps a better question to ask," Blathers said, massaging his hands nervously, "is 'Who is here?'"
"Well, I know my nephews are safe," Tom Nook proclaimed, reaching down to pat Timmy's head and patting thin air instead. "At least, I think they are..."
Celeste ran in from the insect room. "There's been a theft!" Gasps ran across the room.
"A theft?" Booker repeated. "They didn't get the idol, did they?"
"Oh, no." Celeste shook her head. "It's still-well, I can't repeat that, now, can I?" She flashed a devious grin. "There is a note, though. It's from Timmy Nook, age 8."
"Oh, my..." Tom Nook grabbed for the note and read it with frantic speed. "They said they can't sit around while the town is under attack, so they grabbed the insect collection and do hereby promise to return it later."
"Oh, that won't be necessary," Blathers said with a curt smile.
"Wait!" Big Top stood up. "If they can't sit around, then neither can we! We've got to fight for the place we love, just like so many others have done and are doing right now!"
"Big Top..." Melba looked up with adoration. "That was beautiful."
"Well, I thought it was superhero-ish," he replied, shrugging. "Now let's go! For Fluffytown!"
"For Fluffytown!" echoed the villagers, who proceeded to ransack the museum for anything that could be used as a weapon. The skeletons of dinosaurs, like their long-dead predecessors, fell to their knees as their bones were scrapped to be used as clubs and spears. Even the fish fell prey to their thirst for redemption against the Dogstar invaders.
"No!" Blathers screamed. "What are you people doing? It took archaeologists hundreds of years to reconstruct these skeletons!"
"And it's taken them fifteen seconds to destroy them," Celeste said, holding back laughter as Melba marched out of the door wielding a very confused-looking coelacanth.
"Oh, the horror! Oh, the owlity! Oh, the--"
"Oh, brother?" Celeste tapped her brother on the shoulder. "Guess what?"
"What?" He turned.
"Dung beetle!" She screamed, uncupping her hands. Phased by the unorthodox attack, Blathers wobbled and then collapsed.
"That was kinda mean," Bluebear said, a water trail behind her from the arowana she had been dragging across the floor.
"Yeah." Celeste shrugged. "Always wanted to do it, though." She winked at Bluebear. "Good luck!"
Lord Nefarious yawned as our blades interlocked with his. "Do you three have to be so predictable?" he said, throwing us off of him. Olivia and Tangy sprang back from the attack and lunged again, while I slowly stirred, the height starting to get to me.
"Doesn't matter if we're predictable," Tangy said as her attack was blocked, "if we can beat you anyway!"
"Ha!" Nefarious chuckled as he threw off Olivia and Tangy again. "That's what I like to hear!"
"You're not going to succeed, Lord Nefarious!" I proclaimed, finally standing up. "I don't know what it's like on other planets, but on this one we fight for what we care about!"
"Oh, really? Do you think that's a compliment to your planet?" Nefarious rolled his eyes. "What would you say if I told you that most of the worlds we've conquered welcomed us with open arms?"
"Only because they were afraid of you!" I retorted, stabbing a finger at Lord Nefarious. Undeterred by the sudden giggling coming from the cats, I proceeded. "Why should anyone accept a rule based on absolute power when they can retain their own sovereignty? Isn't that what the Galactic Nations is for?"
"The Galactic Nations..." Lord Nefarious chuckled. "They shall be our lapdogs now! Not the other way around!"
"No!" I pleaded. "Government by the people for the people is a hallmark of freedom! Snuffing out such a wonderful, albeit really creepy and secretive, organization like the Galactic Nations will only extinguish the flames of freedom that have somehow spread through the galaxy, ignoring the fact that fire can't exist without oxygen, and impose a dark shadow of tyranny and suffering!"
"Take that!" I heard whispered, and then more giggling.
"What?" I wheeled on Olivia and Tangy.
"Edgar..." Olivia stood up, stifling laughter. "...don't take this personally, but we're kicking you out of the battle."
"...Huh?"
