Love Has Its Reasons

Chapter 7

By: Catriana

"Mommy!"

Teldrassil was beautiful at this time of year. Warm weather descended from the heavens, bringing with it beautiful flowers, even more lush vegetation, and romance. Indeed, spring was the time of love, and the Night Elves embraced this time as the Mating Season. While they could find mates anytime of the year, it was the warmer seasons that where couples began to flourish in earnest, and it was also the time of year when children underwent tests of skill and knowledge to prove that they were ready to be considered adolescents. It was always a time for new beginnings, and Celysel felt she was the luckiest of them all.

For the most part, she was happy. Her father now had a noble position and was trying to make a difference in their world and for the war. Although this increased the amount of potential suitors knocking at her door, she was quite content with what she had. Lorkan. Despite the fact that he was a Troll she had enjoyed her time with him, and their relationship had blossomed into something more tangible than before. In the month and a half that they spent together in Ashenvale, she had told him practically her entire history. There was very little he did not know about her and she did not mind that. In return, he had practically treated her as if she were the most precious thing in the world to him, and perhaps she was. In either case, despite their now wide distance, she found herself still walking on a cushion of air, a smile constant on her full lips. She had also been caught daydreaming more than once at a conference meeting, to which she had been scolded by her father a little more than she had wanted to admit. She hated it when he had to scold her, she knew it pained him to do it.

"Mommy, pay attention to me!"

Celysel was sitting peacefully on a bench near a clearing where many Night Elven children played. There were three groups playing at the moment, mostly playing tag around trees and bushes. The Druid knew quite a few of the children and their parents, and she watched them play in mild fascination. During her training as a Druid she had helped some of these children's mothers when they were having complications in birthing. Because Night Elves had been immortal at one time, children were a rarity and Celysel had always assumed this was Nature's way of evening out the population. When some women did get pregnant, the mother had to be watched closely for complications, as the chances of a child becoming a successful living being after nine months of nurturing were slim. When their immortality was stripped away from them, births became a bit more common, but the complications did not decrease. There were times when the child, or even the mother, would die.

"Mommy. Pay attention to me!"

And then there were cute little boys like Anhilir. The six year old little Elfling's father had died in battle during the hours of his birth. Anlynia, Anhilir's mother, had not taken the news so well and almost died. Celysel had spent so many hours with Anlynia, trying to keep her calm and strong enough to deliver little Anhilir. He was born quite healthy, but the mother went into a serious depression. She refused to eat or care for her son. Celysel had ended up becoming a part time mother to the little boy. She took the baby into her home and raised him as her own for the first four years, allowing Anlynia to mourn the loss of her valiant husband. When Anlynia came to take her son, he no longer recognized her as his mother, even though Celysel had taken him to visit her on a daily basis. It was hard to love someone who did not even know you were there, nor treated you as if you mattered. Celysel had warned Anlynia about this, she had warned the woman that the boy needed his birth mother during his first few years of life. Now, the damage was done, and Celysel now had a young son, whether she wanted him or not. Which she did of course, she loved the little boy to death, and even though he now understood that she was not his birth mother, he never did stop calling her 'Mommy' and she never had the heart to correct him. He lived with his real mother now, but Celysel would always be 'mommy' to him.

And now he was demanding her attention.

"What is it Anhi?" Celysel asked, bending over on the bench to get a better look at him. His green hair was short and choppy, since he had decided to experiment in cutting his own hair. His mother had tried to punish him by making him keep the hair style, but it actually didn't look all that horrible, and he didn't care about his hair either way. He had a round face, a little more rounded than most kids due to some pampering on Celysel's part, but he was energetic and quite playful. His skin color was a light purple, which was taken from his father's side, for his mother had blue-ish skin. His eyes glowed a bright yellow that shone with childish innocence. He was one of the most beautiful children she had ever laid eyes on. It might have been because it was that time of year, but whenever Celysel looked into his eyes, her heart panged for one of her own.

To bear the son of a Troll? It would be considered an abomination. You'd never be able to share that with loved ones.

Funny, she hadn't even been thinking about that when the desire rose up within her. Although she was happy with what she had now with Lorkan, she had never once considered having children with him. That was ludicrous. Their relationship was intimate, and she had deep feelings for him, but she knew he'd never want anything permanent, and she wasn't so sure that she wanted that either. Logically she knew that their relationship was not to last, it would be wonderful while it lasted, but eventually he would go back to his own kind and so would she. Why would Lorkan stay with her when he had beautiful Trollish females that she was sure he found way more attractive, especially for child bearing.

She found that thought extremely depressing for some reason, so she decided she would just simply not think about it any longer. Her attention focused back on Anhilir. He was holding something that he found to be very interesting in his hands, and the chubby bundle shot forward into her face, making her flinch and lean back a bit. Sometimes, children had a lack of depth perception, she believed.

"Mommy, I found a bug." He exclaimed happily, as if it were the bestest thing ever and she just had to find it as cool as he did. "And…and!" he hopped up and down a bit, causing Celysel to giggle lightly. He was such a darling. "It has lotsa legs!" he opened his hands to reveal a rather colorful caterpillar. The wormy creature had green, violet, and yellow spots all over its body, and it was particularly fat, meaning that it would soon be looking for a lovely tree in which to cocoon itself in. It wriggled in the boy's hand causing the child to go into a fit of giggles. "See? See? Isn't it the bestest thing ever?"

"Yes it is Anhi." Celysel said, ruffling the boy's hair a bit, causing a annoyed groan from him. "And," she continued, pointing at the full-looking worm "Look, it's really fat, so it's almost ready to become a butterfly. You know the pretty little bugs that you see flying around here? Well this little guy wraps itself in a cocoon for a few weeks and then boom!" she splayed her arms out wide and jumped up, laughing a bit at the high pitched shriek that came from her 'son' as he staggered back, a smile on his face as well. "It turns into a pretty butterfly and flies away!" at this she began to flap her arms and shuffle a bit, pretending to be a butterfly. "Fly with me Anhi!"

And so Anhi put the caterpillar into a nearby tree and began to flap his arms with his mother, laughing and skipping along. The other children joined into the fray and soon Celysel had a rather large gang of butterfly children flapping their arms and jumping up and down in an attempt to fly. As she flapped around she used some of her magic to produce butterflies of light, which fluttered around the children and caused them to hoop and holler in delight. They did this for a while until Celysel became tired, finally flopping down on the grass to be jumped on by numerous children, all laughing and hugging her. They all loved her, she was one of the few adults that they knew of who would play with them. Children were her secret weakness, even Lorkan knew that.

I guess I be havin' ta use dat on ya in a few years. He had said to her that day.

Of course, Celysel knew a joke when she heard it.

The fun couldn't last forever and they all knew it. As it became later in the day Celysel had to take little Anhilir home, much to his chagrin. She allowed him to say goodbye to his friends for the day and took his hand, leading him out of the clearing and towards his home. This wasn't actually terribly far, less than half a mile was a general estimate. It was late in the afternoon but this was little noticed in the land of Eternal Night, the only difference being in the drop of temperature. During this trip, which was of course extremely long to a young child, Celysel ended up having to carry him and within minutes he was sound asleep. It was like this when she arrived at his home, Anlynia waiting for them by the door. She was a beautiful woman with long flowing blue hair, her skin almost matching. When she had collected her son two years ago her face looked swollen and red, and her hair was disheveled. Now her hair was rich and healthy, her eyes had a bright shine to it. It was obvious that she had finally moved on from the death of her husband, in fact, she had even taken up on a few suitors who had called upon her. While Anlynia was envious of Celysel's relation with her son, she still wished the best for the young Druid forty years her junior, and was constantly trying to find her a suitor that would be more of Celysel's tastes. So far, she had not succeeded.

"I see you two children have had a hard day." Anlynia said, a bright smile emerging on her face as her sleepy son awakened, yawning and rubbing his eyes. With a soft unintelligible moan he held out his arms towards his birth mother, who took him into her arms. He immediately went back to sleep. "I see you tired him out, I thank you as he will sleep well."

Celysel shook her head "Oh it was nothing, we really were just enjoying ourselves, and he's so energetic." She reached over toward him, brushing some stray strands of hair from his eyes "You are so lucky to have a boy like him Anlynia. He is going to contribute much to our kind."

"I give my brightest blessings and prayers of forgiveness to the Goddess every day." The older Night Elf said "I wake up each dawn and look into his face, and I wonder how could I have ignored such a beautiful little boy. I cannot make up the years I lost with him, and I pay the price every day, for I know when he looks at me that he does not see me as his mother, that I am just the woman who birthed him."

"Oh Anlynia…that is not true…" Celysel hastened to correct the woman, "Anhi loves you very much, do not doubt this."

"I am not deceived Celysel. He calls me mother because he has been told he has to. He calls you mother because to him, that is who you are. You cannot tell me differently."