"You're getting too philosophical!" Tangy whined. "It's boooooring!"
"It really is," Lord Nefarious added with a sympathetic nod.
"But...but..." As Olivia and Tangy each seized me by an arm and dragged me toward the elevator, I struggled to comprehend the situation and totally failed.
"You don't have to fight all battles with swords and violence!" I shouted as Olivia pushed the button for the lobby. "We can work this out with words and diplomacy!"
"Yes, but we like swords and violence!" Olivia said with a sudden insane smile.
"It's true," Lord Nefarious piped in. "It really is true."
"Quiet!" Olivia snapped. "No one asked you." As the elevator doors began to close, she turned back to me. "Go save your girl, Edgar. We'll take care of him."
"But-"
"No buts! Oh, and we'll try not to rough him up too badly." The last I saw of Olivia before the doors closed was a wink and a sparkle in her eye. As the elevator started moving and K.K. Technopop came on again, I pressed myself against the wall and sulked.
Kicked out of my very own climactic battle...how low can one get?
"How low can we get?" Bluebear asked Melba as they each swung their giant fishes at hapless Dogstar soldiers, who fell over into a pile of their unconscious comrades. As they stopped to take a breath, they observed the Nook twins releasing a cage full of bees into a large cluster of the soldiers, who ran into each other in an attempt to get away from the rampaging insects.
"Forget I even asked," Bluebear said. "Oh! We need to check on your house!"
Melba gasped. "That's right! My precious gyroids!" She hopped over the pile of unconscious soldiers and ran toward her house, swinging her fish into the face of an oncoming soldier and smashing his glasses as she bowled him over. Dropping the fish, she quickly unlocked the door and was greeted by an earthquake.
"Wh-what's happening?" she said, shrinking back from the entrance as her gyroids, defying all logic, seemed to get bigger. Within mere moments, their annoying chirps and whistles echoed across Fluffytown, bringing everyone to a halt.
"Timpy?" Melba said weakly. "Is that you?" She was answered by the sound of a giant percussion instrument that knocked her off her feet. Unable to do anything else, she looked up at her gyroids as they broke through the roof of her house and rose to a towering height over the rest of the town. The timpanoid's call was answered by a cacophony of sounds, last of which was a resounding cry of "Dekkoid!" that forced everyone to cover their ears.
"Amazing..." Melba breathed. "I thought it was just a legend."
"What?" Bluebear said, her eyes also transfixed to the spectacle taking place before them.
"There was a legend about gyroids defending an ancient house from attack by raiders." Melba rubbed her eyes to make sure she wasn't seeing illusions. "I never thought it was actually true, though."
"Yeah," Bluebear said blankly. "Poor Edgar. He still owes a lot on that house, doesn't he?"
Melba nodded. "I guess the question now is whether the Dogstar or the gyroids are a greater threat. Maybe we need to tell them about this."
"One step ahead of you," K.K. Slider said. They whirled around to see the remaining Dogstar soldiers waving white flags. "Kind of ironic, isn't it? Fluffytown is safe, and yet Fluffytown's also been destroyed."
"It'll take at least a week to recapture all of these insects," said Copper, who turned and ran as a scorpion pursued him. "Okay, maybe two!"
"At least we're safe," Tom said. "Now if we can only say the same for Edgar, Rei and the others."
I hope the others are safe, I thought to myself as the elevator opened on the first floor. Clutching the sword in my hands, I prepared to run through the corridor swinging wildly. Instead, I charged out of the elevator to find it completely empty.
"What in the world?" Sneaking back over to the lobby, I saw Diane absorbed in her work, or more likely the music streaming out of her giant pink headphones. She saw me walk up and, a disappointed look on her face, took them off.
"I was at the best part," she said.
"Diane...where in the world are all the guards?"
"Guards?" Diane blinked a few times. "Oh, they're on break. They're all in the cafeteria."
"Break? What? It's the middle of the night!"