Then she wouldn't. "Anlynia, your son loves you, and in time, he will see you as he sees me. He is young, you have plenty of time to make up for the years you lost with him. I understand that he sees me as a mother figure to him, but in time he will recognize you as his mother as well, and it will come sooner than later. Have faith in the Goddess, she will light your path."

The woman looked as if she were about to cry "Celysel, you always know exactly what to say. I am happy beyond belief that I have my son now, but I have seen you lately, and you desire a child of your own. I know you did not want me to do this but tonight I have arranged for you to meet with a very handsome male…"

"Anlynia!" Celysel exclaimed, shocked and somewhat appalled "You did that? But I specifically expressed…"

"Calm yourself Celysel." She interrupted, giving her a warm smile "He is a good man, the cousin of my Illinar. You may have met him a few times, although the council does try to keep him out of public view because of his heritage." She leaned in as if to tell Celysel a horrible secret "He's half human you know." She stood up again "He's a warrior, and very powerful, and I recently found out that he's been wanting to court you for a long time, but has never been able to gather the courage. Then again, with you rejecting every fine and suitable male in from here to Ashenvale, it's no wonder."

And Celysel didn't feel it was any of the woman's damned business. What part of 'I don't want a mate' didn't anyone get around here? It was as if everyone she cared about was conspiring against her. And yes, she did want children, but she wanted it when she was ready, not with people breathing down her neck about it.

And when would be the right time? When Lorkan decides he's tired of playing house with you and goes off to find a suitable mate? How do you know he hasn't already? You haven't heard from him in almost two months and you've sent at least five letters. He probably went home, came to his senses like you need to do, and decided to just not write you and hope you take the hint. You both went into the relationship knowing this would come up sooner or later and you both avoided it. You can't be mates you're both on the other side of the playing field. If you can't be mates, you can't have children and even if you did have children without being mates, the bastard children wouldn't be accepted with your kind. If Lorkan cannot be the father, and you want children, who will be?

It wasn't that simple. Lorkan was important to her, and her desire to be with him was strong. She couldn't just ignore that.

Do you love him?

Well…she wasn't sure. She didn't think so, she hardly knew anything about him. During their time together the only thing she really learned about him was his current interests and things he liked to do in bed. She had done most of the talking.

Then why are you with him?

Because being without him was difficult and she wasn't unhappy with their relationship. When he was gone she missed him terribly, when he was with her she felt as if she were walking in the clouds. He made her feel good, and more than just on a sexual note. She currently had no intentions of removing him from her life.

Then you wish to become mates.

Of course not. That was impossible.

Then your relationship is pointless. It will go no where and you will end up heartbroken. What do you know about him? Nothing. While you're falling in love with this creature he's probably off laughing and drinking with friends, letting women crawl all over him. You know how much of a flirt he is, did you honestly think he'd stay faithful to you? You desire a family, he desires companionship and sex, nothing more, otherwise you'd know more about him. You are no longer a child, you should stop thinking that way. It is time for you to take your place where you belong, with your own people. The normalcy that you will eventually desire as you grow older will be denied you if you stay with him. You want your future children to play with Anhilir, it will not happen if you stay with Lorkan. The charade has gone on long enough; it is time to move on.

She did not wish to move on. While her subconscious had a valid point, it didn't change her feelings for Lorkan.

The fact that you're even thinking this, albeit abstractly, is proof of your doubts. Do not deny this.

Okay, fine. She had been having doubts about their relationship; she had been having doubts from the beginning. The doubts she had before they had gotten together did not go away, they just took a back seat to her emotions. She did eventually want to have a family, and some secret part, deep down, for a brief moment thought that Lorkan could give that to her. Logically, he could not, even if he wanted to, but that didn't really make her feel better. Besides, he probably didn't want to. He probably did have a large harem waiting on his beck and call. He didn't need her. Had he ever needed her?

"Celysel?" Anlynia asked, giving her a curious look. The druid snapped out of her depressing thoughts.

"I'm sorry, I was just thinking." She said. Thinking of my undeterminable future. She thought "W…what was his name again?" she found herself asking. Every fiber in her body screamed that she just needed to reject this notion and walk away, to tell Anlynia that she was fine and she didn't need a suitor right now, that she'd never need one.

But then she'd be lying.

"Jaxton." Anlynia said, her face lighting up with joy "Oh, Celysel, do go and meet him, he's such a nice man, and he's so smitten with you. You are all he speaks of when he comes to visit, and he is handsome. And powerful, did I mention powerful?"