"What can I say? SPOOK has a long tradition of being nice to its employees." Diane winked at me and slid me a set of keys. "Rei's in the basement. Go get her."
"Thanks!" I sprinted back to the elevator and, pausing for a moment, decided to take the stairs instead. Poor K.K. Slider.
The basement of SPOOK was, appropriately enough, spooky. Since it was used mainly for storing cleaning supplies and equipment, the builders decided no one needed ample lighting. I guess that meant no one needed to be able to walk around in it at night without having a significant blood pressure jump. The only light came from bulbs that swung from high chains that creaked from old age. The floor answered every step I took with a splash of water that seeped into my shoes and made me shiver. Or maybe it was the anticipation that made me shiver.
"Rei?" I called out, careful not to disturb any guards that might be around. Walking down the corridor, I repeated her name again.
"In here!" I finally heard, and turned to see a closed door.
"I'm coming, eventually," I replied as I fought the keys and the dim light to find the way in. After a few minutes, I got the right one, and turned the knob only to see Rei bolt through it and hurl herself against me.
"I...I never thought I'd see you again..." Her words echoed through my body, and for the first time in awhile I felt truly peaceful. She looked up at me and smiled, her eyes rimmed with tears. "What's going on in Fluffytown? Is everyone okay?"
"More or less," I explained as we headed back to the elevator. "Olivia and Tangy are fighting the leader of the Dogstar on the roof." I paused, but got no reaction from her. "So, I guess you knew they were Whiskers, huh?"
Rei nodded.
"Figures." I pressed the button for the fifth floor.
"Why the fifth floor?" Rei asked.
"There's one more thing I need to take care of," I replied.
We stepped off the elevator into a giant room with not-quite-as-giant monitors and lots of really huge consoles. Like most of the building at night, it was also dark, and I nearly tripped over a protruding file cabinet on my way to the computer.
"What is this place?" Rei asked, hugging her arms close.
"Intergalactic telephone service," I explained as I booted the machine. "I've got to make a phone call." I ran my fingers deftly across the buttons and an image came up on the giant monitor.
"This is the Porpoise. Please respond."
"Gulliver? Is that you?" I held my breath.
"Ahh, it's my good friend! Mr. Potato Head! How has your primitive culture been doing?"
I exhaled deeply. "Better now that you're here. Listen, I'm here to call in that favor."
"Favor?" Gulliver blinked wildly through his helmet. "I don't know what favor you're referring to."
"Yes, you do." I couldn't stop myself from grinning. "Look, we've had a Dogstar problem lately. I need you to fly in, take a few pictures of the fleet they're hiding somewhere around the planetary orbit, and take them to the Galactic Nations. Think you can do that?"
"Hmmm..." Gulliver paused in thought. "So you're using blackmail on me to get blackmail on someone else."
"Yes."
"Which means they'll eventually try and get blackmail on you to try and get blackmail on me."
"I think you're thinking too-"
"Great scott!" Gulliver smacked his console and nearly cut off the communication. "Don't you know what this means? The entire universe runs on blackmail! All I need to do is create a blackmail engine with a flux capacitor and I can sail the stars forever!"
"Riiiiight...but you do promise to get those photos first, right?"
"Of course, my young tuber-inclined friend. Today, the Dogstar. Tomorrow...infinity!"
"Go for it, Gulliver." I flashed him a weak thumbs-up. "Edgar out." I shut off the machine.
"Wow," Rei said. "That was quick."
"Yeah, well, intergalactic roaming charges are a real pain." I shrugged.
"It's amazing..." Rei laid her hands on the console. "I always knew there was more to the universe than the one little planet I was born on, but even after getting to see what's beyond the stars, it's still so amazing. And yet..." She trailed off, sighing deeply. "After all I've seen, the only place I want to be is home." She reached out and took my hand. "Can we go home to Fluffytown, Edgar?"
I squeezed her hand. "Of course. Let's go home." As we stepped back into the elevator and prepared to hopefully join the others, I thought about how ironic that statement was. Maybe home really is where the heart is.