Actually, that name did sound familiar to Celysel, but she couldn't place the face with the name. She remembered that name from meetings that her father would have with other important members of the council he now worked for. She remembered that he didn't really have a position in the Council, he was a bodyguard of some sort.

He's your father's bodyguard.

Oh. That explained it. Ah, yes! Now she remembered him! She remembered how he was shorter than all the men in the meeting, and his skin had a pinkish tint to it that she had found odd. His eyes had a whitish glow to them, and despite his hard glare and statuesque stance, she could see the gentleness that appeared in those glowy depths. He was handsome, with long unusual brown hair that was tied back into a low ponytail. He looked exactly like a Night Elf despite those small features. Under normal circumstances, she would have found him to be the ideal mate.

So why not now?

She mentally sighed. Fine, if it would please you oh, bitch of a subconscious, I will at the very least, let him date me for a day.

It would. Thank you.

"Okay Anlynia, I'll bite." Celysel said, sounding defeated. Mental battles and battles with well-meaning friends were tiresome "When would you like for us to meet and go out?"

A male frame filled the woman's door as Jaxton, the topic of their conversation, emerged, looking highly embarrassed and shy. For someone who normally looked so serious, it was quite hilarious on him and cute, she had to admit that. Unlike the usual armor clad outfits she was so accustomed to seeing him in, he was wearing a casual green shirt and dark brown pants. His feet were bare and his long green hair was tied back into a low ponytail. Imposing was not the word she would have used to describe this man. Sexy, alluring, dangerous. The last part stuck into her brain like a branding iron, and she had no idea why she would think of him as dangerous. He was, that much she knew, but knowing that someone was dangerous and feeling that they were dangerous were two different things. He was appealing in just about every aspect, and were it not for the fact that she was currently with someone, he probably would have been a fine choice.

"Lady Celysel." He said softly, bowing slightly in a polite manner. A little too polite if they were going out on a date sometime in the future. Or tonight, if her well-meaning friend had anything to say about it. "It is a pleasure to finally meet you on a less…" he paused for a moment, as if trying to choose his words carefully "Formal occasion." He stepped forward and stood a few feet in front of her. Despite his Human background he still stood a few inches taller, but it was obvious that he wasn't even the average male height for a Night Elf. He took her hand in his and dipped his head, his lips brushing against the back of her hand lightly. He looked up at her, his gaze intense.

Celysel's breath caught in her throat as he looked at her. This man was not like the others, not at all; those men had craved power. Under normal circumstances, she was way too young for them, so her only appeal was her father's position. When this man looked at her, she did not see the desire of her position that he craved for, it was something deeper, much deeper than she felt he should have considering their knowledge of each other. Perhaps it was his Human blood and mortality that drew him to her, but she knew that look. It was the same look that Lorkan would give her just before he'd pull her in for a passionate kiss, before he'd wrap his long arms around her and pull her close so they could look outside at the beautiful night sky together. He desired her. Not just her body, all of her, and Celysel couldn't understand why, or how he could feel that way if they didn't know each other.

And why hadn't she ever noticed that look on Lorkan to be what it was instead of thinking he wanted sex?

Could it be possible that Lorkan really did care for her? Of course she had no doubt that he liked her, and that he liked sleeping with her, but liking someone and truly caring for someone were two totally different things. Her head swam. Everything was becoming so confusing. If Lorkan really cared for her, really cared, that changed a lot of things. That meant…

Stop second guessing yourself.

"You flatter me." Celysel said, smiling gently at him "And please, call me Celysel. There is no need for you to be so formal with me."

He flashed her a brilliant smile and she could not help but return the gesture. Gently, he took her small hand into his much larger one and took a step forward, making her have to tilt her head up slightly to look at him.

"Celysel, if it is not too much trouble, I will like to take you on a walk tonight. It is beautiful, and the night is young. I know it is not much for a formal date, but you simply agreeing to meet with me like this has made me excited, right now I'd just like to spend time with you."

What a gentleman! And he was sincere, she could tell just by looking at him. His attention was completely devoted to her, in fact, it appeared that he had completely forgotten his shyness from his cousin being around to watch him. Celysel found herself putting her hand on top of his, her face growing warm as she looked at this kind man who looked at her as if she were a precious jewel, not with lust or power.

This is what is normal. This is what you wanted. He will take care of you and love you. This is what you've desired.

Yes. Yes it was.